The Rules of You and Me (13 page)

Heat crept up my neck. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it. What kind of girl do you like?”

“
Tall, willowy, blonde, and dumb as a rock.” Jude grinned, winking at me.

I punched his shoulder lightly. “She’d have to be an idiot to go out with you.”

He caught my hand, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. “Or maybe I prefer a girl who knows what she wants in life, is much smarter than I could ever hope to be, and isn’t afraid to call me out on my shit.”

He didn’t let go of my arm and I didn’t pull away. Something changed inside the truck during that moment, something I had never felt before and couldn’t explain. I didn’t want him to let go, like maybe Jude was the only thing holding me down on earth right then. For the first time, I felt like maybe I could lose myself and it would be okay.

A passing car backfired and we both jumped. Jude let go of my arm and I pulled back, scooting to the far side of the seat as close to the door as I could get.

“
I should go,” I said, fumbling for the door latch.

“
I’ll drive you home,” Jude said.

I stumbled out of the truck, slamming the door behind me. “No, it’s okay. I’ll walk. It’s not that far.”

He opened his mouth, looking at me like he wanted to say something. But I turned quickly. I couldn’t let him say it. I couldn’t let this summer become even more complicated than it already was. I wasn’t the kind of girl Jude wanted or thought I was. I didn’t even know exactly who I was anymore.

#

It had started to rain by the time I reached Aunt Lydia’s house. Thunder rumbled over the valley, the shadows of clouds darkening the sides of the mountains around the little neighborhood. A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky just as I stepped through the front door.

“
There you are,” Aunt Lydia said as she came out of the kitchen. “I was getting worried you were still up on Chimney Rock with this storm coming.” She spotted my wet hair and clothes. “You’re soaked. Did you walk home?”

I nodded, my teeth chattering a little. The air conditioning in the house made goosebumps prickle all along my arms. “Just from Jude’s. Not that far.”

“
That’s far enough,” Aunt Lydia said as she pushed me down the hall toward the bathroom. She grabbed a handful of towels from the linen closet and began wrapping me up, rubbing my arms through the cloth. “What was he thinking, letting you walk home in this storm? He knows how these mountain storms are. You could have been struck by lightning. I know the boy has problems, but I would have thought he’d at least have some common sense.”

“
It wasn’t his fault,” I said through gritted teeth while Aunt Lydia continued to fuss over me like I was a child. “He offered to drive me, but I decided to walk.”

Aunt Lydia stopped and stepped back, looking at me with a frown creasing the skin between her eyebrows. “Why? Did something happen? Hannah, if that boy hurt you in any way or did something you didn’t want him to do—”

“
Why do you immediately jump to the conclusion that this is Jude’s fault?” I exclaimed, pushing Aunt Lydia’s hands away from me. “Why does everyone always think the worst of him?”

Aunt Lydia’s eyes widened at my outburst, but she said calmly, “Hannah, Jude Westmore has gotten himself into a lot of trouble over the past year. He’s made a lot of people angry and hurt others.”

“
So because he does something at one time, that’s supposed to define who he is for the rest of his life?” I asked. “People change, Aunt Lydia. People grow up and make different decisions for themselves.” I pushed the towels off my shoulders and said, “But I guess you wouldn’t know about that. Instead of sticking around to see the changes, you decide to run off and hide from everything.”

Aunt Lydia looked as if I had slapped her. She froze, one hand hovering in the space between us. Her face had paled so white her skin looked papery.

A part of me regretted my words, but another part of me surged with anger toward my aunt that I had hidden away for the last four years. We had been so close at one time. She had been the only person who understood me. And she had just left. She never visited, never called. She probably didn’t even want me there this summer at all.

“
Jude isn’t the one who hurt me,” I said as I pushed past her out of the tiny bathroom.

My phone rang as I looked over the clothes scattered across my bed for the hundredth time. I had all of my most casual clothes spread on the mattress to examine but now I faced a problem I had never really had before: I couldn’t decide what to wear.

Usually, Mom kept all of my clothes organized into outfits in my closet, so dressing was easy. I hated to think of it as my mom picking out my clothes for me, so I always called it simply a time-saver.

But it was true. My mother picked out my clothes. And now without her approval, I was a mess.

I should have checked the caller I.D. before I answered the phone, but I tapped the screen without thinking.

“
Hello?”

“
Hannah!” Natalie’s voice squealed in my ear so loud that I had to hold the phone away from my head to keep my eardrum from exploding.

“
Hi, Natalie,” I said.

“
I have awesome news,” Natalie said, sounding extra bubbly today. “You know how my parents were having trouble deciding where to go for summer vacation this year?”

“
Yeah,” I said, looking over the clothes again. Maybe the white eyelet top with the straight jeans? Or was the top still too dressy for climbing Chimney Rock and then going to the fireworks show tonight?

“
Well, it turns out that my dad has some sort of business trip he has to go on,” Natalie went on. “It’s like a last minute thing. The company wants him to talk to some investors at another branch. You’ll never guess where.”

“
Hawaii?” I said, barely listening to the conversation. Maybe I should go with the red T-shirt and denim shorts. Simple, casual, good for hiking and picnicking.

“
No! Paris! Can you believe it? So my parents have decided that we’ll all go there for our vacation. My dad can do his thing while the rest of us enjoy the trip.”

I felt as if ice water had been poured down the back of my shirt. I gripped the phone in one hand, my fingernails digging into the hard plastic.

“
Isn’t this awesome?” Natalie went on, oblivious to the panic attack starting to take hold of me. “I thought we could get together once I’m there. You can show me all the places you’ve been hanging out and introduce me to those hot French guys.”

This was not happening. Natalie could not be going to Paris, the place where she thought I was spending my summer. I had planned everything out so perfectly. I had managed to disappear from Willowbrook without anyone suspecting anything. Now it was all crumbling to pieces. I couldn’t tell Natalie where I really was. I couldn’t tell her why I had lied and left Willowbrook the way I did. No one knew yet about my dad, and I wanted to keep that secret for as long as possible.

“
I’ve never been to Paris,” Natalie said. “What kind of clothes should I bring? What do you think about my blue lace dress? The one I got last summer? I don’t want to stick out like an American tourist. I’ve been practicing my French so I can blend in—”

“
You can’t come to Paris,” I blurted out.

Natalie laughed. “Of course I can. My parents are planning everything out now. We’ll be there for a week, but I’m trying to talk my parents into letting me stay longer. I figured I could stay with you and fly back when you did. What hotel are you in?”

“
No,” I said firmly as I plopped down on the bed, landing on top of the perfectly ironed red T-shirt. “You can’t come.”

Natalie was silent for a moment, then she said, “So what are you saying? You don’t want me to come visit you?”

I swallowed, my dry tongue scraping across the roof of my mouth. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t want you here.”

“
Well,” Natalie said, “if that’s how you feel, then I won’t bother.” I knew I had hurt her feelings. I could tell in the strained tone in her voice.

“
I’m just really busy,” I said, sighing. “My parents and I are spending some quality time together. My mom insists that I stay with them most of the time. You know how she is.”

“
Yeah,” Natalie said in a monotone voice. “Whatever.”

“
Natalie, I’m really sorry—”

“
Save it. You know what, Hannah? I don’t believe anything you’re saying. You’ve been acting really weird for months. I don’t think it’s your parents, I think it’s you. You think you’re better than everyone else. If you think you’re too good to be friends with me, you could have said so long ago instead of making things up.”

“
Natalie—”

The line went dead.

Jude waited under the tree outside his house. Above him a bright orange shirt that said “Chicks dig me” flapped in the breeze.

“
We’re going to the top today,” Jude said as he settled into the passenger seat of my car. “I can feel it. Today is the day.”

“
Keep dreaming,” I told him.

He wagged his finger at me. “I’ll get you up there eventually.”

We rode in silence during the drive to Chimney Rock. I kept thinking about the phone call with Natalie. I didn’t mean to make her angry, but I couldn’t let her go to Paris assuming she was going to meet up with me when I wasn’t even there. Yet, I couldn’t tell her the truth. I had spent too much time building the lies and the cover ups. If Natalie saw weakness, she would pounce on it and take advantage just for the fun of it. I had seen her tear down other people in school because of things about themselves or their families that they couldn’t control.

She wasn’t bad
all
the time. If she liked you, she was loyal as long as everything was perfect. She was Mom-approved: a good family, good status in the community, good connections. After my fall-out with Avery and Elliott in seventh grade, I was lonely and Natalie happened to be the first person who let me into her circle. I would be eternally grateful to her for not letting me spend the next few years friendless.

But I still couldn’t tell her everything. I had protect myself and my family.

I pushed aside thoughts of Natalie, determined to enjoy the day. It was a nice day, a little cloudy so not too hot. Shadows of clouds slipped over the sides of the mountains as I sped along the already familiar road to the state park. It was beautiful here, like the mountains were a barrier that kept the outside world from intruding on us. I could almost imagine not going back to Willowbrook, hiding out here in Asheville for the rest of my life and never having to deal with my parents again.

Was that why Aunt Lydia had come here? Had she wanted to hide from everyone else?

Chimney Rock was busy, as usual, full of families and hikers. I stared up at the rock towering overhead as we started up the trail. It was kind of magnificent, in its own terrifying way. I could see why Jude liked it. The rock structure was fascinating, something only nature could have thought to create.

But I couldn’t see how the people walked across that little bridge that spanned the gap to the top of the rock as if it were solid ground.

I squeezed my eyes shut as dizziness passed over me.

“
Let’s sit down,” Jude suggested.

I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. Let’s keep going.”

We went as far as I could go, all the way to the bridge of stairs that stopped me every time. Jude raised his eyebrows at me, waiting.

I took a deep breath, one hand on the rail. I craned my head back to look up. It was too high, too far above the ground. Too easy for something to go horribly wrong.

I shook my head and stepped away. “I can’t.”

Jude slipped an arm over my shoulder. “Okay, that’s enough for today. Let’s go back down.”

We made our way down the rock in silence, Jude’s hand on my shoulder as we walked. Having his constant touch on me made me feel secure and stopped the tremble in my legs.

“
You know you’re already above sea level,” Jude said once we were in his truck and on the road back to his neighborhood. “Just being here in Asheville.”

“
I know,” I said. “But this still feels like solid ground. Going on that bridge is different.”

“
I won’t let anything happen to you,” Jude said as he turned a corner.

I looked at him across the small gap between us on the bench seat, but the flush creeping up my neck made it impossible to maintain eye contact when he glanced my way. I turned and watched the world pass by outside the window. A family walked down the street together, each parent holding the hand of a small child.

I tried to think of a time my parents and I might have been like that—smiling and happy, relaxed and enjoying each other’s company. I had a vague memory of a trip to the beach. It must have been long, long ago. Back when my dad had started his first bank branch, back when extra money for trips was hard to come by. I could remember my mom sitting on a beach towel, laughing at my dad, who had gotten pinched on the toe by a crab that he wouldn’t leave alone. The sun shimmered in Mom’s hair, making her look so pretty and young. Dad had tried to look mad, but even he ended up laughing.