The Perfect Family (25 page)

They exited the car and entered the church as a family. Darcy, Dick, Zack, and Mary were huddled together in the foyer. Darcy burst into tears when she hugged Brian’s mom. “Oh, Mags, it’s awful.”

“I know, Darce. I’m so sorry.”

Darcy’s eyes were red and her skin pasty. “His birthday was the week before he left. He was eighteen. He’d only been gone six months.”

Brian had meant to send Kenny a birthday card. Swallowing hard, he had to turn away from the sight of the two friends, though Jamie stayed right behind his mom. Brian pretended to study a bulletin board, but he could still hear their conversation.

“We fought about his enlisting,” Darcy was saying. “We weren’t on the best of terms when he left.”

“Darcy, sweetie, don’t feel guilty about that.”

“That’s what our minister said.”

After a few minutes, his dad came over to him and placed a hand on his back. “Say hello to Darcy, Bri. Just say you’re sorry.”

Brian barely got out the words, but he noticed that Jamie managed to murmur a few good things about Kenny.

As they made their way downstairs to wait for the service to begin, Brian tried not to think of what was happening. Tried not to think about Grandma Lorenzo and his mother. Or about Aunt Caroline, who Grandma hated, and Jamie, who Brian couldn’t find any common ground with. He spotted the picture boards lined up in the fellowship hall. Crossing to them, he studied the short scope of Kenny’s life.

Jamie saw his brother go to the other side of the room. The sports coat he’d gotten for Christmas made him seem big and sturdy but Jamie could guess what he was thinking. Brothers could be lost in a heartbeat. So, after a few minutes, Jamie walked over and put a hand on Brian’s shoulder. Brian stiffened and Jamie thought he was going to blow him off again. Then Brian squeezed his hand and left his own on top of Jamie’s for a minute. “Hard to believe, isn’t it?”

Somber, Jamie looked at the photos. The one of Kenny in his uniform stood out among the rest. “What a waste.”

“Ever think what it would be like if we had to go to war, Jame?”

Jamie thought about the antigay polices and sentiments of the armed services. “It makes me sick, thinking of something happening to you.”

Brian dug his finger and thumb into his eyes. “Me, too. To you. I’ve been a shit about, you know, all this with you.”

Jamie thought about saying it was okay, but it wasn’t. “I hate that we fight all the time now.”

“I gotta be better.”

“Okay. Let’s not think about that today, though. Let’s just get through this.” He glanced across to where his mother sat on a chair. She looked fragile and alone. “Can you believe how Grandma acted?”

“I never saw her be so awful. Poor Mom.”

“I knew what Grandma did to Aunt Caroline hurt Mom, but I never realized how much.”

“Me, either.”

Their dad appeared at their sides. “It’s time to go up.”

Maggie saw the guys coming toward her. Together they headed to the sanctuary. As she’d done when she was growing up, she had to literally force from her mind the recent damage her mother had inflicted on her. She would
not
let it intrude on this service. She would
not
let it level her as an adult. She’d deal with all that later and concentrate on Darcy in the present.

The service was lovely, but the ritual was so final, so utterly sad. She could barely watch Darcy cling to Dick, or their oldest child, Mary, cuddle her younger brother Zack to her side. Other things registered amidst the grief and sorrow she felt for her friends…the smell of candles, the murmuring of prayers, the singing of a beautiful hymn about the light of Christ shining in the darkness.

Listening to the poignant words of a pastor who had known Kenny well was uplifting. He spoke of the boy’s joie de vivre, of his faith in God, of his earnest love for his family. Kenny wanted to be a teacher once he got out of the military and was planning to attend college on the army’s scholarship plan.

Maggie studied the altar, the pews filled with people, and thought about the denomination of this congregation, the United Church of Christ. Once again, she longed for a place to get close to God, to get some help in dealing with her own problems.

They left after the luncheon and walked to the car. As they got on the road and drove away from Cornwall, Maggie let herself acknowledge that it was obviously too late for any change to occur in her mother—and God, why,
why
had she been thinking maybe Gertrude would be different? But, picturing Darcy mourning her son, Maggie also acknowledged they all might not have as much time to fix their family’s problems as they thought they did.

Mike was sitting with his boys on the deck of his parents’ home, which overlooked Conesus Lake, when Maggie came around the side of the house with Caroline and her daughter and granddaughter. This Sunday brunch had been planned before they’d gotten the news about Darcy’s son. Still, they’d decided to go through with it. Lucy’s genuine affection for Maggie always soothed the rough edges of her own mother’s treatment. Those edges were jagged after yesterday’s ordeal.

Looking drawn and tired, his wife nonetheless smiled at the assembled group. She was putting up a good front, but had let down with him last night and cried in his arms when they were alone.

She said, “Mom, Dad, this is my sister Caroline and her family, Teresa and Chloe. Ladies, this is BJ and Lucy.”

His mother stepped forward. “Hello, Caroline. And Teresa.” She bent down and ruffled Chloe’s hair. “Hi, there, sweetheart.”

The child peered up at Mike’s mother with wide blue eyes; her blond hair was in pigtails. “Can I call you Great-Grandma?”

For a few moments, only the lap of the water and the buzz of a faraway motorboat could be heard.

Teresa touched her daughter’s shoulder. “Honey, Lucy’s not your grandma.”

“Aunt Maggie calls her Mom.” Chloe’s lower lip trembled, as if she knew she’d made people uncomfortable. “And she’s Grandma’s sister. Don’t they have the same mom?”

Lucy, bless her heart, took over. “I’d be honored if you called me Grandma, Chloe.” She pointed to Mike’s dad. “And that’s Great-Grandpa.”

Mike studied Caroline as she digested the exchange between the child and his mother. Everyone assembled knew that there would probably never be a maternal great-grandmother in Chloe’s life.

Standing, he crossed to Lucy and slid an arm around her to show his appreciation. When everyone was seated, she asked, “Can I get anyone a drink?”

“Coffee for me,” Caroline said.

The boys asked for soda and greeted their cousins warmly.

Caroline had taken a chair at the umbrella table right next to Maggie. Mike noticed that whenever they were together, Caroline was always in the closest proximity she could get with her sister. It touched Mike’s heart and made him even more aware that Caroline had lost a sister, too.

After he helped his mother serve coffee and juice, Jamie asked, “Can we take Terry and Chloe out on the boat before we eat, Grandpa?”

“Sure, if they want to go. Everybody in life vests,” BJ said winking at Chloe. “Especially this little precious cargo.”

Brian hiked up Chloe in a piggyback, her arms looped around his neck and her pink-clad legs encircling him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jamie walked ahead with Teresa as they descended the stairs down to the dock. Mike took pleasure in seeing the boys get along with each other, as well as their good-natured teasing of Teresa and their tenderness toward Chloe. Yesterday had sobered everybody.

Always adept at small talk and putting people at ease, his mom addressed Caroline. “How are you enjoying the Simons’ place?”

“It’s a lovely home.” She crossed her legs and sipped her coffee. “I’m surprised it was available so late in the season.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be,” BJ put in. “Jack and Mary’s son and daughter-in-law were going to spend July and August there, then their son’s National Guard unit got called up. The daughter-in-law didn’t want to come to the lake alone, so she stayed in South Carolina to be with her parents.”

“How long has the house been for sale?”

“A year, at least,” Lucy told her. “The Simons moved south last winter.”

Settled in his favorite deck chair, BJ shook his head. “The house is beautiful, but too expensive for this lake. They overbuilt and now they’re having trouble getting their investment back.”

“I have a place on Hollow Lake in Colorado. It’s not as big as this one, though.”

Maggie reached over and squeezed Caroline’s hand. Hollow Lake was where Caroline and her husband went every year after school finished.

“I’m so glad you could come over today,” Lucy said. “We invited Sara, too.”

“She went with Allison to a tour of Bard College this weekend,” Maggie was quick to put in. Though Sara was totally against the innovative teaching methods and liberal course of study, Allison had insisted on at least seeing the school.

Mike wondered if Sara would have come anyway. Not everybody was as grateful as Maggie to have the Dean family in their lives.

The day went well, though Maggie seemed distracted. She had yet to tell her sister that their mother knew about her return and Gertrude’s bitter reaction. The time came after brunch. Teresa was on the lower deck with the boys, who were trying to teach her to fish, and Chloe was sitting on his mother’s lap, playing with the boondoggle Lucy had bought for her.

“I thought I might take Caroline out on the boat, Mom,” Maggie said. “Is that okay?”

“Of course.”

“Can I come?” This from Chloe. “I liked it with Bri and Jamie.”

Lucy wrapped her arms around the child. “I was hoping you’d walk down to the ice cream stand with me and Grandpa.”

Mike smiled. Yep, he’d really lucked out in the mom department.

*

The sun sparkled off Caroline’s dark hair and kissed her bare arms. Wearing white capris and a peach top, Maggie noticed the Birkenstock sandals on her feet, like the ones Maggie herself wore. Sometimes their tastes coincided so much, it made her think of twins separated at birth marrying similar types of men, taking the same job, or giving their children identical names.

As casually as she could, Maggie said, “Let’s stop at the little cove over there and enjoy the sun.”

Caroline gave her a knowing look. “You’ve been trying to get me alone all day.”

When the anchor was down, Maggie smiled at her sister. “Am I that obvious?”

“Uh-huh. How’d it go with Darcy?”

“Horrible. I…just can’t imagine losing a child.”

Caroline took off her sunglasses and stared out at the water. “Me, either. It was bad enough losing a spouse.” She focused on Maggie. “Then again, some people choose to lose a child, Mags.”

Her sister was giving her an opening, so she blurted out, “Sara told her you were here.”

“I’m not surprised. When we talked she didn’t like keeping my return from Ma.” Caroline sighed heavily. “I guess you and I have to have this conversation.”

“We do. I can’t bear to tell you what happened, though.”

“She didn’t handle it well, did she?”

“No. As a matter of fact, she handled it the same as she did when you told her you were marrying Derek.”

Despite the hot weather, Caroline shivered. “I guess I knew that would happen. It’s why I’ve been dodging the subject since you and I connected this spring.” She gave a half-smile. “I wanted to enjoy you for a while.”

The disappointment in her sister’s tone stirred up Maggie’s emotions. “Damn her, Caroline.”

“Well, you know what? She’s been out of my life for years. It’s really no loss for me.” Caroline sat up straighter. “And this time, she can’t keep you away from me, Magpie. That is truly a blessing.”

“I just wish she was different.”

For a moment, they both stared out at the water, the cottages, the blue sky.

Maggie restarted the conversation. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“If she’d been willing, would you have been able to forgive her?”

“I think so. I’m not sure you ever get over wanting to make things right with a parent. Wanting to please even an abusive mother or father, an emotionally challenged one. I see it in my students all the time, longing for the approval of absent parents, neglectful fathers. Even as adults, we still have that need.”

“I guess.”

“It’s why I feel so sorry for Sara. She seems to crave Ma’s approval more than any one of us.”

“Ma can be so mean to her, too. To all of us.”

Caroline studied Maggie. “That’s because part of her personality was shaped by the hard life she had.”

Which Maggie had talked about in her own therapy sessions with Melissa in an effort to put her upbringing in perspective. “I know Ma’s background. That she had to quit school in the eighth grade to work in a box factory. And that she was clinically depressed and her condition was never treated.”

“Actually, it
was
treated.” Caroline frowned. “Though I think that did more harm than good.”