The Moon Rises (44 page)

“Well good luck,” Finn said quietly.

“You should be happy I don’t plan to go to war
with Declan.”

“I am.”

Anton frowned. “You still want her.”

Finn nodded while considering putting his cards
out and just asking Anton to back off. The desperation on the Alpha’s face said
he wouldn’t walk away from Gigi though, not even if Finn begged. If he would give
up his pack for Gigi, he would give up anything.

Anton’s gaze found Finn’s and held it. “I’m
sorry, but it has to be Gigi. No one else has ever made me feel this way.”

“I understand,” Finn said and he did understand.

Anton sat back, ignoring his food. “You probably
deserve her more than I do, but since I met her, nothing else matters. When
she’s around me, I’m happy and I crave the happiness now. I can’t be miserable
anymore so I have to keep hoping for another chance with her because I’m not
sure how I get out of bed otherwise.”

“Is it really that bad?”

The Alpha stared hard at the ceiling then returned
his gaze to Finn. “I spend my days worrying over losing a block of territory
here or there. I worry about if someone I trust will kill me so they can be
Alpha. I have to look at Declan and hate him because not hating him puts me at
risk. I spend every day in the office with Melanie watching her bump get bigger
and thinking about how I’ll never have a child of my own. I never wanted this
life. Declan did. If I hadn’t been so competitive and determined to prove
myself my mother’s son, maybe I would have ended up one of Declan’s lieutenants,
instead of his enemy. I could have had a family. Instead I just have the hope
that a girl I barely know and who’ve I already hurt will give me another shot.
I guess I am my mother’s son. She wasn’t much of a thinker either. Just ran towards
a fight and worried about the consequences later. She ended up dead for nothing
and I sense I’m heading that direction too.”

Finn thought to his father and how his death had
meant nothing. Did any of the deaths in the pack wars really matter? The only
deaths anyone spoke of were the Alpha’s family because it explained why new Alphas
were forced to be alone until their deaths in some other pointless way. Finn
hated the Circle and wished he could just leave. Part of him had even planned
to go before the next war, rather than watching his brother kill Anton.

Somehow Finn always understood how his brother
wasn’t necessarily physically stronger than Anton as much as emotionally
tougher and this strength would lead to his triumph. Declan could survive
killing Anton in a way Anton couldn’t survive killing Declan.

On the other hand, after Declan won the Circle,
having killed his best friend, it was unlikely the Alpha would have much to
live for anymore. No wife, no kids, no one to trust – Declan would sit around
waiting for someone to take from him what he took from others. Maybe Ainsley
thought this was enough for her son, but it was likely Declan wouldn’t live a
life much longer than Anton’s.

Finn wanted to leave the Circle, had wanted to
leave for years, but he stayed in the past out of laziness and fear of the
unknown. Now he stayed for Gigi, but soon she would leave him for Anton. The certainty
of this fact made his food taste sour and he just wanted to leave the restaurant.

“I’m sorry I’m being a downer,” Anton said as he
picked at his food.

“It’s fine. I just didn’t know you felt this
way.”

“It was easier before I met Gigi. I really didn’t
think about what I couldn’t have, but then I saw her and I remembered all the
stuff I wanted years ago. When I told her that, Gigi thought I was saying my
feelings weren’t about her. She thought I just looked at her and thought she
would fit, but it’s only her who fits. She doesn’t get it, but you do. I know
you and picking up girls at the grocery store isn’t your M.O. You made an
exception for Gigi. She’s special and she can’t see that, but we can. Once I
met her, I haven’t been able to shake how pointless my life has become. My days
consist of catching glimpses of Gigi and waiting for your brother to kill me.”

Finn nodded. “If she’s avoiding you, what’s your
plan? Just wait until she forgives you and ask her out again?”

Anton frowned and studied Finn. In that moment,
Finn thought Anton had things figured out.

“Have you thought about asking her out even with
Ainsley making threats?”

Finn nodded. “You remember Tess. I worry about
Gigi getting hurt in the same way.”

“Your mom does have friends in the pack who would
do her dirty work.”

Sighing, Finn pushed away his plate. “I want Gigi
to be happy. If I thought I could make her happy, I would try building something
with her, but I’m not sure I’m the guy for her.”

Finn already felt like he had lost Gigi. No
matter how good Gigi was for his ego, Finn didn’t even know how to compete with
Anton. Finn was just a guy, but there was a reason Anton was an Alpha. When
Finn entered a room, he might get a few glances from girls, but everyone
noticed Anton. Women left men for Anton and Gigi would leave Finn.

“But you still hope to get another chance,” Anton
said and there was something edgy to his voice.

Finn was rarely challenged himself, but he saw
plenty of guys challenge Declan and Anton over the years. He knew the look on
their faces and the threatening tones they used. Anton was utilizing both as he
watched Finn. It wasn’t overtly hostile and Anton might not being trying to
threaten his friend over a girl they both wanted. He was just desperate to find
love and Finn might stand in his way. This possible obstacle brought out the
Alpha in Anton.

“Of course I’d like to be with her, but Gigi is
female. If she has to choose between us, she’ll choose what any female would
choose. I’m not twelve, Anton. I understand the score. You can put your Alpha
crap in neutral, okay?”

Anton swallowed hard and frowned. “Sorry. I just
need her. I wish I could be cool about her loving someone else, but she’s my
only chance at being happy. Whatever you think, you have other options.”

Finn wanted to resent him, but clearly his friend
was insane, if he thought Finn’s dating options were more varied than Anton’s.
It was almost comical, but Finn wasn’t laughing. He was looking at his closest
friend and the one male who would take Gigi away.

“I’m not hungry,” Finn said and stood up. “I’ll
see you next week.”

“Wait,” Anton whispered, standing quickly. “I’m
sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick, but you’re the only one I can talk to about
this. My guys would see any weakness as a chance to fuck me over. Melanie
teases me about Gigi then turns around and tells me I’m stupid for wasting my
time on some girl with weird blood. I wasn’t trying to make you feel threatened
or anything. I just started talking and lost track of myself. I’m sorry.”

Finn hated Anton a little for taking Gigi away,
but the guy was essentially begging him not to leave. Sitting back down, Finn
sighed.

“It’s not easy being the younger brother of
someone like Declan. Losing out to you isn’t a pleasure either.”

“Did you really plan to ask her out again?”

“I don’t know, but I liked having the option. It
doesn’t matter, I guess. Gigi has to make a decision about what makes her happy
and I wasn’t bullshitting when I said how her being happy mattered to me. If
she wants you, then I hope you guys end up together.”

Anton nodded, but he seemed uneasy now, as if
afraid his honesty had lost him his only friend. Finn forced a smile on his
face and tried not to seem like his heart was about to be torn out. Anton was a
good male and Gigi would be happy with him.

The rest of the dinner was tense and awkward.
Neither male had anything important to share after the honesty portion of their
dinner went so badly. Instead they talked about work and Michael’s odd habits.
Once they ate enough and spent enough time together to call it a dinner, both
males hurried away, unhappy for the same and different reasons.

Finn arrived at his apartment and considered
staying home, but he missed Gigi and had planned to see her all day. Giving up
time with her seemed stupid, so he walked the four blocks through the canals from
his place to her apartment.

Unhappiness clung to Finn as Gigi opened her door
and grinned at him. Yet no matter how long they had together, at that moment,
she clearly loved him.

“You came,” she cooed and pulled him inside. “How
was dinner?”

Finn shrugged as he stepped into the apartment.
The pastel décor soothed him even though he sometimes felt like he was dating a
little girl. Gigi wasn’t a child though, not with the naughty expression on her
face as she tugged at his shirt.

“You cooked?” Finn asked, trying to enjoy what
time they had left.

“Jambalaya. It’s almost done. I hoped you’d
come.”

Finn smiled and greeted the cats who rushed over
to meow at him. When he looked back at Gigi, her big brown eyes were unhappy.

“You’re leaving me,” she whimpered.

“Why would you think that?”

“You haven’t kissed me. You act like you want to
leave.”

If she let him, Finn would stay with Gigi forever.
Yet her heart belonged to someone else.

“I love you,” Finn said, but he heard the sadness
in his own voice.

“You’re leaving.”

“No.”

“Then why are you acting weird? Did you have a
bad dinner?”

“Anton still wants you,” Finn said and watched as
her face showed no reaction. On anyone else this might have been a reassuring
sign, but Gigi rarely showed all her cards with facial expressions. It was why
she was so good at poker. “If he hadn’t stood you up, you and I wouldn’t be together.”

Gigi frowned darkly. “You want to leave me.”

“No, I don’t,” he said too strongly. “I want to
marry you and have children with you and grow old with you. I want those
things, but Anton wants you.”

“So? Everyone wants me.”

“But you want him too.”

“So? I want everyone,” Gigi said then added when
Finn scowled, “When I see Declan at the gym and he’s all sweaty, I want him.
When Simon flirts with me, I want him. When I see Tobin care for his children,
I want him. When Nolan smiles at me, I want him. I even want Kyle who doesn’t
like me. I want them all, but I thought I got to choose. Don’t I get to
choose?”

Gigi seemed genuinely confused about relationship
rules.

“Of course you get to choose. You can have any
male. No matter their rules or families or whatever, you get to choose.”

“Then I choose you.”

“Gigi…”

“Why do you want to leave?”

“I don’t. I just want you to have everything. I
want you to be happy and safe and you’d be happier and safer with Anton.”

Finn knew his words weren’t completely true. If
Anton walked away from his pack and remained in the Circle, he would be under
threat and Gigi was already a target. Still Anton was an Alpha for a reason and
he would kill to protect his wife. Finn would too, but he couldn’t win battles
like Anton could.

Gigi thrust her lower lip into a pout and walked
away from him. “You don’t want me. Why don’t you want me? Did I do something
wrong?”

Now crying, Gigi sat on the couch and stared hard
at the wall. Finn joined her.

“I want you more than anything.”

“Then why are you pushing me off on Anton?”

“Because he wants you and I know you want him.”

“But I want you more. He hurt me and you make me
happy. Why can’t I choose?”

Finn glanced at the kittens who were watching
their crying owner with concern.

“Tell the kitties you’re okay. Otherwise they
might hurt me for making you cry.”

Gigi frowned at him then realized he was teasing
her and smiled.

“I’m happy, kitties.”

The cats ran at her, jumping on the couch and
finding spots on both Gigi and Finn. Earth ended up on Finn’s shoulder,
nuzzling his hair while purring.

“He really likes your hair,” Gigi said, trying to
smile.

“It’s my shampoo, I think.”

Smile gone, Gigi frowned darkly at him then
suddenly reached over and flicked him hard on the ear. Finn flinched, startled
by her temper. He hadn’t seen her in this bad a mood since he told her no to
sex and she claimed blue balls.

“You’re blind,” Gigi grumbled. “You live in this
place and you can only see how others see you, but you’re not just Declan’s
brother. Anywhere else, you’d be special. You are so stupid.”

“I’m sorry,” Finn said awkwardly.

“Why would I choose someone over you?”

“Apparently my low self esteem is an annoyance,”
Finn said quietly.

Gigi’s frown eased. “You’re so beautiful. I know
that’s shallow, but you like me because I’m beautiful so it’s okay for me to
find you attractive. I love your eyes and wait all day to see them.”

“Declan has the same eyes,” he muttered.