The Mystery of Silas Finklebean (4 page)

“We’re actually pretty evenly matched. But don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” Freddy checked his watch. “Omigosh, we have to hurry or I’ll be late for work at the Burger Castle. And after that we have to sneak into Stewie Spanker’s office.”

“But, Freddy, we were pretty lucky they didn’t see us last time. How are we going to do that without them spotting us?”

Freddy smiled knowingly. “I have just the thing, Howie. Come on, let’s go.”

CHAPTER
6

NO SPY FRY

Freddy and Howie went to the secret lab under the barn where the Fries were getting ready to go to work. Freddy quickly told them everything they had learned about Silas Finklebean.

“Sounds like an interesting fellow,” said Theodore. “So the plan tonight is for us to go to the Spankers’ lair in time to hear the details of their plot against you.”

“But we were almost caught last time,” said Ziggy.

“That won’t be a problem this time,” said Ziggy.

He pulled out his father’s Invisibrella and opened it above his head, instantly disappearing.

“AAGGHH!” screamed Wally. “Freddy’s gone, he’s gone!” The purple Fry was so upset he ran straight into a wall and knocked himself out.

Freddy closed the umbrella and reappeared.

“Light particle refraction, undoubtedly,” said Theodore while Curly mumbled, “WowI’venever
not
seensomethinglikethat before.”

“That’s right, Theodore,” said Freddy as he and Curly helped a groggy Wally to his feet.

“The umbrella’s big enough to cover me and Howie. And you guys can stay upstairs at the Burger Castle and make sure my Dad and sister don’t come into the basement.”

“Your sister never goes in the basement,” said Theodore.

“Well, she might sort of come looking for me,” said Freddy sheepishly.

Theodore eyed him closely. “Freddy, you didn’t do something you shouldn’t have, did you?”

“Well, she made me mad so I might have played a teensy-weensy trick on her.”

“Way to go, Freddio,” said Si. “I’m sure she deserved it.”

“Speak for yourself, you happy-go-lucky maniac,” snapped Meese. “His sister scares me to death. And if I die, you die!”

After they finished working at the Burger Castle, Freddy and Howie snuck down to the basement with the Invisibrella and a ladder. They had covered up the hole that Wally had made in the wall with an old shelf. They moved it aside and slipped into the secret passageway; soon they reached the trapdoor under Stewie Spanker’s office.

Howie took a moment to devour four cheese cubes, swallow, and wipe his mouth. “Okay, I’m ready.”

They climbed up the ladder, eased open the trapdoor, and peered into the room. It was empty.

“This is perfect, Howie,” said Freddy. “Come on, hurry.”

They clambered through the trapdoor and stood in a corner. Freddy opened the large Invisibrella over their heads. He was able to confirm their invisibility by looking at a mirror hanging across the room. It didn’t show their reflections, but the boys could see each other because the light refraction only took place outside the umbrella.

“Now we just wait and hear their whole plan,” said Howie.

“Shh, someone’s coming.”

The door opened and Stewie and Adam Spanker walked through. They looked so ridiculous in their Patty Cakes uniforms that Freddy and Howie had to cover their mouths to keep from laughing. And then it got even worse — or better, depending on how you looked at it.

Stewie Spanker sat down and let out an enormous burp. “Gotta cut back on those burgers and shakes,” he groaned.

“Ha, that’s nothing,” said Adam, and he let out a gigantic fart that seemed to bounce off the walls like cannon fire.

“I knew I raised you right,” said Stewie proudly. “But grab that can of air freshener and give the room a real good spray, son.”

Freddy and Howie wanted to laugh so hard they could barely breathe. But they also knew the Spankers would tear them apart if they found out they were here.

“Okay, son, what have you come up with to get rid of the Funkhousers?”

“An unbelievably brilliant plan that I’ve already put into place, Dad,” proclaimed Adam proudly.

Howie and Freddy looked at each other and smiled. This was working perfectly.

Back at the Burger Castle, the Fries were cleaning up when Alfred Funkhouser came out of the kitchen.

“Hey, guys,” he said.

“Where is that little monster?” yelled Nancy as she ran out of the broom closet wearing a big hat.

“What’s the matter?” asked her father.

“Look at this.” She jerked off the hat and her red hair sprang out. It was a mass of curls and puffed up to about two feet over her head. She looked like walking cotton candy.

Her father remarked in a delicate tone, “I see you’ve changed your hairstyle again, dear. It’s very, well, it’s very interesting.”

“
I
didn’t do this,” shrieked Nancy. “That little jerk did. He must’ve slipped me one of his stupid perm pills when I wasn’t looking.”

Alfred looked very proud. “A perm pill? What a great idea.”

“Dad! I look like a pink cloud.”

Alfred refocused on his daughter’s mass of hair. “Oh, um, right, dear. I’ll tell him that what he did was wrong. Very clever and ingenious, but wrong just the same. Where is Freddy, by the way?”

“Well, he said he was feeling a little under the weather,” said Theodore.

“Yeah, he was puking his guts out the last time I saw him,” added Wally.

Nancy stared suspiciously at who she thought was Wilma. “I am so going to massacre that brat,” she said, still fuming.

“What did you want him for, Mr. Funkhouser?” asked Theodore innocently.

“Well, I can’t find my Invisibrella and I thought he might have it.”

“Oh, he’s got —” began Wally before Ziggy stomped on his toes. “Ouchie-oochie!” Wally yelled, grabbing his foot.

“I think what Wilma was saying,” explained Theodore, “was that if Freddy had
gotten
it, we would have seen it. And we didn’t.”

“Okay,” said Alfred, looking a little confused. “Well, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere. I need to find it and work out some bugs.”

“Bugs?” said Theodore quickly.

“I love bugs,” replied Si. “Bugs are my friends.”

“Good, because you sure don’t have any others,” said Meese.

“But you’re my friend,” said Si, looking hurt.

“I’m attached to you at the hip. That doesn’t make us buds.”

“Uh, exactly what sort of bugs?” asked Theodore.

Alfred said, “The last time I tried it, I became visible after about three minutes, and then streams of light started shooting out of the umbrella. Probably a loose wire.”

The Fries looked at each other in panic.

“Uhboylthinkwebettergoyouknowwherelikeyouknowveryfast,” mumbled Curly.

“What did he say?” asked Alfred.

“He said we have to leave the premises in the most expeditious manner possible,” said Theodore.

“No, he didn’t, he said RUN!” yelled Wally, who blew past them down the stairs to the basement.

The rest of the Fries took off after him, leaving Alfred and Nancy behind.

Once her father left to continue his search, Nancy looked in the direction where the Fries had run. She glanced back to make sure her father was gone, and then she raced off after the Fries.

CHAPTER
7

CURLY TO THE RESCUE

“Okay, Dad,” crowed Adam to his father, “here’s the deal. I suckered Harold J. Pumpernickel into helping me on the science fair competition.”

“Pumpernickel?” said his father, outraged. “His father’s a garbage truck driver. I don’t want you associating with people like that.”

“I know, I know, but the little twerp’s got brains — enough brains to take down Freddy Freako. And even better, I got that idiot Funkhouser to bet on the competition.”

Under the Invisibrella, Freddy balled up his fists at this insult.

“Our science project is going to be a huge volcano that we’re going to build in the vacant lot next to the Patty Cakes,” proclaimed Adam proudly.

“A volcano!” exclaimed Stewie Spanker.

“Yep. A volcano. Harold says he can make it work just like the real thing, only when it erupts it’ll be some goopy stuff coming out instead of lava.”

Stewie jumped out of his chair. “Erupts! But it’ll hit the Patty Cakes.”

Adam laughed. “Nope, that’s the brilliant part. Harold can make the goop go in any direction he wants with some thingamajig he’s putting in. So it’ll cream the
Burger Dump
instead. It gets covered with four feet of sticky goop and they’re out of business. On top of that, I win the competition, and Funky has to come work at the Patty Cakes for a month, where I can make his life miserable.”

“But the Pumpernickels are honest people with integrity, so Harold might tell somebody the truth — the dirty, stinking
rat
.”

“He doesn’t know about my plan. I’m going to sneak in when the volcano’s finished and aim it at the Burger Dump, and then I’ll blame it all on Harold because he’ll be doing all the work on it. See, it’s perfect.”

His father stared at him for a long moment and then said, “That is the most dirty, underhanded, despicable plan I’ve ever heard.” He paused and wiped away a tear. “I love it, son.”

Freddy was getting madder and madder as he listened. Then he felt something poking him on the shoulder. It was Howie; he was pointing across the room.

Freddy didn’t understand what the big deal was. All he could see was himself and Howie in the reflection of the mirror.

Freddy’s eyes popped. THEIR REFLECTION!

If the Spankers simply looked in their direction, they were dead. Freddy and Howie stood as quietly as they could and held their breath.

Then something even worse happened. The Invisibrella started turning different colors. The Spankers would see that any second. Howie gulped and started to put a cheese cube in his mouth.

Freddy caught his breath as something grabbed him and lifted him off the floor. The Invisibrella fell, but before it hit the floor it was snatched up too. Freddy and Howie were yanked across the room and through the trapdoor, which slammed shut behind them.

“What was that?” yelled Adam Spanker, looking around the room suspiciously. He walked over to where Freddy and Howie had been standing and looked around. Then on the floor he saw something and picked it up. It was Howie’s cheese cube. Adam started thinking hard — at least hard for
him
— and then smiled wickedly.

Down in the underground passageway Curly put Howie and Freddy down after using his long arms to zip them to safety.

“Wow, Curly, you saved our butts,” said a breathless Freddy.

“Yeah, I thought we were goners for sure,” added Howie.

“Gladlcouldhelp,” mumbled Curly.

Theodore quickly told the boys about the Invisibrella’s bug.

“Figures. My Dad always has lots of bugs to work out But it was worth it, because now I know Spanker’s entire plan. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

They ran back down the passageway, turned a corner, and ran smack into Nancy, her hair wrapped in a black scarf. She undid the scarf and her wild hair shot out. “Look familiar?” she snapped.

Freddy had to cough back a laugh. “Why, Nanny Boo-Boo, I’ve never seen you look so beautiful.”

“Don’t ever fall asleep, Freddy Funkhouser, or you might wake up with no hair at all. Or a
head,
even.”

“You don’t scare me.”

She grabbed the Invisibrella out of Curly’s hands. “Wait’ll I tell Dad you were using his stuff.” She stopped and demanded, “Okay, I want to know exactly what you and your gang of freaks have been doing down here.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” answered Freddy hotly.

“Fine, then you can tell Dad after I tell on you.”

Si stepped forward, “Hey, kiddo, we don’t have to do anything hasty like that. What say we just keep it on the QT?”

Nancy stared at him with contempt. “Look, you double-headed dum-dum, I’m not keeping anything on the QT.”

Theodore said in a gracious voice, “Young lady, it’s easy to see that you are a person of uncommon intelligence and wit, with a strong sense of style and theatricality.”