The River Leith (5 page)

He wasn’t sure who that was, but he tried to feign some interest in the conversation once he discovered it was Marian’s little brother. He found that it was easier to pretend to care sometimes than to admit that he simply had no clue about a subject and didn’t really want to gain one.

In the afternoon, Leith sat through a group therapy session with David Mueller, who was crying, again, about the fact that he just found out
—
again
—
that he couldn’t make any more memories. Also Jan Troxell repeating the weather report for the morning, and then bursting into tears because she couldn’t remember her daughter’s name…again.

Leith always left these sessions feeling depressed and frustrated. He usually offered up a few meager sentences of his own, mostly about his concern that his brother had to spend so much money and time on him, and sometimes he’d mention that he was angry his father had died during the time that he couldn’t remember.

But he said as little as possible for so many reasons. For one thing, David Mueller and Jan Troxell wouldn’t remember what he said next session anyway. As for the counselor, she was boring and never offered up anything that he didn’t already know for himself. “It’ll take some time,” Leith muttered under his breath along with her.

The rehab facility’s food was dry and tasteless, and Leith pitied Arthur almost as much as he pitied himself as he watched his brother choke down a tray of it late that afternoon by Leith’s bed.

“Arthur,” Leith said, pushing his food around on his plate. “Have you ever smelled something, and it reminded you of something else, but you couldn’t think of just what?”

Arthur looked up, his eyes narrowed with curiosity. “Sure, everyone experiences that. What makes you ask? Have you remembered something? Something you’d forgotten?”

Leith thought of the bird again, the small wounded thing that flew into the brush and hid itself from him. He thought of Zach’s eyes, and the way he’d looked at Leith, and he shook his head. “No, nothing in particular. There was a bird once, a long time ago. I keep thinking of him. A little golden-crowned kinglet.”

Arthur shrugged, and took another bite of his food before pushing the tray away and leaning back in the soft chair. “There were birds all over the old house when we were kids.”

“Yeah.” Leith shrugged too. “Arthur, what did I do besides boxing? I asked Marian and Ava earlier, but they weren’t much help. Didn’t I have any hobbies?”

“You went to school and had a job in my bar,” Arthur said, smiling and sniffing a little ostentatiously. “It’s a nice place. You worked the bar, waited tables, and did a little clean up. It gave you enough income so you could afford your books and school. And your training costs, since you insisted on boxing.”

Leith searched his mind. He didn’t remember ever being behind a bar, much less working one. Or going to college, for that matter. He’d talked about his plans to go while he was in prison, but last he knew, all he had was a high school diploma and a criminal record. He tried to imagine himself in a lecture hall and failed miserably.

Arthur smiled at him, gray eyes gleaming. “You could come back when you get out. Though you’ll have to ask Zach about it, I guess. I’m sure he won’t
—
well, I doubt he’d mind.” Arthur sounded suddenly hesitant. “Ah well, we’ll have to see how it all turns out. It’s hard to say just now. There’s so much we have to wait and see about.”

“Does the doctor actually think I’ll ever get my memory back?” Leith had never asked outright, and no one had ever given him any direct information about this aspect of his prognosis.

Arthur waved a hand as though it were an unimportant consideration. “Why bother worrying about that now? You have a lot on your mind
—
”

“Arthur,” Leith said. “It’s my life. I have a right to know these things.”

Arthur nodded slowly, and then pushed the chair back a bit. That small motion alone told Leith all he needed to know.

“Well,” Arthur began, averting his eyes, and then templing his long fingers in his lap before looking at Leith again. “The doctor believes that, due to the location and extent of your injury, the chances of you regaining your memory are rather slim. We’ve been told that we can’t expect it to happen…ever. And…some of us have had a harder time with that than others.”

“Who’s us?”

“Your friends and me, of course.” Arthur pursed his lips in a cynical way. “The psychiatrist told us that it’s a process of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, blah blah blah,” Arthur waved his hand again. “The main thing is that you’re alive, you’re here, and you’ll be just fine.” He gripped Leith’s forearm and squeezed it. “Just fine, do you understand?”

Leith nodded, and took a slow breath. He wondered what stage of grief he was in, or if what he felt was grief at all. He pushed the plate of food away and nodded toward the corner of his room where there was a small table. “Hand me that basket. I think there’s some of that cheese left. Have you tasted it? Zach said it’s my favorite.”

Arthur reached the basket to Leith, saying softly, “Zach would know.”

That night, Leith flicked through the various screens on his cell phone. There were only a few photos on the phone, and no text messages. It was as though it had all been cleared off. Leith looked at the pictures: one of Arthur with his arm around a dark-haired woman wearing a Blue Flight T-shirt, and one of Zach behind a bar with a big, cheesy grin on his face. There was another of Marian with crossed-eyes and Zach behind her making bunny ears. And there was one of Ava playing tennis with Zach at an indoor court.

Leith swiped to the texting function and chose Zach’s name. He tapped the little keyboard with his thumbs.

I’d like it if you could visit tomorrow.

Ten minutes later his phone beeped, and Zach’s reply appeared on the screen.

I guess you’re out of food? Missing that cheese already?

Smiling, Leith hit reply.

The food is welcome. You would be even more welcome.

Leith paused before hitting send, pondering if the comment seemed…odd. But he finally sent it. If Zach was his best friend then the idea that Leith wanted to see him wouldn’t be unwanted. The response was almost immediate.

I’ll be there. 10 am?

Excitement fluttered through Leith. He hadn’t looked forward to anything but getting out of the hospital until now.

Whenever. I’ve got nowhere to go, unless you count art therapy. But my clay birds suck. I can skip it.

The reply from Zach came in a few heartbeats.

It’s a date.

Leith smiled and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. He remembered something, and texted Zach again.

Bring photos?

The reply took several minutes this time, but it finally came.

Sure. See you tomorrow.

Leith fluffed his pillow and turned out the light. In the dark he pretended the ceiling was the sky, and fell asleep counting imaginary stars.

TWO WEEKS EARLIER

VLOG ENTRY #2

INT. BLUE FLIGHT – BOOTH – NIGHT

Zach is pale. His eyes are red-rimmed, and he a several-days-old beard.

ZACH

Hello, my loves.

He clears his throat.

I’m sorry for the delay in posting a vlog. I know
—
I promised to do a new one every week, and now… Now it has been two…two very long weeks. Sometimes each hour has felt like ten years, or an eon, or forever. Just endless.
Endless
.

His lips tremble, and he blinks rapidly.

Allow me to explain. As you remember, Leith was competing for the title of New York Amateur Boxing Champion. It was a difficult fight. His opponent
—
I don’t even want to say his name. I won’t say it.

He rubs his eyes.

Leith was well-matched. In fact, he was having the fight of his life. Though there were times I wasn’t sure he was going to come out on top, he was still managing to land more punches than the other guy. Seeing him take a beating and keep going was exhilarating and excruciating all at once. Then… It happened at the end of the eleventh round. See, up until then Leith stood an excellent chance of winning.