The River of Dancing Gods (8 page)

Ruddygore smiled. "Exactly! That is exactly it! I doubt if anybody anywhere understands all that's in those volumes. Fact is, you just live in the world and you aren't even aware that what you live with is one of the Rules. It's just the way things are. And they're constantly being revised and rewritten. Biggest mistake we made was forming a subcommittee to look over 43 JACK L. CHALKER the Rules and throw out the bad and resolve some of the basic contradictions that came up. Instead, the fatheads just increased the amount of Rules..

"It's the tax code, all right," Joe said agreeably.

"Only it's worse, since what's in there affects everything and everybody," Ruddygore pointed out. "You have no choice in the matter. And you have no idea—yet—just how petty it can get. And how silly. In fact, that's one thing we will have ,to attend to right away with the two of you. Right now you're aliens in this land and still pretty much outside the Rules. If we don't attune you to them before you leave Terindell, all those dumb things will fall on you at the same time, and the Creator alone knows what sort of terrible things might happen to you. Poquah, is the lab in good shape?.

"Excellent, sir," the creature replied, and both Joe and Marge almost jumped out of their chairs. Poquah was standing there with a service cart filled with pitchers and tankards—for how long he had been present, they couldn't say. There hadn't been a sound from either him or the service.

Ruddygore chuckled at the two. "I admit Poquah takes some getting used to. He is my closest aide and boss of this place, second only to myself in authority. However, he is an Imir— a race distantly related to those elves you saw, but very distantly.

The Imir are large, as you can see, and a warrior race if there ever was one..

Poquah served the tankards to the three of them in a good, Page 36 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods professional butler manner, but then poured a fourth for himself and took the last chair. He still looked something like a stickman, bending only at right angles.

The Imir took a swallow from the tankard and put it down on the carpet. "We deny relation to elves," he said proudly.

"Except, perhaps, the other way around. We have little in common, elves and Imir..

"His people have a basic gift of faerie,* though," Ruddygore told them, "honed in the Imir's case to a fine edge. You simply will not see or notice them until and unless they want to be seen or noticed. It is a trait many of the magical folk have, * Faerie refers to the heritage, magic nature, power, and "realm" of fairies in general; it has a connotation of that which is withdrawn from human ken. Fairy refers in more specific manner to individuals, races, trails, and abilities of the fairy folk; its connotation is more that of a normal, day-to-day existence.

44 THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS but in their case it is a defensive one, triggered by startlement, apprehension, or fear. In the case of the Imir, they can turn it on and off at will—a very handy thing for warriors..

"I can see that," Marge agreed.

"Well, Poquah, what do you think of our two new recruits?.

the sorcerer asked.

Poquah looked over at the two of them, those red eyes surveying first Joe, then Marge. "Interesting choices," he said at last. "But as a pilot project, they may do. I am surprised at the presence of the woman, but it adds symmetry to the entire affair..

Ruddy gore smiled. "The Imir are not known for tact and diplomacy," he told them. "They tell you exactly what they think..

"Diplomacy and tact are basic dishonesties developed by races who can not fight," the Imir responded casually. "They are unnecessary to the Imir..

Ruddy gore sighed and got up. "Very well, then. Let me get a change of clothes, and we'll see to making a proper hero and heroine out of the two of you..

CHAPTER 4 HOW TO MAKE A GOOD APPEARANCE All persons brought from other universes must be physically acclimated to this one and bound to the Laws and the Rules.

—XX, 210, 116(a) Page 37 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods WHAT RUDDYGORE CALLED HIS LABORATORY WAS A STRANGE cross between a real lab and something out of the Middle Ages.

There were compartments, basins, beakers, and flasks very much like those in a school chemistry lab, and there was even a source of natural gas with small Bunsen burner-type nozzles on flexible hoses. There was drainage in the basins, too, although water was strictly a hand-pump affair from several lo- JACK L. CHALKER 45 cations. Other parts of the place, though, were what Joe called "strictly voodoo..

There were open areas with all sorts of mystic and cabalistic designs on the floors; long candelabras and incense burners in the shape of odd and demonic idols stood about. Here, too, were braziers and all the other paraphernalia one would expect of an ancient court magician or high priest. There was even an area with an unpleasant-looking altar set into one wall.

Even in the modem part, with its hundreds of little drawers and compartments, things were less than usual. Bat's blood, a jar of eyes of newts, and other things even less pleasant revealed themselves when Joe opened a few compartments out of curiosity.

A drawer full of live spiders, quickly slammed shut again, ended his meddling in a hurry.

Ruddygore entered from the rear, near the altar, looking quite different from how he had looked earlier, resplendent now in flowing robes of sparkling gold and wearing a skullcap of the same material.

He smiled and nodded to them, then went over to one of the clear areas near the altar and glanced down in disgust.

"Damn. Have to get a mop first and wait for the floor to dry.

Damned adepts with their love spells....

Still grumbling, he got a fairly ordinary-looking mop out of the base of an exotic offering stand, pumped out some water from one of the well basins, soaked the mop, and quickly erased the designs on the center of the floor. Replacing it all, he wiped his hands on a towel and came over to them.

"I'll have to wait for the whole thing to dry," he said. "I need to sketch out a few new designs down there." He sighed.

"Well, we can use the time a bit to discuss your future..

"That interests me a lot," Joe told him, and Marge nodded.

"Well, let me start with you, Joe. Did you ever imagine yourself off in some other time and some other place as the hero of a big epic? You seem fond of show business, by your remarks. Ever imagine yourself as one of those big, strong heroes?.

Joe thought a moment. "Not really. Not from movies or TV, anyway..

"Not even when you were a kid?.

He thought a moment more. "Yeah. I guess so. I'm more than half native American, you know, mixed with Seminole Page 38 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods 46 THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS and whatever part of Puerto Rican is from the old days. I used to like to hear the old folks' stories about how it was before the white man. You know, the great civilizations of the past.

A lot of times I saw myself as the great warrior chief, riding down with super power and wisdom, turning back the white man and saving the old ways. Kind of silly for a kid from South Philly, I guess, whose idea of wilderness was Fairmont Park, but it does something to a kid when all the other kids are playing cowboys and yeu know what you are..

Ruddygore nodded thoughtfully. "I can see that. Can you think back to it clearly? I mean, can you visualize that warrior chief? What he looked like?.

Joe considered. "Yeah. I think I can. Sort of..

"Okay, then. Just hold that vision and don't let go." The sorcerer turned to Marge. "And you? Any super cowgiris.

Beautiful princesses? Amazonian warriors?.

She smiled wistfully. "Yeah..

"Which one?.

"All of 'em..

The sorcerer chuckled. "Well, if you had to pick one, some vision of yourself—perhaps as the warrior queen, gutsily defending her splendid golden castle....

She thought it over and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Yeah. I can think of a dozen novels I've practically lived again and again..

"All right. Just keep that vision in mind." He looked over at the floor. "I see it's dry now. Let me make my preparations..

He reached inside the mouth of a hideous bronze idol set in the wall and took out what proved to be a piece of thick, soft chalk. Working rapidly, he positioned first Joe, then Marge, about eight feet apart in the clear area, then started drawing around each of them on the smooth slate floor with the chalk.

The designs were identical. Pentagrams, clearly and solidly drawn, and outside each pentagram a six-pointed star. He got up from the floor and said, "Now, neither of you move. Not an inch outside those pentagrams—not until I tell you. Understand?.

Joe looked nervous and uncomfortable. 'The real conjure stuff," he murmured uneasily.

The sorcerer nodded. "The real stuff, Joe. You in particular should understand that you stay where you are at all costs.

JACK L. CHALKER 47 Marge, you take it seriously, too." He backed up a distance from both of them, then drew a new, larger pentagram around the two recruits, this time with Ruddygore inside. From a small Page 39 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods valise also inside the outer design he removed candles and long candlesticks, which he proceeded to set at each of the five points of the outer pentagram. He lighted each candle in turn with a long stick which was burning at one end, being careful at no time to cross the outer pentagram. Then, stepping back, he proceeded to draw the same design around himself as around the other two, so that he was equidistant from them and facing them. He checked everything visually to make sure it was all to his satisfaction, nodded, and took a deep breath.

"It is a simple spell. Child's play, really. But you get to be an old sorcerer not only from long study but also because you never take even the easy ones for granted. Now, don't be startled by anything that happens from now on. Take it as a show, a magic trick, but for the sake of your souls, do not break your own pentagrams!.

"You gonna conjure a demon?" Joe asked uneasily.

"That's about it," Ruddygore agreed. "A very minor one of little importance, but it owes me. It will appear between us, so I warn you about that right now. It may look fearsome; but as long as you remain totally within your pentagrams, it can not touch you, let alone harm you. It may also sound very decent and civilized, but don't let that fool you, either. At this level, the demons are more raw emotion than intellect and have just about no self-control. If you break your pentagram, it will almost certainly eat you and carry your soul to Hell as its eternal slave. There would be nothing I could do about that—understand?.

They both nodded, and Marge couldn't help thinking over and over, My god, this isn't a dream or a joke—it's real\ As for Joe, he'd had no doubts from the beginning.

"All right," Ruddygore said, taking a deep breath. "Here we go..

With that he closed his eyes and began chanting, softly, in a language neither of the other two could comprehend. It was an ancient tongue, though, seemingly of some race that far predated humanity, and it was not designed for the human vocal system.

It's no wonder sorcerers also go in for all sorts of potions, 48 THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS Marge thought, hearing it. They all have to have chronic sore throats.

For a while, nothing happened, and the newcomers began to think that nothing would occur. Then, quite slowly, they both realized that the light level was sinking ever so gradually, the torches and lamp flames shrinking in intensity. It was growing, abruptly, quite dark; within four or five minutes, all light sources in the lab were out, except the five candles at the outer pentagram points. Again a minute or two passed with nothing else happening, but the air grew thick with expectancy.

Suddenly, in the space between Ruddy gore and themselves, there was a disturbance in the air. It began as a few silver and gold sparkles, but slowly, about three feet from the floor, the sparkles increased in number and intensity and started to swirl, Page 40 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods forming after a time a sparkling whirlpool or galaxy shape which quickly widened, took a new shape, and outlined a grotesque figure in its tiny flashing pattern. The sparkles suddenly vanished, and the shape became solid and real before them.

It was a terribly ugly creature, round and squat, in some ways resembling a toad but with a face that was more piglike than anything else, complete with two big, curved, boarlike tusks and lots and lots of teeth. It was hairless, naked, and stood on two birdlike feet. Its eyes were round and bright yellow with black dots in the center, like the eyes of a fish, and, like them, seemed lidless. The skin itself was mottled, gray and greenish, the color of death and mold—and it stank up the place to high heaven.

It looked up at Ruddygore—being only three feet high— and gave a nasty grin. "You don't mind if I check you out?.

it rasped in an unpleasant, grating voice. "Even the best slip up now and then..

"Be my guest," the sorcerer responded.

With that the creature waddled around, checking the designs around each of the three humans, then walking the length of the outer pentagram. Finally satisfied, it returned to the middle of the three and again looked at Ruddygore. "They're good enough to restrain me," the demon admitted without sounding in any way surprised. "Wouldn't hold an elemental or anything stronger, though. You're slipping in your old age..