The Saddest Song (15 page)

I had vague dream like memories of holding her, but it was foggy . I needed to get up. I made an attempt to but the room began to spin.

”What’s happening? Do you feel sick?”

“Just dizzy. Got up too quick, I guess. You didn’t call my mom and dad, did you?”

“They would have been here by now if I had. I didn’t want to frighten them, and you know it would have. I could see them flying up the snowy mountain roads in the middle of the night.” She shivered, imagining how dangerous it would have been.

“Thanks.” I tried sitting up very slowly, Rainey holding my arm.

“Oh, he’s up!” Rylee came through the door, followed by Sophie carrying a tray.

“Time to change your bandage, and we brought you Hot Chocolate and Cookies, to put something in your stomach.” Rylee said, putting a steaming mug in my hands.

I took a few sips and held still while Sophie gently pulled off my bandage. Rainey stood next to her holding some ointment. “It’s not bad, thank god. I can finish Sophie.”

“Okay then, I will go help Gran with lunch. Half an hour. She’ll call.” The girls left, closing the door behind them.

“Okay Max, hold still, I don’t want to hurt you. It’s just a bad scratch but we have to keep it disinfected.” She was gentle but it still stung. My head hurt and I just wanted to lie back down. When she was finished I drank a couple more sips of the hot chocolate and slowly lowered myself back to my pillow.

“Oh Max, you feel really bad, don’t you?” She looked worried and I didn’t want her to.

“I’m fine. Let me lay here for a few minutes. Do you think I could take any pain medicine?”

“I don’t think you get to take it until after twenty four hours, I will go check.”

Rainey left the room and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again she was propped up on my window seat reading a book. I watched her for a few minutes. I had always thought Rainey was pretty, but lately when I really looked at her I found her beauty taking me by surprise. I didn’t want to analyze why.

“Rainey?” She dropped the book and hurried to my side.

“Feeling any better?” She asked, her hand stroking my cheek.

“How long was I asleep?”

“It’s almost dinner time.”

“Dinner time? Shit, I slept all day?”

“Hey, it’s okay, your body needs to heal. Everyone went snowboarding, and Gran gave me a really good book so I hung out here.”

“I’m so sorry I ruined your weekend, Rainey.”

“It’s our weekend, Max. Nothing is ruined. You had an accident and I am glad I was here to look after you.”

“I can’t remember any of it. I remember lunch yesterday but everything else is lost.”

“Maybe that’s for the best. You think you can go to dinner with them? I can bring you a tray. You should try to eat.”

“I should shower, maybe it will help make me feel more alert. I think dinner downstairs is okay.”

She helped me sit up and put four pills in my hand and I drank them down with a full glass of water. Rainey made me leave the bathroom door unlocked, and said she would wait right outside while I got ready. I didn’t argue, just made sure I was careful, I really didn’t want her running in when I was showering.

The intercom sounded just as I opened the bathroom door and Rainey’s smile was like a dose of medicine, the best kind. We joined everyone at the dinner table and about half way through the Italian meal my headache went away and I felt more like myself. Gran was saying that she wished we had brought our guitars with us so we could have a concert. I knew the guys had left theirs behind for the girls, but I had mine in my truck. I didn’t know if I should admit this when Rainey beat me to it.

“Max has his guitar in the truck,” she said innocently. Could it be the girls never told her that they had banned them this weekend?

“Max, you’re the man!” Colin laughed, and he got Max’s keys and went out to retrieve it. Sophie and Rylee just laughed too, and told Rainey their plan for a guitar free weekend.

“That’s what you guys get for leaving me out of the plan!” Rainey smiled.

“I thought you told her!” Rylee and Sophie said at the exact same time.

We all gathered in front of the fireplace, and played and sang the songs that Colin, Ethan and I had worked so hard on. Colin sang most of them, but Ethan sang two and we finished with me singing one that I had written, mostly on my own. I glanced at Rainey as I sang and the look on her face nearly made me forget my own lyrics. Her expression was one of pride, and tears glistened in her dark eyes. It made me want to smile. It made me happy. It made me fall a little bit in love, and not the brotherly, platonic kind. This was a newly developing problem, and the one problem I wouldn’t be sharing with Rainey.

Chapter 18

Rainey

Several emotions were battling inside of me as I watched Max sing. Pride in his talent certainly, his songs were as amazing as his voice. But the bigger one was guilt. Guilt for the way I felt when I woke up in his arms this morning. The butterflies in my stomach were not sisterly, and neither were my thoughts as I carefully untangled my body from his. As soon as I climbed out of his bed, part of me wanted to crawl right back in.

Trying to rationalize it, I grudgingly admitted to myself that he is gorgeous, and I am only human. Lying in someone’s arms all night promotes a certain intimacy. Hell, I’m almost 18 years old and I have never spent the night with a guy, not even Garrett. That alone would make my feelings understandable, right? Add that to the fact that I had almost lost him in an accident and I was just so grateful he was here and safe. Any mixed up emotions I was feeling were simply that; mixed up. We were still Max and Rainey, survivors of Garrett and best friends.

I vowed to put my inappropriate thoughts out of my head. The music ended and Rylee announced it was Jacuzzi time. Gran and Grandad said their goodnights and the rest of us changed into our bathing suits. Max seemed to be feeling better and we both thought the Jacuzzi would be good for him.

The back deck had a massive Jacuzzi built into it. The view of the lake and mountains in the starlight was gorgeous. Grandad had thought of everything when he had designed the house. He had planned a door off of the mudroom that allowed everyone to step into the Jacuzzi without having to step in the snow.

“Guys, can you imagine a better place to ring in the New Year than right here?” Ethan asked, dropping his towel and stepping into the bubbling water. I was checking out the Tattoo of a flower, I think it was a Lily, on his shoulder when he turned to help Sophie in and I looked at her in her pink bikini and was shocked to see a large tattoo of Ethan’s face on her side.

“That is amazing” I said, pointing. Sophie laughed and explained it was one of her own drawings. I knew she was an artist but I had not yet seen her work. The likeness was perfect. She explained how she had drawn it and the artist at the Tattoo shop that had done the work on Colin’s sleeves had copied it.

“So Rylee, you are the only one without a tattoo?” Max asked.

“Not for long! Colin and I are going to get each other’s names on our ring fingers!”

“What!” Sophie shouted. “Does this mean what I think it does?”

Colin laughed, “It is a lot less expensive than one of those,” he pointed to Sophie’s ring. “But Ry, you shouldn’t have told them. I thought you wanted to surprise them.”

“Sorry baby, but I hate secrets!” She put her arms around him and he kissed her while we all watched.

“Well, this calls for a celebration! I will get some champagne.” Sophie got out and wrapped a towel around herself and Ethan followed. They came back a few minutes later with six glasses of bubbly.

“A tiny bit won’t hurt you guys,” Sophie smiled as she passed the glasses out to each of us. We toasted the happy couple. We toasted our first weekend trip together. We toasted Max’s recovery. Soon our glasses were empty and I felt slightly tipsy. I felt good, light and giggly and relaxed.

We laughed and talked late into the night and when we went up to bed I said goodnight to Max and headed to my room. He didn’t need me tonight, he was doing great. Still, after I changed into pajamas I knocked on his door and peeked inside.

“If you need me, just call. I can leave my door open if you want.”

“I’m fine now Rainey, stop worrying.” He smiled and I did too.

“Okay, night Max.” I started to shut his door.

“Rainey?”

“Yeah?”

, “Do you want to sleep here?”

“Do you want me to?” I knew this was not a good idea, but I wanted him to say yes.

“Sure. You’ll sleep better if you aren’t getting up to check on me all night long.”

“True,” I said.

There was zero awkwardness between us as I climbed in. Max switched off the light, and pulled me into his arms. I fell asleep almost instantly, the sound of his heartbeat the sweetest lullaby.

Max

I dropped Rainey at her house late Sunday afternoon. Our drive had flown by as we talked about the weekend and our plans to return to the mountains for New Years. Waking up alone that morning, I wondered if I had dreamt that I had held Rainey while we slept, but then she came out of my bathroom and smiled, “Get up sleepyhead! Breakfast is in ten.” She went back to her room across the hall and I smiled as I headed for the shower.

I walked into my house prepared for my parent’s reaction to the cut on my forehead. They didn’t disappoint.

“Hi Sweetheart!” Mom’s smile died and her eyes grew bigger as she headed straight for me. “Max! What Happened?”

“I’m fine, mom. I fell snowboarding. It’s just a scratch.”

“That’s more than a scratch! Come in the kitchen so I can get the first aid kit.” I held still while she applied antibiotic ointment. “You could have been hurt badly. You have to be more careful.”

“I know. I was really lucky. Hey mom, you have to see the pictures of Sophie’s Grandparents’ house. You won’t believe this place.”

I pulled out my phone and just as I knew they would, the pictures distracted her and she examined every detail. Dad was quiet, he hadn’t said much but he kept looking at my forehead in a way that let me know he was glad my injury hadn’t been serious. Rainey had been right not to call them.

“Dinner is in an hour!” Mom called as I headed up the stairs. I tossed my bag on the floor and flopped down on my bed. I was tired, but my head felt fine. I just wanted to be alone. I needed to examine my feelings and figure out what I was doing. I had enjoyed Rainey a little too much this weekend, despite my injury. I felt closer to her than to anyone else in my life, ever. I missed her already, and it had only been forty five minutes since I dropped her off.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I smiled when I read the text. She asked how my mom took it when she saw my cut. An innocent question, but I could picture her asking. I knew her facial expressions and the inflections of her voice. I wondered if Garrett had noticed all the things that I did? Did he see the way her nose crinkled when she grinned? Had he liked the way she would tuck her hair behind her right ear while she talked? He used to say he could not deny those big brown eyes anything. Would he understand why I couldn’t either? Would he hate me from the grave for having these thoughts about his girl? As much as I adored her, I knew Rainey wasn’t mine. She only cared about me because I was Garrett’s twin. I couldn’t have her the way I was starting to want her. Still, as I texted her back, I was wishing that I could.

Chapter 19

Rainey

Garrett and Max had been born three minutes apart, with Garrett being the eldest. Their birthday was on Friday and I didn’t know how I felt about that, or more importantly how Max felt. At school he had been in such a good mood that I didn’t want to bring it up. But as sad as I felt about Garrett not turning eighteen, I wanted to be able to celebrate with Max. I wanted him to have presents and a cake and all the usual birthday traditions. But would he relapse if I gave him those things? We had both come so far in our grieving process, I didn’t want to send him backwards. As well as I knew him, this was something I didn’t know how to address. Turns out, my mom came up with the solution. Probably while trying to keep me from relapsing into constant tears. On Monday after coming home from doing my homework at Max’s, she was waiting for me.

“Hi babe. How was school?”

“Good.”

“Want to give me a hand with dinner?”

“Sure.” She handed me a bowl, a grater and a large block of mozzarella cheese. I washed my hands and then began to shred cheese while she put lasagna noodles into a pot of boiling water.

“I was at Shelley’s today.” Shelley was Mrs. McKinley’s first name. “We were talking about how hard the boys’ birthday would be for everyone.”

I nodded while I continued with the cheese.

“She’s kind of torn about how to handle it. She is heartbroken about Garrett, but worried about Max having his day ruined.”

“I know Mom, me too. He says he wants to skip it completely, but how will we be able to do that?”

“Well, I had planned to decorate the Christmas tree this weekend and I thought we could do it on Friday night and turn it into a party. We could have the McKinley’s over and you could invite your friends too. We could say it’s a holiday party but also have a cake ready for Max.”