The Palliser Novels (580 page)

“Yes, Mabel; — that I suppose will be settled. I have been so shocked to hear all this.”

“It has been very sad; — has it not? Sit down, Frank. You and I have a good deal to say to each other now that we have met. It was no good your going down to Brighton. He would not have seen you, and at last I never left him.”

“Was Percival there?” She only shook her head. “That was dreadful.”

“It was not Percival’s fault. He would not see him; nor till the last hour or two would he believe in his own danger. Nor was he ever frightened for a moment, — not even then.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Good to me! Well; — he liked my being there. Poor papa! It had gone so far with him that he could not be good to any one. I think that he felt that it would be unmanly not to be the same to the end.”

“He would not see Percival.”

“When it was suggested he would only ask what good Percival could do him. I did send for him at last, in my terror, but he did not see his father alive. When he did come he only told me how badly his father had treated him! It was very dreadful!”

“I did so feel for you.”

“I am sure you did, and will. After all, Frank, I think that the pious godly people have the best of it in this world. Let them be ever so covetous, ever so false, ever so hard-hearted, the mere fact that they must keep up appearances, makes them comfortable to those around them. Poor papa was not comfortable to me. A little hypocrisy, a little sacrifice to the feelings of the world, may be such a blessing.”

“I am sorry that you should feel it so.”

“Yes; it is sad. But you; — everything is smiling with you! Let us talk about your plans.”

“Another time will do for that. I had come to hear about your own affairs.”

“There they are,” she said, pointing round the room. “I have no other affairs. You see that I am going from here.”

“And where are you going?” She shook her head. “With whom will you live?”

“With Miss Cass, — two old maids together! I know nothing further.”

“But about money? That is if I am justified in asking.”

“What would you not be justified in asking? Do you not know that I would tell you every secret of my heart, — if my heart had a secret? It seems that I have given up what was to have been my fortune. There was a claim of £12,000 on Grex. But I have abandoned it.”

“And there is nothing?”

“There will be scrapings they tell me, — unless Percival refuses to agree. This house is mortgaged, but not for its value. And there are some jewels. But all that is detestable, — a mere grovelling among mean hundreds; whereas you, — you will soar
among — “

“Oh Mabel! do not say hard things to me.”

“No, indeed! why should I, — I who have been preaching that comfortable doctrine of hypocrisy? I will say nothing hard. But I would sooner talk of your good things than of my evil ones.”

“I would not.”

“Then you must talk about them for my sake. How was it that the Duke came round at last?”

“I hardly know. She sent for me.”

“A fine high-spirited girl. These Pallisers have more courage about them than one expects from their outward manner. Silverbridge has plenty of it.”

“I remember telling you he could be obstinate.”

“And I remember that I did not believe you. Now I know it. He has the sort of pluck which enables a man to break a girl’s heart, — or to destroy a girl’s hopes, — without wincing. He can tell a girl to her face that she can go to the — mischief for him. There are so many men who can’t do that, from cowardice, though their hearts be ever so well inclined. ‘I have changed my mind.’ There is something great in the courage of a man who can say that to a woman in so many words. Most of them, when they escape, escape by lies and subterfuges. Or they run away and won’t allow themselves to be heard of. They trust to a chapter of accidents, and leave things to arrange themselves. But when a man can look a girl in the face with those seemingly soft eyes, and say with that seemingly soft mouth, — ‘I have changed my mind,’ — though she would look him dead in return if she could, still she must admire him.”

“Are you speaking of Silverbridge now?”

“Of course I am speaking of Silverbridge. I suppose I ought to hide it all and not to tell you. But as you are the only person I do tell, you must put up with me. Yes; — when I taxed him with his falsehood, — for he had been false, — he answered me with those very words! ‘I have changed my mind.’ He could not lie. To speak the truth was a necessity to him, even at the expense of his gallantry, almost of his humanity.”

“Has he been false to you, Mabel?”

“Of course he has. But there is nothing to quarrel about, if you mean that. People do not quarrel now about such things. A girl has to fight her own battle with her own pluck and her own wits. As with these weapons she is generally stronger than her enemy, she succeeds sometimes although everything else is against her. I think I am courageous, but his courage beat mine. I craned at the first fence. When he was willing to swallow my bait, my hand was not firm enough to strike the hook in his jaws. Had I not quailed then I think I should have — ‘had him’.”

“It is horrid to hear you talk like this.” She was leaning over from her seat, looking, black as she was, so much older than her wont, with something about her of that unworldly serious thoughtfulness which a mourning garb always gives. And yet her words were so worldly, so unfeminine!

“I have got to tell the truth to somebody. It was so, just as I have said. Of course I did not love him. How could I love him after what has passed? But there need have been nothing much in that. I don’t suppose that Dukes’ eldest sons often get married for love.”

“Miss Boncassen loves him.”

“I dare say the beggar’s daughter loved King Cophetua. When you come to distances such as that, there can be love. The very fact that a man should have descended so far in quest of beauty, — the flattery of it alone, — will produce love. When the angels came after the daughters of men of course the daughters of men loved them. The distance between him and me is not great enough to have produced that sort of worship. There was no reason why Lady Mabel Grex should not be good enough wife for the son of the Duke of Omnium.”

“Certainly not.”

“And therefore I was not struck, as by the shining of a light from heaven. I cannot say I loved him. Frank, — I am beyond worshipping even an angel from heaven!”

“Then I do not know that you could blame him,” he said very seriously.

“Just so; — and as I have chosen to be honest I have told him everything. But I had my revenge first.”

“I would have said nothing.”

“You would have recommended — delicacy! No doubt you think that women should be delicate, let them suffer what they may. A woman should not let it be known that she has any human nature in her. I had him on the hip, and for a moment I used my power. He had certainly done me a wrong. He had asked for my love, — and with the delicacy which you commend, I had not at once grasped at all that such a request conveyed. Then, as he told me so frankly, ‘he changed his mind!’ Did he not wrong me?”

“He should not have raised false hopes.”

“He told me that — he had changed his mind. I think I loved him then as nearly as ever I did, — because he looked me full in the face. Then, — I told him I had never cared for him, and that he need have nothing on his conscience. But I doubt whether he was glad to hear it. Men are so vain! I have talked too much of myself. And so you are to be the Duke’s son-in-law. And she will have hundreds of thousands.”

“Thousands perhaps, but I do not think very much about it. I feel that he will provide for her.”

“And that you, having secured her, can creep under his wing like an additional ducal chick. It is very comfortable. The Duke will be quite a Providence to you. I wonder that all young gentlemen do not marry heiresses; — it is so easy. And you have got your seat in Parliament too! Oh, your luck! When I look back upon it all it seems so hard to me! It was for you, — for you that I used to be anxious. Now it is I who have not an inch of ground to stand upon.” Then he approached her and put out his hand to her. “No,” she said, putting both her hands behind her back, “for God’s sake let there be no tenderness. But is it not cruel? Think of my advantages at that moment when you and I agreed that our paths should be separate. My fortune then had not been made quite shipwreck by my father and brother. I had before me all that society could offer. I was called handsome and clever. Where was there a girl more likely to make her way to the top?”

“You may do so still.”

“No; — no; — I cannot. And you at least should not tell me so. I did not know then the virulence of the malady which had fallen on me. I did not know then that, because of you, other men would be abhorrent to me. I thought that I was as easy-hearted as you have proved yourself.”

“How cruel you can be.”

“Have I done anything to interfere with you? Have I said a word even to that young lad, when I might have said a word? Yes; to him I did say something; but I waited, and would not say it, while a word could hurt you. Shall I tell you what I told him? Just everything that has ever happened between you and me.”

“You did?”

“Yes; — because I saw that I could trust him. I told him because I wanted him to be quite sure that I had never loved him. But, Frank, I have put no spoke in your wheel. There has not been a moment since you told me of your love for this rich young lady in which I would not have helped you had help been in my power. Whomever I may have harmed, I have never harmed you.”

“Am I not as clear from blame towards you?”

“No, Frank. You have done me the terrible evil of ceasing to love me.”

“It was at your own bidding.”

“Certainly! but if I were to bid you to cut my throat, would you do it?”

“Was it not you who decided that we could not wait for each other?”

“And should it not have been for you to decide that you would wait?”

“You also would have married.”

“It almost angers me that you should not see the difference. A girl unless she marries becomes nothing, as I have become nothing now. A man does not want a pillar on which to lean. A man, when he has done as you had done with me, and made a girl’s heart all his own, even though his own heart had been flexible and plastic as yours is, should have been true to her, at least for a while. Did it never occur to you that you owed something to me?”

“I have always owed you very much.”

“There should have been some touch of chivalry if not of love to make you feel that a second passion should have been postponed for a year or two. You could wait without growing old. You might have allowed yourself a little space to dwell — I was going to say on the sweetness of your memories. But they were not sweet, Frank; they were not sweet to you.”

“These rebukes, Mabel, will rob them of their sweetness, — for a time.”

“It is gone; all gone,” she said, shaking her head, — “gone from me because I have been so easily deserted; gone from you because the change has been so easy to you. How long was it, Frank, after you had left me before you were basking happily in the smiles of Lady Mary Palliser?”

“It was not very long, as months go.”

“Say days, Frank.”

“I have to defend myself, and I will do so with truth. It was not very long, — as months go; but why should it have been less long, whether for months or days? I had to cure myself of a wound.”

“To put a plaster on a scratch, Frank.”

“And the sooner a man can do that the more manly he is. Is it a sign of strength to wail under a sorrow that cannot be cured, — or of truth to perpetuate the appearance of a woe?”

“Has it been an appearance with me?”

“I am speaking of myself now. I am driven to speak of myself by the bitterness of your words. It was you who decided.”

“You accepted my decision easily.”

“Because it was based not only on my unfitness for such a marriage, but on yours. When I saw that there would be perhaps some years of misery for you, of course I accepted your decision. The sweetness had been very sweet to me.”

“Oh Frank, was it ever sweet to you?”

“And the triumph of it had been very great. I had been assured of the love of her who among all the high ones of the world seemed to me to be the highest. Then came your decision. Do you really believe that I could abandon the sweetness, that I could be robbed of my triumph, that I could think I could never again be allowed to put my arm round your waist, never again to feel your cheek close to mine, that I should lose all that had seemed left to me among the gods, without feeling it?”

“Frank, Frank!” she said, rising to her feet, and stretching out her hands as though she were going to give him back all these joys.

“Of course I felt it. I did not then know what was before me.” When he said this she sank back immediately upon her seat. “I was wretched enough. I had lost a limb and could not walk; my eyes, and must always hereafter be blind; my fitness to be among men, and must always hereafter be secluded. It is so that a man is stricken down when some terrible trouble comes upon him. But it is given to him to retrick his beams.”

“You have retricked yours.”

“Yes; — and the strong man will show his strength by doing it quickly. Mabel, I sorrowed for myself greatly when that word was spoken, partly because I thought that your love could so easily be taken from me. And, since I have found that it has not been so, I have sorrowed for you also. But I do not blame myself, and — and I will not submit to have blame even from you.” She stared him in the face as he said this. “A man should never submit to blame.”

“But if he has deserved it?”

“Who is to be the judge? But why should we contest this? You do not really wish to trample on me!”

“No; — not that.”

“Nor to disgrace me; nor to make me feel myself disgraced in my own judgment?” Then there was a pause for some moments as though he had left her without another word to say. “Shall I go now?” he asked.

“Oh Frank!”

“I fear that my presence only makes you unhappy.”

“Then what will your absence do? When shall I see you again? But, no; I will not see you again. Not for many days, — not for years. Why should I? Frank, is it wicked that I should love you?” He could only shake his head in answer to this. “If it be so wicked that I must be punished for it eternally, still I love you. I can never, never, never love another. You cannot understand it. Oh God, — that I had never understood it myself! I think, I think, that I would go with you now anywhere, facing all misery, all judgments, all disgrace. You know, do you not, that if it were possible, I should not say so. But as I know that you would not stir a step with me, I do say so.”