The Other Side of Envy: The Ghost Bird Series: #8 (The Academy) (17 page)

“Victor,” I said, wanting to find words to convince him that liking him better wasn’t going to work. I cared about him. I cared about Gabriel. It hurt thinking I could wound them just by sharing affection or smiling at the others. “I don’t want to make anyone else mad.”

“You can’t control people’s feelings,” he said. He unfolded his arms and moved to sit on the bench, turning his body toward me. “We aren’t trying to. We can’t do that to you. Mr. Blackbourne repeats it constantly. We can only see where your heart is when we’re showing you who we really are. The only person who can make this decision, really, is you.”

“It’s your choice, too,” I said. It seemed wrong that I had the burden of making the decision for the rest of them.

“Yeah,” he said and shifted to look at the keys on the piano. The flame in his eyes flickering. “We all have a choice to make. And you might change your mind later, anyway.”

“Victor...” I couldn’t imagine choosing now, let alone thinking I might change things down the road.

“All we have is now,” he said quietly. He turned more until he was upright like before, his hands moving to the keys. He started playing again, the same meadow and sunshine song like before, picking it up where he left off, like he couldn’t start playing a song without finishing it. “Maybe we’re all idiots. Maybe North is delusional about this working out. All I know is, I care about them, and I care about you. I just never thought it was possible...”

“Lily did it,” I said. “I don’t know how they managed.”

He picked his head up, looking at me, not needing to look at the keys as he continued playing. “What was it like there?” he asked.

“She had a library,” I said. “On the mantel, was a set of pictures. It was her and the four other men that lived in the house. The house was out in the woods, hidden from view from neighbors. They live together.”

“All in the same house?” he asked.

I nodded. “It was big enough, possibly big enough for more people. I only saw part of the downstairs.”

He pushed at a few keys that were near me, until his arm brushed near mine. In some way, it reminded me I could touch him. I leaned a bit into him as he played, seeking out warmth, like the fire in his eyes could spread toward me.

“Were they happy?”

“They keep the outside world out,” I said quietly. “They talked to us, but I don’t think they get many visitors. She seemed happy.”

“But they were in a bubble,” Victor said.

I nodded. It was that isolation that made it feel like a fantasy world. I hadn’t realized it until now. It felt like a dream, too unrealistic to replicate.

Victor smiled, tilting his head until his cheek rested on the top of my head, nestled in my hair as he continued to play. “I know how much you love being in a bubble.”

“I didn’t dislike it,” I said. “When I was sitting in the library, I couldn’t help picturing us like that.”

He got to the end of his song and the keys stilled on the last note. He remained quiet until the note faded. “Sang,” he said softly.

“It’s not normal, Victor,” I said in the same soft tone. “It’s why they hide away. It’s why their house looks scary on the outside. To keep other people out.”

He turned toward me, and I pulled myself away to look at him, at his eyes, the flames now burning much brighter than before.

“It wasn’t enough to scare you away,” he said. “And you felt comfortable there?”

I nodded. “I was a little scared at first.”

“I live in a house where I can’t step outside without the world watching,” he said, his head low and so close that I felt a wisp of his breath across my skin as he spoke. “But the only opinions I care to hear about come from you. And the others.”

“The Academy...they won’t understand,” I said, which was part of what we were worried about. Even if we did manage to make it work, we’d have to convince them. We couldn’t just hide ourselves away.

“The Academy did once. Lily did it,” he said. “And the Academy will accept it, but only if we’re happy with it.”

“They’ll want me to join another team.”

He reached out, putting his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in.

I slid my head down against his shoulder, breathing in the fading moss and berries scent that was his.

“They only want what will make you happy,” he said. “You have to remember that. The Academy isn’t made up of bad guys telling us what to do. That’s not what they’re about.”

“Then why would they ask me to?” I asked. “Lily said they would.”

“It’s complicated,” he said. “It’s a forest for the trees point of view they’ve got. We’ve got the inside view, but they’ve got the outside view. But their goals are to make sure we’re happy when we’re together. So we’ll hang on to each other and stick together. It’s the only way a team really works, when we’re all happy with every part. Ours is a bigger team than most as it is, so they’re very careful with us.”

“So I’ve got to prove to them that we need to stay together?”

“You don’t have to prove it. You just have to believe it.”

“I don’t understand.”

He pulled back and this time he cupped my face in his hands. His eyes blazed as he gazed at me, the fire drawing my attention. His thumb traced my cheek. “You said you wanted what she had?”

I started to nod, but his hands kept me still. “Yes,” I said quietly. “But it feels like I shouldn’t. Like it’s selfish...”

“What if I wanted it, too?” he asked. “What if we all did?”

I wanted to answer, but couldn’t. My teeth clenched. I drew my lip in and bit it gently.

His eyes drifted down to my mouth. “You can’t control how we feel,” he said quietly. “You just have to be honest with what you want...with how
you
feel...” His voice drifted, like the song he played, slowly fading.

My heart was in my throat, beating the tiniest thumps. My breath stilled. I think I whispered his name, but the sound never reached my ears.

His head drifted closer.

I instinctively closed my eyes.

His fingers slid over the base of my head, like sliding across the keys, tilting my head slightly toward him.

His lips fell against my mouth.

We were still for the longest moment. I kept expecting him to move his mouth like Dr. Green...like Silas...like Gabriel.

He puckered slightly, but that was it. Gentle. Treading softly.

Like he needed to know it was okay.

I summoned up courage, and opened my lips slightly, pushing myself into the kiss. I did it like Dr. Green did before. Easy.

At first, Victor was stiff. But then slowly, and just as I started to pull back, he started to respond. He mimicked what I did.

I wondered if he’d ever kissed anyone before. It hadn’t occurred to me until that moment that maybe I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been kissed before. We were all the same age, but somehow it felt like the others were more experienced.

I held onto the thought, and then slowly, like Silas had shown me, I moved my head a bit and opened my mouth.

Victor responded quickly this time. My arms moved up, around his neck. His hands dropped down to my waist, pulling me in closer.

He pulled me into his lap, my knees against the piano bench. It was awkward at first, because it made me higher than him.

Victor’s hands remained on my hips, over the large T-shirt.

My hands held his head.

My heart was speeding up until I was shaking, too excited to stop. I kissed him. He kissed me back. That’s all there was. Lightness, like his song.

His hands moved from my hips.

Thinking was hard because of the kiss. All I knew was that suddenly there was music behind me. It almost felt natural, and it was soft, that I thought I was dreaming it in my head. A soundtrack between us.

Then I realized he was playing something with his arms around me.

My heart lifted. I tried to make myself small so he’d continue. I also smiled, which made kissing hard.

He smiled, too, missed a note and played an wrong one. He grunted. “Saw this in a movie once,” he whispered between kisses. “Harder than it looks.”

I giggled at that. Perfect Victor playing a wrong note.

He chuckled, played, hit another wrong note and then stopped playing. He stood and grabbed at my waist.

Suddenly my butt was against the keys. The sound was loud and off-key. I worried I was breaking his piano. Excitement shifted through me in waves, realizing he’d given up his song.

He held onto my legs and bent down, kissing me again.

Soon, the sound of the keys silenced, and we kissed more.

I held on to his cheeks.

His mouth opened up, dipping in to draw me out.

His fingers drifted up, until he was holding my back, sliding across my rib cage. Each touch was soothing, like his sunshine song. Between his lips and his fingers, he was the musician, and I was the instrument. Music flowed through my brain: the song he’d played. I was molded into what he wanted me to feel or think...of sun and meadows and springtime flowers.

Emotion welled up in me. This could be us. All of us. Gabriel, Dr. Green...could it be? Victor not only accepted that we could be like this, but encouraged it. He wanted this. Was this what it was like for Lily? How did she do it? How did it work?

I wanted to know. Instead of being tired, I was energized. I was full of questions, of a desire to learn.

Victor’s kiss encouraged me. Silently, he was telling me no matter what I chose, he’d be there. He wanted to be. A long as I let him, he’d be beside me. Whatever I wanted.

I wanted to believe.

A DOCTOR’S DELICATE HEART

I
was still on the piano when my phone rang in the bed.

Victor groaned and slowly released me so I could stand.

“I hope this is good news,” he said and quickly moved away to fish the phone out of the bed.

I remained by the piano. My fingers moved to my lips, wiping at the moisture, and yet wanting the feeling to remain. Thoughts slowly invaded. Was there still a rule? Had I kissed first or had he? Technically, he just put his lips near mine and I’d started, didn’t I? I’d have to ask someone else.

I didn’t have time for this rule. There were too many other things we needed to worry about.

I needed to talk to Gabriel. And Silas. I needed to be honest with them all. I needed them to know.

Suddenly, I realized Mr. Blackbourne had been telling me to do this. To find out where everyone stood. I had thought it was only to figure out who was on my side for joining the Academy. That was partially true, but I had a feeling he was also trying to figure out where the boys stood as far as how they felt about me.

“This is Victor,” Victor said, answering my phone once he found it. He climbed off the bed with it, moving to where I stood. He scooped up my hand, holding it while he listened. I could hear Kota talking, but not what he was saying. “Damn,” Victor said. “Seriously? Okay, okay. I’ll go.” He punched the button and put down the phone, sighing. He passed it to me while still holding my other hand. “He’s still out there.”

My heart dropped. “You have to go?”

He nodded. “They’ve always got perfect timing, don’t they?” he asked, his lips picking up into a smile

I sighed. The situation was serious, but I selfishly wanted Victor to stay. We’d just kissed and now he was being rushed off. What was the harm if Mr. McCoy was watching? He couldn’t enter. Not with Victor’s security team out there watching. We were safe.

Kota was right, though. We needed to find out what he was up to, to figure out why he was following us around. If we solved these issues—the problems at the school—then we could work more on us. The boys wouldn’t have to stay in school. They could move on.

I might be going with them.

That gave me new hope, a new energy to solve the issues that surrounded us. What would life be like once we got rid of these problems? We could focus on us.

I squeezed Victor’s hand. “The sooner we figure it all out...” I said, meaning to finish but struggling for the right words.

Victor smiled, the fire glowing warmly in his eyes. He squeezed my hand back. “Then I can take you to France.”

It was a surprise he said it. Was he thinking of running off...

Before I could finish the thought, he laughed and shook his head. “Not to keep you there.” He held my hand firmly and then leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Just to visit. We don’t need to keep all of us in a bubble. If we consider all this carefully, we can go and do whatever we’d like. Together. We can bring whoever wants to go.”

I smiled. It sounded like a nice idea.

He released me and headed toward the closet. “We should get dressed,” he said. “I’ll drive off. Dr. Green will be here soon. Even if McCoy follows me, you’ll still need a ride to school and someone to watch out for you.”

I nodded, realizing it was back to work for us. It was still super early to be getting ready, but I wasn’t going to be able to sleep now. I wanted to plan, to work out how we’d figure out Mr. Hendricks and his plans, who his third team member was. Maybe I could give Mr. Blackbourne the answers he needed and we could be done with it all. I wanted to talk to Lily more, too, and to have answers for everyone.

Later, Victor had his book bag and was heading off. I’d washed quickly in the sink and went to the closet to find some clothes. There were a few things, but mostly shorts and lighter clothes. I did find some jeans and borrowed one of Gabriel’s hoodies to wear, mostly black but with red plaid patches worked in. I ended up in sandals, the only pair of shoes that fit me that were available. After I dressed, I watched from Victor’s bedroom window as he left in a different car, a green one he’d pulled out of the garage. Victor Morgan had cars to spare. It was an odd thought, considering most teenagers had one car or not even that.

And that’s when it hit me. What to get for Gabriel for his birthday. I hadn’t realized it, though I don’t know why it struck me just then. What day was it?

Could we by him a car? Was there enough time?

I picked up my phone. I didn’t know who to talk to first. Mr. Blackbourne? Was he asleep?