THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (33 page)

“
Over
an hour. I offered him a cuppa but he said he'd wait.”

She
sighed. She couldn't keep him waiting any longer. She went in.

He
was sitting in one of Mrs Donleavy's upright velvet chairs by the
window, reading a newspaper. He tossed it aside and looked across at
her, unsmiling.

“
I
didn't want to come,” he said. “Your mother persuaded me.
She was worried about you.”

“
I'm
sorry.” She hesitated in the doorway. “You'd better come
to my room. The other guests may come in at any moment.” She
led the way upstairs. He glanced briefly around the white painted
room with its flowery frilled curtains and bedspread, then dropped
into a wicker chair that was ridiculously small for him and creaked
ominously.

“
You
realise your mother's very upset. Not to mention the fact that you've
created a whole chain of problems at Englands because we were both
away at short notice.”

“
I'm
sorry,” she said again. She perched on the edge of the bed and
stared down at her clasped hands. She couldn't look at him, it hurt
too much.

“
Why
the hell did you run away?” he asked roughly.

Nothing
she said could possibly make any difference so she said nothing. She
thought she knew now why Rod had remained silent when she made her
dreadful accusations and the knowledge brought renewed despair.

He
got up, the tiny chair sticking to him, and she felt an hysterical
giggle rising in her throat.

“
Dammit!”
he muttered, wrenching the chair away from him. “Don't they
ever have normal size people staying here?” He paced the room,
crossing it from wall to wall in three long strides, then stood in
front of her, legs braced, hands shoved into the pockets of his blue
jeans. He wore a red sweater, the sleeves pushed halfway up his
muscular forearms and she recalled that he had worn it on the evening
he had first taken her out. She thought of that evening with longing.
If only they could go back to the beginning. How differently she
would manage things.

“
I
came to take you back with me,” he said.

She
began to shake her head. “I'm booked in until Saturday.”

“
Never
mind that. You've created enough havoc. It's time you learned to
behave like an adult.”

She
looked up at him and he must have seen the anguish in her eyes. He
hesitated, then dropped down beside her on the bed. “What am I
going to do with you, Gabriella?” he asked helplessly.

The
tears began to roll silently down her cheeks and she turned away so
that he wouldn't see them. She wanted to lay her head on his shoulder
and beg forgiveness but it was too late. She had destroyed any chance
of happiness for them.”

He
sighed. “Why don't you get cleaned up and we'll go out for a
meal?” he suggested. “I don't know how hungry you are,
but I haven't eaten since breakfast.”

“
All
right,” she said, her voice thick, and grabbing her towel she
fled for the bathroom.

During
dinner at one of the Dartmouth pubs he kept the conversation light
but she noticed he glanced at his watch frequently. “I'll have
to find a room for the night,” he said. “It's too late to
start back now.”

Her
own room had a double bed but he did not suggest sharing it and she
could not bring herself to offer. “Most places are booked at
this time of year,” she said. “I was lucky. Mrs Donleavy
had a cancellation.”

“
I'll
try here.” He put down his knife and fork and made for the bar.

She
saw the landlord shaking his head and after a few minutes of
conversation Rod returned. “Nothing,” he said. “At
this time of year he says everywhere in Dartmouth, Kingswear and
Dittisham is solidly booked.”

“
What
will you do?” she asked after a moment.

“
I
suppose I'll have to share your room. Unless you object?”

“
In
the circumstances how could I?” she asked, managing to sound
calm.

It
was a repetition of their first night in Madeira. Taking turns to
undress in the bathroom, a polite Goodnight from Rod and an equally
polite Goodnight from herself, but in the close confines of the
double bed she found his nearness unnerving. They lay rigidly back to
back and she listened to his breathing, wondering if he slept or if
he too was merely making a pretence. What would he do if she turned
to him? Would he make love to her? If he did, it would mean no more
than the other times, and she couldn't face that. Now that she loved
him with every part of her she knew that she would find the emptiness
of their embraces unbearable.

All
night she dozed and woke, woke and dozed, until in the early morning
light she gave up any pretence at real sleep. She could hear the
foghorns of the returning fishing boats and pictured the mist that
must be laying on the river.

During
the night Rod and turned and rolled towards the centre of the bed.
She longed to kiss his sleeping face. But although only inches now
separated them, she knew with a desolation that was almost unbearable
that she couldn't cross that narrow no-man's-land. They had never
been further apart. And it was all her fault.

At
breakfast she told him she would return. He was right, it had been
foolish to run away. A torment of remorse and shame burned inside
her, and however many miles she put between herself and Rod there was
no escape from that.

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

When
she got home she found the only difference was that Mrs Priddy's
daughter had left. She had found a job in a hotel in York, which
pleased her mother because she would now be able to see her more
regularly. Alison had left a note for Gabriella thanking her for all
her help. Gabriella smiled ruefully as she read it, knowing that,
selfishly absorbed as she had been in her own problems, she had given
the girl less attention than anyone else in the house. She wrote to
her that day, wishing her well in her new job.

She
had come to realise how badly she'd misjudged those around her. It
was as if for the last eight years she had been viewing everyone
through a distorted lens. She thought of Bernard, poor Bernard, and
how much she had under valued him, completely unaware that he was
capable of any depth of emotion. She thought of her mother. Who was
right, of course, she
had
patronised
her. Although Gabriella loved her dearly she had never believed her
to have any real commonsense. Even Sue Langdon, who had turned out to
be a nice girl with problems of her own far greater than Gabriella's.

And
Rod. She closed her eyes briefly against the pain of what might have
been.

At
least now she was seeing clearly. In the past few days she had
thought long and hard, analysing the warped attitudes and prejudices
she had accumulated over the years and making a mental bonfire of
them. She knew that at long last she was growing up.

“
I
saw Sue at lunchtime,” said Rod, coming into her office a few
days after their return. “She told me you'd been to see her.”

Gabriella
was calling up spreadsheets on her computer. She continued to gaze at
the screen, unable to meet his eyes. “Perhaps I shouldn't have
gone,” she said when she had got her voice under control.

He
shrugged. “At least you didn't hurl accusations at her. The
poor girl's had enough to contend with without that!”

She
turned to him then. “Rod, I know I was wrong. I'm very very
sorry.”

“
And
that makes it all right? Well, now you know the truth but, my God,
Gabriella, if you knew the sort of life Sue's had recently you might
have given less thought to your own problems. She could have done
with another friend.”

His
disgust was an almost solid force and she flinched from it. “I'm
sorry,” she said again.

“
You
can be so blind,” he accused. “Didn't you ever see the
bruises she came in with?”

“
Bruises?”
she echoed.

“
Martin's
answer to any argument he couldn't win.”

“
Why
didn't she leave him before?”

“
Why
does anyone stay with another person? I tried to persuade her. So did
Jenny, but it was only when she found she would be risking a baby as
well that she forced herself to make the break.”

“
You
knew all this. Even Jenny knew.”

“
Jenny
was a friend. So was I.”

“
But
you let me go on thinking you and Sue were having an affair Why
didn't you tell me?”

He
stared at her coldly. “Why should I? It was Sue's private life
and you'd never shown any interest in her. And you were determined to
think the worst. You hadn't a shred of evidence that there was ever
anything between Sue and me. Whatever I'd told you, you wouldn't have
believed me,” he said, and walked out of the room.

At
home Mrs Stevens fussed over her, anxious that she was still losing
weight and that her eyes had shadows around them.

“
You're
both so stubborn, keeping up this silly squabble,” she said.
“Look what it's doing to you – and Rod's suffering too.
He looks so tired.”

“
We'll
work it out eventually,” said Gabriella, trying to pacify her.

“
Do
you still think he's seeing someone else?”

“
No.
I was wrong.”

“
Then
tell him so. Apologise.”

Gabriella's
eyes filled. “I have.”

“
You
shouldn't have run off on your own, dear. That never solves
anything.”

“
You're
right. I just didn't know what else to do at the time.”

“
I
hoped Rod would stay there with you for a few days, give you both a
chance to talk. What you need is some time together, away from
Englands. Away from Margaret and myself, come to that.”