The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (57 page)

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.... Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. PSALM 51:4, 7

I WISH THAT I WERE a perfect husband: always kind, thoughtful, understanding, considerate, and loving. Unfortunately, I am not. None of us are. I am sometimes selfish, thoughtless, and cold. In short, I fail to live up to the biblical ideal for a Christian husband. Does that mean that my marriage is destined for failure? Not if I am willing to admit my failures and if my wife is willing to forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean simply overlooking or ignoring the other person's failures. God's forgiveness should be our model. God forgives us based on what Christ did for us on the cross. God does not overlook sin, and God does not forgive everyone indiscriminately. God forgives when we confess our sin and express our need for forgiveness. Psalm 51, written by King David after his sin with Bathsheba, is a helpful model of true remorse for wrongdoing. David admitted his guilt, acknowledged God's justice, and asked for God's purifying forgiveness. And God gave it to him.

Genuine confession always precedes true forgiveness. So in order to have a growing marriage, I must confess my failures to my wife, and she must forgive me.

Father, it is often hard to confess my sins to my spouse. And it can be justas hard to forgive my spouse after I've been wronged. Please soften our hearts toward each other. Help us to forgive each other as you forgive us.

Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don't let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. MATTHEW 6:11-13

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE between acceptance and forgiveness. You may accept many things about your spouse that you do not particularly like, such as a habit that you find annoying. In fact, such acceptance is necessary in healthy marriages. But wrong, unfair, or unjust treatment-which the Bible calls sin-cannot be accepted. Sin needs to be forgiven.

When a spouse continues to persist in sinning, the relationship will be strained. Ideally the wrongdoer will confess his or her failures and request forgiveness. That's the biblical model. When we choose to forgive someone, we are saying, "I will no longer hold this sin against you. I will respond to you as though it had not happened. I will continue working with you on our relationship. I love you."

But what are we to do when our spouse does not confess wrongdoing and, in fact, persists in sinful behavior? We are to release the person to God, along with our anger. Then we are free to return good for evil and thus have a positive influence on our spouse.

The challenge of Scripture is to forgive one another as God forgives us. Jesus stated this plainly when he taught his disciples what we know as the Lord's Prayer. The concept is echoed other times, including in Ephesians 4, where Paul tells his listeners to "be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you" (4:32). Our goal is clear, but we may need to learn how to get there.

Father, l can't thank you enough for your glorious forgiveness through Christ. Its an amazing gift. Since you have done this wonderful thing for me, l know that 1, too, need to forgive those who sin against me. Please help me as 1 strive to be better at forgiving my spouse when I need to. Thank you.

Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! PSALM 32:1

A HEALTHY MARRIAGE requires confession when we do wrong and forgiveness from the one whom we have wronged. The word confess means to tell or make known, to acknowledge a wrongdoing. When we confess, God forgives. The Bible describes God's forgiveness as thorough. The above verse from Psalm 32 refers to our sin as "out of sight;' while Psalm 103 uses a wonderful image of distance: "He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12). In the book of Hebrews, we hear God's promise to forget our sins: "I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds" (Hebrews 10:17).

When your spouse sins against you, it stimulates hurt and perhaps anger. You may feel like lashing out, but the biblical response is loving confrontation. If he or she admits the wrong, the right response is to lovingly forgive. Perhaps you are saying, "But how can I forgive when it hurts so deeply?" Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is rather a promise to lift judgment. "I'm deeply hurt and angry, but I choose to forgive you;' is a realistic statement. You are honest about your feelings, but you are choosing to forgive. You will no longer hold the wrong against your loved one.

Father, I'm in awe of your complete forgiveness of my sins. Thank you! Please give me the humility and grace to forgive my spouse like that too.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. i PETER 5:7

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE between forgiving and forgetting. One wife said, "I've forgiven him, but I have trouble with my feelings when I remember what he did" Forgiveness does not destroy our memory. Our brains record every event we have ever experienced, good and bad. Memory may bring back the event and the feelings of hurt and pain. But keep in mind that forgiveness is not a feeling. Rather, it is a promise to no longer hold the sin against the other person.

So what do we do when the memory comes back and we feel the pain? We take it to God and say, "Father, you know what I'm remembering, and you know the pain I'm feeling, but I thank you that it is forgiven. Now help me to do something loving for my spouse today." We don't allow the memory to control our behavior. In time, the pain will diminish as we build new positive memories together as a couple. Don't be troubled by memories. As 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us, we can bring all our worries to God. He cares about us and will help us forgive.

Lord, I know that you command us to forgive others when they are repentant and ask for forgiveness. It's not optional. I want to follow your ways, but sometimes my feelings get in the way. Please help me to deal with those. Thank you for helping me to forgive my spouse.