The Puzzle Lady vs. the Sudoku Lady (22 page)

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Authors: Parnell Hall

BOOK: The Puzzle Lady vs. the Sudoku Lady
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Judge Hobbs was livid. “Miss Felton! That will do! I warned you about such demonstrations in my courtroom!”
“Well, I wish you'd make up your mind,” Cora said. “If you recall, you ordered me to take my coat off. I'm only trying to please.”
“I doubt that very much,” Judge Hobbs said dryly. “You clearly planned this theatrical demonstration. You had better have a good reason why.”
“Oh, but I do, Your Honor. It goes to the crux of the case. Minami came here to meet me. Why? She said so herself. To take me on. A little friendly competition. The battle of the century. The Sudoku Lady versus the Puzzle Lady. That's what this is all about.
“You see, my sudoku books are sold in Japan. It happened that on one particular week, one of my books outsold one of hers.
Why, I couldn't begin to tell you. But probably because I'm new. I'm a novelty. I'm an American. I'm different. Whatever the reason, it happened, and that's why she's here. To drum up some business for her first American release. And, by meeting me, create some publicity for her own series back home. I don't think she ever dreamed how much publicity she was actually going to get. The book isn't even out yet, and it's already in the top hundred on Amazon.com. Which would be another motive for the murder. She killed these people to boost her sales. And if you buy that, I have this land in Florida.”
Cora turned back to the witness. “Minami, you investigated the death of Ida Fielding and concluded it was a murder, did you not?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Based on what evidence?”
“Just a minute,” Judge Hobbs said. “Despite the fact no one is objecting, I can't sit idly by. You're now asking her to incriminate herself in the crime.”
“Not at all, Your Honor. She isn't even charged with that murder. Which, in my humble opinion, was never a murder to begin with. However, since you raise the point, Mr. Firth, do you have any intention whatsoever of charging Minami with that crime?”
“I don't have to answer to you.”
“No, you don't. You're an elected official. You have to answer to the people. I see a bunch of 'em here. You guys wanna know what really happened?”
“Oh, Your Honor,” Henry Firth said, “that is clearly improper. Just because she isn't a lawyer doesn't mean she doesn't have to follow legal procedure.”
“Exactly,” Judge Hobbs said. “Miss Felton, I'm not going to warn you again.”
“I'm glad to hear it, Your Honor. It
is
getting annoying.”
Judge Hobbs banged the gavel. “And that flippant remark will cost you fifty dollars. Do I make myself clear?”
“Absolutely, Your Honor. I humbly apologize. But I hope
my
point is well taken. I'm asking Minami about the death of Ida Fielding. Which she has not been charged with and which has not even been ruled a homicide. I would point out that the minute I started that line of questioning, Your Honor said it was not proper because she was a defendant. Suppose I asked her about the Lindbergh kidnapping, for instance. Would you say she can't answer because she's a defendant?”
Judge Hobbs seemed torn between upping the fine to a hundred and answering the question. “You may proceed. But tread lightly, and try not to be facetious.”
“Yes, Your Honor.” Cora turned back to Minami. “What evidence did you find?”
“I found evidence the two husbands appeared to have been involved with each other's wives.”
“Did that make you think of
Strangers on a Train
? Referring to an old Alfred Hitchcock film where two men kill each other's wives. I was wondering if you thought that happened here?”
“No, I do not.”
“There,” Cora said. “Was there ever a clearer indication of innocence? The defendant rejects out of hand the suggestion the killer was someone other than herself.”
“I find that less than persuasive,” Henry Firth said.
“I find this whole line of argument less than persuasive,” Judge Hobbs ruled. “We have one pseudo-lawyer in karate clothes
questioning a defendant who should not be on the stand to begin with. Is it your hope, Miss Felton, that if you make sufficient mockery of the case, the prosecutor will give in and allow Ms. Baldwin to act as her own attorney?”
“That would be nice, Your Honor. But while we're here, I'd rather clear the whole thing up.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I mean the murders. Or should I say
murder
because, basically, we only have one murder here.”
“How can you say that?”
“I've been authorized as amicus curiae to speak in the attorney's behalf.”
“That's not what I mean and you know it. The defendant is charged with two murders. What makes you think you can summarily dismiss one?”
“See, that's the problem,” Cora said, “you're talking about two murder charges. But we have three dead women. Any self-respecting serial killer would have done them all. And if the Sudoku Lady is anything, she is not haphazard.”
“You're unhappy she's not charged with all three murders?”
“Heaven's no. I'm unhappy she's charged with any. Because you really can't have a decent serial killer if someone's doing his or her work. When I read that in a murder mystery, I throw it across the room. It's almost as bad as a convoluted courtroom scene where the amateur detective gets away with all kinds of stuff that would never be admissible in a real courtroom.”
Judge Hobbs was too stupefied to come up with a reprimand. He sat on the bench with his mouth hanging open.
“Anyway, that's where you make your big mistake. You think there are three murders, you charge her with two, and then what? After that, nothing's going to work. Three murders is all wrong.
The way I see it, you've got one accident, one murder, and one case of self-defense.”
“Objection! Counsel is making a speech and stating facts not in evidence.”
“Exactly,” Judge Hobbs said.
“Then let's get them in evidence,” Cora said. “If I could withdraw the witness briefly, I can lay the proper groundwork.”
“Objection,” Henry Firth said. “This woman is not leaving the stand until I have a chance to cross-examine her.”
“You'll get your chance,” Cora said. “But when you do, you might as well have some facts to play with. You just objected that they're not in evidence. Are you telling me you object if they are?”
Henry Firth looked as befuddled as the judge.
“So, with your permission, I'd like to withdraw the witness.” Cora put up her hand. “Temporarily. She's still in your crosshairs. Just long enough to clear up the minor matter of how many crimes we have.”
“Oh, let her do it,” Judge Hobbs said. “It will take less time than arguing. The witness may step down. Who do you wish to call?”
“Call Irving Swartzman.”
“Who?” Henry Firth said.
“Her agent.”
“Her
literary
agent?”
“Her
American
literary agent. I assume her Japanese one is in Japan.”
“What do you expect to prove by him?”
“I told you. How many crimes we're talking about.”
“How would her literary agent know that?”
“I never said he did. But I need to lay the groundwork to explain my theory.”
Henry Firth raised his hands. “Whoa! Whoa! You said you were going to introduce some facts. Not lay the groundwork for some absurd flight of fancy. Do you mean this man is just one of
several
witnesses you intend to call?”
“I may need to call others,” Cora admitted.
“Your Honor,” Henry Firth sputtered, “you see what is happening here? She's taken the defendant off the stand. Now, in the guise of presenting facts, she's going to call witness after witness to testify to some nebulous theory, just so I can never cross-examine.”
“Oh, pooh,” Cora said, “I could finish with the witnesses in the time it takes to handle your objections. If anyone is postponing your cross-examination, it's you.”
“Your Honor, who's ruling on my objection, you or her?”
“I am,” Judge Hobbs said, “but her point is well taken. We're spending all our time arguing procedure. Let's hear what the witness has to say. If you don't like it, you can object to the questions and I'll rule on your objections. But I would advise you not to be overly technical because it will not speed things along. Mr. Swartzman, take the stand.”
The flamboyant agent seemed eager to testify. He raised his hand, took the oath, and preened in front of the TV cameras.
“Your name is Irving Swartzman, you are Minami, the Sudoku Lady's American agent?”
“That's right.”
“You just heard her on the stand. Do you have any problem with what she said?”
He seemed surprised by the question. “Of course not.”
“Mr. Swartzman, how many crimes do you think there are?”
“I don't understand the question.”
“It's what we've been talking about. Of the three women's deaths, how many of them were murder?”
“I don't know. I suppose they all are.”
“You haven't given it much thought?”
“No, I haven't.”
“That's surprising, since your client's been charged with them. Of course, that hasn't been bad for you, has it?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The publicity's put her on the best-seller list. It couldn't be more convenient had you planned it.”
“Well, I assure you I didn't.”
“No, I don't think you did either. But it certainly was a lucky break.”
“It's rather callous to think of it that way.”
“Yes, it is. But I can't help it. As a result of your client's being charged with murder, she's surged past me on Amazon.com. And her book's not even out yet.”
“You're jealous of my client?” Swartzman said incredulously.
“Absolutely. She's younger, thinner, prettier, and she's Asian to boot. If I were her, life would be one big party.”
Swartzman smirked. “I'm sure it would. I was referring to her sales figures.”
“Of course you were. That's your job. That's why you got her here in the first place. I'm right about that, aren't I? You're responsible for her coming here and meeting me. That was to publicize a book.”
“That's my job.”
“Yes, it is. And you do it well. Only this time you tried to do it
too
well. You overstepped, and that's what started this whole mess.”
“Do I hear a question?” Henry Firth said.
“Sorry. I'll make it a question. Isn't it a fact the whole idea of challenging me to solve Ida Fielding's death came from you?”
“I may have suggested it.”
“I thought you might have. It seemed a harmless idea at first. The Puzzle Lady versus the Sudoku Lady. A friendly wager, perhaps some play in the press. Only you pushed a little too hard. I can't believe a clever woman like Minami would have taken the Ida Fielding death for a murder. Because it clearly was an accidental death. Without any prodding or meddling or friendly wagers, it gets chalked up for what it was, an accident, and that's the end of it. But that wouldn't sell any books. So you encouraged Minami to keep it alive.”
Swartzman smiled. “How do you know it
wasn't
a murder?”
“Are you accusing Minami of that crime, too?”
“Of course not. My client didn't kill anyone. As the evidence will show.”
“I certainly hope so. Still, I find it strange, you pushing for murder under the circumstances. But let's move on. The second death is much more illuminating. First, because it's second. That sounds silly, doesn't it? But it happens to be the case. The most telling thing about Sheila Preston's death is that it happens to be the second time. Two accidents inside of a week? I don't think so. Not to two women who might or might not have been involved with each other's husbands, yada, yada, yada. No, this is clearly something else, and as if there was any doubt, a sudoku was left at the scene. What do you make of that, Mr. Swartzman?”
“It's exactly what it seems like. Someone is trying to frame Minami for the crime.”
“That would be handy, wouldn't it? If the sudoku suggested a frame. That would be the best of all possible worlds. The Sudoku Lady would be involved without any peril to herself. Unfortunately, the police and prosecution took the sudoku at face value, and arrested Minami for the murder.”

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