The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (81 page)

“I changed my mind. It’s been known to happen. I have other plans now.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, okay.” She had answered absolutely nothing, not really anyways.

“So pay attention, I’m only going to explain this once.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes again and instead decided to play the good little student. “Just focus all of your fire energy into the stone on the necklace, and then focus that power onto the Rider, and use it to draw him out of his host and imprison him in the stone.” She paused, or at least I thought she had as I waited for her to continue with her explanation. Instead she waved her hand at me as if she wanted me to begin.

I blinked at her in shock. “That’s it? That’s your entire explanation?”

“Yes well maybe I’m not the best teacher.”

“Understatement of the year.” I grumbled under my breath. “A few questions first then.” Maybe if I asked the right questions I could drag the answers out of her.

“Fine.” She said with annoyance, as if it was going to be such a pain in the ass to her.

I ignored her and began. I had a few more important burning questions beside the practical application of my necklace. “Why couldn’t you or my birth mother have used the necklace to remove the Riders? Why me?” It seemed like everything was coming down to me, and I still didn’t quite understand why.

“It’s your fate.”

“Seriously?” I shook my head at her in disbelief. “That’s what you’re going to give me—it’s my fate? What kind of crap is that?”

Morag’s eyes slid shut and she inhaled deeply before her glowing eyes reemerged from their hiding place. “I learned to trust my sister’s powers. Sometimes the combination of being the right person, at the right time, and in your case also with the right powers makes all the difference in the world. My sister always looked at every possible angle, and so clearly, it became your fate because she made it so, and she made it so because you were the best outcome.”

I was starting to get a headache. “My powers?”

“Fire magic is needed to control the Rua Artaire necklace. Fire—”

“All dragons have fire magic. Any—”

“She saw something, I trust her gift. End of story. There isn’t any point in trying to figure it all out, I learned that many—many years ago.”

“Fine. Whatever.” I obviously wasn’t going to get the kinds of answers I wanted out of her so why not give the necklace a go? What else did I possibly have to lose?

I reached inside of me mentally, and roused my dormant, and yet always ready fire magic. It almost instantaneously appeared at my fingertips and ran up the length of my arms. But when I tried to imagine it going into the necklace … it didn’t.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Morag asked.

“My powers don’t always cooperate with me.” I growled with frustration.

“You must have more control than that, and I know you have more magic in you than you’re showing as well. Come on, I want to see it.” For a brief second, angered by Morag’s almost condescending words, my fire flared out towards her. Her eyes widened briefly and then a look of complete understanding washed over her. “I forgot how much young Red Dragons powers are ruled by their emotions. I had a lover once I thought had hardly any magic at all but—” She sucked in an appreciative breath. “—get his emotions involved and things turned scorching fast.”

I had a feeling she didn’t mean scorching in the way I wished she did. “No more talk about that kind of stuff. You’re my aunt. Do I have to say it out loud to shut you up? But—eeewww.”

Ignoring me Morag gave me another pointer. “Think of something that makes you angry—beyond angry—enraged. Think of that thing and let your instincts take over. The rest should be easy after that.”

I was willing to give it a shot. And finding a subject to enrage me definitely wouldn’t be difficult either. I immediately pictured Bryn’s father’s face in my mind’s eye, and how he had looked at me just before he stole Bryn from me forever.

Bryn’s father suddenly appeared directly behind him. The Rider inside of him shone so brightly it almost eclipsed his host’s features. He met my eyes and grinned down at me. It was in that instant I knew what he meant to do. “No!” I screamed, my whole body going ice cold instantaneously. I reached for my fire magic, but it was too late … all too late. I watched, completely helpless to stop it, as Bryn’s father, the man who had protected my mother and my family for as far back as I could remember, snap the neck of his only son. The sickly cracking sound it made rang out in the clearing like thunder in my ears. “No!” I heard myself scream as I watched Bryn’s hand slip from my grasp, his body fall forward, and slump to the ground. Life over. My Life is over.

“Like I said, he wasn’t really my son anyways.”

Silence engulfed me. But this time the silence that engulfed me was created by my rage. I was furious at the injustice of it all. All of it. That Bryn had been taken from me. That Bryn’s father’s body had been used to be the instrument of my torment. That even after I watched his father burn to death on the ground, becoming nothing more than ash—it would never be enough to calm the inner rage I held inside me. Never.

My silence was pierced by a scream—a scream of utter agony—and my vision focused in on the Goth guy, as he writhed on the floor of Morag’s cave, surrounded by a red glow emanating from my necklace. I watched, almost as if I was seeing someone else in my place, as I poured all my rage into creating the fire magic that was ripping the Rider out of the Goth guy’s body. The Rider suddenly was free of his host and for a split second it hovered in midair before it clawed at nothing and suddenly disappeared. But I was still connected with my rage, and unfortunately for Goth guy he was my unlucky target. My fire magic sprung free of the necklace I’d been pouring it into, and as the red glow faded, my fire rapidly moved towards its desired victim.

“P.J.—no. It’s gone. The abomination is no longer inside the boy, otherwise the light wouldn’t have faded.” I heard Morag’s voice, but I felt disconnected from my own body.

Goth guy began to scream for a completely different reason as he began to burn. It was only then that I seemed to come back to myself and I let my magic go—but it was too late. Goth guy was dead, his body barely more than ashes. I knew I should have been horrified, but I simply felt numb.

Morag reached up to touch my arm and I turned towards her, not really focusing in on her. What I wanted more than anything in that moment was Khol. I wished he was there to take me into his arms where I would find the comfort I needed. “Khol,” I mumbled, as if his name alone could conjure him. And in the past, it would have.

“You need to learn to cope with these things on your own, without Khol. It’s natural to feel guilt, but you need to know that as a young dragon—”

“I don’t feel guilt.” I stated blandly as I gazed at what used to be a human being’s body. “There are causalities in war, and collateral damages. That’s what he is—was—collateral damage in our war against the Riders.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Maybe once I would have cared, but not now. I’ll do whatever it takes to learn how to use this necklace. I have to. I won’t let anyone else I care about get hurt.” Images of Khol, Jenna, and Jeremy flashed behind my mind’s eye. “I won’t lose anyone else.” I then thought of Bryn and my family.

When Morag didn’t say anything and just stood there studying me with an odd look on her face I was overtaken by curiosity. “What?” I snapped. “Nothing to say about any of this?”

She then tilted her head at me much like a dog does when he’s trying to understand something. “Maybe you’re emotions are more dragon than I had originally thought.” She paused for a moment and squinted at me. “Or maybe they’re becoming that way.” She was then moving about in a flurry of motions. “No matter. I guess the first one was a failure, but not to worry we’ll keep trying until you get it right. Next time we won’t do it here. Seriously, it’s going to take forever for the burnt flesh smell to go away.” She crinkled her nose at me as if her observation conjured the smell itself. I didn’t realize how bad it stunk until the rankest odor suddenly overwhelmed my senses and I gagged.

“I need Khol.” I muttered, trying to focus in on him, and maybe, just maybe find the control to shift to him.

“Oh, no you don’t. Don’t make me take your powers away again. The whole back and forth thing will start to be a drain on both of us.” Morag snapped as her fingers dug into my forearm. “You need to learn to cope without him, like I already said. Only then—when you don’t need him will you be able to find solace in his arms.”

Dizziness swam through my head. “But if I don’t need him then why would I seek out his comfort?”

Morag laughed darkly. “Because child, there is nothing sweeter to know you can make it on your own, to not need anyone, but to want them.”

“I want to be—”

“No, right now you still need. And—”

I hunched over and threw up at Morag’s feet. When I was done I curled into as tight a ball that I could, being that I was pregnant … and I lost consciousness … again. Which was actually my last coherent thought.
Why do I keep being the stupid girl who loses consciousness all the time?

“My little Queen,” Khol’s deep voice rumbled as he smoothed my hair back from my face.

I opened my eyes and peered up at him with confusion. “What are you doing here—wait—” It was then I realized I was in Khol’s large comfortable bed. “How did I get here?”

“You’re not really here, and neither am I.” He responded as his illuminated green eyes met mine and grew brighter. “But I had to check on you—I had to—I had to see you.”

“So we’re—”

“Communicating like we did when I first came to you.” A soft smile tipped up the corners of his full succulent lips. “It seems like such a long time ago, doesn’t it?”

I thought back to the time in the woods when I’d lost consciousness only to think I had woken up at his feet. It turned out he was communicating, or more like we were communicating in my mind only. “So much has changed since then.” My mind rolled over all I’d lost since then … my family, Bryn, basically everything I thought I knew about myself. But I’d also gained so much … Khol, my powers, knowledge of who I really am. What I’d gained clearly didn’t offset all I’d lost but at least it was something. “You’ve been right by my side since that first night, haven’t you?” But it wasn’t really a question I needed him to answer.

He ran his thumb over my bottom lip and I nipped at it. “Right where I belong.”

“What happened with Zen?” I was happy to see Khol, I had missed him more than I wanted to admit, but I couldn’t let what I’d seen happening between him and Zen go, at least not yet. Not without a satisfactory explanation … if one existed.

Khol’s fist tightened around the lock of hair he’d idolly been toying with. “She kissed me. It meant nothing.”

“Why did it take you so long to pull away? Just because it didn’t mean anything—” I swallowed a few times trying to open up my suddenly constricted throat. “Did you feel something when she was kissing you? Even when I was in love with Bryn, when you and Jeremy kissed me I felt something.” My heart sped up as I anticipated his answer, and also because I hadn’t missed the slip of my tongue …
was
in love with Bryn? Past tense?

“I won’t lie to you.” Khol’s gaze flicked away from me. “Zen’s always been a very good kisser … ” His voice trailed off as if he already regretted what he’d just said to me.

My eyes began to burn. “I see.” My voice came out thick with the emotions I was trying to hide, although I didn’t know why I was bothering.

Khol’s large warm hands captured my face and he stared into my eyes. “I love you. Her kiss took me by surprise, and for a moment I enjoyed it.”

“I get it. I won’t be a hypocrite. I understand.” Oh, but I wanted to be—a hypocrite that is. Khol loved me; I had no reason to pay any credence to the gut wrenching jealousy that was currently eating at me. And for a male dragon I knew what that meant … he would never love another. But then again, I heard what Zen said, and maybe she was right. Maybe Khol wasn’t really
in
love with me.

“I can feel your emotions—see the doubt in your eyes—
damn her
.” Khol growled.

“Don’t blame Zen, I can’t really blame her for trying.” I nibbled on my bottom lip in an attempt to prevent the tears that were swelling in my eyes from spilling over.

Khol tried to force me to look into his eyes, but I couldn’t—I just couldn’t. “She caused me to hurt you—” Khol’s voice cracked with heavy emotion. “I never thought I would hurt you—not like this.”

“It’s nothing.” I lied. “I’m just being hormonal. I’ll get over it.”
Hopefully
, I added silently. Because I couldn’t bare the thought of feeling this gut wrenching agony every time I was around him.

“I love you.” Khol whispered in an almost pleading tone. “I can’t bare the thought that I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

I shook my head slowly in another attempt to deny the truth. “Khol, no, I told you it’s just me being hor—”

But he stole the rest of my words with his mouth as he dove inside with his tongue to capture mine with his. His kiss caused heat to immediately rush through my body and I let him take control of me. I felt desperate, driven … mixed with something else I couldn’t quite identify. I knew I wanted Khol—all of Khol in that moment.