The New Topping Book (18 page)

T
OYS FOR
P
OKING
. Poky feelings may come from something sharp being pressed into the skin, or from something sharp actually being pressed
through
the skin.

If you don’t want to break skin, bamboo skewers (like for shish kabob) poke beautifully – a blindfolded bottom may think you’re piercing him (fun for mindfuck). A Wartenburg wheel, used by neurologists, is a small wheel with very sharp spokes on the end of a handle; you run it along the skin like a pizza cutter. Yeowch!

Play that actually breaks skin is to be done
only
by experienced tops or under the supervision of an experienced top. Play piercings, typically done with disposable hypodermic needles or sterilized acupuncture needles, involve inserting needles just below the surface of the skin and back out again – not for the permanent insertion of jewelry, but just for the sensation of being pierced. Cuttings, properly placed no deeper than a cat scratch, are usually done with a sterile scalpel. Some players rub ash or tattoo ink into a decorative cutting to make a permanent mark. There is no way to guarantee that a play piercing or cutting won’t scar, so be aware that it might and refrain from graffiti.

T
OYS
T
HAT
H
EAT OR
C
OOL
. Temperature offers a powerful range of sensations. We mentioned hot wax and ice cubes earlier, but they’re worth noting again here, since they’re such simple and versatile toys. A bottom may find it impossible to distinguish between extreme heat and extreme cold – we’ve heard of scenes in which a top convinces a blindfolded bottom that he’s about to be branded, then presses an ice cube into his flesh.

Some folks enjoy playing with “chemical heat” from spicy oils like cinnamon or peppermint, or from commercial concoctions like Ben Gay or Tiger Balm. It takes only a tiny bit of any of these to create a strong sensation, particularly on mucous membranes like cunts or assholes – start with the tiniest dab, and give the heat several minutes to build before you consider adding more. If you use too much and your bottom can’t handle it, apply a lot of anything oily – vaseline, cold cream, even vegetable oil or butter from the kitchen – to the affected area to dilute the chemical, then send your victim to the shower to suds it off with shampoo.

The ultimate temperature play is branding. Like piercing and cutting, branding is to be done only by very experienced tops. The way it’s done on TV westerns, or in “The Story of O,” does
not
work on people-hide the way it does on cowhide – learn from an expert before you even consider exploring branding. Brands nearly always leave scars.

T
OYS
T
HAT
Z
AP
. Electricity play is a fairly specialized play style with some special risks. The impulses that tell your bottom’s heart when to beat are electrical, and you most definitely do not want to confuse those impulses – so a general rule for electricity play is “never above the waist.” We also think it’s better not to do electricity play with a bottom who has a heart condition, and to be extremely cautious about using it on or near piercings.

Within those rules, though, there is still room for fun. Many folks who like electricity use TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) devices, a medical gadget used to help relieve chronic pain, for sensations ranging from extremely mild through moderately strong. Some manufacturers have modified TENS units for scene play and created specialized attachments – butt plugs and cock rings and such – a big investment but very pleasant to play with. Relaxacisors (a quackish weight-loss gadget from the ’40s and ’50s) deliver a stronger sensation. Tasers and cattle prods are extremely strong, too much so for most players – we don’t recommend them unless your bottom is in good health and both of you have had lots of experience with less intense forms of electricity play.

A special case is the “violet wand” – another medical device, once thought to help with such problems as baldness. The violet wand delivers a different form of electricity that stays primarily on the surface of the skin, so it’s the only electricity toy that’s considered safe for use above the waist, although you should keep it away from the eyes. The sensation feels a bit like the shock you get from walking across a wool carpet and touching a doorknob, except it goes on and on and…. Again, a big investment, but the folks who love these
really
love them.

T
OYS FOR
T
URNING
O
N AND
G
ETTING OFF
. While many people play without genital sex, we’re strong advocates for having as much sex as possible – so our toy collections tend to include lots of gadgets for getting people aroused and giving them orgasms.

Dildoes and butt plugs give bottoms (and tops!) that wonderful filled-up feeling that makes orgasms so much more worthwhile. Assholes in particular do not take well to being harshly stretched – insert plugs and such only after plenty of preparatory finger play, v-e-r-y gradually and gently, and don’t go for the Guinness book on plug size unless you know your bottom can handle it. Use lots and lots and lots and lots of lube (one top we know says “If there isn’t lube dripping from the ceiling, you haven’t used enough”). If anything burns or creates a sharp or tearing pain, stop immediately – either fix the situation that’s causing the pain, or move on to another activity. Butt toys need to have a wide flange at the bottom so they don’t get lost in the rectum – a lost toy is at best uncomfortable and embarrassing, and at worst a serious emergency.

Vaginas are less picky about what gets inserted in them, although scrupulous cleanliness is essential for anything that goes into a vagina. Still, the sensation of being hurt or bumped deep inside is not erotic to most women. We suggest that if you like to play with dildoes and other insertables, you acquire a few different sizes and shapes, and keep track of which bottoms like which – or, better yet, encourage your bottoms to own their own dildoes that are exactly the size and shape they like, and that get used only on them.

Toys can give you genitals other than the ones nature gave you. If you have a vagina, you can strap on a penis, or insert one into yourself and still have one left over for a friend. If you want a bigger or harder penis, open the drawer and take one out. Ever wish you had a penis on your leg, or your face? Or that you could have two penises, one for each hole? Use your imagination – and your MasterCard.

Cocks like constriction. Those veins we see on the outside of a penis are the exit path for the blood that makes erections; the arteries that bring the blood in are buried deep inside. Many men find that when you constrict from the outside, with, for instance, a cock ring, or some bondage made with thin rope, or a few condoms, the amount of blood in the cock increases – and so does the erection. Some men also love the sensation of having their balls pulled away from the body, and tops who play with such men often stock special devices called “parachutes” and weights for this purpose – heavy brass bells are particularly charming, although Janet once improvised a ball weight from a tube sock and a jar of pennies. Although we lack the proper equipment to confirm these reports, we are told such activities feel good. We are told this appreciatively. Enthusiastically. Loudly.

Own lots of lube. Yes, good water-based lube is expensive – but you paid more for that half-gallon of premium ice cream you polished off last week, and we bet you didn’t enjoy it half as much. Lube is important for good sex and essential for good safer sex. Don’t be stingy.

T
OYS FOR
R
OLE-PLAYING
. For tops and bottoms, every day can be Halloween. Role-playing doesn’t have to involve specialized toys or costumes – imagination and creativity can certainly suffice – but we think half the fun of a role-playing scene is the trip to the thrift store beforehand. (Well, maybe a quarter of the fun.)

If you play with one role a lot, you may want to consider getting toys, props and costumes appropriate to that role. Daddies may wear big threatening leather belts. Bitch goddesses lace themselves into shiny tight corsets and spike-heeled shoes. Interrogators and rapists hide their features with masks or hoods. Pirates wear high boots and dashing shirts. Schoolmistresses have long frumpy skirts and high-necked blouses and whippy scary canes. If you like to train puppies, you’ll need collars and bowls and rolled-up newspapers; if you prefer ponies, get some bridles and crops and maybe an insertable tail or two.

Your role-playing costumes and props serve a dual function: they help you and your bottoms get into the mood when you’re actually playing, and they signal your particular role interest to potential bottoms. So get yourself over to the thrift store or costume shop and have fun!

T
OYS FOR THE
R
OAD

Unless you’re prepared to haul a steamer trunk along to every play date (and some tops do exactly that), you’ll probably want to think about developing a portable toy kit.

Of course, “portable” is relative. Both of us usually use a softball bag from the sporting goods store for carrying our toys to parties and demonstrations. But we also like to be able to drop a few small toys into our purses, just in case.

One player we know uses a small zippered bag, about 8" x 10" x 3", for his portable toybag. It contains a couple of lengths of rope, a mini-whip made of four leather thongs folded in half and rubber-banded together at the fold (which can also be disassembled if he or his partner wants to use the thongs individually), and a few clothespins. Safer sex is taken care of with several latex gloves in his size, a few condoms and some individual-sized packets of lubricant. Emergency supplies include a small flashlight and a pair of paramedic’s shears. There’s still plenty of room left over for whatever specialized small equipment he wants for any particular session – a lightweight collar, a small tube of hot cream, a mini-vibrator, a cock ring or whatever.

If you’re traveling by air – and especially through customs – you’ll have to do some serious thinking about what to take with you. For domestic travel, bags that get checked through as luggage aren’t usually inspected closely, although these days random searches are much more common than they were when we wrote the first edition of this book. If you carry your bag onto the plane, it
will
be inspected – if you’re carrying anything they think is dangerous, which typically includes all sharp objects, heavy striking objects like clubs and chains, and many whips, they’ll take it away from you and you won’t get it back. We suggest either checking your toys or having a freight service ship them ahead of you.

Customs agents for overseas travel may be very cool about your toys – or not. We’ve heard some scary stories. If you’re traveling to a very conservative or sex-negative country, we think you should probably stick to toys that have real-world uses: clothesline, clothespins, hairbrushes, belts, candles and so on.

Consider shipping any toys you buy overseas home separately. On the other hand, on her first trip to Germany Dossie packed no toys and no studded clothes, only to discover a leather store right in the Frankfurt airport. If you have a friendly travel agent, she may be able to advise you further about whether you’re likely to get hassled.

M
AINTAINING
T
OYS

Well-maintained toys are clean, free of breakage or flaws, and a joy to use. Poorly maintained toys can cause injury and spread disease, and signal to the world that you’re a sloppy top who doesn’t care about your bottoms. You wouldn’t go to a play date with dirty hair and smelly armpits; your toys deserve at least as much attention as your body does.

Any toy that you suspect has come into contact with body fluids needs to be cleaned – and if you’re not positive that it hasn’t, clean it again. Rubber toys, metal toys and toys of manmade materials like silicone and plastic can be lightly handwashed using a cleanser like Hibiclens and warm water, then soaked for half an hour in a solution of one part household chlorine bleach to nine parts water. Leather toys should be cleaned using leather cleaner, left to air-dry for at least a day, then reconditioned, before being used on another bottom. The exact technique will depend on the type of leather; you can check with the store or craftsperson that sold it to you. Toys made of plant materials like rattan and wood should be varnished if they are likely to come into contact with various bottoms’ body fluids. If such a toy gets fluids on it, clean it thoroughly with nonoxynol-9-containing toy cleanser, or with soap and water and then a liberal wipe of hydrogen peroxide. I, then rinse thoroughly (some people have sensitive skins that may be irritated by such chemicals). If you suspect that the fluids may have gotten under the varnish, sand the varnish off, do the soap-water-peroxide thing, let it dry thoroughly, then re-varnish it. It’s a good idea to let any toy that is difficult to clean dry thoroughly, in the sunlight if possible, for a few weeks before using it on a different person.

Inspect all your toys frequently for cracks, weak spots, raveled stitching, etc. If you find a problem, fix it promptly, and if you don’t have time right then, set the toy aside where it can’t possibly get mixed up with the toys you might use. If a toy can’t be repaired, discard it.