The Rules of Regret (29 page)

“
You gotta work on not throwing things
at your girlfriend!
”
I shot back. Immediately, I realized what I
’
d just said, and for a moment, I
wished my shoe had clocked me in the head instead and knocked some sense into
me. I wasn
’
t
Torin's girlfriend. Why had I just said that?

“
Did you just say my girlfriend?
”
His eyes were huge, like a deer that
had two headlights careening toward it. I could almost see my reflection in
those big green irises.

“
I didn
’
t mean it,
”
I quickly backpedalled and Torin
pursed his lips in disappointment, saying,
“
You didn
’
t? How come?
”

“
Because I
’
m not your girlfriend.
”

I
wasn
’
t.
I wasn
’
t
really Lance
’
s
anymore, that much I knew, but I wasn
’
t
Torin
’
s,
either. I wasn
’
t
at all sure what this reality between us even was, or if it could be classified
as a reality at all. The more I thought about it (and I
’
d spent quite a bit of this morning
thinking about it), the more our story had the telltale makings of a rebound written
all over it. He
’
d
said before that his longest relationship had been six weeks. And here we were:
week four. It killed me to think that we might only have two left.

Striding
across the room, Torin came to my bedside and slipped the neckline of my top
down. His finger traced the ink on my skin he
’
d left there the night before. A
shiver followed along that same path as the tip of his fingernail skated across
my skin like the fire lit on a fuse. Everything in me started to tingle, a
buzzing that registered deep in my core. Just that slow, seductive touch
brought me to a place where I felt like I could explode.
“
So you
’
re not my girlfriend, huh?
”
he questioned, eyes snapping up to
mine.
“
Because
here it says you
’
re
my siren, my lighthouse, and my muse.
”

The
pen was still on the nightstand, but not for long. Torin yanked it from it
’
s position, threw the cap to the
floor, and pulled the neck of my tank down dangerously low, the arc of my chest
exposed. He scribbled something frantically, and then tossed the pen to the
ground just before tossing me back onto the mattress. His mouth plunged down to
mine, and the reservation I
’
d
had about opening it earlier was gone. Forget minty freshness; Torin didn
’
t seem to care one bit, so neither
did I. His tongue pulled in and out of my mouth hungrily and his body dropped
onto mine in a way that definitely told me I was every bit his girlfriend.
Because I was pretty sure you didn
’
t
do stuff like this with just anyone. I at least hoped he didn
’
t do stuff like this with just
anyone.

“
You are most definitely my
girlfriend,
”
Torin breathed, and pulled away slightly, biting my bottom lip between his
teeth.
“
I
didn
’
t
think I
’
d
need to brand you to let you know that, but just so you don
’
t forget, I wrote it with a Sharpie.
”
 
He grinned widely.
“
But
you should know
—
that
whole permanent thing is totally false advertising. This will be gone in a
couple of days.
”
He ran the pad of his thumb across the top of my chest.
“
And I have no plans to leave you any
time soon.
”

All
of the reasons why that statement
—
however
sweet and sentimental
—
couldn
’
t be true flooded my brain in a wild
current of emotion. But I didn
’
t
say anything or let him know that hesitation. At least not with my words.
Unfortunately, my expression apparently said it all.

“
I have no intention of being your
rebound, Darby.
”

“
You
’
re not
—”

“
Let me finish, 'cause this is pretty
good,
”
he said, pressing a silencing finger to my lips.
“
I spent all morning coming up with
this, so let me at least deliver it in epic monologue form before you burst my
bubble, okay?
”

“
There is no bubble bursting in my
plans,
”
I said, palming his jaw, running my fingers along the stubble that was starting
to grow there. I loved the way he looked down at me, the way his disheveled
hair hung around his face like it did the first time I saw him back at Quarry
Summit.

“
Wait until I
’
m done to tell me that, because I
want to do the convincing
—”

“
I don
’
t need convincing,
”
I interrupted.

“
Damn it, woman, let me have my
moment!
”

I
bit my lips to keep back the surge of laughter that threatened to burst out,
and nodded for him to go ahead.

“
Darby,
”
he continued, his voice much more
theatrical than necessary.
“
I
have admitted my love for you.
”
He waved a hand into the space of air between us like he was some Shakespearian
actor.
“
And
you have done the same.
”
He sounded like one, too.
“
But
I have no intention of being your rebound.
”
Things sort of turned serious, both on his face and in his tone.
“
I don
’
t want to be the guy that helped you
get over Lance. I don
’
t
want to be the guy that made you forget Lance. I just want me to be me and you
to be you, and for us to be that way together. I want that to be enough.
”
He dipped his head a bit and widened
his eyes, staring at me through a lock of his sandy blond hair. I didn
’
t feel the need to cut it at all
anymore, and kind of adored the way his fell across his brow.
“
Because you and me becomes an
us
, and that
’
s its own entity. I want our
us
to be enough.
”

“
It
’
s enough.
”
I stared up at him openly.

“
I
’
m not a rebound
—
I
’
m not replacing the part of the
us
that Lance took from you. The parts
he
’
s
been
taking from you.
”

I
nodded slowly and said,
“
I
know that. And in all fairness, I'm not the same
me
, either.
”

The
smallest smile broke onto Torin's face and he dropped his lips softly to mine.
“
I know that, too.
”
He pulled me up to sit with him and
placed his hands onto my knees.
“
Do
you ever stop to think how no one else in the world is experiencing what you
and I are right now
in this very moment
?
Like no one gets to feel this,
”
he swept his full lips across my cheek,
“
Or
this,
”
he ran his fingers through my hair and tucked it behind my ear.
“
No one gets to know what it
’
s like to feel the way I do about
you.
”
Keeping his hand at the curve of my ear, he looked me right in the eye.
“
Hardly seems fair. I feel like I
should write a book or something just so people can get a small glimpse into
what I feel for you.
”

“
I wouldn
’
t want others reading about us. I
want to keep you all to myself.
”

“
You greedy little thing!
”
Torin flicked the tip of my nose
with his finger.

“
Why would I want anyone else to fall
in love with you?
”
I asked outright.

“
People don
’
t fall in love with book characters,
Darby.
”
Torin shook his head at me like I was saying something completely ridiculous.

“
Oh, please! They do all the time!
”
I blurted.
“
Edward Cullen? Four? Christian Grey?
”

“
Well,
”
he contemplated as he thumbed his
chin.
“
I'm
not a vampire, nor a dystopian teen with a number for a name, and I think I
’
m actually the complete opposite of a
billionaire playboy with weird fetishes. Nothing about me is fictional. I
’
m just a guy that works at a camp
with my mom and dad, and I happened to fall in love with an incredible girl
that came to visit.
”

“
That
’
s all you think you are?
”

He
shrugged his shoulders to his ears.

“
Torin, if you were a book character,
I
guarantee
you would have hoards of
women swooning after you.
”

“
Oh hardly
—”

“
Let me finish, damn it, because this
is epically good.
”
I winked as I stole his earlier words.
“
You
are this unexpected guy that can
’
t
help but be the savior. With your campers, with me
—
you have the
ability to pull people out of themselves. That
’
s an incredible gift, Torin. Because
sometimes people can get buried pretty deep.
”

“
Oh.
”

“
Oh, what?
”

He
smirked a wicked grin.
“
I
thought you were going to say I was so incredibly sexy that women fall all over
themselves at the mere thought of me.
”

“
That too.
”
He was such a tease.

“
Right,
”
he smirked again.
“
That too.
”

We
spent a couple minutes staring at each other, and I thought maybe I should say
something more, but I didn
’
t
know what to say. I didn
’
t
even know what to feel. It was crazy to me that things had happened the way
they did between us. How, within the course of a month, everything I thought to
be true about my life had been turned on its head. But now, instead of feeling
like everything was upside-down, it
—
for
once
—
felt
like it all had fallen into place. How insane to think that I
’
d had it wrong all of these years,
and all it took was a chance encounter with Torin to flip it around and make it
right.

“
Get your shoes on.
”
He jumped up from the bed and headed
toward the door.
“
We
have a lighthouse to find.
”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“
How can it be so hard to locate a
freaking lighthouse?
”
Torin punched his finger into the GPS map on the dash. Roads and arrows wove
together in a jumbled mess of street names and intersections. The robotic woman
with the British accent muttered something about turning left, but Torin just
shouted,
“
It
’
s a
lighthouse
! Its job is to be seen!
”

“
It
’
s okay, honestly.
”
I pressed my hand onto his forearm.
We
’
d
been driving for ten hours, only stopping to eat at a diner where the grease in
the atmosphere was a physical weight that you could feel on your skin, and to
fill up on gas before continuing our venture. Torin had kept his cool until
about hour nine, but the past sixty minutes had been filled with curse words
and rants on the current political administration and their lack of investment
in satellite technology. How it was really all the government
’
s fault and how they probably had
some underground conspiracy in place to keep young kids in love from locating
historical landmarks. As far as his thoughts went, he really was all over the
map.

“
It
’
s seriously no big deal.
”

Torin
’
s grip on the steering wheel
tightened and his knuckles grew white with the force of frustration.
“
But it
is
a big deal. This is a very big deal. I wanted to do this for
you.
”

“
I don
’
t need to see a lighthouse for my
life to be complete or anything.
”

“
Maybe not,
”
he said, turning down the radio like
it was Taylor Swift
’
s
fault that we weren
’
t
on the right path.
“
But
this was a dream of yours, and I have every intention of making those dreams
come true for you.
”
The light ahead morphed from green to yellow to red unusually quickly, and
Torin rammed his foot to the floorboards in an effort to keep the vehicle from
blazing into the intersection.
“
Gah!
”
he screamed.
“
This totally sucks!
”

“
Make
a legal U-turn,
”
GPS-woman chimed into the angry air of the car.

“
I
’
ll show you a legal U-turn,
”
he growled through his teeth, his
lips tightening.

“
Good one, Torin.
”
I adjusted my sunglasses and flipped
the visor to shield the glare reflecting from the car in front of us. It was a
hot, sunny, clear day, one in which
—
I
supposed
—
you
would not even need the aid of a lighthouse had you been a sailor near the
shore. We really didn
’
t
have to do this.

“
It
’
s the best I
’
ve got right now. All of my creative
comebacks are on hold until I get to our destination. I have to focus all of my
efforts on the task at hand. No multitasking.
”

“
I don
’
t need to see the lighthouse.
”

“
But you love architecture!
”

“
I love you more, and quite honestly,
I
’
m worried that you are going to have
an irrational meltdown of grandiose proportions if we don
’
t scrap this whole plan soon.
”

Torin
flicked the turn signal and guided the car to the edge of the road, the tires
settling into the ruts on the shoulder. He took a breath, pulling it in
dramatically so that his chest puffed up, and then he slowly exhaled.
“
I think you
’
re right,
”
he resigned.
“
If we don
’
t start heading toward the airport
now, we
’
ll
never make our flight.
”

I
nodded, a little relieved that our wild goose chase was over. Yes, I
’
d wanted to see Boston Light, but
when it came down to it, just the fact that Torin tried to do all of this for
me was enough. The lighthouse was just the path, not the destination.

“
Before we do that, though. There is
something I have to do.
”
He pressed a finger to the GPS pad and our British guide began reciting,
“
The
route guidance will begin...
”

“
Route guidance, my ass!
”
Torin megaphoned his mouth and
shouted into the touch screen.
“
You
couldn
’
t
punch your way out of a wet paper bag!
”
He started in on the idioms full force, and I bent over in laughter so hard my
seatbelt locked up on me. Once he was done with his tirade of comebacks, he
turned to look at me, rotating his body in his seat. But I couldn
’
t see him. All of the tears filling
my eyes made it incredibly hard to even make out his shape. Everything hurt
from laughing: my face, my stomach, my head.

“
Sorry you had to witness that.
”

“
It
’
s fine,
”
I giggled, covering my mouth as
another laugh escaped.
“
I
told you I was ready for an irrational outburst of grandiose proportions.
”

“
Well,
”
he looked over his shoulder and
coasted back onto the highway.
“
I
’
m glad I didn
’
t disappoint.
”
He changed lanes and picked up speed
until we were right there along with the other traffic that sailed down the
interstate.
“
You
’
re not at all disappointed that we
didn
’
t
make it to the lighthouse?
”

“
Not even a little bit.
”

Torin
turned to smile at me, and he held his gaze longer than was probably safe to do
while operating heavy machinery, but I didn
’
t mind. I loved the way his eyes were
so vulnerable and so telling, how he must have felt safe with me to expose his
emotions so freely. I hoped that I was able to do the same for him.

“
How come you
’
re an architectural design major?
”
he said, swinging his head back to
stare out the front windshield.
“
That
’
s a pretty specific field.
”

“
I like buildings.
”
I bit on the jagged edge of my
thumbnail and said,
“
I
like that there are these structures that get to hold so much life within them.
And that people get to create them.
”
My own eyes remained fixed on the stretch of highway out my passenger side
window, the whirling landscape blended together like the brush strokes on a
painting.
“
I
like the idea that I can create something, and that someone gets to fill it up
with their own memories and experiences. Like I can make the outside shell, and
they can breathe the life into it.
”
I began feeling too lost in thought, and insecurity swept through when I
realized I was actually verbalizing all that I was thinking.
“
It
’
s weird, I know.
”

“
It
’
s not weird.
”
He looked at me again. The vehicles
blurred past our periphery at 70 miles per hour, but it was just us. In this
rental car, in this moment, it was just us.
“
It
’
s beautiful.
”

I
dropped my eyes down to my lap and twisted my fingers.
“
I don
’
t know.
”

“
Well, I do, and I think it
’
s beautiful. And the irony is the
most beautiful part, Darby.
”

I
lifted my face up to him.
“
What
irony?
”

“
That you were this empty shell.
”
He didn
’
t look at me when he spoke, and I was
grateful for it, because my cheeks were hot and red, coated with my emotion.
“
You were this empty shell that needed
life breathed into it.
”
He switched lanes and caught my gaze on the way.
“
I
’
m honored I got to be the one to do
that.
”

“
Oh my word,
”
I gaped.
“
Seriously,
who are you
, Torin?
”

“
Is that going to be your go-to every
time I say something that blows your socks off?
”

I
giggle-snorted again, because, I realized, that was the type of laugh that
Torin elicited from me.

“
Because if it is, I'm going to have
to get used to hearing you ask me that, since I plan to blow your socks off
quite frequently.
”
He glanced down at my feet.
“
You
might as well just wear flip flops from now on.
”

The
signs on the freeway indicated our turnoff for the airport, and Torin guided
the car the direction of the closest exit.

Part
of me worried that things would change once we got back to camp. I had no idea
what the next couple of weeks would hold, but I was certain they would be
different than our last twenty-four hours together. They couldn
’
t be the same
—
not with the strict
limitations on boys and girls cabins and with our responsibilities to our
campers. I wouldn
’
t
see much of him, and I wondered what that would do to our newly created
us.
It was obvious what the distance did
to Lance and me; I hoped that wouldn
’
t
be the case when it came to Torin.

“
What do you say we get a one-way
ticket outta here,
”
I blurted without reservation.

“
Are you quoting a movie? Or are you
serious?
”

“
I
’
m serious, Torin,
”
I said quickly, before I had the
chance to come to my senses.
“
What
if we just pick some random place and go there? Start a life. Start over. I
know it sounds crazy,
”
because it was
,
“
but I think we should do it.
”

His
smiled.
“
You
’
re right, it is crazy. But I
’
ve told you, I kinda dig crazy.
”

“
So let
’
s do it!
”
I straightened up in my seat and
pressed a hand to the dashboard to brace myself under my illogical excitement.
“
Let
’
s do this, Torin. Let
’
s create our own adventure and just
go wherever. Just start over.
”

“
Are you asking me to run away with
you?
”
I supposed I kind of was.

“
Yes,
”
I admitted playfully.
“
Torin, will you run away with me?
”

“
I would, Darby,
”
Torin began, but I couldn
’
t help but feel the let down in his
tone.
“
I
would run away with you... if I was sure it was because you wanted to run away
with
me, and not
from
something.
”
A thick pause.
“
But
I
’
m not sure, so that
’
s why I hesitate.
”