The Prada Paradox (13 page)

I know Mel. And on the set, I can become Mel.

Now, I just need to become Meloff the set. She survived the game. Now she’s going to help me survive.

That, at least, is my plan. And, yes, it gives me some small comfort.

And as much as Blake gives me comfort, too, I know that he can’t stay. Because I can’t hold his life in my hands. I’m just not that strong.

“Devi?” He’s peering at me, clearly afraid I’m going to bolt like a rabbit. Either that, or do something stupid.

I wave away his concern. “I’m okay now. I just needed…” I trail off, not sure what I needed. I’d pulled away from reality, that much was for sure. But why? And what if I did it again, when the stakes were truly high? Lose it when the killer’s nearby, and I’ll be losing a hell of a lot more than my pride. I’ll be losing my life.

That’s not something I can think about. I’m Mel, remember? And Mel is cool under pressure.

I draw in a breath and start over. “I just needed to freak out for a few minutes. But I’m better now.” When all else fails, try the truth.

“Good.” He puts the note on the table. “Then let’s get to work.”

“No.”

I watch his face, the actor’s mind struggling with what expression to show. “No?”

“No,” I repeat.

“Devi, are you—”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” I stand up again, my hands deep in the pockets of my robe. “But I’m doing this on my own.”

“The hell you are. If this is the game, then you need a goddamn protector.”

I can hear the sharp edge in his voice. Frustration and fear, all there about me. For me. And damned if I don’t want to run to him and let him hold me. Because the truth is that I want his comfort. The truth is, I love him.

That really doesn’t matter, though. Or, rather, it matters too much.

“You can’t be my protector, Blake. You know that. Not unless the game assigns you the role.”

“Maybe it did,” he says. “Maybe Iam your protector.” He’s moving fast now, heading toward my computer and pulling up the game interface. In no time at all, he’s called up the log-in screen and typed in his information.

“You play?”

“Once,” he said. “Right after I got the role.”

I hold my breath, thinking that maybe I’m wrong. Maybe heis my protector. And maybe this nightmare is about to turn a corner.

But then his message center loads, and I see that it is empty. And I have to face what I already knew—I’m all alone.

I draw a breath and put my hand on his shoulder. “Blake, you have to go now.”

“No,” he says, his voice harsh and unyielding. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Help outside the game is forbidden,” I say. “You know that. You’ve read as much as I have about Mel and Jenn and the rules of the game. Pull in someone else outside the game, and I put them at risk. I mean, look at Andy.”

Blake knows as well as I do that Andy was shot with a poisoned dart after offering help to Jenn. Obviously, Andy survived. But there’s no guarantee that Blake would be so lucky. And that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take with Mel, either. So although I canbe her, I can’tcall her. She already survived the game once. If I somehow caused her to get shot by a sniper’s bullet now, I don’t think I could live with myself.

No cops, no Blake. No anyone, until I find out who my protector is, I’m all alone, and it’s all I can do not to reach for Blake, seeking comfort where I really shouldn’t be looking for it.

He watches me, his eyes looking right through me. “In other words, you want me to leave because you care about me.”

A shiver courses through me. “Yes,” I say, which is more than I really want to. “That’s right.”

I watch the emotion play across his face, a slot machine that finally stops on pity and self-loathing. “Devi,” he says, his voice raw. “I’m sorry.”

I blink, spilling the tears that have welled in my eyes.

“Dammit, I didn’t mean to make you—”

“No,” I say, as he gently wipes my tears. “It’s okay. I just need…” And then it’s my turn to trail off. Because I know what I need. It’s the same thing I’ve always needed.Him. But I just don’t know if that’s possible.

But then he’s pulling me close. My body, naked under the robe, tingles with awareness as he brushes my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Yes,” I whisper, my voice hoarse through my tears. “You are. If something happened to you because of me, I don’t think I could—”

He silences me with a kiss, deep and sweet and erotic and tender. Everything I remember and more. His strength is in that kiss, and as I hook my arms around his neck, I feel myself weaken. I need help. He wants to help me.

I moan a little and press myself against him, my body saying yes even though I haven’t quite convinced my mouth to cooperate.

He’s warm and familiar, and I want his strength. I need it, honestly, way more than I ever needed a drug. And although I know I should fight and scream and kick to keep him away, I also know that I can’t stand the thought of going through this alone. Do that, I think, and I will surely end up popping the lid on a bottle of little white pills.

I pull away, searching his face until I find the courage. “Blake,” I begin, my voice tentative and soft. “I want—”

I close my mouth, because in truth, I don’t know what I want. Not exactly. Not other than that I want this nightmare to end.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I understand.”

“Do you? I’m amazed because I don’t, and—”

I don’t finish the sentence, though, because his mouth is on mine again, and this time it isn’t soft or sweet. This time it’s passionate and wild, and my entire body is burning from the heat that Blake is generating.

His hands, I realize, are inside my robe. And so help me, I want them there. Want them all over me. Want to lose myself in sex, and forget this nightmare. I want to float away. I want Blake. I want him so much I can taste it. Tastehim.

“Blake,” I whisper. “Please.”

And then my hands are on his belt, and we’re fumbling at clothes and—

“Ms. Taylor?” Lucas’s voice filters through the kitchen console. I shift toward the control panel, planning on hitting the mute button, but Lucas is too fast. “There’s a man here. A Mr. Garrison. He says he’s here to read lines.”

Damn.

The kitchen unit has one of the video monitors, so we can see Andy standing by the gate, his entire body tense. I can’t blame him. Security checks are for airlines and federal buildings, not friends and coworkers.

“Tell him you’ve got it covered,” Blake says, his hand on my bare hip. I look down and realize my robe is gaping open. I take a step back, then knot the thing. I see the cloud in Blake’s eyes, but look away, too chicken to face the issue.

“Not because of us,” Blake says, his voice somehow both sad and harsh. “You’re dangerous now.We’re dangerous now.”

The game.

I nod, once again going a little numb. “You’re right. Of course. I wasn’t thinking.” I lean forward and tap the intercom. “Lucas, give Andy the headset for a second.” I watch as he does, and once Andy has it pressed to his ear, I say, “Listen, I appreciate you coming all this way, but something’s come up, and it’s really not a convenient time for me.”

Wow. I sound so damn normal. There’s a reason I got that Oscar nod. I mean, considering the severelyun -normal circumstances, I must be one hell of an actress.

Or, maybe I’m not so good, because he’s still standing there, his back to the gatehouse, his face aimed at the security camera, and the handset pressed tight to his ear. “It’s important, Devi. Let me in.”

“I’ll get the lines down, Andy. I mean, I appreciate the help and all, but I promise you I can handle it.”

“It’s not about the goddamn lines,” he barks. And then he holds up a piece of paper. I can’t see any of the writing on it, but my stomach falls anyway. Because somehow, I know what’s coming. “It’s the game, Devi. And I’m your goddamn protector.”

Chapter18

“What the hell is going on?” The words are out of Blake’s mouth before I can stop him, and he’s got Andy by the shoulder and is yanking him inside. The whole thing is very cloak-and-dagger, like something out of a movie, and I actually smile. Not because it’s funny, but because I’m on that knife edge between reality and the abyss.

I think Blake knows it, too, because he steps away from Andy without pressing for an answer, then moves to take my hand. But not before first brushing a soft finger over my lip and giving me a smile of his own.

Andy looks between us, then takes a tentative step farther into my foyer.

“It’s okay,” I say, even though nothing is really okay at all.

“Well?” Blake demands.

“What are you doing here?” Andy retorts, his voice sharp. I’m a little surprised at his tone, actually. As far as I know, Andy and Blake get along fine. I know they’ve had meetings, giving Blake the opportunity to question Andy about the game. And I’ve never gotten one whiff of gossip about any bad blood between them.

Of course, these are hardly normal circumstances. And neither man wants to yield the role of knight on a shiny white steed.

“I came to run lines with Devi,” Blake says

“What a coincidence,” Andy replies. “So did I.” He looks at me. “We need to talk.”

“Clearly,” Blake says, before I can get a word out. “So talk.”

I take a step forward, my earlier instincts to hide under a rock fading as I’m pushed out of the center of my own drama. Besides, the air’s getting a little thick with testosterone. Call me a girlie-girl, but at the moment, all I want is peace. And some explanations.

I point to Blake. “You, be quiet. And you,” I continue, the finger moving to Andy, “explain what you meant outside. About being my protector.”

He casts a quick glance Blake’s way, and I can see he wants to argue. I’m not giving him the chance. “Talk with him in the room,” I insist, “or don’t talk at all.”

For a second, I think he’s going to take door number two, but then he nods. He ignores Blake and looks straight at me. “It’s the game, Devi. Play.Survive.Win. It’s for real. And you’re right in the middle of it.”

“I know,” I say, and his face shifts from concern to surprise to horror.

“Oh, shit,” he says. “You’ve already gotten the first message.” He holds out a hand. “Let me see it.”

“Whoa there, cowboy,” Blake says. “Finish your part. What do you mean, you’re her protector?”

“Just that,” Andy says. “I was at home. You know, getting ready to come over here. And I thought I’d check my e-mails. And there it was.”

Even though I’d known what he was going to say, my stomach drops anyway. This is for real. And if I’m the target, and Andy is the protector, that means that somewhere out there an assassin has been tagged. And it’s the assassin’s job to kill me.

Suddenly, I’m not nearly as irritated that Blake is taking charge. I’m too lost in my own fears. I move into my living room, the men behind me, then sink into the familiar comfort of my couch and pull a pillow to my chest. Blake is beside me immediately, his hand on mine. “Don’t go there,” he whispers. “You’ve already been there once tonight, and that’s not a place you want to go back to.”

I nod, because he’s right. I almost got lost in the black. But getting lost won’t do me any good. All that can save me now is to fight. And I’m not alone. I have Blake.

And now I have Andy, too.

The thought gives me strength, and I look up, shifting my gaze between them. “All right,” I say. “What now?”

Andy’s head shifts just a little bit, and then he says what I already know. “Now, we follow the clues.” Then he looks at Blake and adds the zinger. “And we follow them alone.”

Blake is immediately up and on his feet. “I don’t think so.”

“I do,” Andy says. “And I’m the only one in this room who’s ever played the game before.”

“No. I’m in this now.”

“Then you’re an ass,” Andy spits back. “Because if whoever’s behind this finds out, you just might end up dead.”

The harsh tone scares me as much as his words. And I know they’re true. No matter how much I might have earlier justified Blake staying to help me, now that Andy’s here, I can’t hold on to those selfish reasons any longer. “He can’t possibly know, can he?” I ask. My assassin could easily be a woman; I know that. But to me, whoever is out to get me is Janus. Hoarse voice. Broad shoulders. And the scent of old urine.

I fight a gag as the memory washes over me, and I’m thankful when Blake takes my hand, sharing his strength.

“No,” Blake says. “He can’t possibly know.”

Andy’s eyebrows raise. “Really? Your security system is electronic. Someone could have tapped in. You’re at the base of a hill. Someone could be listening now. Whoever is behind this is serious…and seriously supplied. Don’t put anything past him. Not if you want to survive.”

“He’s right,” I say, letting go of Blake’s hand. I turn away, too, simply because I can’t bear to look at him. We’d connected again today, but now…

Well, now I have to push him away.

“Devi,” Blake says. “Think about this.”