The Runaway Countess (20 page)

J
ane paced the length of the corridor, and sat down in the chair at the end, and then jumped up to pace all over again. She couldn’t be still, couldn’t stop and think. Whenever she stopped moving, the whole nightmare reeled through her mind again. The lightning, the rushing rain, the screams. Hayden stumbling up the slippery riverbank with Emma in his arms.

The men from the village said Carstairs’s body had been pulled from the river, with roughly sketched, sodden maps of the Barton garden in his pocket. It was something of a relief to know the man would never trouble
them again, but still her mind would not be calm.

Jane looked for the hundredth time towards Hayden’s closed chamber door. How long had the doctor been in there? It seemed like hours. Hayden hadn’t wanted to let the doctor tend him when the man came to look in on Emma, but Jane had insisted. Hayden was limping on the leg he injured when he first came to Barton and there was a deep cut on his forehead. Now they’d been in there for too long.

What if there was some terrible injury, some bleeding inside where it couldn’t be seen? What if—what if she lost him again? This time for good?

Just the thought of it all, of Hayden being somewhere she could never say she was sorry, she was wrong, was utterly unbearable.

She sat down hard on the chair and closed her eyes against the pain in her head. She tried to force the fear away and imagine good things again. Hayden laughing with Emma in the garden. Hayden across the dinner table from her, smiling at her in the candlelight. Hayden in her bed, touching her, kissing her.

The peace they had found here for such brief days. The peace, the family, she had wanted all along, and lost in misunderstandings and anger. Surely it couldn’t be gone for ever?

‘Jane?’ she heard Emma say softly. She opened her eyes to find her sister standing at the end of the corridor, Murray cradled in her arms. She still looked pale and startled, bruises standing out in stark purple relief against her white skin.

Jane pushed herself to her feet. ‘Are you all right, Emma? You’re supposed to be resting.’

‘I can’t possibly sleep.’ Emma glanced at Hayden’s door. ‘Is the doctor still there?’

‘Yes. I haven’t heard anything yet.’

Emma nodded. ‘I—Will Hayden leave again, do you think?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jane answered truthfully. She didn’t know what was in Hayden’s mind after all that had happened. He seemed happy here at Barton. But maybe now he missed his old London life, the one his friends brought to their doorstep. The one a woman like Lady Marlbury could give him.

‘I don’t want him to go,’ Emma said, her
voice thick, as if she held back tears. Murray whined up at her. ‘He isn’t at all what I once thought he was.’

‘No, he isn’t.’ Jane’s husband was at once more complex and far simpler than she ever could have imagined.

‘I thought I could help us by finding the Barton treasure,’ Emma said. ‘But I see now I didn’t need it. Our treasure is right here, isn’t it? It’s us.’

‘Yes,’ Jane murmured, smoothing her hand over her sister’s hair. ‘Yes, our treasure is in us.’

The bedchamber door suddenly opened, and the doctor emerged with his valise in hand. Jane leaped up and Emma grabbed her hand.

‘How is he?’ Jane asked tightly.

The doctor shook his head. ‘Lord Ramsay certainly gets battered around a bit, doesn’t he, my lady? He has some cuts and bruises, and I certainly recommend rest for several days at least, but there should be no permanent damage.’

Jane let out the breath she was holding as relief rushed through her.
No permanent
damage
. Hayden was still alive; he
would
live. There was still hope. ‘Thank you, Doctor.’

The doctor gave them a stern glance before he turned towards the stairs. ‘I think a seaside holiday would be in order for all of you, Lady Ramsay. A month or two at Brighton would do you some good. Or even better—Italy.’

‘Italy.’ Emma sighed. ‘Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Hayden took us to Italy, Jane? I could find so many new plant specimens there.’

Jane had to laugh. Yes, it
would
be splendid. A long, sunny holiday, just the three of them, away from all that had happened. A fresh start.

If only Hayden wanted it, too.

‘I should go look in on him,’ Jane said, reaching for the door handle. ‘You should rest, Emma.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Emma said, already distracted now. ‘Just as soon as I find some books on Italy in the library…’

As Emma dashed down the stairs, Jane stepped into the darkened bedchamber. The
curtains were drawn across the windows, blocking out the greyish daylight, and two lamps burned on the dressing table. A tray with a pitcher of water and discarded bandages was on the bedside table, and the sick-sweet smell of medicine and woodsmoke hung in the air.

Hayden lay in the centre of the bed, blankets and pillows piled around him in copious heaps. Hannah had been very solicitous towards him since he got home. His black hair was stark against the white linens, his eyes closed.

They opened when Jane clicked the door shut behind her and he watched her from across the room as she tiptoed closer.

‘How do you feel?’ she asked.

A faint smile touched his lips. ‘As if I did ten rounds at the boxing saloon—and lost.’

That smile made Jane want to cry. She’d been so afraid she might never see it again, might never have the chance to be with him and tell him…

‘I’m so sorry, Hayden,’ she whispered.

His smile drifted into a frown. ‘What do you mean? Jane, this was all my fault.
I let Carstairs into the house, even though I never liked him.
You
have nothing to be sorry about.’

Jane hurried across the room and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. She could feel Hayden watching her intently, but she stared down at her clasped hands in her lap and tried to decide how to tell him what she had to say. The confusion that had plagued her for days had suddenly cleared and she could see everything she should have known all along.

Everything she wanted—if it was still there for her. If it wasn’t lost for ever.

‘I loved you so much when we married, Hayden,’ she said quietly. ‘I’d never known anyone, anything, like you. So full of life, like a whirlwind. I was dazzled by you, by what I thought you were.’

‘Are you saying you were deceived then, that you thought you loved me but you no longer do?’

Jane heard the confusion and pain in his voice, even though he tried to conceal them. She remembered what he told her about his family, about how he could never be good
enough for them to love him, and her heart ached.

‘No!’ she protested. She turned to him and stared into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that seemed to contain the whole world. ‘I am saying—back then I was young and foolish. I thought marriage would be perfect, easy, and when it wasn’t I didn’t know what to do. I was frightened. I loved a dream that could never be true. But now I love the reality, Hayden. I love
you.’

And when she said those words she saw how very simple it all was after all. She loved Hayden. She loved what he’d fought against inside himself and won, loved how he had come for her, loved the life she saw now they could have here at Barton. When he had risked his life for her and for Emma, she’d known her first instincts when she met him and fell for him had been right after all.

She loved him, She didn’t want to lose him again.

But what if he didn’t feel the same?

‘I love you,’ she said again, throwing herself off the cliff. ‘I want us to be married again, to make a true life together. Here at
Barton, in London—it doesn’t matter. I just want to be your wife again.’

For a long, tense moment, he was silent. He stared at her, his eyes unreadable. Just as Jane started to turn away, sure that it was too late, his arms came close around her and he drew her against him.

‘Damn it all, Jane, if I’m asleep and dreaming don’t let anyone wake me up,’ he said. ‘I never thought I would hear you say those words again. I thought you were gone for ever. The mistakes I made, the stupid mistakes…’

Jane laughed and cried all at once, holding on tightly to Hayden as he kissed her over and over. ‘We have both made mistakes, both been in pain. But we can make a new start now, if that is what you want, too.’

Hayden drew back, holding her face tenderly between his hands as he stared down at her. ‘It’s all I want. I love you, Jane. I want to show you how much, show you that I’ve changed. I can be the husband you deserve now. Let me prove that.’

‘You don’t have to prove anything to me.
We just have to be together now,’ Jane said. ‘Together always.’

‘Always,’ he said, and there was the ring of deepest, truest promise in that one word. As if he was making his vows to her all over again. As if their marriage now was truly begun.

Always
. This time, Jane knew that word was the whole world. She was Hayden’s now, and he was hers. Always.

Lake Como—one year later

‘J
ane, look!’

Jane glanced up from the book she had balanced on the marble balustrade of the terrace and shielded her eyes from the sunlight to wave at Emma. Her sister dashed along the lakeshore, the hem of her white muslin dress wet as she threw sticks into the water for Murray. The dog, who’d grown prodigiously large on the good Italian food, joyfully dived into the waves as Emma clapped.

Jane waved and laughed, feeling more contented than she ever would have thought possible as she saw Emma having so much
fun. After her kidnapping, Emma had grown so quiet and withdrawn, wandering around the gardens alone, waking at night from bad dreams, until Jane feared for her health. That was when Hayden suggested they follow the doctor’s advice and take an Italian holiday.

There, under the azure skies and brilliant sun, the flowers and the good food, Emma began to blossom again. She laughed and chatted, just as she had before all the bad things happened. And, if possible, she’d even grown more beautiful. The young English bucks on their Continental tours followed her about every time she went to tour a museum or a ruin, sending flowers and letters, asking Hayden for her hand in marriage.

But Emma just dismissed them with a laugh and went on about her studies. There would be time to worry about her marriage later. Right now Jane was just glad she was happy and healthy.

And Emma wasn’t the only one growing and blooming under the Italian sun. Jane rested her hand gently on her own belly, now large and rounded, and felt the baby stir under her touch. It liked to move about,
kicking and turning restlessly as if her little son or daughter couldn’t wait to be out in the world.

Jane smiled as she felt a tiny foot press into her palm. At first, she had lain awake worrying this child would be lost before it even had a chance to see the sun, just as her other babies had. When she’d lost that last baby, so much hope had slipped away with it, and she and Hayden were pushed even further apart.

But this child had grown and thrived, and in a few weeks she would hold it in her arms. Even if something terrible happened, she knew now she needn’t fear—Hayden was with her. They were truly together now and nothing could push them apart. This last year had shown her that every day. Their love for each other grew every day, content and peaceful. They had married too young, expected too much of each other, but now they were ready for their life together. Truly ready.

‘What is Emma up to now?’ she heard Hayden say. She glanced back to see him coming out the open terrace doors, a platter of fruit in his hand. He had turned golden in
the sun, his dark hair slightly lighter, and his smile gleamed.

It made Jane smile, too. ‘She’s running in the water like a hoyden, of course.’

Hayden laughed and sat down on the
chaise
next to her. He popped a glistening strawberry between her lips. Its sweetness burst on her tongue, as perfect as the day.

‘I had another suitor beg me for permission to marry her this morning,’ he said. ‘It seems there’s a line out the door every day.’

‘I know.’ Jane sighed. ‘Yet she cares for none of them.’

‘There is time for her to find the right one. None of these gadabouts are good enough.’

‘I hope so. I want her to be as happy as we are one day.’

‘No one could possibly be as happy as we are.’ Hayden smiled and leaned over to kiss her, his lips sweeter than the strawberries, the sunlight. Sweeter than anything in the world.

It had been a long, rocky road To get here, full of storms and wrong turns. But it had led them here, to this perfect moment. To a future together, as a family.

Jane gently touched Hayden’s cheek and smiled up at him. ‘You’re absolutely right. No one is as happy as we are.’

All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.

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First published in Great Britain 2013
by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited.
Harlequin (UK) Limited, Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road,
Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR

© Ammanda McCabe 2013

eISBN: 978-1-472-00404-8