The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (79 page)

“But it’s not like Bryn and I were doing the nasty the entire time. It seemed like I’d been slutting around for a while, it seemed like—”

“You had feelings for Bryn before you recognized them. You were already bonded with him on some level emotionally, and just because you didn’t know you were a dragon … well your hormones most certainly did. They knew what you were craving and didn’t bother with searching for anything else when Bryn was the only one that could satiate your needs. Without him there you and your dragon hormones were searching blindly for some unknown quantity.”

“Okaaay … but as much as I hate that I would have been a mega slut, worse than Jenna apparently, why did my mother care so much about that? Please don’t tell me that she sacrificed Bryn, made both of us miserable, all to keep my reputation in tack. And what about Khol? He would have still come for me soon, right? And then I probably would have just taken him as my
Anam Cara
… end of story … right?”

“Wrong. A woman, no matter her species, that gives herself so freely, and has no self-control—is weak. Khol was first awakened and drawn in not just by the strength of your powers but the strength of your character. He would not have come for you. Holding yourself in control with all the hormones beneath the surface of such a young dragon shows more strength than you know. You would have been forced to face everything else on your own as well. Not to mention Jeremy.”

My stomach dropped. “What about Jeremy?”

“Without Bryn or Khol in the picture you would have had no reason to deny Jeremy’s advances.”

“But him and Jenna—”

“Never would have happened.” Morag came to crouch in front of me, and I for the first time I noticed that I appeared to be sitting on the floor of a cave. “Bryn’s presence made you stronger. He made you who you are today. Without him all would have been lost.”

“But how could Khol not come for me?” Apparently my head was thicker than I thought. “He said my birth mother let him know that we were meant to be together—he said—” My throat closed up as I remembered the kiss I’d witnessed between him and Zen. “He doesn’t love me at all, and just when I was beginning to think that maybe we could make it work as
Anam Caras
.”

Morag stood and threw her hands up in the air. “The young … so utterly clueless.” She put her hands on her hips and glared down at me. “That man is so in love with you he acts like a moron sometimes. He gave you to Bryn, something that caused him immeasurable pain, just so you could be happy. If he simply desired you for your powers or any other such nonsense you’re considering, things would have been very different.” How the hell did she know all that? Probably more dragon powers that I wasn’t aware of … of course.

I crossed my arms over my chest and studied the ground. “He was kissing Zen.”

“Or was she kissing him? Maybe he didn’t have a chance to react, a chance to push her away. But did you give him an opportunity to explain … no you didn’t. You ran. You ran away because you were afraid of being hurt again.”

Irrational anguish swirled in my gut. “He wouldn’t have come for me if I was like that. He was what I needed most and he wouldn’t have come.” I thought Khol would always come for me, and the thought that he wouldn’t have burned my heart.

“You weren’t the same. You were her—in her head—you know I’m speaking the truth.”

“She was still mostly me. I still felt like me … but not.”

Morag sighed heavily. “Child you are utterly exasperating. Listen—I showed that to you to help you. You’re missing the point. Which would be why your birth mother placed Bryn in your path. He was there to help you become who you are today. A stronger better version of anything else you could have become. And Khol loves you—the you that stands before me now.”

“I’m sitting.” I grumbled, but she ignored me and continued on.

“The powers your mother carried, and now that you carry, are both a gift and a burden—something that you will discover with time. Your mother saw a way to make you what this world needed in its direst time, and for you to also have the chance at being with Khol, someone who is your perfect match in every way. Bryn was not, despite what you believe. Star-crossed, not star-aligned lovers.” She sighed again. “Your mother did everything she could. The rest is up to you.”

Tears began to slide down my cheeks. I was feeling overwhelmed and frankly more confused than I had been before. “I just don’t know.” I mumbled around a sob.

“You don’t know what, child?”

“Everything, I just don’t know about everything.”

“Come you need rest. You have a lot to think about. We will continue this after you awake.” Morag’s tone turned very motherly and soothing.

“What about Khol? He’ll be worried—”

“Let me deal with him for the time being, for now you must rest.” Suddenly my fatigue pushed more heavily upon me and I was no longer able to resist it.

Morag appeared just behind the clearing so she could silently observe the small party of three before approaching them. Khol was slumped over on the ground; his legs splayed haphazardly, his face in his hands as his large shoulders shook. His brother Lorik was crouched so close to him that they were practically touching. Lorik in fact looked at a loss as what he should do for his brother. And Zen, an expression of horror created from equal parts guilt and sorrow, paced the area in front of Khol, every so often glancing at him with grief. The clearing the trio were in was completed destroyed, Morag observed. It looked as if a small bomb had gone off decimating everything.

Morag’s curiosity was piqued. Was the destruction caused by Khol’s unparalleled anger? And then did his utter grief cause him to do something almost unthinkable for someone such as him …  Was the great and mighty Lord of the
Rua Arach
actually crying? As she crept closer she realized he indeed was. This pleased her immensely, and yet she felt compassion in herself to extinguish the cause of his pain. A dragon such as Khol would only shed tears over the perceived death of his future mate, his one true love. To exhibit that kind of vulnerability meant Khol was well and truly in love with P.J. and that was very good news. “She is not lost to you.”

Khol rose quicker than it should have been possible without his powers and he approached Morag with menace. “Where is she? What have you done to her to break our connection, if not kill her?” His tear-stained face was the definition of a man in true anguish, the face of a man who thought his love dead.

Morag raised her hand to silence Khol. “I would not hurt my niece.” She paused a moment to let her words fully register with her rapt audience. “I am in fact helping her.” She speared Khol with a disdainful expression. “She was quite … distraught over what happened between the two of you.” Morag then motioned between Khol and Zen. “Her emotions are very fragile—I dare say she is completely human in that respect. And there lies the problem, she carries more power inside of her than any dragon in existence, more than even me, and it’s all run by the emotions of a nineteen year old girl.” Khol grimaced in reaction. Morag continued on. “She is as strong as circumstances have allowed her to be, but it’s not good enough. She must learn to embrace who she truly is before it’s too late. You can’t help her Khol. You can’t do this for her. She must realize who she is on her own.”

“I-I—” Khol stammered completely at a loss.

“I will guide her on this journey, and you will wait. She will seek you out in the end, you can find comfort in that truth.”

“But in what way?” Khol pushed for what he really wanted to hear.

“You’ll just have to wait and find out. What’s a few more months in the life as long as one such as yourself?” And with that Morag shifted back to her cave, and to where her slumbering niece was waiting for her.

“An eternity.” Khol mumbled after Morag was already gone. “An eternity wrapped in an eternity.” He then reared around to face Zen with an unreadable expression on his face. “I want you gone. I never want to lay my eyes on you again. What you have done—” Khol’s words choked off in his throat. “You are dead to me.”

A strangled cry erupted from Zen’s chest, her face crumpling with panic. “No, you can’t mean that you—”

“Take her out of my sight before I do something I regret!” Khol roared and Lorik stepped forward to pull Zen protectively behind him.

“I’ll take care of her, brother. What will you do?” Lorik asked.

“I will wait. I will wait as long as it takes for her.”

Lorik nodded once before turning to wrap an arm around the now sobbing Zen. He began walking due south, back in the direction they had come. It was obvious that Khol would be on his own, but Lorik had a feeling that’s just the way he wanted it.

I stood watching myself speak to Morag. The other me, the me in the vision, had a more pronounced baby bump so I guessed that the vision was one from the future. That and the fact that I’d only really had one conversation with Morag and it was nothing like the one I was witnessing.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had that kind of power? Why would you hide it from me?” I screeched at Morag, fire sprouting out of my fingertips and running up my arms.

“I wasn’t hiding it from you, child. I was merely waiting for the right time to inform you. Your weren’t ready for that kind of information yet.” Morag’s eyes blazed a bright dragon gold with her reciprocated anger. “And I have to wonder why you never asked me about the meaning behind my hair color.”

Frustration washed over the other me’s features. “I don’t know.” I huffed. “I thought the white hair was synonymous with power, and maybe you dyed the rest. Like dragons can’t do that?” I ground my teeth together. “Other dragons besides me that is.”

“If you want the answers you need to ask the right questions.” Morag said with a sigh.

“Well I’m asking you now.”

But instead of answering the me that was in the vision, Morag turned towards the other me, the me that was currently watching the vision like she could see me. A chill ran up my spine as she met my eyes. “You won’t need to ask them now, because you will have already asked them because you didn’t before, and you will now already have the answers you seek.”

“What?” Both versions of me asked in unison with confusion.

“Ah, niece. You have so much to learn about the fluidity of time. Your lesson begins now.”

With her words I sat straight up in bed fully awake. My eyes immediately sought out the source of the presence that was watching me. “Morag.” I whispered as I narrowed my eyes.  “What the hell was that?”

She waved her hand at me as if to brush off my question as something silly. “You already know. Let’s get to the point of it all, shall we?”

“Okay. Yeah. How about answering the questions raised by the vision I just had? Let’s start with that … what exactly are your powers? And what does your hair color have to do with any of it?”

Morag eyes twinkled with delight at me despite the anger I was directing at her. “I am the oldest and last of the Brown Dragons.”

My eyebrows shot up to almost my hairline. “Brown Dragon? But I thought there were only four dragon factions … the Red, the Black, the Silver, and the Gold.”

“Aaah, there are only four factions left in existence. In the older days there used to be many more. Brown, Green, Purple, Blue … why there was practically one for every color in the rainbow.”

A sadness washed over me from an unknown source. “What happened?” I whispered.

“Some factions were too weak to survive, there was always fighting and biases between factions. Dragons aren’t so different than humans in their emotions, they just pretend they’re superior.” Her lips tipped up at me. “But you’ve already figured that out for yourself. Matter of fact, dragons have more intense emotions than humans. They burn through us like the magic that pulsates in our blood. That’s why dragons as a whole have always strived for more control. But the young are impetuous, and the best-made plans … ” Her voice trailed off as if lost in thought. A few moments passed and then she blinked rapidly as if realizing where she was again. “Like I was saying some factions were too weak to survive, and others killed each other off in the continuous battles they waged against each other. The factions of the other colors besides the one you know to exist today are forever gone—” I wasn’t completely sure but I swear I saw tears glistening in Morag’s eyes. “—but a few of us live on, without the comfort of what we once had.”