The Revealed (26 page)

“I’m doomed,” I sigh. “If someone attacks me during Election Day I’ll just have to accept death.”

He shakes his head with a grin and faces me. “You were able to get away from that guy at your house.”

The reminder brings back images of Jeremy’s wild eyes and his hands choking my neck. I fidget uncomfortably. I was somehow able to get away from him. I will never forget the sound his bones made as I twisted his wrist. The memory of the way it cracked still makes my stomach squeeze.

“Let’s try something different.” Skylar lifts his hands into a boxer’s stance.

“What are you doing?” I ask hesitantly, but I raise my fists in protection.

“Let’s go for a round of the mats,” he lifts his chin, egging me on.

“No way!”

“Come on. This is the only way you’ll really learn.”

“We already tried this, remember? It ended with me in pain on the ground.”

“Come
on
!”

I take a deep breath and swing.

He catches my fist in his hand and holds it, using the leverage to spin me around in his grasp. He clasps me around the waist, immobilizing me.

“The way you’re hitting right now is too slow. Use your mind like it’s a part of your body. Don’t think, just do.” His breath is warm against my ear as he holds me tightly, our bodies aligned. For a moment, I lose what he’s saying and imagine his body is Kai’s. Like the time we were at Elias’s gym together. It’s just a moment. Then it’s gone. And I realize the awkward way my shoulders are bunched around his arm. I’m sweating and uncomfortable. I stiffen in Skylar’s grip. “Sorry.” He drops his hand and I stagger back. His cheeks turn pink. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay,” I say quickly, “you didn’t. I just—”

“Like Kai,” he finishes for me. “I don’t get what girls see in that guy.”

I open my mouth to say I’m not like those girls but what’s the use? I don’t want to add salt to his wound. He swallows his pride and shakes his head. Then there’s a grin on his face, one that seems genuine. He beckons me forward. “Let’s go,” he says.

I hesitate.

“Come on, soldier, I don’t have all night. I’ll have to get my beauty sleep eventually. Let’s go.”

So I punch, trying to create ice, and he smacks my hand away, sending me stumbling. I regroup and go toward him again. This time I’m able to make contact, but he uses my surprise against me and retaliates, pinning both my arms. I squirm out of his grip and spin around in an attempt to recover.

Quickly, Skylar’s back on the offensive. His hand shoots out toward mine, and it barely misses my stomach as I slide out of the way. My back is to him, and I jab with my elbow. He dodges and moves around in front of me. I duck as he swings his fist. Then he tries to kick my legs out from under me, but I jump and jab out at him. He narrowly avoids my swing, stumbling back a few steps. He is quick to recover, moving toward me again, and I reach for his arm, my hands already burning with my abilities. I connect with his flesh, but he’s already guessed my move. His arm is icy cold. He uses my momentum against me and flips me over onto the mat.

“Ugh!” I groan. I stay on the ground, staring up at the reflective metal ceiling.

After a long silence as I recover my breath, Skylar offers me his hand. “That was much better.”

I allow him to pull me up. “Do you ever think about your home?” I ask him.

“The past is the past,” he says, brushing my question away.

“Right.” A lot of the people here want to forget. Their pasts are full of poverty and death. They want to look forward. There is an underlying hope here that one day soon, The Revealed will be vindicated and accepted into society. Then the members will be able to return to their families without risk.

He clasps his hands on my head, shaking me playfully. “Focus,” he says into my eyes with a laugh. “You can’t let that mind of yours get away from you.”

“I know.” I swallow against the fear for my parents that creeps over my spine like vines The Revealed control. It makes me want to swat at the invisible threads over my skin.

“Let’s call it a night,” Skylar says, realizing I may be too distracted to continue.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him as we reach the hallway.

“Get some sleep.”

But I don’t sleep. I’m too nervous. Every thought I have makes my head spin more and more. My room slowly becomes bright, as the sun begins to rise and the light creeps over my bed. Finally, Rory’s alarm clock begins to buzz with the morning.

But I’m still exhausted. The reminder of the bad dream lingers, flashing white through my mind. My parents are dead on the ground. Red oozing from their sides. And me, standing in the background, helpless and alone.

Kai tries to run to me, but suddenly, I’m at the end of a long hallway and even though he’s running in my direction, he never gets any closer. When I look down I realize my side is sticky. Red seeps through my shirt. I grip the wound, trying to make the red stop, but it pools at my feet. And Jeremy is holding the gun and laughing.

I’m on a stage in the middle of Capitol City. There’s so much blood.

Jeremy continues laughing loudly, but suddenly I realize he isn’t the only one laughing. The entire crowd has joined in, laughing while I lose too much blood to stay standing. I fall to my knees. My surroundings begin to blur. All I hear is dark laughter. And when I close my eyes, Westerfield is there with a glass of thick, gold liquid and a smug grin.

“Lissa wants to work on my technique this afternoon,” Maya groans at lunch the next day. “She says if I don’t maintain my conditioning it only takes like two weeks or something to lose the form.”

“Practice, practice, practice,” Skylar waves his fork like it’s a magic wand.

“Nerd,” Maya slinks into him with her arm, her curls bouncing with her effort.

He shrugs and takes another bite. “I like hand to hand.”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter,” Maya counters.

“So am I,” Skylar says. “But if it’s kill or be killed, you better believe I’m not going to hold back.”

That’s a mantra I can relate to.

“Well, I hear Julia wants to put together a group to attempt a wasteland colonization effort. Apparently, we’re getting too many members. We’ll have to expand soon.”

“It’s true,” Rory nods. “The problem is going to be security. This facility is practically a fortress. The only way in is via submarine and ours is the only surviving vehicle I know about. On land, it’s a whole other story.”

“Either way, sign me up for
that
mission,” Maya says.

“No way,” Romni shakes his meaty head. “I’m taking down the bad guys, starting with Westerfield. There is no chance I’m missing out on that action.”

It isn’t until Rory grabs my wrist that I realize I’ve been swirling my food around my plate. It’s my “tell” when I’m anxious. One she knows well by now.

I grimace.

She shrugs, “It’s not like you’re ruining my plate decor anymore.” Her grin is reassuring, but it falls flat. My mood is hopelessly somber. She takes a breath and tries again to muster some energy. “You did really well today.”

“Yeah, until that wind she created whipped her hair all over her face and blinded her,” Nero says, laughing with a big dollop of potato salad rolling around on his tongue.

Nero and Romni decided to watch the spectacle of my training today as well. Even Maya and a few of her friends stopped by before lunch.

Rory flicks her finger out and a quarter-size ball of ice hits Nero on the side of his head with a thud.

“Hmm,” she says at the noise, “I guess that means there is something in there after all. Doesn’t sound very big though.”

Nero rubs the side of his head, glaring at her with spritely emerald eyes.

Rory raises an eyebrow, pointing her fork at him as both a dare and a warning. He wisely realizes Rory’s abilities greatly outweigh his and shuts his mouth, sulking and massaging his head.

“It really is impressive,” Maya assured me. “You’ve only had a little over a week. I didn’t get sent on a mission for months after I arrived at The Revealed. You should be really proud.”

I don’t feel proud. I feel pressure, overwhelming pressure to be better and stronger.

Rory turns back to me. “We’ll practice again this afternoon and maybe spend time in the greenhouse?” her voice ticks up to ask the question.

I run a finger across my tense brow. “Okay.” I shove another bite of sandwich in my mouth and push the plate away. “Ready. I’ll meet you in the greenhouse in a few minutes,” I tell Rory and rush out of the room before she can ask where I’m headed.

A few people smile at me as I make my way down the hall. Faces are starting to look more familiar, and the black outfits no longer make me uncomfortable. I run my hand along the symbol embroidered over my heart. It’s becoming a habit. I used to hate and fear this symbol, now I have put my faith in it.

Without looking at the pattern I can trace its curve. Whether I decide to stay with The Revealed permanently or not, they have left their mark on me—both beneath my hairline and in a deeper way. My soul is slowing becoming entwined with the mission here. I’m aware that if I allow it to continue, it will become too tangled to unravel without pulling myself apart in the process. The Revealed have changed me for the better.

That doesn’t mean I’m ready to leave Capitol City behind.

When I get to my dorm room, I quickly flip open my computer and log in to my email. No new messages.

It’s been long enough that I can’t pretend like he just hasn’t checked his email. It sends my guts twisting. I’m not ready to leave my past behind, but what if Kai is? It’s a constant fear within me. The insecurity that suddenly, he’ll decide I’m disposable makes me feel weak and incapable. It makes me want to go hiding under the bleachers again and never come out to face the world.

“What are you doing?”

I whirl to face Rory. She’s peering over my shoulder looking at my email.

“Just wanted to check the news,” I sputter quickly.

She moves around me and clicks on the “SENT” folder before I can stop her. My message to Kai pops up at the top of the feed.

“I knew it,” she shakes her head.

“Rory, I had to talk with him,” I exclaim. “I couldn’t leave things … like that.”

“You have no idea what you’ve done. This isn’t a game! The government can track this, Lily. This could lead the North American Sector right to our front door. You have to leave your other life behind. A message like this could compromise everything, including your parents’ lives. You know that. Your life. His life. The life of this country, they all depend on your ability to move on and accept this new path. Isn’t this what you want?’

My mouth opens, then shuts, then opens again wordlessly. A life with purpose and making a difference for people is what I’ve always wanted. If The Revealed is everything they say they are, I will have more than ample opportunity to explore the world like I’ve always wanted and see new things. But how am I supposed to do all of that and forget about what could have been with Kai? I don’t want to wake up and realize that I let him get away. I don’t want to see him on the news, accomplishing things and building a life without me. Before The Revealed, there was Kai. Kai was the first person who didn’t want to hold me back. It’s because of him that I’m with The Revealed.

Rory grabs my shoulders, “Get with the program!” She shakes me slightly.

“I’m trying.”

“We’re running out of time for trying. You have to make decisions and make them quickly. If you keep stewing over this instead of acting, you’re mind will be all over the place and you won’t be ready for this mission.”

“I’m trying,” I repeat, throwing her arms off me. I don’t need another mother. I need a best friend. I need her to understand what I’m dealing with. “I just need some time.” I push around her, heading out of the room, the pressure threatening to crush me under its weight. It’s hard to breathe past the anxiety.

I go to the citrus grove greenhouse, which is dedicated to oranges, limes, and lemons, spaced in neat rows. The fresh, floral smells roll over me the instant I walk in the room: a relaxing aromatherapy. The warmth clouds around me like fog. I roll up the ends of my black pants and take off my shoes, feeling the dirt between my toes.

I run my fingers over the leaf of a lemon tree, and rub the wax between my fingers as though it were perfume.

My pulse finally feels like it’s returning to normal, and the relief that washes over me is enough to make the tears form at the corner of my eyes. Now is not the time for tears. Rory is right. Now is the time to make decisions.

I sit at the base of a tree and stretch my back against it. The greenhouse lights almost make me feel like I’m sitting in the shade on a sunny summer day.