The Price of Love (Rockin' Country Book 2) (19 page)

“I am. I weigh in with Garrett tonight, actually.” She checked the calendar. “I think I might be running on the skinny side, but it’s not from lack of effort, we’re just freakin’ busy.”

“Don’t I know that. If he gives you shit, tell him to call me. I got your back on this one.”

Hannah giggled, and then settled deeper into the seat. November was coming in cold in the Midwest, and she could see frost on the window. She hugged the hoodie that she wore closer to her body; they still had a few hours before they would reach their destination for the night. “I haven’t asked in a long time, because I don’t want to make you feel like you have to talk to me about it. I have to admit though, I’m curious. How are things going with Jared?”

“It’s much different than your relationship with Garrett.” Shell played with a string on the PJ pants she wore. “Sometimes I don’t necessarily know where I stand with him, other times I think he loves me.”

“Has he told you that yet?” With anyone else, Hannah wouldn’t have asked, but this was her best friend. They shared everything that they could.

Shell shook her head, biting her bottom lip. “No.”

“Aww, honey, I’m sorry.”

“I’ve told him.” Shell shrugged. “But he’s never said it back. It sucks putting yourself out there like that and your feelings not being returned.”

“How do you know they aren’t returned? Maybe Jared has a hard time expressing them. Not every guy is like Garrett. I lucked out in a big way. I’m very lucky.” As she said the words, she realized how true they were.

“You deserve it.”

Hannah shook her head. “Not any more than you do. You deserve it too.”

“It’s not that he’s mean to me or that I doubt his feelings, not really. I know I mean a lot to him. He calls me every day, no matter if he’s having a good day or a bad day. He still has bad days, although they are few and farther between now. That means everything to me, that I’m the person who he wants to talk to, to bring him back from that ledge. I don’t get the feeling that he’s had much love in his life from anyone besides Garrett, the guys, and Garrett’s family.” Shell worried that she was overstepping her boundaries, but she had to talk to someone about this, and Hannah was her best friend in the whole world.

“Why do you think that?” Hearing what her friend said made Hannah’s heart hurt. No matter where she was in the world—in her addiction, in her attitude—she always knew she was loved. Her parents had made sure of that. To know that there was someone she was close to who didn’t have that hurt.

“Some of the things he’s said. He doesn’t come right out and say his parents were assholes to him, but there have been little hints here and there. I’ve also heard a few things that Garrett’s parents have said when they think no one is listening. I get the feeling that Jared was a hard child for his parents to love.” She was delicate in how she worded it.

“That’s BS we both know it.” Hannah thumped her finger on the table. “Children are not hard to love.”

“For us, no, but we don’t know the circumstances. I’m trying so hard to not be judgy.”

“Have you met them yet?” Hannah tried to rack her brain. Come to think of it, no one had ever mentioned Jared’s parents other than in passing.

“When would I meet them?”

“You think they would care since their son cares.”

Shell sighed. “That’s the root of it—I wonder if he does.”

“I thought you said that he does, he just hasn’t expressed it.”

“I don’t know what I mean!” Shell ran her hand through her hair. This obviously bothered her a lot more than she let on.

“Why don’t you cut the crap and tell me what’s really going on here?” Hannah raised her eyebrows at her friend, sick of talking in circles. “We both know if you didn’t want to talk about it, you would have told me to mind my own.”

“Fine. Why do you have to be so fucking observant?”

“I know you and I love you. You listen to me gripe and complain about everything all the time. It’s only fair that I listen to you. I’m here for you just like you’re here for me. Tell me what’s going on.”

Tears came to Shell’s eyes, and it was as uncharacteristic for Shell as cursing was for Hannah. It scared Hannah; obviously her friend had been going through some things and kept them quiet.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” she whispered.

Do what? As far as Hannah knew things were going great with the other couple. There never seemed to be any tension when they all hung out as a group. “What are you doing?”

“Coming second to what he really wants. Every day is a serious struggle for him, and I don’t know that I’m enough to keep him from wanting to go back to the drugs. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to handle it, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to pull him back.” She breathed a sigh of relief, almost like that had been weighing her down for a long time.

“That’s not your job, Shell. You’ve gotta get it through your head that you aren’t his reason for not using; you are his reason for living his life. He’s got to want to not use, and that’s no reflection on you. That’s all on him. Has he blamed this on you?” she asked, her temper flaring.

“No, but I see him struggle and I blame it on myself. What if I was around more? What if I was able to answer the phone every time he called? What if I was available at all hours of the day? Would I be able to stop it?”

“Listen to me,” Hannah’s voice was sharp and clear, probably clearer than she’d ever heard it before. “You can’t take his struggle on. You won’t do him any good if you do. If you are available all the time and at his beck and call, guess what? He’s going to become addicted to you. He’s an addict, Shell. That’s what he does. Don’t become another addiction. You’re his salvation by showing him that there is something else out there, that if he works hard enough at it, he can have a normal life. He needs that; he needs to know what normal is.”

“I feel like I’m a stepping stone to something better. That once he feels like he’s clean enough, he’s going to move on.”

Hannah had never known Shell to suffer from low self-esteem in her life; this was all new to her. “Stop that nonsense right now. Jared loves you. He might not be able to put those feelings into words, but I see the way he looks at you, and he loves you. Give him time.”

“How much fucking time does he need?”

Hannah winced. “Have you talked to him about this?”

“No, hell no. That’s awesome, tell your boyfriend, ‘I’m not sure whether you love me or not, because I’ve said it and you haven’t.’ How well is that going to go over?”

“It’s life. We ask questions because we want to know answers,” Hannah laughed.

“I’m not there yet. Maybe with a few beers in me over the holidays, I’ll do it,” she sighed. “Thanks for listening. I miss our gab sessions.”

“I do too. We’ll have to make it point to have a few more of them.”

Shell opened her mouth but was cut off by the ringing of Hannah’s phone. “That’s Garrett, go have fun talking to your hubby.”

“I can tell him I’ll call him back later. You were here before Garrett.”

“Take the call, I’ll be good. It helped that you listened.”

Hannah answered, asking Garrett to hang on. She got up, hugging her friend. “No matter what,
I
love you.” She didn’t wait for Shell to answer, but instead made her way back to her bedroom.

Shell sat there, battling tears and the feeling that arose whenever she allowed herself to think about how far they had come and how far they had to go. She wouldn’t give up on Jared, but she also hoped she wouldn’t give up on herself.

*  *  *

H
annah had a seat on her bed, holding the phone in front of her.

“You ready to weigh-in, babe?” Garrett asked her.

She tilted her head and smiled. His hair was getting even longer than when she’d seen him a week ago. It was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and he wore a tank top over his body. She could see that he was sweating and red; he’d probably just got done working out. Good grief, she missed him in a bad way.

“I guess so, but I’m warning you now, the pace we’re keeping is exhausting. Shell told me that if I’d lost and you give me crap, to let her know, she can vouch for me.”

Garrett glanced at her. “I can tell you’re tired. I’m sorry, babe, so damn sorry that you’re wearing yourself out like this. I wish there was some way I could change it or make it better.”

“I have a couple more weeks. When I see you after performing that last show, I want to sleep for two days straight. Do not bother me.”

He was amused at the way she said it. “I can’t help but bother you a little. I have to show my love somehow.”

“You know what I mean, Garrett,” she sighed.

“You’re done, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “I am, and I hate to say that because I have never wanted to be off a tour this much in my life. I feel like I’m not giving my all to these fans that have come out and seen me.”

“No, babe, I’ve read the reviews. They are killer. You’re giving it everything you’ve got, and I think that’s why you’re so tired. You’re overcompensating.”

Was he right? Was she purposely tiring herself out so that no one could say that she wasn’t giving it her all? The thought held weight, but honestly she was too tired to even think about it at this point. The only thing she could be focused on was the fact that she had a few more weeks to go. Wanting to take her mind off of it, she forged ahead. “Did you get the info from the real estate attorney about our closing next week?”

“Yes, and I am very excited. I really appreciate your dad going over and taking care of all the stuff we can’t. I sent him a message.”

“You sent my dad a message?” The surprise was evident in her voice.

“What? You act like we don’t talk. He and I text regularly. We’re not up each other’s asses like you are with my mom,” he fired back. “Telling secrets on me and finding out about all the shit I did when I was younger.”

She laughed. “Stop being bitter.”

“God, I miss you,” he sighed.

She smiled softly at the face across the screen from her. “I miss you too, but we can’t let this get us down. Before I weigh, I wanna talk to you about something, though.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Is this gonna be a good conversation or a bad conversation? I can’t tell by the way you presented it. I’m thinking it can be either-or.”

“Stop. I don’t set you up for bad ones, no matter what you think.”

He chuckled and a smile spread across his face. “Alright, alright, what do we need to conversate about?”

“Jared and Shell.”

“Oh, hell no.” He held his hand up. “I am not talking to you about our best friends’ relationship.”

“Garrett, she’s upset.”

He sighed dramatically. He did not want to be a part of this. He had learned a long time ago not to get involved in his friend’s romantic life, but unfortunately it looked like she hadn’t. “Then they need to work that out together.”

“Can you hear me out? Please? I have some questions that I need answered.”

He squirmed. “I don’t like this, Han.”

“You don’t have to like it; I’m the one doing the asking. You can throw me under the bus if you need to.”

He hoped to God she remembered that she’d said that, because the one thing Jared hated was people gossiping about him—didn’t matter if it was about his everyday life or his love life. He was one of the most private people that Garrett knew. “Okay, what is it?”

“How was his childhood? Shell said that she’s thrown the L-word out and he’s not responded, but she kind of got that his childhood wasn’t the best.”

He sighed. He didn’t want to go into this with her, but he had already opened himself up to it. “His childhood wasn’t the best. It’s part of the reason why he’s always struggled with the drugs.”

“Can you elaborate on it? I’d like to know how to help her.”

Garett had never had to tell his wife that something was none of her business, but he was tempted to tell her that now. At what point did he betray a best friend and keep a wife? He wasn’t sure. “I don’t know that I’m comfortable with this, Han.”

“I don’t want you to do something that you don’t want to do, but she’s hurting.”

“He hurts every day,” he fired back at her. “He had two pieces-of-shit for parents. They didn’t give one damn about him and, luckily, mine did. That’s all anyone needs to know. Nobody told him that they loved him until he came to stay with me. He has a very hard time expressing his feelings because he was never shown how to. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, though, that he cares a lot for her. More than he’s ever cared for anyone else. I know that because he’s been clean since they started dating. He’s never been clean for anyone else. Not even for me. She has a huge impact on him, and if he’s willing to give up snorting shit through his nose for her, then that’s love.”

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to break her heart,” Hannah hurried to cut him off.

“Just because he loves her doesn’t mean he’s not going to break her heart. I think we both know that.” He hated all this feeling nonsense that wasn’t about the two of them. It felt like he was going behind Jared’s back. He didn’t want Jared to feel the way he had when he found out that Stacey and Brad were dating. “That’s all I’m saying about it. Seriously, I’m not gossiping about it anymore. Shell is a big girl, and she knows what she’s gotten into with him, otherwise she wouldn’t be where she is now.”