THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (30 page)

“
This
is all very mysterious, Gabriella. Can't you give me a hint?”
he asked lightly.

“
No,”
she said, and replaced the phone. She felt dreadful. Her mouth was
dry, her palms were wet, her heart kept jolting in a way that made
her catch her breath. She concentrated on these physical symptoms,
trying to suppress the pain that caused them and that threatened at
any moment to overwhelm her.”

At
five fifteen she collected her car and drove the short distance to
Tapps Hill roundabout. Rod's car was already there, parked in the
lay-by. She pulled up behind him and got out.

He
leaned across to open his passenger door. “What is it,
Gabriella? Something wrong at Englands?”

“
I
don't want to talk here. Can't you drive somewhere quiet?”

He
stared at her, trying to read her face, then nodded. “All
right.” He drove to Hanbury Woods and stopped the car in a
quiet clearing. “This do?”

She
said yes, but suddenly tears threatened her again and she couldn't go
on. She wound down her window, listening half consciously to the
chatter of birds in the trees, to the faint clop of horses' hooves on
one of the rides, as she fought to overcome her feelings. This was
not a time for weeping.

“
So,
are you going to tell me what's wrong?” Rod asked with more
than a hint of impatience.

“
I
think you know what's wrong.” She tried to speak calmly but her
voice wobbled treacherously.

“
Do
I? All I know is that something's upset you. Now, why don't we clear
it up quickly and then we can go home and have dinner?” He put
his hand on her shoulder.

“
Don't
touch me!” she choked, flinging herself as far from him as the
door would allow. “Don't ever touch me again!”

“
Gabriella!
For Heaven's sake, what is it?”

“
I
was beginning to think that perhaps you had some decency after all,
but I was wrong! You're the most despicable man I've ever known, Rod
Nicholson, and I can't bear even to look at you. You – you
sicken me!”

He
sighed heavily. “All right. Tell me what I've done now.”

“
You
must have been so relieved when Sue had a miscarriage. It let you off
the hook, didn't it? No need to play the reluctant father any more!”

She
waited, with an impossible hope deep inside her that he would, could,
deny it, but he said nothing. The silence grew and she saw he was
watching a squirrel darting about the clearing in search of fallen
nuts.

He
spoke at last. “Who told you about it??”

“
Jenny.
She seemed to assume I already knew. I expect she thought that as a
married couple we wouldn't have any secrets from each other. How
wrong some people can be!”

“
Yes
indeed,” he said coldly.

“
She
must have been pregnant before our wedding. How could you do it?”
she asked, her voice cracking with revulsion. “How could you go
ahead and marry me when she was expecting your baby? Just to get your
hands on the Company. My God, you're a monster!”

Something
leapt in his eyes and for a moment she thought he was going to strike
her, but now she had started she couldn't stop. “I
knew
what sort of man you were, Rod. My instincts told me, right at the
beginning, but you're even worse than I imagined. As for Sue –
I used to dislike her but now I feel sorry for her. You've treated
her even more badly than you've treated me.”

“
She
might not agree with you. And as for my treatment of you – we
agreed a contract. I don't believe I've broken it.”

“
Don't
you? You've made it impossible for me to go on living with you!”

“
Then
you
would
be breaking the contract, not I.” He turned to her, his face
dark. “What are you going to do, Gabriella? Tell your mother
why we married? Make her feel guilty because that's how you got the
money for her operation? Tell Brewster to put Englands on the market
– and tell the staff that they had better start looking for
jobs elsewhere? No, Gabriella, you're stuck with this marriage. And
God help me, so am I!” He wrenched open the car door and leaned
out, breathing deeply. The squirrel, its black beady eyes flashing
him a startled glance, abandoned a half nibbled acorn and was gone.

When
at last he turned to her his face held a weariness that brought harsh
lines to the corners of his eyes and mouth.

“
I
thought we had a chance.” he said. “Just a remote one. I
thought we might be able to build a relationship that would be
agreeable to both of us. At the very least that we could learn to
live together in a civilised manner. But you make that impossible,
Gabriella.”

I
could have loved you, she cried silently, and pain twisted inside her
like a knife. “You let me find out all these dreadful things,”
she burst out. “You never tell me – you never explain -”

“
Is
there any point?”

She
wanted him to say something, anything in his own defence. To argue,
to deny, even to shout and rage against her. Anything that would
relieve this awful pain that was worse then anything in her
experience.

A
cloud crossed the sun and a sudden light breeze set the trees to
rustling. They could have been the only two people on earth. She had
never felt lonelier.

“
I
can't bear this,” she said in a small tight voice. “What
am I going to do?”

He
didn't look at her. “I have no idea, Gabriella, but I would
advise you to think very carefully before you do anything foolish.
Believe it or not, there are worse things than being married to me.”
His voice hardened. “I suggest you bury my latest misdemeanour
in a shallow grave with all the other nasties you've discovered about
me and we go on as before. You might have to work a little harder to
build up the facade of the ever-loving couple, but then so will I.”

“
I
don't think I can do that.”

“
What's
the alternative? Divorce? You know what would happen to Englands. Or
we could separate, but even that would leave a lot of people feeling
hurt and let down. Your mother, my family, friends.”

She
looked at him bitterly. “Why should that matter to you?”

His
mouth twisted. Not bothering to answer, he leaned forward and started
the car.

CHAPTER
TWELVE

As
day followed day Gabriella found it was possible to go through the
motions of living. Getting up in the morning, cleaning her teeth,
discussing the weather and the day's activities: it was as if another
person calmly performed all those tasks for her. Inside, hope was
dead and she felt so alone that she doubted if anyone could ever
reach her again. The pain never left her.

At
times she thought that if she and Rod could only talk she would feel
better. But Rod was absorbed in plans for further expansion of the
Company and if his thoughts ever dwelt on the bleak emptiness of
their relationship he never showed it.

It
seemed to Gabriella that everyone else had a purpose to their life.
Jenny's new boyfriend had apparently passed the test she had set him
and she came to work each day with a sparkle that Gabriella couldn't
help but envy. At home her mother and Mrs Priddy had developed a firm
liking for each other and a wealth of shared interests that seemed to
leave little room for anyone else. Even Alison, well on the way to
full recovery, was busily planning her future and had happily
transferred her affections from Rod to the son of a neighbour.

Although
Gabriella had never felt so sorry for herself, in a way she was
relieved that those around her were too involved in their own lives
to notice her misery. If anyone had spoken a kind word to her she
knew she would burst into tears.

But
she was wrong in believing that her mother's new interests excluded
her.

“
You're
not looking well, my dear,” she said, one morning when the two
of them were alone at breakfast, Rod having left for a three day
visit to France. “You've lost weight. That blue dress is
positively baggy on you and your hair looks so dry and dull.”

“
I'm
fine, Mum. Really. It's just that there's such a lot to do at the
office right now.”

“
Well,
you mustn't overdo things. Your health is more important.”

“
It's
only temporary. Don't worry, everything will be fine soon.”

But
her mother was not satisfied. “You and Rod don't seem to be
together much lately. Is anything wrong, dear?”

She
couldn't help it. The concern in her mother's kind eyes brought tears
welling to her own.

“
Oh,
my dear! You've quarrelled?”

It
was far more than that but how could she explain to her mother?
“Yes,” she said. “A quarrel.”

“
Don't
take it too much to heart, darling. Every couple has the occasional
fight. But you love each other, you'll get over it.”

Gabriella
was silent. She could never reveal the truth of her marriage. Even if
she could, she could expect no real help from her mother's rosy view
of life, but she longed to draw comfort from her as she had done as a
child.

“
Things
aren't very good between us,” she admitted. “I don't know
what to do.”

“
Do
you want to tell me about it?”

“
I
can't, Mum, it wouldn't be fair.” To you, she added silently.

“
Then
you must talk together. Two people who care about each other can
overcome any difficulty.”

Gabriella
patted her mother's hand. “I know that's what you'd like to
believe, Mum, but this isn't a romance out of one of your novels.
This is real life and -”