The Morning After (18 page)

The line went dead, and T.K.'s fingers went numb. It was worse than he'd thought. Far worse. Yet and still, talking to Jennifer wasn't something that he wanted to do right now. Knowing that her little stunt had sent a recovering gangster-wannabe back into the same streets that had almost been the source of his demise once before, angered T.K. even more. Instead of returning her call, he got up from his chair and crammed his belongings into the leather shoulder bag that he used for transporting classwork home. He hoped to get the opportunity to check the tests that his Physical Education students had taken today, but doing so had been moved way down on his priority list now.

“Lord, help me find this boy,” he whispered into the air as he slung the door open to his classroom and raced down the empty hallway. The water he'd been drinking all day was once again weighing on his bladder, but T.K. couldn't stop right now. He had more important matters to tend to. “Help me find him before it's too late.”

Connecting with the Dobermans last year had proven to be the single biggest example of poor judgment that he'd ever made; but something good came out of it. Jerrod had found temporary shelter.

When the smoke cleared, only two members of the school-based gang survived without being burned in the process. Jerrod was one, and the boy who sat across from him on the living room floor of the studio apartment in Midtown Atlanta was the other.

Jerrod didn't know many teenagers who had their own place. Especially not one as young as Toby Simon. But at sixteen, his former classmate lived independently of his parents. Toby's family was well-to-do. His daddy was a popular gynecologist to Atlanta's elite entertainers, and his mother was a partner in one of the city's most esteemed law firms. She was the face of the company, appearing in their television commercials and everything. But even with a doctor daddy and a lawyer mama, Toby's family wasn't the Huxtables by any stretch of the imagination.

Shortly after the trial that sent Freddie and the other Dobermans to prison, Oscar and Josephine Simon discovered that their son was struggling with homosexuality. They uncovered Toby's secret when they read a string of e-mails from his computer. He'd forgotten to shut down the system that morning before leaving for school. The unearthing nearly made Dr. Simon need a physician of his own, and if Toby's grandmother hadn't been at the house when he got home from school that afternoon, Attorney Simon probably would have needed her own lawyer.

It was a shock to his schoolmates too, once the news leaked into Alpharetta High. No one would have ever known. Toby never
acted
gay. Still didn't. Other than the fact that he didn't care much for sports, and he kept a spotless house, Toby didn't seem to be much different than any of the other guys that Jerrod knew.

The studio apartment came compliments of Toby's parents. Dr. and Mrs. Simon had a reputation to be concerned with. They weren't only pillars in their community, but also important people in their church. No way could they have a queer child living in their house. So they pushed Toby out of the nest, cushioning his fall by supplying him with a roof over his head.

Jerrod and Toby hadn't been in contact since last summer. Jerrod had run into him at the movies one day, and it was then that Toby informed Jerrod that he wouldn't be returning to school for their sophomore year. He said it was just too hard to be around his peers. While none of them made fun of him to his face, they'd all started treating him differently once they found out. There were other guys at the school who were openly gay, but Toby said he didn't want to be seen as “one of them.” He just wanted to be a regular boy, viewed and treated like everybody else. But once his secret was unveiled, all possibilities of that were destroyed. Because his parents were such high-profile professionals, the news had seeped well beyond Alpharetta. In Toby's words: “Everybody knows.”

So, at sixteen, Toby Simon was a high school dropout, working as a cashier at a local Publix grocery store. Although his parents paid his rent and utilities, he was responsible for his own cell phone, groceries, clothing, cable, and Internet services.

Calling Toby was a long shot, but desperate times called for desperate measures. When Jerrod stormed out of his house on Saturday, he had pedaled his bike for at least two miles before he realized that he didn't have anywhere to go. His first thought was to turn around and go back to Braxton Park. When he started helping Angel with packing away Ms. Essie's belongings, he'd been given a key to the old lady's house. Jerrod figured that if he were careful, he could probably camp out there for a day or two before anybody would notice. But the spare key was inside his mother's house and going back there wasn't even an option.

Once he completely buried his first consideration, Jerrod immediately thought of T.K. If he called T.K. and told him what had just gone down with Jennifer and Devon, there was no way that his coach wouldn't agree with him wholeheartedly. Once Jerrod got T.K. all riled, he had then planned to ask him if he could come and crash with him in Stone Mountain for a while. But Jerrod never got the opportunity to ask. He couldn't believe T.K. had taken Jennifer and Devon's side, defending them like what they were doing was right.

Serious consideration went to calling Tashina O'Neal. She was older; a former lead cheerleader at Alpharetta High who had graduated last year. Now a Georgia Perimeter College freshman, Tashina lived in her own apartment not far from the school she attended. She was the girl Jerrod lost his virginity to in order to qualify to become a full-fledged Doberman. They'd never been a real couple, but he knew she still had a soft spot for him, and with his alternatives running out, Jerrod was tempted to take advantage of that. He hadn't seen her since she left Alpharetta High, but prior to her graduation, they'd hooked up a couple of times for instant replays of his initiation activities. Calling her wouldn't only provide him with temporary shelter, but a little excitement on the side; the kind of excitement that he hadn't had in over a year.

Jerrod battled with the attractive notion for a long while, but a nagging voice in the back of his head—one that sounded very much like Essie's—threatened the wrath of God if he went that direction. Fear, along with Jerrod's conscience, eventually directed him down another path.

Calling Toby had been an act of desperation. Nightfall was just a few hours away, and if Jerrod didn't find somewhere to go soon, he would have been facing a night outdoors, sleeping in clothing that had been soaked by the constant drizzle. When he got to Toby's number in the address book of his cell phone, Jerrod said a little prayer before dialing it. Whether it was a prayer answered or just plain old luck, Jerrod didn't know. But Toby answered and told him that if he could get to his house in Midtown, he could stay there until he figured out what he was going to do next. A few hours later, after taking MARTA, Atlanta's public transportation, Jerrod was standing at Toby's door with nothing but his bicycle and the wet clothes on his back. Thankfully, they were virtually the same size, and he was able to borrow some of Toby's.

“You decided what you gonna do yet?” Toby asked after they'd exchanged pleasantries upon his arrival home from work. He took off his shoes at the door, as was his custom, then picked up the remote control to turn down the volume of the television before throwing a chocolate-covered M&M into the air and catching it in his mouth. “You can't stay here forever, you know.”

Jerrod fastened the top button of the pajama set that Toby had loaned him. “I done overstayed my welcome already?” It was only Monday night. He'd figured that he wouldn't be able to stay at Toby's place indefinitely, but he didn't think he'd have to be moving on this soon.

“Naw, dude. Nothin' like that. I'm just sayin'. I know your mom's got to be worried sick about you by now. Have you at least called her?”

“No, and I ain't gonna call her either.” Jerrod held out his hand. It was a silent request for Toby to share his sweets.

“There's a whole case of them in the kitchen cabinet under the sink,” Toby said, pointing in the direction. “Good thing about working at the grocery store is that I'll never go hungry.”

Jerrod snickered as he scuffled to his feet and took the short walk to get his own bag. He ended up getting two before crossing the threshold that separated the kitchen and dining area from the living room that doubled at night as a bedroom. Jerrod sat back down in the same corner floor space that would soon serve as his bed for the third night in a row. Blankets were piled beneath him to provide some cushion. The one sofa that was situated against the adjacent wall was for Toby.

Jerrod tore open the first bag of candy, tossed his head back, and poured several pieces into his mouth. “I can't believe Mama did this mess.” It wasn't easy to say with his jaws full of bite-sized treats.

Toby shrugged his shoulders. “At least your parents want you. Your daddy might've been trifling all your life, but at least he wants you now. That's more than I can say about my dad. Mama too, for that matter.”

Jerrod looked around the small apartment. To him, it didn't look like Toby had such a bad deal. As a matter of fact, he'd trade places with him any day. If he had a place like this, far away from whatever life Jennifer and Devon were about to build, it would be like heaven on earth.

“That's why I joined the Dobermans, you know.”

Toby's words brought Jerrod's eyes back to the opposite wall of the apartment. “What's why you joined the Dobermans?”

Toby got up from the floor and sat in a beanbag chair that was nearby. His eyes darted from the late night comedy on television to Jerrod. “I wanted to become a Doberman so I could feel like I belonged.”

Jerrod folded his legs Indian style. “Belonged to what?”

“Anything, man,” Toby said. “I just never felt like I belonged anywhere. I just didn't fit in. I always felt awkward around girls, and boys intimidated me. At church, I always felt like I was being preached at, and at home I got ignored. I just didn't fit nowhere.”

Jerrod squirmed a bit, hoping he wasn't about to cross the line. “Is that why you turned . . .
gay
?” He whispered the last word like it was some sort of secret password.

Toby laughed out loud, rolled over to the side, and then tumbled onto the floor. He held his stomach like the spontaneous eruption from his belly was causing him to cramp.

Confused, Jerrod stared at his friend until he finally calmed down. “What's so doggone funny?”

“You; that's what,” Toby answered, breathless from his fit of laughter. He eventually crawled back onto the beanbag. “Man, don't nobody
turn
gay. You're either gay or you're not.”

“Oh.” Jerrod had more questions, but wondered if he should ask.

“I've always been gay. Even before I knew I was gay, I was gay. I was born this way,” Toby explained. When Jerrod didn't offer a response, he lifted an eyebrow, cocked his head to the side and added, “I know a lot of church people that don't believe that. My parents totally disagree. They think sexuality is a choice. I say otherwise, 'cause I believe if I had a choice, I'd choose to be what's considered normal, so people will treat me normal.”

Jerrod just couldn't even imagine being attracted to another boy. Sure, he'd met guys who he thought were nice looking. Handsome, even. Take Colin, for instance. Colin was one of the best looking men Jerrod knew. Clean cut, tall, lean muscular build, strong jaw line, nice smile. But when Jerrod looked at him, all he saw was another good looking brother. And if a pretty girl would walk in the room—like Angel, for instance—Colin would disappear.
Poof!
Just like that, Colin would be as good as gone. No way would Jerrod rather look at Colin than at Angel. No way.

Toby continued. “Your mama 'nem are church people, right? I bet she told you that people can't be born gay, didn't she?”

Shaking his head from side to side, Jerrod said, “Actually, no. My mama ain't never talked about whether somebody could be born gay or not. The subject never came up between us. And we ain't been going to church all that long. Just really started the morning after Ms. Essie died.”

“Ms. Essie?” Toby looked more than a little confused.

“Yeah. You don't know her, but she used to live next door to me and my mama out in Braxton Park.” Jerrod wanted to tell Toby that Essie was the one who made the anonymous call that got the Dobermans arrested, but he decided not to. “Ms. Essie died a year ago, but she's the one who got Mama going to church.”

“Has your pastor ever preached about gay people?” Toby asked, seeming to really be interested in the points of view of others.

Jerrod thought real hard. “Not that I can remember. But once when I went to church with Coach D, I heard his pastor say that he never argued with people when they said they were born that way. He says we're all born sinners, so he believes that it's possible.” Toby looked fascinated, so Jerrod kept talking. “Reverend Tides said it very well might be that alcoholics are born to drink, thieves are born to steal, murderers are born to kill, and gay people are born to . . . well, be gay.” Jerrod hoped he wasn't being insulting.

“Really?” Toby didn't sound offended. “That's the first time I've ever heard anybody say a preacher said something like that. So you're saying that Coach D's pastor is okay with the gay lifestyle?”

“Naw, man, I ain't saying that. You ain't let me finish. Reverend Tides didn't stop right there. What he said, when he explained the whole thing, was that Jesus made a command that said that in order to go to heaven, everybody had to be born again.”

“Born again?”

“Yeah. Like a rebirth. But not a natural one, a spiritual one. So even if it's true, and gay people really are born gay, if you allow Christ in your life, you are then
born again
, and what you were born as in the beginning, don't make no difference one way or the other, 'cause when you get saved, Jesus cleanses all that junk from you, and you become a new person. So, if you were born an alcoholic, you ain't no alcoholic no more. If you were born a thief, you ain't no thief no more.”

“And if you were born gay, you ain't gonna be gay no more?” Toby offered.

“Not after you've been born again.”

The room was quiet for an extended period of time. The silence was broken by Toby's chuckle. Once again, Jerrod had missed the humor.

“What's so funny?”

“You, that's what.”