The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (53 page)

Let me share a practical idea to help you get started. At the top of a sheet of paper, write these words: "These are things I wish my spouse would do or not do to make the sexual part of our marriage better for me." Write down some ideas, and then share your lists with each other. Information opens the road to growth. Remember, your goal is making sex a mutual joy.

Lord God, you know that talking about sex is sometimes hard for me. Help me to remember that you want my relationship with my spouse to be strong in every area-including sex. Please give us grace to speak helpfully to each other as we talk about what we like and don't like in our sexual relationship.

Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and yourface is lovely. SONG OF SOLOMON 2:14

WHY IS SEX such an important part of marriage? We are sexual creatures by God's design. The most obvious purpose of sexuality is reproduction, but that is not the only one.

A second purpose is companionship. God said of Adam, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). God's answer was the creation of Eve and the institution of marriage, about which Scripture says, "The two are united into one" (Genesis 2:24). That's true literally and metaphorically. In sexual intercourse, we bond with each other. It is the opposite of being alone. It is deep intimacy, deep companionship.

A third purpose of sex is pleasure. The Song of Solomon is replete with illustrations of the pleasure of relating to each other sexually within marriage. The descriptive phrases may be foreign to our culture (an American man wouldn't typically compare his wife's teeth to sheep, for example), but the intent is clear: Maleness and femaleness are meant to be enjoyed by marriage partners.

Sex was not designed to be placed on the shelf after the first few years of marriage. God's desire is that we find and enjoy mutual sexual love throughout our married life.

Father, thank you for creating sex as a means for procreation, companionship, and pleasure. May all of those purposes be fulfilled in our marriage.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Savior and my God! PSALM 42:5 -6

IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, I want to share five realities that can change your marriage. The first one is this: I am responsible for my own attitude. Trouble is inevitable, but misery is optional. Attitude has to do with the way I choose to think about things.

Two wives have husbands who have lost their jobs. Wendy says, "My husband hasn't had a full-time job in three years. The good part is not being able to afford cable TV. We've done a lot more talking on Monday nights. We've learned a lot. Our philosophy is `We don't need what everybody else thinks they have to have. It's amazing how many things you can do without." On the other hand, Leslie says, "My husband hasn't had a job for ten months. We are down to one car, no phone, and we're getting food from the food bank. Life is miserable at our house."

The difference in these two wives-and the atmosphere in their homes-is basically a matter of attitude. We can choose to think negatively and curse the darkness, or we can choose to look for the silver lining behind the clouds.

The writer of Psalm 42 certainly knew the power of a good decision. Faced with discouragement, he made the choice to turn his attention to the hope that comes from God. When we remember the good things about our livesincluding the salvation and love God gives us-we are choosing to change our attitude.

Lord, I know I tend to blame circumstances for my frustration. But the truth is, I need to be responsible for my own attitude. Help me to choose hope and optimism, and may that transform the way! view my marriage relationship.

[Elijah] sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died." i KINGS 19:4

YESTERDAY WE LOOKED at the first reality that can change your marriage: I am responsible for my own attitude. Today, we'll see reality number two: Attitude affects actions. Attitudes are so important because they affect my behavior and words. I may not be able to control my environment or the issues I face-sickness, an alcoholic spouse, a teenager on drugs, a job loss, aging parents, and so forth-but I am responsible for what I do within my environment. My attitude will greatly influence my behavior.

The prophet Elijah gives us a vivid example of this. Fresh from defeating the false prophets of Baal in a showdown at Mount Carmel and proving that the Lord is God, Elijah fell into despair when his life was threatened by Queen Jezebel. His attitude of defeat led him to go into hiding by himself and essentially ask God to take his life. God refreshed Elijah, who then returned to his work as a prophet, but certainly at this point in his life, his attitude greatly affected his actions.

It's the same with us. If I focus on the negative, I'm more likely to give my spouse critical, condemning words. My behavior will fall into one of two categories: I'll do things to hurt my spouse, or I'll withdraw and consider leaving my spouse.

On the other hand, if I look for the positive in my marriage, then I'm more likely to talk positively, to speak affirming words to my spouse, and to do something that has the potential to enhance life for both of us.

Father, sometimes 1 tend to wallow in my despair and disappointment, much like Elijah did. That negative attitude seeps its way into my heart and affects my actions as well. Help me to keep my attitude under control before it negatively affects my behavior and my spouse.

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. EPHESIANS 5:1-2

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD, "You can't change someone else"? It's true that you cannot change the person you love, but you can and do influence him or her every day. That's the third reality of marriage. If you are still trying to change your spouse, then you may be a manipulator. You reason, If I do this, then my spouse will do that or If I can make him miserable enough or happy enough, then I'll get what I want. I hate to discourage you, but you're on a dead-end road. Even if you manage to get your spouse to change, your manipulation will foster resentment.

A better approach is to be a positive influence on your spouse. You influence by your words and actions. If you look for something your spouse is doing that you like and give verbal compliments, you are having a positive influence. If you do something that you know your spouse will like, your actions have a wholesome influence. If you treat your spouse with respect and kindness, your example begins to rub off.