The Phantom Diaries (5 page)

“How are you keeping nimble throughout this break in show rehearsals?” I hoped to break the ice and have him talking again.

Chace offered me an amused smile. “Don’t mind my awkward silences. I’ve become so accustomed to being around adults all my life, that I sometimes find myself speechless when I’m left to carry a conversation with someone my age.”

“I don’t mind,” I said with a playful nudge.
 
“I’ll just poke you out of your silence.”

The silence resumed and I wondered if it was deliberate. He was chewing on a bite of sandwich and seemed miles away for a second before he glanced sidelong at me and smile.

“I’m constantly breaking my neighbor’s ear at home,” he said, finally getting around to answering my question. “I wake up and play, have lunch and play, come home for dinner and play.
 
And, for good measure, just before going to bed I play.”

I laughed, believing he was pulling my leg, but quickly realized he was serious.

“I didn’t get where I am today by simply fiddling around a bit, no pun intended.”

“I have to admit that while singing often offers challenges, I don’t think I’d have what it takes to keep it up if I had to work at it quite as much as you do on the violin.”

“Yeah, Judy told me you’ve been working hard to try to audition for Marie’s role.”

“I have.”

“With some Eric dude?” His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, and his lips had trouble forming Eric’s name.

“Yeah.”

“So, who is he exactly?” He shifted away and tension scrunched up his shoulders.

“A cast member who really wants this show to go on and who believes I’m the one to pull the lead off.”

Chace took a big gulp of cola and turned away, the tousle of pale curls almost obscuring his face. His eyes narrowed and while he seemed to want to blame the squint on the sun, something else seemed to be going on behind his pale blue eyes. His brow was lightly furrowed and his thoughts seemed all too distant.

“Do you think I can’t do it?”

His face instantly lit up as he turned and flashed me a warm grin. “I have no doubt you can do it. And you’ll be beautiful as you do. New York will fall in love with Annette Binoche.”

I giggled and felt like a twelve year old. I loved how he made me feel when he smiled like that. Alive and young and happy. Every time he smiled, I longed to lean into him to kiss his soft lips. I was surprised and at times dismayed to see his lack of physical attraction to me. Though he had held my hand one night as we’d made our way through a crowd, he’d yet to kiss me goodnight.

The sudden need to think of something other than his lips left me saying the only thing that came to mind. “I wouldn’t have thought a musician could be such a great cook.” The light lunch he’d packed, complete with chicken sandwiches, potato salad and cupcakes, was delicious and I was soon feeling fat and full.

He busied himself putting everything away. “Being on your own tends to push you to learn to do a lot for yourself.”

“Here,” I said, reaching for the basket. “I’ll take that.” My fingers brushed against his, but the touch seemed to have little effect on him, unlike me who almost stopped breathing.

In the distance we heard the first notes of music and as we approached the crowd, I noticed the slowed pace Chace adopted.

“How ‘bout we hang back here? I’m not really into crowds.”

“I was kinda hoping you’d say that. I’m not much for crowds, either. Besides, the music is loud enough we’ll have no problem hearing it from here.”

We sat back, leaning against the coarse bark of a tree trunk. The music was great, the crowd lively and the atmosphere peaceful. But as evening settled, the stage lights came on and the sun went down. The darkening sky twinkled with only a few faint and distant stars, and brought about considerably cooler air. Despite a good sweater and my leather coat, the temperature was soon uncomfortable.

The temptation to move closer to Chace was controlled only by my desire to avoid turning the uncomfortable situation into a tense one. He was a good friend and I wanted to keep it that way. If he had no romantic interest in me, I didn’t want him to become aware of the interest I had in him. I found him hopelessly endearing and charming, but I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we’d already built in such a short period of time.

But just as that thought crossed my mind, I felt the warmth of his fingers at the nape of my neck. My breathing stopped and every ounce of me was concentrated on those few square inches of skin.

“You must be getting cold.”

I barely recognized the croak of his voice that emerged.

“Just a bit,” I lied. My head involuntarily tilted back to his touch and I caught myself just in time to halt a contented sigh. “The show is just about over. I should be able to tough if out.”

His fingers continued to play at my nape until we were ready to leave, and while I was disappointed he didn’t move closer, I was charmed by the gentleman he displayed.

“It’s cool doing things with you,” he said as we turned the corner to where I lived. “All the time I spent with adults all my life I’d never realized how I missed out on hanging around with kids my age.”

“I’ll ignore how you just called me a kid and simply say, thank you.”

He chuckled and playfully leaned his shoulder into mine.

“Judy’s pretty much our age. Don’t you hang out with her?” Although the question had started out innocent enough, I found myself edgy as I waited for his answer. He seemed so buddy-buddy with her and an unexpected jolt of jealousy went through me at the thought of more of a romance between them.

“She’s almost thirty.”

“Really?”

“She’s cool though, but still thirty.”

We reached the door of my apartment building near the Lincoln Center.

I turned to face him and was once again stunned by how great he looked. The light breeze played with his blond curls and a naughty grin played on his lips. His tongue nervously slipped out to moisten his lips and I wondered if he wanted to get as close to me as I wanted to get to him.

“This is what,” I began, “our sixth date?”

He took a step closer.
 
“Yeah.”

For the first time since I’d met him I held his steady gaze. There was something there and I knew it. I may not have been as worldly as Judy, but I knew what it meant when a guy looked at me that way. Or I was simply feeling foolish enough to risk it.

He stood and gazed down at me, his eyes questioning and tender.

The confidence of just seconds earlier melted away and fear and anticipation of what was to come left me suddenly unsure. “When a…,” I sputtered. I glanced away, cleared my throat and tried again. “When are you going to kiss me?”

I wanted to take the words back the moment they came out. How silly of me? How could I ask him such a thing?

He came closer and brought his hand around my waist. “Now,” he whispered.

I couldn’t bear to look at him. Was he smirking? Laughing at me? Mocking me? I managed to bring my gaze up to his mouth and was transfixed by the sincere and hungry parting of his lips.

His hold on my waist tightened and the warmth of his breath brushed across my cheek. His name hung on my lips, but was wiped away when he pressed his mouth over mine.

All the warmth in the world enveloped me and I just wanted to be in his hold forever. I leaned into him for more, but his lips pulled away from mine.

Chapter 7

November,
30
^th
, 2009

Dear Diary,

Chace and I have grown closer these past weeks. He’s occasionally shown a touch of curiosity and jealousy for the time I spend with Eric, but I’ve reassured him that Eric is simply my vocal coach and nothing more. Those romantic dreams of Eric have ceased and while I’m still greatly intrigued by the dark and somber man he is, I’ve accepted our relationship as that of teacher and pupil.

“What are you doing?” Judy called out as she came up behind me.

I didn’t want anyone to know and I tried to sputter out a fabrication. “I’m looking for…Chace.
 
He was supposed to stop by today.” I looked down the length of the corridor just outside the rehearsal hall and craned my neck to see.

She smiled knowingly. I’d obviously not fooled her.

“Okay, but what were you writing?” she persisted.

With the pen still in my hand it was hard to deny.

“Is that the list of girls auditioning for the role of Adelle?”

“I came by to see how many were auditioning.” That seemed convincing enough.

Undeterred, Judy pushed me aside and scrutinized the list. “Ann Arnette? How imaginative.”

I pressed my lips together in indignation and let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you have a better idea?”

“Why not Annette Binoche? What are you afraid of?”

She was right and I knew it, but I still refused to put my real name on that list.

“When are they starting?”

“You’re not going to hang around are you?”

“I want to see what you’ve been up to these past weeks.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, I don’t want you hanging around to watch.”

“I was thinking of calling Chace to see if…”

“Judy, you wouldn’t.
 
Please.”

“You’re so easy to rile, it’s funny. Don’t worry. I’m not going to call Chace and I won’t be within a mile of the House. And I won’t say a word to anyone.” She came to me and pulled me into her arms. “Break a leg, kid.”

Two hours later I was seated outside the auditorium, ready to pull my hair out. Thirty-one girls had gone through those doors and some of them sounded frighteningly promising.

“Ann Arnette,” a stagehand called.

I stood and was surprised at the steadiness of my legs. With long and confident strides I made my way to the center of the stage. One sole spotlight lit my face, virtually blinding me as I looked out into the massive expanse of high ceilings, endless balconies and rows upon rows of vacant seats.

“When you’re ready,” the casting director muttered.

My eyes grew heavy and I took a moment to relive the emotions Eric had pulled from me that day he’d pushed me away. Placing my heart in a space of love in pain, I nodded.

The intro began, I felt the music and my heart sped. Seconds before the first notes emerged from my throat, I opened my eyes to live the pain of the song. My voice rang out, each word heartfelt, each note precise and each breath torn from my breasts. By the climax, I could feel my heart break and I lived the loss. The last note held on the dense air and clung to the rafters.

Then silence.

“Thank you,” the director said in the most passive and unimpressed tone a man could speak.

Hiding my devastation, I walked off. I barely noticed the envious glances of the girls who stood around waiting for a decision. Another hour passed before the auditions finally came to an end.

With little more than a nod our way, a stagehand came out and simply announced, “Ann Arnette, please be here tomorrow morning for rehearsals.”

It took a few pats on the back from several of the girls before it finally sank it. I had it. I’d gotten the role. I was going to be the lead in a major opera at the New York Metropolitan Opera House.

***

After calling my mom to give her the great news, I called Chace then Judy.

“Sweetie, you deserve it,” she cheered. “I can’t wait to share the stage with you. Let’s meet up to celebrate. I’ll buy the beer.”

“Thanks, but Chace offered to bring me for a ride in Central Park. Besides, rehearsals are going to start tomorrow, so I can’t drink.”

“Hmmm, does this mean you’ll be your own seamstress?”

I laughed. I hadn’t really thought of that.

Chace and I met at the West 77
^th
Street entrance. He arrived with a huge bouquet of flowers and was quick to give me a wet and warm celebratory kiss.

“I knew you could do it,” he said as we entered Central Park.

“Thanks. I don’t think I would have had the guts to go ahead if it wasn’t for you.”

He shrugged off my comment and seemed annoyed, but before I could ask him about it, the clip clop of horse hooves brought my attention to the lovely carriage that awaited us.

“This is so romantic, Chace,” I said as I boarded. “This whole day has been one unbelievable event after another.”

The horse whinnied and shifted as Chace boarded and fell in close beside me. “Sorry about that.”