The Risk: Scott's Story (Runaway Love Series Book 2) (3 page)

I feel as though I’ve been kicked in the stomach as Grace’s hurt swirls around me. I can barely breathe. What did I do? I’d never cause Grace this much pain on purpose!

“Grace, I swear I didn’t know. Paul said you were grocery shopping with Ms. Allen. I had to go, Grace. I couldn’t wait around. Yes, I trusted Paul to relay the message to you because he was doing me a favor. He promised he would tell you, and I had no reason to doubt him. I never saw him be mean to you. I honestly thought you made that stuff up because you were jealous of our friendship. Please, Grace, please understand I did everything I could under the circumstances.” I’m begging Grace to understand that this isn’t my fault. She has to understand I didn’t have a choice. I have to make her understand!

I’m met with silence so I continue, “I was out of time, Grace. I couldn’t come back because I had a plane to catch. Imagine how I felt when you never contacted me. Sure, I could’ve reached out to you again, but why should I have? I figured the ball was in your court and that if you really wanted me in your life, you would’ve contacted me. I was so distraught that I almost ruined my career.” A little voice starts nagging in the back of my mind, but I push it away. Now is not the time for me to think about the role I played in this misunderstanding.

“Scott, thank you for finally making things clear for me. Now I know you are nothing but a no-good-piece-of-shit asshole, and I can get on with my life.” The coldness in Grace’s voice sends shivers down my spine. Oh shit, I messed up.

My phone beeps, signaling she disconnected the call.

I go into my home gym and start hitting the weights. I mull over my conversation with Grace. I don’t know why Paul wouldn’t have told her I was there and relayed my message to her. I trusted him. What did Grace ever do to be mistreated by him? I start to become so mad at myself that I didn’t wait for –. Fuck! I drop the weights and get dressed. I’m not thinking about this anymore - I’m going out to drink.

Before I head out, though, I send Grace an email letting her know I want to see her. I hold my breath until her response comes five long minutes later, telling me that I’ll have to come to the States to see her. I let my breath out slowly and try not to smile. She’s still willing to see me! Yes, that’s my Grace. I arrange a flight for the following day before I call my driver to inform him he’ll need to take me to the airport in the morning. I can hardly believe that in less than forty-eight hours, I’m going to see Grace. But, reality quickly sets in, and I feel and hear the coldness that was evident in her voice before she hung up. She obviously hates me, and if I’m honest with myself, I can’t blame her. I know I won’t win her back, especially since she has a child. She’ll never give her child a broken home.

My mind is messed up as my inner demons take control. I try and drown my sorrows in drinking everything at the bar. The bartenders try to stop me, but I don’t care. Even though I can’t have her, I still need to figure out how to show Grace that I regret leaving her and I’m sorry. As I’m walking, well, stumbling actually, out of the bar, I’m blinded by camera flashes. All the fucking paparazzi are in my face trying to get a new drunken Scott Peters photo to sell. I push one of the morons out of my way before my bodyguard finally jumps in and leads me to the car. I’m sure that photo will be splashed all over the front pages. At least I’ll be on my way to America before Mr. Rivers sees it.

After landing in the States, I check into a nice, low-key bed and breakfast place. I had let Maxine know I was coming to America but didn’t tell her why, so she’s been calling my phone like crazy wanting to know what’s going on. I send Grace a text letting her know I arrived in New York and ask her to let me know where and when we can meet. She lets me know we can meet the following day at a park.

I get to the park early and find a picnic area toward the entrance so Grace will be able to see me. I’m nervous because I haven’t seen Grace in so long. What if I no longer recognize her? What if I don’t feel anything for her anymore? Hell, what if all my old feelings come back stronger than ever? I look up and notice a sexy redhead walking toward me with her hair pulled into a ponytail, smiling at me. I know it has to be her as my heart flutters and stomach butterflies swarm. Some things never change!

“Grace, is that you?” Of course those are the first stupid words out of my mouth! Grace starts to blush, and I know beyond all reason that she’s still my Grace.

When Grace was younger, I’d give her little compliments just so I could see her blush. Something about that simple act always made me smile. As soon as she’s next to me, I stand up and grab Grace into a tight hug and swing her around. Even though she’s stiff in my arms, I don’t want to put her down. She looks at me like she’s a little confused, but I don’t care - it’s been so long since I’ve touched her soft, smooth skin and inhaled her scent.

At her suggestion, we walk for a little while before stopping at some benches to talk.

“Grace, does your husband know you’re out here with me?” I blurt out.

“Of course Tony doesn’t know. Do you really think my husband would allow me to come meet up with the man who’s owned my entire heart and soul all these years? No! He doesn’t know anything, and I intend to keep it that way,” Grace responds hotly.

I know it’s a stupid question to have asked, but I need to know that my and Grace’s meeting is just between us. I take a deep breath and turn to look her in the eyes.

“Grace, I could hear the hurt in your voice when we talked the other day, and it really affected me. I was totally taken by surprise by what you said, so I knew we needed to talk about this once and for all. We both deserve to know the truth about what happened.” I’m impressed by how calm I’m explaining myself, especially since every part of me is telling me to grab Grace and kiss her like she’s never been kissed before.

“What truth Scott? The
only
truth I need to know is that you didn’t bother to wait for me. I have nothing else to reveal. I didn’t do anything to cause you pain or destroy your entire being.
You
left
me
! No, you
ABANDONED
me like my parents did. You could’ve come back for me; you should’ve come back for me, no matter what you thought I knew or didn’t know. I was only fifteen when you left. Did you ever consider that maybe I couldn’t contact you because something was wrong? NO! You went off and lived your life the way you wanted to live it – with no baggage and no responsibilities while I – while I…” Grace is overcome with emotion as she begins to take big breaths to avoid crying.

Ouch! The truth hurts – that’s definitely the truth. My soul fills with hurt, regret, and sadness for all the pain I caused this beautiful woman. I want to help calm her down so I place my hand on her arm to try to help her, but she simply shrugs me off.

“Listen, Grace, I apologize with all my heart. If I could turn back time, God knows I would. I had just gotten picked up for this soccer team, and I had to leave right away to go overseas. If I waited, I would’ve lost my spot.” I’m trying to make her understand why I did what I did. She has to understand I didn’t have a choice!

“That’s your excuse, Scott? That’s how you rationalize it in your mind? Give me more credit than that, please. You don’t leave your entire life, your country, after ‘just’ joining a team. They obviously would’ve given you time to get ready and put your affairs in order. You would’ve had to have time to get a passport at least! Why didn’t you take any of that time to tell me? You knew I wouldn’t have been able to leave with you that day, but we could’ve kept in touch. I wouldn’t have been a burden to you. Do you have any idea how much damage your selfishness caused? Do you care about what happened to me? Do you even want to know how you almost destroyed me?”

Oh, my God! What the fuck did I do to my sweet, innocent Grace? The anguish in her voice and in her eyes kills me, and the realization of how my actions affected her begins to settle like a lead balloon in the pit of my stomach. But, I still have to make sure she knows she wasn’t the only one affected by what happened.

“I did this for you, for us! Why can’t you appreciate that? You don’t realize how upset I was that you weren’t there. I was all alone in a foreign country with no support system whatsoever. I literally had to start my life over again. I rebelled so much when I first started playing overseas. I partied and drank and broke so many rules I can’t believe my ass wasn’t kicked straight back to America. But, I realized I had coaches and a team who believed in me and depended on me. I couldn’t let them down, especially after all they did for me. They became my family -”

“
They
depended on you?
They
believed in you?
They
were your family? What about
ME
? Oh my God, Scott! Are you listening to anything I am saying? You have the nerve to tell me
they
were more important to you? So, I basically meant nothing to you.” Grace’s words cut me to my core and force me to finally face the truth.

“Grace, stop. Whatever path your mind is taking you down, just stop. I was still a kid. I was on my own for the first time after leaving Ms. Allen’s. I was so confused and scared as I tried to navigate my new reality by myself. You were on my mind constantly. Every decision I made, I thought of you. Every place I went, I thought of you. You and our life together were what kept me going, Grace. I never lied to you about how much you meant to me. Please, don’t ever think that. I was stupid, naïve, and wrong. Yes, I admit I reveled in the praise and admiration from my coaches, teammates, and later on, my fans. If I’m being honest, I wanted that to myself at first. Being loved by so many people was so intoxicating. It took over my life and led me to make many poor decisions. What I came to realize, though, was that their love wasn’t real or lasting. No, it was temporary and fleeting and depended on my skills and performance. Your love was the only real love I had – it was permanent and had no strings attached. Our love was perfect, but I ruined it. By the time I realized what I had done, I knew I could never expect you to forgive me or take me back…” I pause to wipe the tears from my eyes. I can’t believe I’m being honest with both Grace and myself. I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about her feelings for the first time. How in the hell could I have hurt her so much? Why didn’t I consider her feelings more than my own? Why did I become such a selfish, self-absorbed prick?

“Scott –”

“Wait, one more thing... Years later, I discovered that you had settled down. You were married and had a child. I didn’t want to interfere in your life since you finally had the family you always wanted. I was happy for you because it meant you forgot all about me and moved on with your life. It showed me that I did make the right decision in leaving you.”

“I never moved on, Scott. I just coped with the reality that you were never coming back for me. Tony was there to help me through everything. You were, no, you are the only man I have ever truly loved. You’re the family I always wanted, that I still want. You need to accept responsibility for your actions, Scott, and stop rationalizing things. Any decisions I made were because of your actions. Grow up, Scott, and admit what you did. You hurt me. You destroyed me. Tony put me back together as best he could.”

“I’m sorry; I’m so very sorry. You’re right. I do need to accept the facts and face reality. I should’ve done more, Grace. I should’ve figured out how to keep you in my life. Part of me thought that you would still be waiting for me after I finished living an exciting life playing soccer. I imagined you watching all my games, cheering me on, and collecting all the articles written about me and putting them in a scrapbook for us to look at and share with our kids. There is no excuse for what I did to you. I honestly didn’t know Paul wouldn’t tell you. I wondered briefly why you never tried to contact me, but I got caught up in living a carefree, wealthy lifestyle. I never forgot about you, but I did put you in the back of my mind. After your phone call, I went on a huge drinking binge that I haven’t been on in a long time. My heart was crushed because I knew I hurt you. I couldn’t handle the anguish in your voice because I knew I put it there. I finally admitted to myself that I regretted not waiting to see you that day.” There. I said it. I finally admitted the truth that I kept trying to keep hidden with alcohol. I fucked up. I fucked up my life. I fucked up Grace’s life. I fucked up the life we were destined to have together. For the first time, I don’t feel sorry for myself – I just feel sorry for the situation.

“When you left, I made myself believe you were going to come back for me. I stayed at Ms. Allen’s until I was eighteen, longer than I ever wanted to, because I thought that was the only place you’d be able to find me. I searched high and low for you, but I couldn’t find you. Not knowing where you were or what happened to you drove me crazy. I kept imagining the worst scenarios! It was like Scott Fordham just ceased to exist one day. Why the FUCK did you change your last name?” I’m relieved that our conversation is turning to something I can handle. I look up at Grace and suddenly want her next to me.