The New Rakes (26 page)

‘Failed at what?’ Kara asked. She wondered if Lina and Mike had been up all night like she had. If they’d been together.

‘Better pay special attention to your lover today,’ Lina said, her voice as brittle as spun sugar. ‘He missed you last night.’

‘Mike?’ Kara asked, noticing how the name made Lina flinch.

‘Of course, Mike,’ she said. There were dark shadows under her eyes, grey and heavy. ‘It seems you didn’t break the spell. Despite our deal.’

‘I left last night, you saw me. I didn’t spend the night with him,’ Kara said.

‘I know,’ Lina said bluntly. ‘But I did.’ She looked up at Kara and her eyes were as hard and grey as granite. ‘It should have been just like old times. But no matter how tightly he closed his eyes and tried to pretend, it didn’t work.’ She looked down blankly at the papers strewn over the desk in front of her. ‘Even when he was in me. I knew he was thinking of you.’

Kara swallowed. She couldn’t quite picture self-assured, commanding Mike missing her. She could imagine the other stuff. He and Lina playing out their power games. Fucking like they were fighting. She couldn’t imagine him pining for anyone.

‘Hard to believe, isn’t it?’ Lina continued. ‘I suppose you’d never have guessed it. Too wrapped up in your own dramas.’

Kara remembered what Tam had said to her the night before. Lina echoed his words almost exactly. Was she really that oblivious?

‘I know him better than you. I can tell when he’s faking it,’ Lina said. She took a deep breath and leaned forwards over the desk, covering her eyes with her hand. ‘Better get moving. You’re on stage in –’ She flicked her wrist and looked at her watch ‘– just over five hours. Make the most of it,’ she said, dropping the keys on the table with a loud clatter.

‘Is Tam coming tonight?’ Kara asked, leaning forwards to snatch the keys.

‘Yes.’

‘Lina. Please.’ Kara never thought she’d find herself asking Lina for anything. Her voice shook a little. ‘Please leave him out of this.’

Lina turned away from her and started leafing through a list of numbers she had printed out on the desk. ‘I’m busy, Kara. Got to make sure everybody turns up tonight.’ She lifted
her
gaze and the intensity of it made Kara take a step backwards. ‘Got to make sure it’s a big success,’ she said. ‘Don’t I?’

When she got back to the dressing room, Mike was slumped on the floor with his head in his hands. Kara slowed as she approached him.

‘I got the key,’ she said. Mike didn’t move. ‘Is everything OK?’ Kara asked, almost scared to hear his answer.

Mike laughed. In the narrow corridor the sound bounced back flat and hollow. He looked up at her. He was smiling, but there was no light in his eyes. ‘I don’t know why I’m worried,’ he murmured. ‘Nobody would even notice if I sat there and knocked out Stravinsky’s “Piano Rag”.’ He stood up and leaned towards Kara, caught hold of the hem of her top and tugged it down to expose the cleft of her breasts. ‘That’s all they want to see.’

Kara frowned and pulled away. ‘They’re coming to listen to the music. What else have we been busting our arses for?’

He laughed again, shaking his head so his hair flopped forwards. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. We’re selling them you, Kara. Not music.’ Mike sighed and pulled himself up to stand above her. ‘All we need to do is provide a little background noise.’ He reached round to cup her buttocks with his hand and squeezed. ‘Face it, Kara. You’re a product with sex written all over it. Nobody gives a damn whether you can sing or not.’

Kara tried to pull away. She reached round Mike and slid the key into the lock, all the time keenly aware of him watching her. Her shoulders were pulled up high and she was gulping air. She flung the door open and made for the bathroom, with Mike following right on her heels. He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up short.

‘Oh come on. You win the jackpot, Kara! After tonight you’ll
have
the world at your feet. All the glory. Silver and gold. What more could you want?’

She spun round to face him. ‘It’s not enough,’ she said, searching his face for some glimmer of understanding.

‘Everything you’ve ever wanted is not enough?’ Mike said, raising an eyebrow. ‘Now that is breathtaking ambition.’

He licked his lips. Kara noticed the gleam in his eye and knew what was coming next.

‘I know what you need,’ he said, running his thumbs up and down her bare arms. ‘To scratch that itch.’

His hand danced over her shoulder and traced a line across her throat, curling round her neck. He buried his fingers in her hair and held on tight, pulling her head back slowly.

‘It’s hard when your dreams come true, isn’t it?’ he murmured.

Kara knew she didn’t have to answer the question. Mike was playing with her again. But this time something had changed. When his free hand flicked at the neck of her top, she noticed his fingers were unsteady, as though he’d been drinking.

‘All the things you had to do to get where you are. They come back to haunt you, don’t they?’

Kara closed her eyes. She thought of Ruby and Jon, of the fierce anger in her friend’s eyes the night before. She thought of Tam kneeling on the floor in front of her, unable to ask her straight out what she knew he wanted to.

‘You have to learn to ignore the jealousy, Kara.’

Mike let go her hair, took her top in both hands and tugged it. The slashed neck tore with a faint rasp as Mike ripped it to her waist. Kara stumbled backwards, but Mike had her tethered by the ragged handfuls of fabric. When she swore at him, he let go and the two tails fell back on either side of her exposed chest.

‘You have to make sacrifices,’ Mike said, giving her a half-smile. Kara held herself stone still. Mike reached out to trace the lace edge of her bra as though he were drawing patterns on the skin underneath.

‘And what have you ever sacrificed?’ she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on his. ‘Apart from your conscience, that is?’

He nodded. ‘Touché.’

Idly, he stroked the curve of her breast, sweeping his fingers over her nipple and scraping the cloth gently with his blunt nails. Kara itched under his touch, but still she kept herself motionless.

‘I’ve sacrificed more than you know,’ Mike said, his voice very soft. He bent his head to her breast and sucked at her through her bra, so that the damp fabric clung to her nipple and chafed against it, stiffening in the heat of his mouth.

Kara knew that someone might walk in at any moment. She also knew the risk would only fuel Mike’s desire. A picture of Eric bursting through the door to find Mike suckling on her tit flashed into Kara’s head and she twisted away. Her nipple was wet and stiff from his sucking and her legs were already going weak. God, he knew how to manipulate her.

‘I can’t do this,’ she said, pulling her top across her chest and holding the torn fabric close to her skin.

‘Crap. I bet you’re already soaking,’ Mike said, starting towards the button of her jeans. Kara took a step backwards and shook her head.

‘I mean, the show. The record. The fuckable star with a forgettable soundtrack.’ She waved her hand vaguely to describe what she meant. ‘Everything. It all feels wrong.’

Mike looked at her shrewdly. ‘Pre-performance jitters,’ he said, rolling his eyes. ‘Now don’t be ridiculous.’

‘I’m serious.’

‘So am I,’ he said, pacing across the room to a small fridge
and
pulling it open. ‘It’s far too late to get cold feet, Kara. I’ve given you what you wanted. Everything I promised.’

‘I … I’ve changed my mind,’ Kara said. Her voice sounded like a whisper in a wind tunnel, so small and frail it could be blown away.

‘No dice.’ Mike shook his head. ‘You’ll be up there tonight. You will shake your arse to the requisite beat, you will flash your tits and you will knock the audience dead.’

‘I can’t.’

Mike pulled a bottle of Stolly out of the fridge and searched for glasses in the cupboard. He tore the lid open and poured a tumblerful of clear oily vodka.

‘If you’re not up to singing we’ll just dub a recording over the musicians,’ he continued. ‘You can mime.’

‘No!’

He took a long swig of his drink before he answered. ‘Like I said, Kara. It’s far too late to back out now. You know the deal. Do you want me to make some clichéd remark about how the show must go on?’

He approached and pulled her hands away from her top, forcing them to her sides. ‘Just do exactly as I say and everything will be fine,’ he said. He plucked at the top button of her jeans. ‘Take those off,’ he added, nodding at her while he took another sip. His fingers made wet smudges on the side of the glass.

Half of Kara wanted to knock it out of his hand and scream him out of the room. There was a storm thrashing inside her, a gathering, tumbling sensation that she’d never felt before. Yes, there were nerves before a show. But that was light, jangly electric excitement. This was different. Dark and sour.

She was on the tightrope again, scrabbling at thin air. Underneath her a thousand people swarmed, eyes glittering in the darkness. And instead of the rush of anticipation, Kara was
aware
of a rising seasickness, the sensation that the crowd only wanted to rip her apart and consume her.

Mike waited for her to carry out his instructions. He faced her with the cool certainty that she would do as she was bid, watched her with that mild curiosity that made her hair stand on end.

‘Why do you want me?’ Kara asked.

Mike frowned at her like he didn’t understand. ‘The usual reasons. It’s not that complicated, Kara.’ He thrust a hand into his pocket and cocked an eyebrow at her like she was mad for even asking the question.

A week ago, Kara would have let him get away with that answer. She would have felt unsettled and aroused by his casual rebuttal, and then she would have done as he’d asked and stripped for him. The force of his certainty and the focus of his desire had been blinding.

But today, she needed more than clever replies. She waited.

‘I always wanted you,’ Mike said bluntly.

Kara shook her head. ‘No. No, you enjoyed that I lusted after you. I think you liked the power it gave you. But there was no way you would have made a move back then.’

‘You were my student.’

‘That had nothing to do with it.’

Mike turned and paced, taking a couple of gulps of his drink. Kara watched the way he moved, agitated but still self-possessed. He was fraying at the edges, Kara thought, but he still had that mesmerising quality.

‘You only want me now because of this,’ she said, waving her hand at the dressing room. ‘Because of where I’m going.’

Mike sighed impatiently. ‘For God’s sake. Yes, your ambition, talent, it’s sexy. Does it really matter?’ He threw himself into an armchair and watched Kara over the rim of his glass. ‘I don’t see what the problem is.’

Silently, Kara pulled open the buttons of her jeans. Mike lay his head back and watched. She slid out of her trouser legs and peeled off her knickers, dropping the clothes in a pile on the floor.

‘Good,’ Mike said, quietly. ‘That’s a good girl. Now come over here and kneel down.’

Kara ignored him. She pulled her ripped top over her head and reached behind her back to undo her bra. A shadow passed over Mike’s face. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kara lifted a finger to her lips.

‘Shh,’ she said, tugging her bra off and dropping it on the pile. Naked, she stood in front of Mike and let him look at her.

‘What is this?’ he asked. ‘You want me to give you marks out of ten?’

‘This is me,’ Kara said. ‘No lights, no audience, no background music.’

Mike shifted in his seat and turned his head away. It was cold in the windowless room, and Kara shivered a little.

‘Not a star, Mike. I’m just a singer in a band. That’s what I choose to be.’ She walked over to the chair and stood close enough for him to reach out and touch her. ‘Is this what you want?’ she asked. ‘Is it enough for you?’

He held his glass in his lap and turned it, shaking the liquid so that it sloshed against the sides. ‘You really do pick your moments, Kara,’ he said. There was a note of sadness in his voice.

‘I need to know,’ she said.

‘If I want you.’

‘If you want me.’ Kara nodded. ‘Or if you’re just trying to fix something that went wrong a long time ago.’

22

MIKE DIDN’T ANSWER
. He stayed silent for so long that Kara began to sweat. She shifted warily, somehow feeling more naked as time went on. Thoughts screamed silently in her head – what was she doing? Risking everything, ruining all her chances? Someone could burst through the door at any minute, and Kara knew she would be more ashamed at being caught like this, laying herself bare, than she would if they walked in on her and Mike screwing.

At last, he dipped his forefinger into his glass and wet the tip. He lifted his finger and reached out to touch her chin, using it like a paintbrush to draw a line down her body. The cold trail burned from her throat to her lower belly, shining against her pale skin and the sweet pungent smell of the spirit prickled in her nose. He caught her wrist and held her steady, dotted a finger on the veins as if anointing her with perfume. Kara curled her fingers; this was different from the games they’d played before.

Mike’s eyes didn’t have the glowing intent that she was used to. If she didn’t know him better she would have said he looked a little sad. He was stroking lines up her inner arm and down the side of her breast very deliberately. As though he was carrying out some ritual with a hidden, secret meaning. The alcohol left a sweet burn as it evaporated. He drew a line from her stomach to her pussy. When he dabbed at her clit with his finger, she flinched.

‘Don’t worry,’ he murmured. ‘It won’t hurt.’ He pinched her little bud between his fingers and looked up at her.

Kara felt the cold wet vodka on her skin and the intense heat that centred in her pussy. Mike didn’t caress her or play with her, just trapped her tender hood lightly in his hand.

‘Is it burning yet?’ he asked, a dull curiosity in his eyes.

As he spoke, a tingle blossomed on her clit, the nerve endings suddenly alive and urgent with heat. Kara inhaled sharply. The warmth was spreading through her pussy and, for a moment, she panicked.