The Paris Affair (24 page)
She was still reeling from the surge of
something
that had washed over her when she saw him this morning in the coffee shop. That something was so hard to name. Happiness. Desire. Excitement. Peace.
Rightness
. That was the word. It felt so right to walk next to him, to be in his arms, in his bed.
She had no idea what kind of welcome she would get when she found him. Anger. Scorn. Or worse, indifference. Instead, it was that unreadable glint in his eyes. Passion underscored by something else. She gave herself a mental shake. It was probably just lust. She wanted the something else, looked for it.
Because, God help her, she was in love with Helmut Forrester. Friend of her father’s. Jaded playboy. A man of questionable ethics, living life in the fast lane. That’s what everyone told her, what she was warned about from day one.
But that nifty little portrait didn’t quite fit the man standing in front of her at the railing. The one who donated anonymous scholarships and nursed an ailing mother. The one who stood up a date with a sure thing to help out his kid sister. The kind who cradled her body with his to protect her from an explosion.
Claire sighed and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, scanning the floor for her discarded dress. She had thrown away almost a decade on Frank, deluding herself that the man loved her when really he was living off of her. Like a tick, he had sucked her confidence and energy and grown fat. And insanely hard to get rid of.
And Helmut? He had stood behind her, supported her, helped her, protected her. He didn’t try to claim her success for himself.
She didn’t bother with her bathing suit, and slipped the gown over her head.
Then there was the childish bet with Lackey. Once her temper had cooled, and she had a few thousand miles between herself and Paris, she’d turned Lackeys’ words over and over. Helmut had not collected on that bet before leaving Chicago for Paris. Despite the steam room. And making love in her apartment. And being fired.
Claire opened the door a crack and stepped out into the afternoon sunshine. The house faced west, and the sun hadn’t yet rounded the corner from the south, so the pale wood under her feet was hot but not scorching, and the sun was bright but not blinding.
“Hi.” She took a spot at the railing next to him.
“Hey.”
They stood there for a long moment, each staring off over the ocean as the soft lapping of water washed over them. Claire struggled for how to begin. How do you go about telling a man you’re in love with him? She couldn’t even remember how she’d broached the topic with Frank. First things first.
“I made a statement to the board of directors,” she said.
He turned toward her then, and leaned one elbow on the railing. “About what?”
“About our relationship. I gave them the truth about when it started. The real truth—that we were personally involved before you were asked to leave.” As the words tumbled out of her mouth, she felt a weight lift.
“Huh. What did your father say about that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think he minded. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He retired. But not because of us.”
His look penetrated her thoughts, and she blushed. “Well, he did go because of me. I told him that I couldn’t work with him and keep the respect of the employees. I offered to leave.”
He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners of his tanned face. “But he left instead. That sounds like him.”
“I wouldn’t have thought so,” she muttered.
“Really, why?” He looked genuinely surprised.
Claire shrugged again. “The James Sheffield I grew up with was ruthless and selfish. If he wanted something, he went after it. No holds barred. He didn’t care whose feelings he stomped on to get it.”
Helmut put one hand over hers. “It must have been rough being his daughter. I remember some of the ruthless, as you put it, days, too. But I think he mellowed the past few years.”
“Apparently.” She looked down at their hands, hers paler and pinker against his, strong and tanned from a few weeks in the sun.
“And I made a hugely public scene about Frank. Had him escorted out of Sheffield and Fox’s lobby one day. I threatened him with a police order of protection if he kept harassing me. I think that finally woke him up.”
Helmut gave her hand a little squeeze. “He always struck me as a bit spineless. Has he been back?”
She shook her head. “He never has liked confrontation. And after my father stepped down and he realized that I wasn’t going anywhere, I think he gave up. I hope he did.”
“He and Lackey deserve each other.”
She nodded. “We’re still investigating all of the Shadow Fly finances. But so far it just looks like a case of gross mismanagement.”
“Ben always did take the easy road. I should have paid more attention to the signs early on. You were right to fire me, you know. I wasn’t fit for that job.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Half the company still sings your praises.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Only half?”
She grinned. “The male half. The female half are either too pissed at me or too heartbroken over you to sing anything.”
Helmut winced and stepped back, letting Claire’s hand drop. “I never set out to break anyone’s heart. I just—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I knew who you were from the beginning,” she said quietly.
His gray-green eyes turned stony again. “Claire, I’m glad you’re here. But I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.”
Claire’s heart constricted. This was what she was afraid of. “I told you once that I don’t need anything complicated.”
His eyes flicked over her face, searching her features for something. She smiled bravely. Coolly. But in her heart, she knew this was a losing battle. This was his MO. When a woman declared herself in love with him, he ran. Not that she blamed him.
“That’s the problem, Claire. With you, things are already complicated.”
She shook her head, denying his words. Grasping at anything. “It doesn’t have to be. I know it’s been a mess. And I know you don’t want a woman to get too close. But I can—”
He closed the distance between them in one step and cut off her words with a searing kiss. When he finally relented, she was breathless.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
A sob formed in Claire’s throat, and she squeezed her eyes shut, focusing every nerve on his body still so close to hers. She wanted to memorize his scent, his warmth. “I am, too. God, Helmut, I know it’s the last thing you want to hear. But if we’re over, what can it hurt?”
“What’s that?” His voice sounded strangled.
“I lied to you just now.” The words were almost a relief. She didn’t know if the twisting pain in her chest would ever heal, but at least she could walk away and not regret that she held back. She pressed her hands to his chest, willing her fingers not to curl themselves into the soft fabric of his shirt. Willing them not to cling. “I...I’m glad you refused my offer. Because I don’t think I can be here, with you, without complicating things. I love you. And I’m not sorry that I came. Only sorry that I have to go.”
She tried to step back, tried to turn around, but he refused to let her go.
“What did you say?”
She gave another shove, and he wouldn’t budge. She fought back the tears that clogged her throat.
Don’t back down
. She forced herself to meet his eyes. His look was hard and intent. His breath was uneven, and there was a hint of a flush beneath the scruff of his chin. She wanted to run away, but that would not resolve anything. She knew that now.
“Never.”
“I love you, Helmut Forrester. I love the way you make me laugh. I love the way you take care of your family. I love that you donate that scholarship to the university in memory of your fiancée. I love that so much that it hurts. I wish that you could love me that deeply, that long. And most of all I wish...”
He didn’t really flinch, not physically. But she saw in his eyes how he shut down. It was like a door slamming, with her on the wrong side. Just like she’d done to him in Paris.
She drew in a ragged breath and licked her parched lips. “But I am not her. I should leave.”
His grip on her arms softened, but if anything he drew her closer. “No, you are not her.”
“I am nothing but a complication.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and when they opened again, they were brimming with an intensity that made Claire’s knees weak. “Olivia is gone. She has been gone for a long time. She will always be in my heart, but time moves on. Things change. I changed. I don’t want another Olivia in my life.”
Claire nodded sadly.
He smiled, slow and seductive. “I said that, with you, things were already complicated. I’m in love with you, Claire Sheffield. I have been since Paris. Not because you are just like Olivia. Not because you are completely different than Olivia. I love you for who you are.”
“But I thought you didn’t want complications.” She opened her mouth to speak, but words refused to form.
“You took the job that I thought I was ready for and showed me that I could never have handled it. You fired me and kicked me out of the hole where I had buried my all my feelings for years. You seduced me with your intelligence. And with your honesty. And with those incredibly long, sexy legs.
“I want you. All of you. Complications and all, and I won’t accept any less.”
Clare stared, open mouthed, until Helmut leaned down and kissed her. Kissed away her doubts. Kissed away her breath. Kissed away her self-control. Kissed away all thoughts of goodbye.