The Saddest Song (21 page)

“Max writes a lot of songs, his lyrics could be about anything. They could be about a fictional relationship.”

“They aren’t,” she said, stopping to look me in the eyes.

“Damn it, Kara. So he wrote a song about me, so what? It doesn’t mean anything is going to change, it doesn’t mean we will suddenly fall into each other’s arms.”

“Do you want that to happen?”

No sense lying to a psychic, I just gave in and said, “More than anything.”

“This is going to decide your future with Max. Promise me you will go.”

I started to ask her questions that I hoped she would answer but she cut me off.

“I promised Max I wouldn’t tell either of you anything about the future, but this is the advice I would give you as a friend. You need to go.”

I would go.

Max

As natural as it was to me playing the guitar and singing my songs, I expected to be a bundle of nerves at my first public show. I wasn’t. I was the opposite of nervous, completely calm. I was going to go out there and give it all I had and hope that the audience would like what they heard. Ethan and Colin convinced me to save my best song for last and so The Saddest Song would end my set.

Maybe my lack of nerves was because I was playing to an audience of strangers. I hadn’t invited any of my friends, or my parents for that matter. I wanted to be focused on my music not who was listening to it. Of course, part of my wished Rainey would be there sitting in the front row.

I arrived at the club and met Max and Colin backstage. The girls were there and we hung out while the main doors opened and the crowd could be heard talking while they waited for the show to begin. A few friends of Colin’s joined us backstage, including Lalie. She was dressed in a short tight dress and when she hugged me she held on a little longer than I was comfortable with. She was hanging around us every weekend now and even though she was a couple years older than I was she made it clear she was interested.

“Max, I love this!” She said, running her hands along my jaw. I hadn’t shaved in awhile and the scruff was on its way to becoming a beard. I liked it, I felt like it made me look older than eighteen. I thought my music would be taken more seriously if I looked older.

Colin came to my rescue, literally taking Lalie’s shoulders and moving her aside.

“Sorry Lalie-Pop, gotta get him ready for the stage.”

He pulled me away from everyone.

“You got this, you know that, right?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.”

“No first time jitters?”

“Nope.”

“You’re a natural, Max. They’re gonna love you. Go get ‘em!” he said, slapping me on the back and I went through the stage door, not looking back.

Chapter 32

Rainey

It was time. I had dressed in black jeans, boots, and a white blouse bought just for the occasion. I didn’t want to overdress. My hair was straightened and hung down to my waist, my makeup was light but I made sure to buy waterproof mascara. No matter what happened tonight, whichever way it went, I knew there would be tears.

I parked two blocks from the venue and nervously waited for the text. It came within minutes and I rushed down the sidewalk. Rylee was hanging out the door waving for me to hurry so I ran the last half block.

“Hurry, he’s on!” She ushered me inside and I could hear his beautiful voice singing a song I had heard a million times. My stomach reacted by releasing a million butterflies and I took a deep breath. Several people were standing in the stage doorway, their backs to us while they watched Max.. His profile was towards us and my heart leapt at the sight of him. He looked adorable in a plaid shirt, his messy dark hair the same, his scruffy beard surprising me, but I loved it.

The first song ended and the applause was loud. A couple of guys standing by Colin turned to look at me and my eyes landed on a petite brunette standing next to them, wearing a tight blue dress and high heels. I didn’t need her to turn around to know who it was. She would always bring to mind a black cat and Kara’s warning. Max began his second song and she was forgotten as I watched him.

When he got to his final song he spoke. “Thank you all for letting me play for you tonight. I’m Max McKinley, and this one’s called, “The Saddest Song.”

His guitar started to play the haunting melody but my ears were listening carefully to the lyrics that had been added, each word burning its way into my heart.

Everything seems colder when you aren’t around

Hands in my pockets and eyes to the ground

I miss the days with the gaze that went right to my soul

Seems to me you’ll always be the one that makes me whole

The truth is that when I’m alone

I stare at your name in my phone

And no matter what I do

There’s no out of love with you

Maybe I could be right

Maybe I could be wrong

But Baby without your tune

I’m just the saddest song

Words you said to me float around in my head

Late at night I toss and turn thinking of you in bed

You let me into your world, made mine a lot less dark

Now I’m left in the deepest black, boy do I miss your spark

There’s something bout being alone

I’ve lost the one that I call home

Now I’m left in this lonely state

Baby I think that you’re my fate

Maybe I could be right

Maybe I could be wrong

But baby without your tune

I’m just the saddest song

I’ve lost my mind thinking what to do

Can’t you see what you put me through

I’m leaning on the edge

Let me fall into you

Maybe I could be right

Maybe I could be wrong

But Baby I need your tune

Won’t you fix this sad song

My heart soared with the realization that he still cared. My heart broke with what I had put him through. I stood back from the doorway, tucked in the shadows as I watched Max accept his applause. The audience wasn’t being polite, the song had touched them too. As he came off stage his face was lit with the smile I had missed and Colin grabbed him and hugged him before running onto the stage himself. Ethan and Rylee and Sophie each hugged him too and I was about to let him know I was there, tell him how proud of him I was, how much I loved his song. How very much I loved him. When I saw Lalie jump into his arms, laughing and going on about how wonderful he was. I saw him hug her back, laughing in his happiness, and I knew I was too late. No matter what the words had said in his song he had moved on.

I didn’t wait, I didn’t think. I turned and fled. I wanted to get as far from him as possible. I couldn’t bear to have him see me. See the two of them look at me with pity. I ran as fast I could down the dark sidewalk, dodging people and feeling tears fill my eyes. I needn’t have run, nobody followed. I made it to the car and locked myself inside. Lying my head down on the steering wheel, I sobbed.

Max

I was fine on stage. The first three songs went well and I was in the home stretch when I introduced my last song. As soon as I began to sing the first line I felt her. Felt her near me in a way I hadn’t felt her in so long. I sang for her. I sang as if she were standing in front of me, her alone. The audience disappeared as I poured my soul into those lyrics. Rainey was my tune, she was my heart, and without her I really was nothing more than a sad song. That’s how I felt, that’s what I sang. I needed her as badly as I needed my next breath.

The song ended, the applause was generous and I shook off the emotions the song had caused. This wasn’t the time, or the place. Colin embraced me as I came off stage, and I laughed with the relief of having survived my first show. I felt euphoric, and accepted hugs from Ethan, Rylee and Sophie. The next thing I knew Lalie had wrapped her arms around me, pressed herself tightly against me and told me how wonderful I was. I laughed and thanked her then gently tried to extract myself from her arms. She was hot, there was no denying it, but she wasn’t for me.

Rylee was only too happy to help rescue me and pulled on my arm saying, “Max, I need to talk to you.”

“But I want to watch Colin, can’t it wait?”

Lalie stood there waiting too, obviously thinking I’d be hers again in a moment. I tuned them both out and watched my friend sing. We all watched the rest of the show then headed across the street for a late dinner. I was ready to celebrate. I made sure I seated myself away from Lalie, ending up between Sophie and Colin. I saw Rylee trying to signal Sophie and glancing from her to me and finally I asked Sophie what was going on.

She looked at me and said, “Rainey was there.”

She had my full attention. “What?”

“She was backstage with us. She watched you sing.”

“But she left?” My heart was suddenly racing and I was trying to understand.

“Well, when Lalie practically mounted you she ran out.”

“Shit! How did she even know to be there?”

“We asked her. We wanted her to hear the song you wrote about her.”

I lowered my head into my hands. “Did she?”

“Of course. I watched her while you sang it. She loved it, I could tell.”

“I have to go!” I said, standing abruptly.

When Colin started to object, Rylee said, “Leave him alone, he has to go.”

I rushed to my truck wondering if she was still up. It was late, but I wasn’t willing to wait until morning. I was tired of waiting. By the time I got to her house the lights were off. I tried texting her but there was no reply. I got out of the truck and went around the side of the house letting myself in the gate. I looked up at her dark bedroom window and tried throwing the coins I had in my pocket. They didn’t rouse her and I decided I would have to ring her doorbell. I was passing the side of the garage and looked inside the window shocked to see her car wasn’t home.

Where could she be? It was past midnight.

I got back in my truck and drove over to Caitlynn’s house but her car wasn’t there. I headed for Colin and Rylee’s and then Ethan and Sophie’s but she was nowhere to be found. At a loss I even drove over to the shelter but the parking lot was dark and empty. Deciding that she must be home by now I returned to her driveway and was worried when I saw that she still hadn’t made it back. Where was she?

There was only one person that might be able to help me. It was now going on two in the morning but I decided I had to wake her.

“Hello? Max?” Kara answered, sounding pretty alert for the middle of the night.

“Kara, I’m sorry to wake you. I can’t find Rainey.”

“Just go home Max.”

“No, I can’t. I have to find her. Please Kara, I need your help!”

“I know. I AM helping you Max. Go home.”

“What?”

“She’s been there all night, waiting for you.”

Chapter 33

Rainey

I couldn’t go home. I had told my parents that I was spending the night with Rylee and Sophie so that I could be with Max. My heart was so heavy and I felt so tired. Tired of the mess that I made of my life. I needed to fix it, and I needed to start tonight. If Max had moved on, fine. I still needed to talk to him. I had so much apologizing to do. I needed closure if nothing else.

I decided to park near his house until he got back. I would talk to him before I had a chance to chicken out. I would make him listen. I pulled up, and turned off the car. I didn’t know how long he would be. I turned my phone off after ignoring dozens of calls from Rylee. I would deal with her and Sophie tomorrow. I would wait as long as I needed to. I had nothing but time.

I was awake until about one thirty and then my eyes grew heavy. I nodded off, then startled awake any time a car went by. I rubbed my eyes and kept waiting for his car to pull into his driveway. What was he doing at nearly two in the morning? I slammed the door on that thought. I didn’t want to know.

My thoughts were interrupted by headlights turning onto his street and then the familiar truck pulled into his drive. I opened my door and hurried towards his garage hoping to catch him before he went inside. I knew how he felt about doorbells that rang in the middle of the night. I need not have worried because instead of going into the house he came running towards me.

“Rainey,” he said, his fingers running frantically thru his messy hair, a nervous habit of his I knew only too well. “I have been looking for you everywhere.”

He didn’t touch me, but his voice was like a caress.

“I need to talk to you. I was waiting for you.” He nodded, and putting his hand on the small of my back guided me through the dark garage and into the house. We quietly made our way up the stairs and only when we were in his room with the door closed did we speak.