The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (50 page)

Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

GALATIANS 6:2

MOST OF THE COUPLES I meet wish that they could share more freely with each other about their spiritual journey. We often speak of emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy, but we seldom talk about spiritual intimacy. Yet this affects all other areas of our relationship.

Just as emotional intimacy comes from sharing our feelings, spiritual intimacy comes from sharing our walk with God. We don't have to be spiritual giants to have spiritual intimacy as a couple, but we must be willing to share with each other where we are spiritually.

The husband who says, "I'm not feeling very close to God today" may not stimulate great joy in his wife's heart, but he does open the possibility for her to enter into his spiritual experience. If she responds with, "Tell me about it;' she encourages spiritual intimacy. If, however, she says, "Well, if you don't feel close to God, guess who moved?" she has stopped the flow, and he walks away feeling condemned. The apostle Paul challenged us to share each other's burdens, and those often include feelings of spiritual dryness or difficulty. Spiritual intimacy within a marriage requires a willingness to listen without preaching.

Father, l want to be able to talk with my spouse about my walk with you-and 1 want to hear about his or her experiences too. Please help us to be kind as we listen to each other and share each other's burdens. Develop spiritual intimacy in us, 1 pray.

When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. ROMANS 1:12

HOW DO YOU DEVELOP spiritual intimacy in your relationship? One wife said to me, "I wish that my husband and I could share more about spiritual things. He seems willing to talk about everything else, but when I mention church, God, or the Bible, he clams up and walks away. I don't know what to do, but it's very frustrating." What advice would you give this wife?

Here's what I said: "Don't ever stop talking about spiritual things. Your relationship with God is the most important part of your life. If you don't share this part of yourself, your husband will never know who you are. However, don't expect him to reciprocate, and don't preach him a sermon until he asks for one. Simply share what God is doing in your life. Share a Scripture that helped you make a decision or encouraged you when you were feeling down.

"When you share what your spiritual life is like, you stimulate hunger. When your husband gets spiritually hungry, he will likely want to discuss things with you. At that point, spiritual intimacy will begin."

Encouraging each other in our faith is a valuable goal. Even the apostle Paul wanted to be encouraged by seeing the faith of the Roman believers. When we reach the point of sharing our spiritual successes and struggles, our marriage will be blessed.

Father, please help me to be patient with my spouse when he or she does not want to discuss spiritual things. I pray that you would work in our hearts and bring us closer together in this area. Develop our relationships with you as well as our spiritual intimacy with each other.

Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out. JOB 13:17

HAS YOUR SPOUSE ever complained, "I just feel like you're not listening to me when I talk"? Quality conversation requires active listening. As we read the book of job, we see the suffering job increasingly frustrated with his would-be comforters. Each time they respond, it becomes clear to him that they did not really comprehend what he said. Finally he erupts with, "Hear me out!" That is one frustration you don't want your spouse to share.

Let me offer some suggestions for how to listen effectively.

c w Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that your spouse has your full attention.

c w Drop all other activities when your spouse is talking. I know that it may be possible for you to watch TV and listen to your spouse at the same time, but the message your spouse is getting is that what he is saying is not very important.

ow Listen for feelings and reflect what you hear. "It sounds like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot to take the garbage out this morning." Now your spouse knows that you are listening, and she can go on to clarify her feelings and desires.

nv Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, and tears may give you insight into how strongly your spouse feels about what he or she is saying. The stronger the feeling, the more important it is that you give your spouse your undivided attention.

Lord Jesus, l know 1 need to listen to my spouse more carefully. I want to communicate that) really understand and that the words 1 hear are important tome. Please help me today to listen with love and care.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD. JEREMIAH29:13-14(NIV)

WHAT ARE THE REWARDS of listening to your spouse? Listening is the doorway into your spouse's heart and mind. God told Israel, "I know the plans I have for you.... They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11). But how was Israel to know what was on God's heart and in God's mind? Verses 13 and 14 make it clear that they would discover the Lord when they sought him wholeheartedly. God wanted Israel to know his thoughts, but Israel had to listen.

What are you doing to seek to know the thoughts and feelings of your spouse? Listening is the key to good communication. Don't condemn your spouse for not talking more. Rather, ask questions, and then listen to the answers. They may be short at first, especially if your spouse is not the talkative type. But once your spouse realizes that you are truly interested, she will eventually share her thoughts. Accept your spouse's thoughts as interesting, challenging, or fascinating and he will talk more.

Listening to God brings you close to his heart. Listening to your spouse brings you the same kind of intimacy.

Heavenly Father, I'm so grateful for your promise that when we seek you wholeheartedly, we will find you. Please help me to devote the same kind of effort to "seeking" and knowing my spouse. Show me how to listen carefully to his or her thoughts and to value them. May this strengthen our relationship.