The New Year's Wish (5 page)

I was changing into my black tro
users for dinner and all I could think of was how wrong this day had turned out to be. I'd wanted to give her the ticket and suitcase in another way, not like it was something that didn't matter. I'd also only given her half the information because I was so upset I could barely speak at the time.
My stomach was wound up in knots and I had no appetite, neither for food nor life. How would my life be from now on? Having to be so close to her every day, relying on her, how awkward was it going to be? I'd never before felt exposed in any way around her, but now I was building walls as fast as I could around my heart, but how would that play out in reality? I was feeling heavily self conscious all of a sudden. I could hear her laughing through the closed bedroom door. One of the things I liked most about her was her laugh. She always laughed and it came from her heart, that's why it affected me so deeply when she cried. Bubbly Kayla who was a perfectionist and was never thrown by anything, all of a sudden she'd been so small and fragile and needed someone to take care of her for once. How could she turn around so quickly and be back to her old self like nothing had happened? I knew she felt something, I'd felt it in her touch, in her kiss. I wasn't imagining it!
I stood up, zipped my pants and joined them. When I saw her in the living room smiling and putting food on the table, I decided that two could play this game!
"By the way Kay..."
"Yeah?"
Her deep dimples smiled at me and she brushed some hair out of her face with one finger.
"Remind me to write down the info and itinerary for you, Nick said the tickets for New York have to be picked up at the airport."
"Oh, okay, you'll give it to me tomorrow then?"
"Sure."
She looked stunningly beautiful. None of us were dressing up in particular since it was just us friends, but she still radiated beauty. Her dark jeans were tight and her tight beige v-neck sweater was deeply revealing. Casual but still sexy as hell.
We sat down to eat and I silently credited Kayla for the edible food on my plate. The knot in my stomach was twisting into an even tighter knot whenever I looked at her, so leading a normal conversation was out of the question for me. I spent most of the dinner drinking or smoking and feeling the annoyance rising.
How could she brush me off like that? How could she not even want to acknowledge it had happened? I wanted answers and I wanted them to be good answers. I had been building up courage to say something to her, right then and there, across the table in front of everyone, so she couldn't ignore the subject but just as I opened my mouth she rose from the table and held up her glass.
"Can I just say how thankful I am for you all, having taken such good care of me! I owe a lot to you all and I hope you all have a wonderful New Year! Cheers!"
She stared me in the eyes, deep serious brown eyes gazing into mine with a look I couldn't read. The knot came undone for a second before she looked away, leaving my stomach to twist and turn again and my throat to dry out and any words I'd thought of vanishing into thin air. She was hugging everyone and soon came to my seat. I got up on swaying feet, not realizing how drunk I was until now. She gave me a tight hug and I tried to hug her back without touching her.
"Thank you so much Matt for saving my life and all the other...stuff."
Her giggle was uncomfortable I could tell. A hand came up to her perfect bangs to smooth out an invisible kink. I just nodded and put my cigarette to my mouth as an excuse not to speak.
The evening went by in a blur consisting of cigarettes and booze and trying to look at everyone else but her.
I went out to the big balcony that ran the length of the living room, to get some fresh air and was grateful for the deafening silence up here in the mountains. The snow acted as a silencer, lying in heavy dunes on top of houses, trees and mountains.
Tom joined me and bummed me for a cigarette.
"It's almost as cold out here as between you and Kayla."
"Funny!"
"What's going on?"
"I'll tell you what's going on...she doesn't like me that's what's going on!"
My speech was slurred, even I could tell but I didn't care. I was going to drink this memory of us away.
"That's rubbish man, she's crazy about you!"
"I want you to stop telling me that. Got it?"
I dropped my cigarette in the snow. I found another one in my jacket pocket.
"Get your head out of your arse will you?"
"No, she needs to get her arse out of...I mean her, you know!"
He went back inside, shaking his head at me.  Well he could shake his head all he wanted. I was done running around after her like a silly little puppy. Done I tell you!

Midnight came and went and we toasted each other; I toasted with myself after everyone had gone to bed. Sitting on the couch and looking at all the empty bottles scattered
on the table and the fire slowly dying, I tried to suck out every last drop of beer from my bottle. I'd tried continuing the party on my own, but Jackson the party pooper had confiscated the iPod speakers. I'd told him he could sleep all year, so what did one night mean? But he took it with him nevertheless. Happy New Year my fat arse! Nothing happy about the way it had begun! Kayla had ignored me for a good part of the evening, preferring the company of Mr. Shake His Head! HIM she could talk to! And Jackson, Bobby and Kevin! But me? Me she was avoiding like the plague after I'd come back to the party. I'd been nothing but nice hadn't I? I'd even gone back to get her bloody chocolate! She was a tease, that's what she was! She'd used me and now she'd moved on. Well if it hadn't been for me, she'd be dead by now and maybe she should be reminded of that!
I got up and picked up some bottles and took them into the kitchen. There was a package of cigarettes lying on the counter and I fished out one and went back into the living room to locate a lighter. I couldn't find one.
What about the fireplace?
I tried to stick my head in far enough to get the embers to light it without avail.
"What are you doing?"
Her voice surprised me and as I rose to my feet I hit my head against the fireplace.
"Ouch! Damn it!"
"Are you alright? Let me see?"
In a flash she was next to me trying to get her hand on my head. I stood up as straight as I could and looked at her in all her disheveled beauty. She was wearing a pink cotton night dress. Her hair was a mess and her mascara smudged. I wondered if she'd been crying.
So what? I don't care anymore, remember!
"No!"
"Matt just let me see if you're bleeding."
"I'm not...do you have a light?"
Annoyance flashed across her face and she pointed down herself.
"Do I look like I'm carrying a lighter?"
"Well aren't you supposed to be in control of everything?"
I went back into the kitchen and heard her following me. I looked between the empty bottles and found a matchbox. With a couple of attempts I succeeded in lighting my cigarette. Kayla's eyes were dark, almost black and her full lips pursed.
"That's the wrong end of the cigarette you know that right? Seems like you've got no control!"
I threw the cigarette out and found another one in the packet and proceeded with lighting it.
I heard her sigh.
"Well if it pisses you off so much that I'm still partying why don't you go back to bed? Or maybe Tom has room for you? Shall I go check?"
I enjoyed pissing her off. Miss High and Mighty was not so in control right now was she?
"Oh by the way I bought you a suitcase!"
I remembered the black suitcase still out in the car.
"Where are you going?"
"To get the bloody thing for you!"
"Matt you're not wearing any shoes, get back inside!"
I looked down and stuck my feet in some boots by the door.
"Now, I'm wearing boots! You happy?" "Control freak." I mumbled as I opened the heavy door and slipped on some ice outside. I managed not to fall over and got to the car and opened the trunk. I heaved out the big black suitcase I'd gotten for her in town and began bringing it back towards the door.
"There! Now you can fly your little ass off to Paris."
"What's the matter with you?"
"I'm fine, you're the fucked up one."
I pointed at her with the one boot I'd removed from my foot before throwing it away. It landed outside but I shut the door anyway.
"Yeah I'm fucked up alright, I'm the one sticking my head into the fireplace and walking outside in the snow with no shoes on!"
"Maybe if you hadn't walked in the snow we wouldn't be like this!"
"What do you mean? If I hadn't walked in the snow?"
"I mean, little Miss Control Freak...If you hadn't been almost dying out there, I wouldn't have felt sorry for you and we wouldn't have...we wouldn't have...you know!"
Waving my arms about I tried to insinuate it. She looked at me crossly.
"So if I hadn't been in a car accident you might not have shagged me, is that what you're saying?"
"Well, yea...no! And anyway no good it did me, you've been walking around like a block of ice ever since then!"
"You're drunk Matt!"
"And you're cold. COLD AS A FROZEN FISH!"
I walked back towards my room only to walk straight into the couch and falling over.
Bloody hell. Well I can sleep here, it's soft and comfy...
A pillow hit me in the back head.
"Get up you arrogant piece of shit!"
Kayla was hovering like a storm cloud on a rainy day over my head. I lifted my head and shoulder to see what she was doing. She whacked me again with the pillow, this time on my arm.
"I've been waiting all day to talk to you but either you’re not here or you're ignoring me, so don't you lay this on me!"
I was dumbfounded. She stared right at me, with black flashing eyes, and I didn't know what to say. I'd misunderstood.
"Fuck."
She sat down on the armrest and repeated my words.
"Fuck indeed."
"Kayla?"
"Yes?"
"I think..."
"Yes?"
"I think I'm drunk."
"I think you are too."
Her voice and her eyes softened and she got up and grabbed my arm. She pulled me up from the couch and walked me back to my bedroom.
"I'm sorry for calling you a fish."
She chuckled and a warm feeling spread in my stomach, dissolving the knot.
"It's okay. Now lie down."
"No we need to talk."
"We'll talk in the morning, you need to sleep now."
She tucked me in, the way I'd tucked her in for the last couple of days.
"Kayla stay."
She hesitated but then went to the other side of the bed and climbed in. I grabbed her nightdress and pulled her closer to me, feeling sedated and calm as I smelled her skin close to me. She laid her head on my chest.
"I love you Kayla."
I fell asleep for a second but woke up again by the sound of her voice.
"I love you too Matt."

Everything was going to be okay. She loved me too. I smiled and drifted off, with her warm body next to mine.

I woke up and saw Kayla sleeping next to me. The snow was falling silently and serenely outside my window and for a moment I wondered if I had dreamt our conversation last night? Did we really say "I love you"? I looked at her, she looked like she didn't have a care in the world, and slowly she opened her eyes. My stomach did a back flip the instant I saw the spark in her sleepy eyes.

"Hey." She yawned and I smiled goofily back, in all fairness I was aiming for coolness, but I think I ruined that with my drunken one-man show last night.

"Thanks for the suitcase." The tension fell away and we were back, maybe a little more undressed than usually, but I could relax.

"Nice icebreaker!" I teased her, feeling like we'd passed the first and most difficult hurdle.

"I know, right?" she giggled into her pillow and I couldn't resist her, pulling her closer and leaning in for a kiss, she warned me of her morning breath, but I felt her lips part and meet mine and soon we were entangled, trying to get closer to each other's bodies.

"Rise and shine!" Jackson's high-pitched voice dropped instantly at the sight of us wrapped up in each other. Kayla giggled loudly and Jackson tried to exit discreetly, failing miserably.

"I guess we don't need to fill the boys in now." I grabbed her again, this time kissing her neck and shoulder.

"Lock the door" she whispered. I locked the door and went back into the warm bed, undressing myself on the way. This time the sex was wilder, the fragile Kayla was gone and we got lost in each other. Sh
e was grabbing my back with brute force as she came; our bodies were wet and clashing against each other in an almost desperate way. Afterwards, I lay panting on top of her for a moment, feeling her soft skin on mine, I kissed her nose and felt closer to her than ever. I rolled onto my back next to her, contemplating how this was going to work, if she was going to be my girlfriend and assistant at the same time.

"What are you thinking?" her dimples asked me, letting her fingers trace my collarbone.

"I'm dying for a cigarette." I protected myself from the punch I already knew was coming.

"No really, I am!" I laughed, but quickly kissed her soft lips and told her, that I was thinking about the future. I told her all my worries about losing an assistant while gaining a girlfriend, and I felt my stomach flip several times, leaving me queasy.
I was searching her face for clues on how she felt about the situation.