The Oracle Rebounds (16 page)

I stare at my list. Four pros, four cons. Then I find myself adding to the Pros:
He didn’t really mean to break up with me in the first place. He just needed to reorganize his life and get his art back on track.

This list isn’t giving me any answers. I wish my decision was a clear one, but obviously it isn’t. Staring at the list, I realize that what my friends think shouldn’t be a factor in my decision. It shouldn’t be, but it is. They’ve been trashing Jared ever since I broke the news about the breakup. How would they react if he’s suddenly my boyfriend again? How would they treat him? And would they lose all respect for me?

Every time my eyes meet Jared’s, I feel the electricity between us. It’s almost as if he’s purposely ramping up his sexual energy. I wonder if he’s using witchcraft or he poured some aphrodisiac into my water bottle when I wasn’t looking. How am I supposed to make a clearheaded decision when he has this effect on me?

I ask for the bathroom pass. When I get there, I’m stunned to find Amy, hair hanging over her face, sobbing over the sink.

I put an arm around her. “What happened?”

She looks up at me. Her face is red and her mascara has made two long stripes down her cheeks. “He found out about Bill at the party.”

“Oh, no! How?”

“Bill told him. I don’t know why. Chad didn’t believe him at first, but one of the soccer players confirmed it. And Bill showed him the pictures I sent of myself. Chad freaked out. He h-hit him. The guys had to hold him back.”

I don’t know what to say. This was always a possibility, and Amy loved to play with fire. Still, I hated seeing it all blow up in her face.

“Chad broke up with me. I’ve never seen him so angry. He hates me!”

“Shh…it’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t. Chad’s never going to talk to me again!”

“It’s up to him how he wants to deal with this. You don’t have any control over that. It may be time for you to move on.”

“Move on? How can I move on when I love him?”

She loves him? That’s hardly the type of thing I’d expect to hear from Amy, especially given her infidelity. “Are you sure about that? You’ve never mentioned loving him before.”

“But I do love him! Would I have stayed with him for two years if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know. Would you have really made out with Bill if you were in love with Chad? I thought you were bored with the relationship.”

“I
am
in love with Chad. I just didn’t want to be, you know, restricted by the relationship.”

“Look, I know this is hard for you, but you’re not restricted anymore. I bet you’ll be happier being single and getting to see what’s out there.”

“Single? Are you kidding me?”

Something clicks in my mind. Finally it’s making sense— Amy, that is, the way Amy thinks. She wants the safety and comfort of a committed relationship, even though she finds it restrictive. She wants to be able to flirt and fool around with other guys and still have Chad right there waiting.

She could have broken up with Chad ages ago, but she always resisted, maybe because of her fear of being alone. That explains why she always needed the attention not only of Chad, but of other guys, as well. It also explains why she clung to Chad for so long even though it was obvious that she didn’t love him the way he loved her.

Though Amy pretends to be blasé about relationships, I’m starting to think she’s needier than the rest of us.

Over the next few days, we support Amy day and night. Between her tearful late-night phone calls and my own turmoil about Jared, I hardly get any sleep.

In chemistry class, Evgeney manages to brighten my day when he says, “I have a date this weekend with Naomi, another girl from my ballroom dancing class.”

“Naomi? I loved her! How did it happen?”

“While we were dancing, she asked me to go to a movie this weekend.” He blinks, like he’s still processing it.

“Yay! So what do you think…is there potential with her?”

“I certainly hope so.” He smiles at me. “I have you to thank.”

“Me? Of course not.”

“You helped me get the date with Rose. Once I went out with her, even though it did not work out, that made Naomi think of me as a viable option.”

“You’re giving me too much credit. I’m happy for you, Evgeney. You’re a dating machine! Where are you taking her?”

“To a French restaurant called Avant Garde.”

“Sounds classy. I hope it’s not too expensive—you don’t want to go over the top on a first date.”

“Do not worry, I read your blog on that last year. One should not spend too much money on a first date. The prices at Avant Garde are reasonable.”

I have to grin. “You know your stuff, Evgeney.”

He grins back. “I have a good teacher.”

That night I find myself sitting at the computer staring at a blank screen.

So many thoughts have been whirling in my head, it’s finally time to write them down.

What To Do When He Wants You Back

It is practically a law of the universe that as soon as you are over the guy who broke up with you, he will want you back.

Is he doing it just to torture you? To rip away your newfound contentment and plunge you into a whirlpool of confusion?

Probably not. Not consciously anyway.

Why does he want you back now that you’re mostly healed? Perhaps it’s because you’re the happy, self-assured, fun-loving person he liked in the first place. Now that you’ve dusted yourself off and have gone back to being who you were before the breakup, he finds you attractive again.

Of course, your ex will not always want to get back together with you. It’s most likely to happen if a) the relationship was mostly happy, b) the relationship was codependent and he hasn’t found anyone to replace you, or
c) he realizes you’re the best girl around and besides, he misses you.

So what should you do? Run back into his arms like you’ve always dreamed? Go ahead, call him right now. Call him and tell him you’ll take him back. Do it. Now.

Still reading? You had some hesitation then. You’re wondering how long the relationship will last if you get back together. You’re wondering if your friends will think you’re totally whipped for taking him back just because he asked you.

The cold, hard truth is, if you get back together with your ex, it’s unlikely to survive long-term. Is it worth it?

Whatever your decision, don’t make it quickly. Don’t make it out of the initial glee that he finally came to his senses. Don’t make it out of bitterness because he dumped you in the first place. Take your time. Reflect and evaluate. A pros and cons list is never a bad idea.

And then do what you consider to be in your best interest long-term.

Peace,

The Oracle of Dating

I read it over a few more times, then post the blog. I’m trying to see the situation with Jared objectively. There is nothing wrong with taking back your ex as long as you have good reason. If you broke up because he abused you, or if you made each other miserable, then you shouldn’t take him back. But what if you were happy?

Jared and I were happy. I could have that happiness again if I’d just say the word. So why is this such a hard decision?

Is it my pride? It’s been known to rear its ugly head now and then. Jared bruised it terribly when he broke up with me, and I won’t soon forget that.

But there’s something else, a bigger reason.

It’s me. I’ve changed. I’m not the same person he broke up with. I’ve been through a lot since the breakup, and I’ve grown from it. I think I’m even a better person from it. Wiser. I’ve
seen the face of heartbreak, and it’s given me a swift kick into adulthood.

If I take Jared back, will the newer, wiser me cease to exist?

A little while later, the phone rings. I was expecting this call.

“Hi. I saw the blog and I don’t get it.”

I hear traffic in the background. “Where are you?”

“Outside your house.”

I go to the window. There he is at the bottom of the driveway on his cell. He waves.

“I’m not stalking you, Kayla, but this whole thing is driving me nuts. Will you take a walk with me?”

“Sure.” I put on my sneakers and go outside.

His hands are in his pockets and his hair is messed up by the wind. I’m tempted to hurl myself into his arms, but I don’t. We walk.

“I wasn’t sure if your blog was supposed to be your answer,” he says. “If it is, I’m not sure what the answer is.”

“It isn’t my answer. It’s just what I’ve been thinking lately.”

“I figured that since you didn’t decide right away, you might still have feelings for me.”

“Of course I do. Just because you broke up with me doesn’t mean I could automatically turn my feelings for you off.”

“Look, I don’t want to pressure you, but are you getting closer to a decision?”

“Sort of.”

He stops walking and turns to face me, waiting.

“I’m not the same person I was when we broke up, Jared. I’m a lot more independent now. I don’t want to throw all that away.”

“How would you be throwing it away? You know I just want you to be yourself.”

“I know that. If I reverted to the past, it wouldn’t be your fault. It would be mine. But you have to know…second tries usually don’t work. You’ve seen the stats on my website.”

“I don’t care about the stats, Kayla. We’re not stats. We’re not like everybody else.”

“I would love to think so. But the reality is, if I go back to you feeling uncertain, I don’t think it’ll work. So what would be the point?”

I see the sadness in his eyes, and it breaks my heart.

“So your decision is no.”

“My decision is that I can’t make a decision right now. I’m not sure what I want. And I don’t know how long it’ll be before I figure it out.”

His eyes hold mine. “That’s cool with me. I’ll wait.”

“I’m not asking you to wait. I don’t know how long I’d be asking you to wait for, and I can’t guarantee what I’ll decide. You should take opportunities that come your way if you want to. I will, too.”

“I won’t be taking any other opportunities. In the meantime, can we hang out as friends?”

“That’s up to you. You’re the one who said we wouldn’t be able to spend time together without making out.”

“I’m sorry I said that. I’ll control myself if you want me to.” He manages a smile.

“I do.” I try not to smile because I want him to know that I’m serious. “Otherwise, we won’t be able to hang out together.”

“That’s all the incentive I need. I’ll take what I can get.”

We start walking again. My nervousness is gone, replaced by relief. I’m so glad Jared hasn’t made this hard for me. I’m glad he understands.

“It’s such a nice night, Kayla. Want to walk up to Park Slope for a latte? As friends?”

“Sure, why not?”

As we walk, I glance at him, hoping that we really can be friends until I make my decision. He’d better not try to kiss me. Because if he does, how will I be able to resist?

I decide to take an oath. Like doctors have the Hippocratic Oath, the Oracle, too, shall have an oath:

•  
  to be wise without being self-righteous.
  
•  
  to use both sensitivity and logic in addressing problems.
  
•  
  to be compassionate and yet willing to challenge my clients when necessary.
  

Two weeks zip by. Projects are due. Exams are almost here. I’m updating my website as often as possible and fielding some
annoying emails. It seems I’ll never live down the teenmoi controversy. Thankfully, most of my clients haven’t turned against me, and I’ve actually gotten a handful of new ones lately. I still don’t know what the universe wants me to learn from this craziness.
Be careful what you say online?
I already knew that.
There will always be haters trying to bring you down?
It’s not a pleasant thought, but I suppose it’s true.

On the bright side, my hard work at school is paying off and my marks are improving. What a relief. School’s something I’m good at, generally speaking (um, not including chemistry, math and art). Something I’m not good at? Making a decision about Jared. I was hoping that with time, an answer would come. But it hasn’t. And I hate stringing him along, but what can I do?

Every day I tell myself to chill. So what if it takes me a month to decide, or two or three? He wouldn’t want me to make a decision before I was sure, I know that.

Which doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried to influence me. Those hallway gazes are downright seductive. I’m sure if a Hollywood agent saw that hot, brooding stare, Jared would be cast in a rash of teen movies and I’d lose my chance with him forever. But it’s not just his stare; a week ago he and The Invisible posted a new track on their MySpace page. It’s a song called “I Let You Down” about a guy who screwed up, lost the love of his life and is trying to win her back. The song is sung by Tom, the lead singer, with Jared on background vocals and bass. It doesn’t take a genius to see that Jared wrote it hoping to affect me. The first time I heard it, I was in tears. I’ve listened to it countless times, and each time I want to rush into his arms. So why can’t I?

I still haven’t told my friends about his offer. My only confidante is Tracey, but she’s ultrabusy lately and hard to reach.
She usually gets like this when she’s dating someone, so when I finally reach her over the phone, I ask her, “Are you dating someone new?”

She hesitates, then admits, “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m worried I’ll jinx it. It’s just that this guy is different from the others. We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks and I don’t want to get my hopes up yet. I’d prefer not talk about him until I’m sure it’s going to be something real. I hope you understand.”

“Of course.” And I do, sort of. Nothing’s ever worked out for her in the past, so she’s trying to do things differently. She does tend to get overly excited when she meets a guy, only to have her hopes dashed. But I’m not used to her keeping anything from me. “Promise me he’s not a salsa instructor.”

“He’s not. He has a perfectly decent job, I promise.”

“And you’re sure he isn’t…misrepresenting himself, right?”

“I didn’t meet him online, if that’s what you’re getting at. We were set up by a trusted friend who knows him well.”

That alleviates my worries—a little.

But Tracey isn’t the only one who’s been elusive lately. It’s about time I got to the bottom of the Sandeep affair, once and for all. So I make plans with Viv for a mani-pedi at our favorite inexpensive beauty shop.

“You haven’t mentioned Sandeep in a while,” I say carefully. I don’t look to see her reaction, but focus on the pale pink brushstrokes on my fingernails. “Are you still hanging out with him?”

Viv’s halfhearted grunt says it all. “He still calls sometimes, but I’m not going to make the effort to see him again. The
wedding’s long over, but he’s dragging his feet about dumping his girlfriend. You were right about him. All of you were right.”

I feel no satisfaction in being right about Sandeep. “You’re going to find another guy you’ll have a lot in common with, and he won’t have a girlfriend.”

“I’m sure I will, someday. But it’s weird. Sandeep was totally convincing. I didn’t think he was a player.”

“That’s the thing about guys like him. They don’t necessarily mean to be deceitful. They’re deceiving themselves, too.”

“What a waste of time. Next time he calls, I’m going to tell him not to call me again. I’ve had enough. You know what the worst part is? It’s that he made me feel sorry for him. He always said how he was in such a tight spot. How it was torture to be falling in love with me while still worrying about his girlfriend.”

“I can’t believe he used the L word.”

“Me neither. Max wants to beat him up.”

“Oh, really?”

She glares at me. “Don’t say it like that. Max is just being a friend. We chat online sometimes.”

“Do you still care about him?”

She nods, her expression softening. “Neither of us stopped caring. But until we graduate, there’s no point in even talking about it. It’s so unfair. If Max and I could have just been together, I wouldn’t have had to bother with a loser like Sandeep. But sometimes I’m tired of being alone.”

I couldn’t blame her. Except for the few weeks she’d dated Max on the sly, she’s never had a boyfriend. It isn’t fair.

But then, in love and romance, is anything fair?

Do You Have “Best Guy in the Room” Syndrome?

It’s human nature that wherever we are, we’re aware of the attractive people around us. Say there are only two guys in your workplace. Those guys will automatically become more attractive to you because they’re the only guys around.

My point is this: you might find yourself crushing on someone you wouldn’t have been interested in otherwise just because you’re with him on a regular basis. In fact, you may find yourself lowering your standards—or throwing them out entirely—just because he’s the only guy available. This is especially true if you’re not meeting new guys anywhere else.

Are you crushing on that guy in your workplace because you really like him, or just because he’s there? Think about it.

When I finish the blog, I realize what I’m really writing about: Viv’s situation. If she had several eligible Indian guys to choose from, I bet she wouldn’t have bothered to listen to Sandeep’s sob story. The problem is, Viv meets so few guys that meet her criteria that she became emotionally invested in him, even though he didn’t meet her most basic requirement: being single.

“Something’s going on between you and Jared, isn’t it?”

I swivel around to face Sharese. “Why would you say that?” I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks, so I duck into my locker to grab my books, hoping she doesn’t notice.

“You guys are always looking at each other, especially when the other one isn’t looking. He stares at you like a lost puppy or something.”

“Lost puppy?” I was hoping she’d say a sex-starved medieval warrior.

“Yeah, and you’re no better. What’s going on?”

I look around to make sure no one in the crowded hallway is close enough to hear. “He wants me back. A few weeks ago, he wrote me this long email saying how it was a mistake to break up with me and he wants me to give him another chance.”

“Wow! Are you guys seeing each other in secret?”

“No. I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean,
why not?
”

“I thought you loved him.”

“I did. I mean, maybe I do, but…”

“So what’s the hesitation?”

I stare at her. “I thought you hated Jared.”

“I did, but only because he broke up with you. I liked him before that. I can unhate him again. Just say the word.”

“So you think I should take him back?”

“Only if it’s what you want.”

“I don’t know. All my instincts say to get back with him, but I don’t trust those instincts anymore. I told him I needed some time before I could give an answer.”

“You’re not punishing him, are you?”

“I don’t think so. I want to do the right thing. I want everything I’ve been through to mean something, not be put in the past and forgotten. Does that make sense?”

“Of course it does. And if you get back together with him, you won’t forget what it was like when you’d broken up and you were trying to get over him. I bet you won’t take anything for granted.”

“Do you think I did before?”

“Not you in particular. I think most people do, though. They find that special person and it’s all pretty straightforward.
Jared made a mistake by dumping you, but if you love him, maybe you can forgive him and put all that behind you.”

“I forgave him a while ago. At least, that’s what I told myself. But then he asked me to take him back, and now I’m all messed up again.”

“You’re afraid that if he did that to you once, he could do it again.”

I don’t say anything, but I know she’s hit the mark.

That evening Sharese’s words echo in my mind. Having been rejected by Jared once, I can’t help but be afraid it will happen again.

I remind myself that I got dumped by a cute Frenchman within my initial rebound equation. That was definitely a double whammy if there ever was one. Okay, so maybe I’ve proven that I can take major rejection. But do I want to leave myself open to another one?

Is the chance to be with Jared again worth the risk?

And suddenly, finally, the answer is obvious.

I usually don’t leave the house this late—it’s past nine-thirty on a school night—but I can’t wait any longer to get this off my chest. Mom and Erland aren’t home, so I don’t need to make an awkward explanation about where I’m going.

It’s a humid night with a slight breeze, and I can taste summer in the air. I jog to the subway station, descending to the underground platform. My stomach is flipping over with nerves, and I tell myself to relax. I have to get this over with.

When I get to his house, I don’t particularly want to ring the doorbell. It could wake Gina, and it would be awkward if she answered the door, considering I haven’t seen her in so long. I wonder if I should throw rocks at his window to get
his attention. It would be romantic, but I’d hate to damage the window. So, standing on the lawn, I use my cell to call his.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Are you at home?”

“Yeah. Where are you?”

“Outside your house.”

“Seriously?” His voice hikes up, almost cracking.

“Yeah. Wanna come for a walk?”

“Déjà vu. I’ll be right out.”

Ten seconds later, he emerges from the front door, jumping off the porch and looking around. He spots me. “Hey, Kayla.” He sounds slightly out of breath, as if he ran down the stairs.