The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (47 page)

He reached out and wrapped a piece of my hair around his index finger. Slowly, while still staring at me, he brought his other hand to gently cup my cheek with his thumb resting near my left eye. “It doesn’t feel like you anymore. It’s as if my Peej is gone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I tried to smile but my face felt too tight. “I dyed my hair before and you were okay with it; this won’t be any different.”

His sea storm eyes sparked with dragon blue, making them appear fathomless. “It’s not because of your hair . . .” He circled his thumb by my left eye causing my lashes to flutter involuntarily. “. . . Or even your eyes.” His grip tightened in my hair and on my face, but not enough to hurt. “It’s just all of it—when I look at you—you’re not the Peej I grew up with anymore.”

“Of course I am. I’ll always be her.” But was I really? Was I ever her to begin with? Or was she just an illusion I created for myself out of the information I thought to be true about me?

“No.” He shook his head slowly while still staring at me. “She was lost to me before I ever really had her.”

“What are you saying?” Was he trying to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore? That too much had changed? My heart picked up speed as I waited for him to respond.

“I’m saying that if I thought you were too good for me before well . . .” His voice broke off and he stood abruptly. “I don’t know if I can stick with what we agreed to anymore.”

“You have to,” I whispered. “You just have to.” It was the only chance I had to truly be with him and he couldn’t take that away from me. I wouldn’t let him. “I’ll order you. I’m Queen now, and you’re half dragon. I’ll order you to stick to the plan.” I wasn’t sure if I could do that, but being Queen had to come with some kind of perks.

I expected a fight, the usual Bryn pigheaded stubbornness, but what I got was worse. I got acquiescence. “If that’s what you want.” He then turned to stare out the window, his next words a low rumble. “I am your willing servant.”

“
Servant
? What? No! That’s not what I want. Bryn, don’t do this to me!” My voice was starting to climb octaves and I felt a wave of unfamiliar power wash over me. The heat coursing through my veins fueled my anger. But Bryn didn’t respond, and he just kept staring out the cabin window like I hadn’t even said anything. “Don’t do this to me!” I screeched a second time.

Finally Bryn spoke. “I’ll meet you guys back at the compound.” And just like that he was gone.

Khol had remained circumspectly quiet up until now, but when Bryn disappeared, he apparently decided he needed to intervene. He grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me enough to get my attention, but not enough to cause me alarm. His green eyes flashed with anger as he looked down at me. “I’ve let this go on for long enough; it’s time for you to grow up. Not only are you going to be a mother, but also you’re going to be only the second ever dragon Queen. It’s time for you to start thinking about something other than Bryn. You’re not a child in high school anymore. You’re a woman, fully grown. And he’s behaving every bit the baby dragon I’ve accused him of being. He doesn’t deserve you if he isn’t even willing to attempt to fight for you.” His nostrils flared in and out as his chest heaved with emotion. “I’m right here. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never walk away. And my words are more than just words, haven’t I shown you that time and time again?”

What I wanted to say was that I didn’t care—that I loved Bryn and always would no matter the consequences but—but I knew I would only prove his point right about me needing to grow up. Which would mean maybe the rest of what he said was right too. And the truth was, somewhere along the line I had started caring about what Khol thought of me. “We’re sticking to the plan,” I croaked. “So there’s no point in talking about it anymore.”

Khol’s jaw ticked with tension before the planes in his face hardened out, his eyes cooling to reflect no emotion. “You will have to lead our people. It’s the legacy that Mori, your true mother, left for you.”

My lower lip trembled as I stared into his aloof eyes. “I can’t. I don’t have it in me to be a Queen of anything. I’m not strong enough. I wish I was, but I’m not . . . clearly.”

He wrapped his arms around me, surrounding me in his heat, a comfort that I allowed myself to accept, although reluctantly. “She wouldn’t have given you the crown if she didn’t know you were capable. You might not feel strong now, but I’ll help you . . . I’ll be your strength until you can find it in yourself to stand on your own.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice muffled by his embrace. “Why are you always helping me when . . . ?” I didn’t want to say the rest, but I didn’t have to because I knew Khol would understand. He always understood. Why was he always helping me when I was in love with Bryn? Why was he always what I needed most, when I needed it, despite the fact that I so rarely showed him the gratitude that he deserved?

“Because a dragon’s love is eternal . . . and unconditional. Denying you what you need when I know I can provide it would be like denying myself the air I need to breathe.”

“But I don’t wanna need anyone ever again.” I mouthed the sentiments that I had been thinking barely a day ago.

“A noble notion indeed, but an unrealistic one. We all need others for something, whether it be the food we eat, or the shelter we dwell in. We—”

“You don’t need anyone.” I blurted out, interrupting him. “You could probably do everything for yourself, if you wanted.”

Khol exhaled a long breath ending on a sigh. His arms tightened around me. “I need you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. I need you to give me a reason to keep on going. I’ve already been alive much longer than you can currently comprehend, and that is why I grew weary. That is why I slept. That is why I withdrew from this world, taking my people with me.” He began running his hands through my hair, his power tickling my senses, and I relaxed into him even more. “But from the first moment I felt your power calling to me . . . I awoke with a purpose . . . a purpose that morphed into a labor of love. Everything I do, everything I am is for you. If not for you, this world could have been destroyed and it would have passed beyond my notice. You brought me back to life, my little Queen.”

Khol was everything a girl like me could ask for . . . caring, strong, smart, handsome, and even funny sometimes. And he was head over heels in love with me. More than that, he loved me probably deeper than even I could comprehend. I pulled away from him just far enough so that I could gaze up into his eyes. They were no longer cool and aloof, but filled with the vulnerability that a man wears after confessing the true depth of his emotions to the woman he loves. And that woman was me. “Khol—” I started but my throat closed up. I bit my lip, hating the fact that I was wondering what it would be like to let him claim me. Being mated to a man like Khol would definitely not be the worst thing in the world. Maybe I would even grow to love him back in the way that he wanted one day. After all, being a dragon put time firmly on our side. I then began to wonder what would happen if I gave him a willing kiss? Just one. And what would happen if that kiss led to more? Would I eventually forget what it was like to feel Bryn’s body holding mine, and only crave Khol’s? Could I abandon Bryn the way he seemingly abandoned me?

I stood on my tiptoes and reached for Khol’s lips with mine, and when they met, he pulled me to him as if he might never let go. I let my tongue explore his mouth, the taste and feel of him unfamiliar, and yet not unpleasant, just different than Bryn. Khol let me control the pace of our kiss, even though I could feel the tension in his body urging him to take control. After a few moments, a wave of lust washed over me, blanking my mind. It was completely unpreventable from my current position of being pressed so tightly against Khol, and as all coherent thoughts were carried away, I deepened our kiss. Khol’s answering growl of approval only seemed to spur my body’s desirers on further, and with my true loss of control, Khol’s tenuous grip on his snapped. We fell back onto the bed, which was conveniently close, and he covered my body with his.

“Let me make love to you,” Khol growled against the bare skin of my chest.

When had that happened?
I wondered.

“Let me erase the bad memory of the first time we were together”—his voice cracked as his warm hands deftly dipped below the waistband of my jeans—“and what followed . . . with me worshipping your body and laying claim to you the way I should have from the beginning.”

I’m sure Khol didn’t mean to stir up bad memories, but the mere mention of our first time made me remember the feeling of my heart turning to ice in my chest even as he delivered me physical pleasure. He hadn’t raped me, but he had blackmailed his way into my bed by threatening Bryn’s life. Shortly afterward I had tried to end my own life in order to save Bryn’s. Khol had caused all of that to happen and yet . . . I had forgiven him . . . truly. Or maybe I saw the Khol that was currently trying to push his long fingers past the barrier of my panties, as a different man than the one who had done those things to me. And maybe he well and truly was, just like Bryn had accused me of not being the same P.J. he had once known, maybe Khol wasn’t the same either. Maybe none of us were the same.

But I wasn’t ready to let Bryn go, and I wasn’t ready to pull away from Khol’s touch either. I had absolutely no idea what to do. “Khol—” His name turned into a moan as his fingers finally accomplished their goal. “Khol . . . wait.”

“Just let me do this just for you. Let me take away some of your pain.” Khol’s gruff voice seemed to tickle things on the inside of me and I shuddered. “Your hormones are out of control, I can feel it, let me take some of the edge off.”

I couldn’t deny the extreme lusty feelings that my pregnancy hormones seemed to constantly stoke. And no longer having a regular sex partner really seemed to be doing a number on my brain, and by number I mean turning it to mush. A thought dawned on me. “You made it so my morning sickness is gone.” Funny, how I hadn’t really thought about its absence until now.

He tugged at my pants and soon I lay before him with only one small scrap of silk keeping me from being naked. “Yes, and I could do so much more for you if you just let me.”

I bit my lip and met his fire backlit eyes with uncertainty. “But you won’t try to take it farther than I want? You won’t try to claim me when I can’t think straight?” Which I was dangerously close to already. “I don’t trust myself with you.” It had to be said, even if I hated admitting it to him and myself.

A small smile tipped up the corners of his supple mouth. “Then trust in me, my little Queen. My pants will stay on; I swear it. I will only touch and kiss you, nothing else. I will never claim you again unless you beg me for it.”

What the hell am I doing
? But I wanted it, so badly. I swore I would never make fun of Jenna again for being a slave to her hormones. “Okay,” I murmured knowing I most certainly would come to regret the decision that my pregnant brain coupled with Bryn’s fresh rejection was making for me. Khol was offering me both pleasure and acceptance, the two things that I needed more than anything in that moment.

The word had barely escaped my lips when Khol ripped my panties from my body. I shivered under his rapt gaze and fought to keep from blushing as his rough palms skimmed down my body only to push up underneath me to lift my core up towards him. “What are you doing?” My voice shook with nerves as he dipped his head to hover where his fingers had been minutes before. “You said touching and kissing only.”

His eyes, completely filled with flames now, met mine as they looked up the line of my body. “I didn’t say
where
I would kiss you.”

Understanding skittered through my mind, pushing past the shock his words caused. I hadn’t even considered . . . I just assumed he would continue to use his fingers. “Oh God!” I screamed as he kissed me long and deep in a way that I’d never experienced before. Bryn had wanted to do this for me, but I had been shy, despite everything else we’d done. And boy was that a mistake . . . I never knew what I was missing.

Khol’s dark auburn hair moving between my legs was erotic in a way I never would have imagined. His shoulder length hair had fallen out of the gumband securing it at the nape of his neck, and the silky strands tickled my thighs while he focused on giving me pleasure. The man definitely knew what he was doing, of course he’d had plenty of time to perfect his technique on who knew how many partners, a fact I really didn’t want to contemplate at the moment. I clutched at the bed sheets, finding that not enough, I arched up and dug my nails into Khol’s shoulders, which caused him to practically purr like a cat—after all, he was treating me like a saucer of milk. I fell back onto the bed, my muscles coiling tight, my heels digging into his back, and then I felt his power push its way into me to heighten everything I was feeling times twenty. It was too much, all just too much, and I erupted into a million pieces of pleasure all the while screaming Khol’s name until my voice gave out, followed by my body. I swear I didn’t see anything for a few seconds after my collapse.

“That was—” I started, after managing to find my voice.

“I’m not done yet.” Khol growled before starting back in on me.

“No!” I screamed in alarm, meaning it and yet not. Could somebody die from pleasure? I was pretty sure I was going to find out very soon.