The Revolution (17 page)

I WAKE UP
to an empty bed and a wet spot where the peas have defrosted on the mattress in front of me. I’m not happy about either. My body aches in ways it never has before and I’m hoping never does again.
This is not good.

After a few minutes, I force myself up, my neck just as stiff as my body. “Kaz?” I call, but no one answers. I slowly walk to the living room and call again, “Kaz? Are you here?” My heart starts racing from nerves and fear. It’s barely dawn outside and he should be here. Looking out the front window, his car is in the driveway. He’s in the driver’s seat with his head down.

I run for the door and straight out to his side of the car and knock. He jumps when he hears me. Seeing the door is unlocked, I open it, but he just stares at me, a haze of emotions built up inside his normally happier eyes. His silence is frightening, so I shatter it with worried questions, “What are you doing? Why are you out here?”

“I couldn’t sit by and do nothing.”

My hand covers my mouth as I suck in a jagged breath. “What did you do?”

“I went to see him—”

“Kaz, no.” I lean into the vehicle and hug him. “Are you okay?”

When I stand back up, he says, “I couldn’t get to him. I tried. I almost rammed the damn guard gate down.”

I reach for his hand on the steering wheel. Resistant at first, he finally loosens his grip and allows me to tug gently. “Come inside.” I’m hoping to coax him from the car. “Please. Come with me.”

His eyes meet mine and our gazes hold an aching few seconds before he slowly unfolds from the car to stand in front me on the driveway. The moon is hidden behind clouds, the dark still fading away despite the pain evident in the lines carved across his forehead, marring his handsome face. He cups my face and holds my chin up. One kiss, and then another on the lips before he leans his forehead against mine. “I couldn’t protect you or help you. Please forgive me.”

There’s intensity held between us as another kiss is placed on my forehead and his arms wrap around me, holding me as if I’ll disappear if he lets me go. I slide my hands around him and hold him just as tight, until it starts to hurt my ribs. “Going after him doesn’t help me, Kaz. Being here like you have does.” I lift up until I’m looking into his eyes. “Thank you. Thank you for caring, but I’m relieved you didn’t see him. He’s…” I tuck my head against his chest and look down, shame filling my chest. “He’s not himself right now.”

“I know you want to see the good in him. I know you struggle inside against what you thought you knew and what he’s revealed himself to be. But you don’t have to fight this war. He doesn’t fight fair anyway. A man should never hit a woman.
Ever.
A coward does.” His soft strokes are comforting, his words firm in his belief. “You’re stronger than him and he knows it. He’s trying to intimidate you to get you back. You can’t fall for it, Lara. Promise me you won’t.”

“I won’t.” The reply comes easily as the truth resides inside my heart. And then I confess too much. “I don’t want to be with him. I want you.”

“I know,” he repeats as if reaffirming the first part, but not responding to the latter. Releasing me, he shuts the car door and then takes my hand. As we walk to the house, his body is stiff, the muscles in his arms tense. “My father hit my mother and my sister.”

“What?” My heart pauses before picking up at the news he’s just dropped. For a lack of anything else to say, I go with my gut. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. No one should make apologies for him. He should own the damage he’s caused. It’s squarely on him.” He waits at the door for me to pass and shuts it behind us.

“Do you mind if I ask what happened?” I have an idea, but I want to know everything about Kaz, even the darker side.

“Which time?”

My eyes go wide.

Kaz’s chuckle is low, not like the lighthearted laugh I’m used to. He says, “It became the norm for them. I couldn’t adapt.”

“No one should adapt to abuse,” I say shocked as we walk into the bedroom.

“I tried to tell them that. They wouldn’t listen to me. I was a kid.”

“Oh my God, Kaz. That’s awful. Who broke it up?”

“His bodyguar—” He stops just as he seems to catch himself.

I climb into bed, but look at him before pulling the covers over me. His shirt comes off and his pants are removed. He slides in next to me and lies down, staring up at the ceiling. Turning to my side, I lay my head down on the pillow gently and watch him. “I’ve never heard you talk about your family. I don’t know anything about you.”

“My family is complicated.”

“You said that last time.”

“It’s the truth every time. Nothing’s changed.”

“Do you see them?”

A wry grin spreads slowly across his face and he looks at me. “It’s almost six in the morning, get some rest.”

I move my hand so it’s on his chest and I can feel his heart pumping beneath. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I do talk to you. I’ve already said way more than I intended to.”

“You don’t trust me.”

Kissing my hand, he says, “This isn’t about trust. I trust you, Lara. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Then what is it? Why do you hold so tight to some things and are so open with others?”

Most guys would be irritated by now—all this talk about feelings and family—but not Kaz. His smile returns, the one that’s most genuine. The backs of his fingers glide lightly over my cheek bringing me back to the reality of how I must look. “Go to sleep,” he whispers. “We have plenty of daylight hours to learn every last thing about each other.”

“Do we?” I ask, moving closer to him and placing a kiss on his shoulder.

He kisses the top of my head and slips his arm under me, holding me close. “We do.” His body gives me peace, his words settle my mind, and I drift off…
hoping he won’t leave me again.

THE SUN HAS
risen, his body silhouetted by the rays streaming in from the windows highlighting the strength of his muscles, his broad shoulders, and strong back. He’s whole under the night sky, but the sunlight shines through his broken pieces. I move quietly from the bed and touch his back, gentle not to startle him.

The hardness of his body softens when he turns around and looks at me. Really looks at me, as if he’s counting my bruises. “You’re so damn beautiful and he tried to destroy that. What he didn’t count on is your beauty goes deeper than your skin.” His hand caresses my cheek. His touch is gentle, a caring gesture I wish could heal my outsides. He does in more ways than he knows for my insides. “No more swelling. That’s good.”

“Magic peas, I guess.” I shrug unsure what to do in the light of day.

When I laugh with a softened tone, he leans in and kisses my cheek, moves to the edge of my lips and places another. His hand holds the curve of my neck, his touch more careful than I like. My eyes close, letting him cover me in his caring affection. “I’ve wanted to do that to you longer than you know.” He stops the kisses and rests his forehead on my shoulder.

“You’ve kissed me before,” I whisper.

“Not like this. Not with all the barriers gone and the obstacles out of our way. Free and easy like we have all day.” His lips find mine and a passion ignites between us as our mouths open. My fingers weave into his hair, holding him to me. I want to enjoy this before the moment is burst by reality.

Our mouths part and he takes my hand. “Come with me.”

We need to talk, but whether that is now or later, I’m game for either, weak to the man leading me back to bed. Kaz goes to shut the bedroom door though we both know no one will disturb us. I like the privacy, but I really like his thoughtfulness, or maybe it’s a protectiveness he feels.

When he returns, he sits on the mattress and kisses me again. This kiss is not a solitary act, but one that leads to more. Our bodies fall back, entwining and sharing each breath we take and exhale. His knee parts my legs and he moves to position himself over me. The pressure elicits heavy breaths and quick whispers from him, “I want you… so much.”

“Don’t stop.”

We lift and he takes my shirt over my head. I move forward to kiss him again, but when our lips meet, his are still. Kaz sits back and I look up at him, leaning back on my elbows. “What?” Following his gaze, I look down. The bruising has transformed into darkened abstract shapes. And my breath is taken away in the worst of ways. My hands fly to cover myself, heat swarming my cheeks.

But before I can run, he covers my hands, gentle to the touch. “I won’t hurt you.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this. I’d forgotten,” I say, looking away, every little detail of plaster easier to stare at instead of the eyes that made me feel beautiful.
I don’t want to close my eyes or I’ll see Mark’s disdain again as his punches landed on my skin.
Kaz’s silence twists my insides, knotting my emotions, tears replacing the strength I thought I possessed.

He traces the bruising over my breast. The touch of his fingertips is cooling, and I look up when he asks, “What did he hit you with?”

His eyes stay focused on my body, when I reply, “I don’t want to talk about that and ruin this, what we were doing.”

“It’s not ruined. I just don’t understand how someone could hurt another person like he did you.
Until now.
Now I want to hurt him in ways that will destroy his career and rearrange his face for-fucking-ever.”

“You’re better than him, Kaz.” I touch his chest, rubbing over his heart, that deep throb calming me. “I know you are. I see the good in you even when you pretend to be so bad.”

“I have…” He turns away, but then leans down again and kisses me. “I don’t want to talk about me.” When he kisses me this time, it all changes from sweet caresses to a pressure that tells me his darkest desires. In a low voice that teeters on midnight, he asks, “Do you want to be with me?”

My lips feel abandoned, so I lift up, and press mine to his this time. “I do. So much. Make love to me, Kaz.”

Running his hands over my shoulders, he says, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“We’ll take it slow.”

With his mouth on my neck, his hot breath blankets my body in ways that make me want him more. “I don’t know if I can with you.”

I adjust beneath him until his eyes are over mine and our bodies are aligned. The feel of his erection through our underwear makes me squirm. The dreams I’ve had of being with him are becoming reality. Pushing my thoughts away, I go with feelings and act on instinct, succumbing to the fantasy, to the sensations, to the man himself.

His body taut, but gentle as he moves against me, pressing himself between my legs. Our kisses become a language spoken to each other, the words not needed. His body slides to the side, his breathing coming in pants like mine. Lying back, he covers his eyes with his arms, blocking the brightness of the room, blocking me out. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

My hands cover my chest as rejection trickles in. “What?” I ask, my voice weak, protecting my heart. “You don’t want me?”

He turns to me, taking my hand and squeezing. “No, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just don’t know that I can be what you need right now.”

“What do I need?”

“You need to be cared for and all I want to do is fuck you.” He lies back with a groan. “See? I’m a fucking Neanderthal.”

“Maybe I don’t want care right now. Maybe I want to fuck too.”

Levity invades the heavy space when an all-knowing grin appears. “I was afraid of that.”

“Are you really afraid?” I tease.

“No, but it makes me so fucking hot for you.”

My mouth drops open. “All I have to do is tell you I want to fuck and bam, just like that, we get to fuck?”

He nods with raised eyebrows. “I’m tired of us dancing around this,” he says, waving between us. “This attraction, our chemistry. Whatever you want to call it. I want more than just sex with you. I…” His gaze lowers from my eyes to my hip where he traces over it with his hand. “I like you, Lara. I have since Rochelle started bringing you around a year ago. I thought that night at the beach might be our time, but our timing’s been off. It’s not now, and I’m not going to miss this opportunity. So if you want me to make love to you, I will. But if you’d rather take this slow and go out for breakfast, we can do that too.”