The Revolution (18 page)

My heart flutters to life, breaking free from the cocoon it’s been sheltered in for months. I don’t want breakfast. I just want him. “You won’t break me, Kaz.”

Deft fingers hook the sides of my undies and take them down, painfully slow as his eyes take me in. I want to squirm, to move from his view, but I stay still trying to fight against the humiliation Mark’s attack has caused me. I liked my body and now I feel shame. I hate him for making me feel unworthy of affection.

“Open your eyes.” His voice is low, but firm. I hadn’t realized my eyes were closed, much less squeezed tight. When I see him, his are set on me. “Don’t close your eyes when I’m touching you like that. I’ll stop if you want me to, but if I’m hurting you, tell me.”

“I’m sorry. You weren’t hurting me. I like you touching me.” I muster the courage to reveal my inner thoughts. “I feel embarrassed for you to see me like this.
He’s
made me feel embarrassed to show my body.”

“You have a beautiful body. These bruises will go away, but I’m worried he’s scarred your beautiful mind.”

“Me too. But I don’t want you to stop. Help me through this. I want you to touch me, to feel me, to hold me, and to fuck me. Make me feel you, only you, Kaz.”
Make me feel less battered and bruised.

He kisses my chest, healing my soul as his hands caress my body. His fingers dig deeper into my hips, then his hand slides up and squeezes my breasts. “Tell me you want me to fuck you again.”

I trail the tips of my fingers down his chest and lower until I’m holding his erection firmly in my hand. “Fuck me, Kaz.”

As he licks his lips, his hands go to my waist. “
Fuuuck
. Are you sure?”

“I want you to make me forget. Replace all the bad with this. I want you.” Just as he leans down to kiss me, my hands fly up to his chest to stop him. “Do you have a condom?”

“Shit!” He falls back heavily, his hands scrubbing over his face. Then he jumps up abruptly, surprising me. “I don’t have anything here. Maybe in my car?”

Sitting up quickly, I grab his arm before he takes off running naked out of the house. “I’ve got one.”

He looks back at me, an impressed expression on his face. “You do?”

“I do,” I reply with a little waggle of my eyebrows. “Ouch. Remind me not to do that again.”

“You’re not allowed to hurt yourself either. Where’s the condom?”

“In the bathroom drawer. I left it there the other day, just in case.” He’s gone only a few seconds before he returns with the packet between his teeth and a smirk that could light up LA. Lying back on my elbows, I watch him and anticipation builds.

Kaz is just as hard as he was a minute ago and I take that as a compliment. He crawls up the bed. If crawling can be done with swag, he owns it. Cocky, confident, and totally hot. He rips the package open, sits back, and rolls it on. With a nod of his head, he asks, “You ready for me?”

“I don’t know.”

His smile falters. “You don’t know?”

“No.” Spreading my legs, I add, “I think you should take a closer look and find out for yourself… with your mouth.”

His eyes go wide. “Damn, Lara.”

I shrug. “I know what I like.”

“You’re fucking sexy as hell.” Lowering down onto his stomach, he rests his upper body on his elbows. When his mouth is level with my vagina, he doesn’t wait for permission. He’s not gentle and doesn’t ease into it. Kaz just plants his mouth on me, causing my breath to flee momentarily, and kisses me much like he kissed me earlier, and the fire deep inside is reignited.

I collapse onto the mattress, my body sinking into it as his tongue teases and his lips embrace. A moan too breathy for my liking escapes and I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I can’t hold them open for long. His tongue swirls and I’m lost to the feeling again. My back arches until I grab the sheets on either side of my body to anchor me. A tornado forms, gathering strength on the inside and building into so much more until I can’t hold back any longer. I hold his head, my fingers woven into his hair, as I fall apart beneath him.

Loud moans and soft sighs are given to the man who makes me feel everything too much. Heat covers my chest and he slips up my body and peppers kisses across it. When he reaches my mouth, his eyes meet mine just as he presses down, our lips parting and our tongues finding each other again.

I feel a different pressure as he pushes up to look down at me. “You lied.”

“I did?”

“You’re ready for me.” A rough thrust forward and my head tilts back. I’m so full as a healthy stretch burns me in ecstasy.

When his chest meets mine, his head drops to my shoulder, and his body stops moving. His breath is heavy as if the whole world has weighed him down. I reach around and hold him, stroking the back of his hair, and whisper, “Hey there.”

Turning his head into the nook of my neck, he replies, “One sec.”

“Are you okay?”

He nods and starts moving again, slowly at first, then picks up the pace. Our bodies grind in love as we maneuver and relish each other. Pushing gently against his shoulders, I say, “I want to be on top.”

Rolling us over, I’m situated and moving, using his chest as leverage. He struggles to hold his composure, and my hips are grabbed as he slams into me, grunting in a way that is sexual and such a turn on that I can’t remain quiet. Sensations like these have to be expressed. “God, Kaz.”

My body gives in just as he calls my name, “Lara, fuck!” His enunciation is dirty and the ending a hard K to go with the orgasm.

I lie forward, my own body depleted and worn out in the best of ways. With our bodies pressed together, I give him three kisses. He whispers lyrics in my ear while strumming along my spine, leaving goose bumps in the melody’s wake. “He’ll never hurt you again. I promise.”

REGRET FILLS ME
as I watch Kaz sleeping. I shouldn’t have involved him in this mess that is my life, but he is just so damn irresistible.

It’s early in the afternoon, the day not shot. I get up quietly and tiptoe to the bathroom, taking my clothes from the floor with me. I shut the door and get dressed. When I’m done, I peek out. Kaz is still sleeping and I feel guilty for leaving.

I should stay.

I want to stay, but I know Mark and this will be bad if I don’t leave now. I walk out the door, then stop, tears filling my eyes. Everything about this moment. Everything I’m doing. It’s all wrong. Entirely wrong. Every bone in my body tells me to stay with him. I take another step, but my heart remains behind.

His phone is nearby. I need to call a cab. There’s cash in my jar at home. I can pay the driver when we get there. Taking another step, I stop again and look back at the door that divides me from something that feels like it could be more than just a few-night stands.

Kaz feels more like a forever.
Am I willing to walk away from my forever?

Can I walk away?

Turning around, I go back into the bedroom and undress again. I slip under the covers and into his arms as he curls around me. “You okay?” he asks, his voice husky from sleep.
More than okay. This feels right.

“I am now.”

“WHAT ARE YOU
gonna do?” Kaz asks.

The grass under my body tickles my hands. I sit up, looking around the backyard. “Go about life the best I can.” Feeling like this conversation is going to need more than I can give at this time, I stand up. “I should get going.”

He gets up, and with his hand on my lower back, he guides me inside. “I meant what I said. I want you to stay. At least for a few days.”

My heart listens as I’m reminded that he wants me, as I do him. My head wages a war against the possibility. “I know, but I need to go to mine. I can’t just disappear from my life as much as I want to right now.” I reach to grab my purse out of habit, but I don’t have anything here. “Do you mind driving me home?”

“Yes,” he says, looking irritated. “Why are you going home alone?”

“Because I live alone.”

“Does he have a key?”

He does.
“He won’t use it.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he meant—”

“What the fuck, Lara?” His voice is raised, but the anger isn’t directed at me. “Come home with me. Or let me get you a hotel for a few days, a week, enough time until you’re safe and have changed the locks.”

“I don’t want to live in fear.”

“Look where your bravery got you.”

“Stop,” I warn, my head starting to hurt again as I climb into the car. “I’m going home.” Then tears start to come again. When he gets in the car, I look at him, letting them fall. “I need to do this. I need to prove to myself, and to you, that I can be strong. I’m not this person. He’s made me into someone I don’t want to be.”

“You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to change for me. You don’t have to be anything but who you are with me. But you do need to be safe and I’m not as confident as you when it comes to that.”

“I can’t just stay away forever, Kaz.”

“Stay away another night.”

Looking down at my lap, I wish I could, but I don’t want us to be about him. Our time is precious. It matters in ways I can’t tell him yet. I won’t taint it any longer with my burdens. “I have to work.”

He watches me. Kaz sees everything and he knows I’m not giving in, so he shifts the car into gear and nods. “Okay.” Reaching over he rubs my leg. “I’ll buy you a coffee on the way.”

“Deal.”

After getting a large cafe mocha, I’m anxious to get home and shower. I’m sure Kaz is as well since the new house doesn’t have towels, soap, or clean clothes. After texting Lane to stop by and leave his key for me under the mat, I sit back. Kaz’s hand finds its way between mine and our fingers intertwine. His eyes are focused forward, the air in the car changing with the emotion that burdens us. “When will I see you again?” he asks.

“I’m not sure.” I glance out the window before saying, “I’m not sure about anything right now. I don’t know how to feel. I’m sorry. I know
what
I feel, but that seems to be all.” I take a deep breath and release it before finishing. “Obviously I have some stuff to sort out. But I can’t even think clearly until I clean up and assess the damage.”

“How does your face feel?”

“Tender to the touch, but I’m okay. A lot of it I can hide with heavy makeup. But I’ll work from home for a few days to make sure all the swelling is down. I don’t want this getting out.”

His words aren’t harsh, but there’s an underlying fury hiding in the question. “Why are you protecting him?”

“I’m protecting myself. I don’t want to answer questions about what happened. I just want it to go away.”

“Will
he
go away that easily?

Resting my arm under the window, I whisper, “I hope so.”

“I’m struggling not to go over and kick his ass for what he did. I need you to be angry as well.”

“I am. My head’s just crazed, my thoughts scattered. I can’t believe he did this to me, to be honest. I need time to think, to process what’s happened, and to make sure nothing else does.”

“Okay.” He pulls up to the front of my townhome. Before I can stop him, he’s out of the car and headed to my side. When the door opens, he says, “I’ll walk you up.” I won’t argue with him. He needs to do this and I like that he wants to.