The Road to Redemption (14 page)

What he found in his travels was a lot of human suffering. He wanted to find the reason for human suffering and a way out of such suffering. It is recorded that not only did he eventually achieve this, but became an enlightened human being in the process and devoted his life to helping others achieve enlightenment.

Some of the major differences they had discovered between Buddhism and Christianity were:

Firstly, there are no miracles to believe in Buddhism and Siddhartha’s mother was not a virgin. He did not claim to be God or even “a god” or “the son of God” even “the prophet of a god”.

Secondly, unlike Christianity where followers are required to believe without questioning, the Buddha actually encouraged his followers to question everything he said. Only by questioning said the Buddha, can followers decide for themselves and gain a full understanding. With their enquiring minds, both Jane and James liked this, as it was in line with what Socrates had taught.

Thirdly, underlying Buddhism is the notion of impermanence. Nothing is permanent; everything is changing all the time. Nothing stays the same. A tree grows new leaves but eventually dies; erosion wears even a rock away. So how can people believe in a God who is constant and never changing? In fact Buddhism is, as much a philosophy as it is a religion.

After their marriage Jane and James had decided to return to Australia, but found the “consumer society” not to their liking, after their “awakening” and marriage in India. So for a time they had lived on a commune at Nimbin, where Alice was born. However just as things had changed in America from the love and peace generation, so too they were changing in Nimbin. New hard drugs like heroin and speed were being brought into the commune and by the time Alice was 10, it had been time to leave.

They had both decided it was time to return to the mainstream, James becoming a professor and lecturing at the university and Jane running an art gallery. Eventually they had saved enough to buy the cottage and land at Tyrone.

So now, here was John, sitting in the kitchen at Tyrone, talking to a woman who had experienced life to the full and was a deep thinker. He had expected her to be knowledgeable about art, but he was finding she was obviously well read too. The discussion was fascinating. They even got to talking about how Galileo Galilei had tried to tell the church that the earth revolves around the sun, not vice versa and had spent his final years under house arrest for his troubles. They discussed Descartes and the importance of the saying “I think therefore I am”, that was so important during the age of enlightenment, that allowed the industrial revolution to take place. It seemed they agreed on nearly everything.

Then without warning, Jane gently put her hand across onto his lower arm and said, “Give her time.” Then, without missing a beat, continued on talking with him, about The Age of Enlightenment, just as if she had said nothing out of context.

This was a lovely woman. I wish my mother had been more like her, John thought to himself. All his mother could talk about was bowls and what was happening at the local RSL Club.

Then he noticed on the wall a framed script that read:

“Buddhist Wedding Prayer “

“Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech, and mind.

In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly.

The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.

Lama Thubten Yeshe  1979”

Jane noticed him reading it.

“That was part of our wedding ceremony,” she offered
.

They chatted on and John mentioned her husband being in hospital, but she didn’t seem to want to talk too much about it, so he dropped the subject.

It occurred to John that while he had a cursory knowledge of art and some of the important people in history, this woman had a deep understanding. John had studied art and history, not so much to learn from it, but so he could relate more to his real estate clients. Many had copies of famous paintings in their homes. Being able to show a knowledge of different artists and their styles of painting, was a way of gaining credibility with them.

It was time for him to go and she saw him to the door.

“Visit us any time John,” she said as he left.

There had been far more to Jane’s talk with John than a simple academic discussion about history. Alice had told Jane about the affair with John and Jane could see her daughter had been deeply affected by it. Jane wanted to get to know this man who had made such a big impact on her daughter’s life. She was using the discussion about artists and other important people in history, to see who John admired and who he didn’t. She was trying to see the real John, rather than the persona he so effectively projected.

She had seen something there briefly, but John was very good at evasion, when it came to revealing his true feelings. He was obviously extremely smart and highly aware, so why did he need to put up barriers around himself? Jane walked back into the house to think about it.

While this had been going on in the cottage, Alice had been sitting on the edge of the wharf, with her feet dangling in the water. She was moving them back and fourth, but was not really concentrating on them. She was lost in deep thought. How could she have found making love with John so deep and meaningful? How could she have felt she had made such a deep connection, with such a hollow and dishonest man? This was not supposed to happen. What had started out as a fling, had somehow turned into something else.

She was always honest with Bill, but she knew John was totally dishonest with his wife. She hated dishonesty. That's why she had told John after they had made love the last time “That's your problem isn’t it?” because she knew he wouldn’t be able to tell his wife. He had to keep up an image, just like he had at his office that day, by pretending she was a client, when it was obvious to everyone else, even the Italian restaurant owner, she was not. She had felt that John could never be an honest man, his ego was too big, he was too concerned with appearances, too concerned with making a big impression. Too concerned with material possessions and money. That’s why she had dressed to the nines when she had gone to his office. She was showing him she could play his own game back at him. If only she knew how successful she had been.

She had been at the point of dismissing the whole thing and going back to Bill. But the love making with John had been something she had never experienced before. It had seemed so deep and meaningful. Much deeper than with Bill, or any other man she had been with, for that matter. However, she had come to the point where she had decided the deep and feeling emotions, were all coming from her and not from John. He could never feel the way she did. He just wasn’t capable of it, was he?

Then suddenly John had appeared on the wharf. She had just convinced herself it was all over and she was going back to Bill, when suddenly there he was. That’s why she had told him to fuck off. He could never be honest with himself, could he? He had come into her life and totally confused her. Just when she had got her emotions under control and rationalised the whole situation, suddenly there he was and they were out of control again. How could he do this to her?

John had turned up at her parent’s cottage. By doing this he had penetrated her private sanctuary, the place where she had always felt at peace with herself. The place where she came to when she wanted to get away from the world and reflect on life. But now there was no peace here either. Why had John come here? Was it just to torment her more? Her sanctuary and personal space had been violated; it had become a place of confusion and torment, rather than a place of peace and rest.

She was not the only one who was confused.

Talking to Jane had dulled John’s mental pain for a while. She was so calm and caring. Just like that moment with Alice on the Wilson’s balcony, which now seemed eons ago. But now he was driving away and suddenly, a whole lot of thoughts came rushing back at him.

“ Get out of my fucking life, do you hear me?” and “Give her time”. These two conflicting statements kept going round and round in his head. So much so, he wasn’t concentrating on the narrow gravel road. He came around a corner too fast and lost control. “Wham” the BMW slid sideways and side swiped a tree, finally coming to rest in a ditch on the side of the road.

He was in shock. Slowly he extracted himself from the car to survey the damage. His mind was in such a state he didn’t even care anymore. His car, that had once been his prized possession, was the furthest thing from his mind right now. Shit, there was a huge scrape all down the left hand side and the engine had stopped into the bargain. Nothing to do about the damage, but would it start? Yes it would. He put it into reverse. The wheels spun and then suddenly gripped.  The car shot backwards into a tree on the other side of the track. He slammed on the brakes. This time he didn’t get out to look. He had smashed in the back of the car as well.

Chapter  15  Welcome Home

It was late afternoon as John pressed the button to open the gate and turned into his driveway. Audry was there watering the lawn. She took one look at the car and started running towards it, screaming,

“What the fuck have you been doing to my car, John?”

There were two things unusual about this. Firstly Audry was using the “fuck” word. She was so prim and proper; John had never heard her say that before. Also she was referring to the BMW as her car. She had a Mazda in the garage that was HER car.

She was running straight in front of the passenger side of the car, still screaming at him. He had to come to an emergency stop to avoid hitting her. Next, she was pulling at the passenger door, but it was all bashed in and wouldn’t open. She ran around the back of the car to get to the drivers side. He was just opening the door. She grabbed it and started screaming in his face.

“Look at the car its filthy dirty and banged in all down the passenger side and all across the back. Look at you, you have blood and shit all over you.”

That was another word he had never heard her use, thought John. These thoughts were racing through his head. Two women screaming at him in the one day, well that's something that also hasn’t happened before.

“Get fucked Audry.” That was now something he had never said to her before.

She was still in his face, screaming at him

“What will the neighbours think?”

“Fuck the neighbours.”

John left the car where it was in the driveway, pushed Audry out of the way and headed for the scotch cupboard in the lounge room. He flung it open. It was empty, Audry had hidden his scotch. She had followed him into the house and was standing at the entrance to the lounge room. He swung around,

“If you don’t give my scotch right this second, I swear I’ll bash your fuckin head in.”

He was too serious to argue with, especially after the previous night. Audry went to the kitchen took the scotch out of a cupboard and virtually threw it at him. He caught it before it hit the floor. He grabbed the bottle, ripped the stopper off it and started to swig, straight out of the bottle.

“You disgusting alcoholic,” yelled Audry

“What the hell are you doing, what am I married to?” She was both yelling at him and pleading at the same time.

“That’s your problem isn’t it., isn’t it, isn’t it......?” John started to mumble incoherently as he took another big swig.

“What on earth are you talking about John?”

“Give her some time. Time is the answer......,”  John’s thoughts were becoming confused. He took another big swig out of the bottle.

“I think you’re going insane, John.”  What the hell are you trying to do to me?”

Audry was getting desperate. She had never seen her husband like this before. John had always been totally in control. Everything always had to be perfect, the house, the car, everything. But today he had turned up with the car filthy and all bashed in and he looked like something out of a horror movie, with dirt and blood all over him and a torn shirt and dirty bandage around his arm, into the bargain. Now he was starting to talk nonsense, gibberish. She was angry, but now she was also becoming frightened. Her husband was obviously out of his tree.