The Saga of the Renunciates (122 page)

It had happened. She could not use her
laran
to cry out to Camilla; drugged with
raivannin
she was head-blind, insensitive, unreachable. Jaelle, alone, without helpers from the Tower, was all but powerless. And so Camilla had made the breakthrough, done the thing that she had been avoiding all her life.

Magda felt a confusion beyond words. On one level she was filled with pride for Camilla, that she had overcome her dread and distaste for this long denied potential. On another she was almost immeasurably humbled that Camilla would do this for her sake, after so many years of denial, of rejection. On yet another, she felt pain that was almost despair. Camilla would never have come to this, except for me. It would have been better to die than to force this on her.

She was so filled with mixed joy and sorrow for her friend, that for a moment she did not realize what it meant. Camilla had found her, by
laran
. One way or another this meant rescue was on the way, and they must be ready.

She crawled toward Cholayna and whispered, “They’ve found us. Did you see Camilla?”

“Did I—
what
?”

“I saw her. She appeared to me. No, Cholayna, I wasn’t hallucinating. I saw Kyntha, too. It means that since I could not search for her, she came looking for me, and it means an attempt at rescue. We must be ready.”

Vanessa listened with a skeptically raised eyebrow.

“Talk about psychological defense mechanisms! I suspect you’re out of your mind temporarily, Lorne, and no wonder—giving you all kinds of strange drugs, without the slightest reason—”

“You haven’t been on this planet as long as I have,” Cholayna said, overhearing this. “It happens and it’s no delusion, Vanessa. I didn’t see anything. I didn’t expect to. But I don’t doubt Lorne did and we should be ready.”

“They won’t get us away without a commotion of some sort,” Vanessa said. “Not without our boots.”

Rafaella, who had been dozing, sat up, and the good news was relayed to her in a whisper.

“And Jaelle? What of Jaelle?” she asked. “Any word?”

Magda said dryly, “Not going to try persuading her this time that Acquilara’s gang would be more useful in the long run? Changed your mind about what kind of solid citizens they are?”

Rafaella’s face was white.

“Damn you, Margali, is it any wonder I didn’t want you in this? You always have to twist the knife, don’t you? And you of course, you never make mistakes, you’re always so right, so perfectly absolutely smug-faced
right
! All these people who are so damn awed by you because you never do anything wrong—some day Jaelle’s going to realize what you’re doing to her, what you do to everybody you say you care about, and break your neck, and I hope I’m there to see it and cheer!”

She turned her back on Magda and buried her head in her blanket. Her body shook, and Magda realized she was crying.

For a moment Magda was almost too shocked to draw breath.
Rafaella and I have quarreled before, but I always thought she was still my friend. Is that what I am like? Is that how people see me
?

Vanessa had heard; more, she had seen Magda’s face. She leaned close to Magda. “Never mind,” she said in a voice that could not be heard a foot away, “she always calms down sooner or later. Remember her own judgment of people’s just turned out not to be so great, after all. She gambled on Anders and lost.”

It’s as if this whole thing had been my fault, my fault Lexie Anders did what she did, my fault Rafaella followed her.

She remembered what Kyntha had said.
Try not to hate
. Her mind was still clouded, but she knew that she did not hate Rafaella.
I’m angry with her. That’s different
.

Lexie? That was more difficult. However she tried, she could not exonerate Lexie from the blame for this whole miserable expedition.

“What is it?” Cholayna whispered, and Magda remembered that Kyntha had said,
Tell the others
.

“I’m trying hard not to hate Lexie.” She repeated what Kyntha had said. Her feelings about Rafaella were her own affair, and she could not share them with Cholayna, but Lexie was another matter.

“You can leave the hating to me,” Vanessa said implacably. “She’s come so close to getting us all killed—”

“But she didn’t kill Rafaella,” Cholayna argued. “Not even with a knife in her hand, and an admiring audience standing around watching.”

Rafaella stuck her head out from under her blanket. “I knew she wouldn’t. I know Lexa’ pretty well by now.” Magda was astonished at herself, realizing that even in this adversity she still thought like a linguist, noting that Rafaella said
Lexa’
, using the Kilghard Hills dialect, rather than the
Lexie
that the rest of them, the Terrans, used.

“She would never have killed me,” Rafaella insisted. They might all have been sitting around in the music room of the Guild-house, arguing a point in Training Session for the young Renunciates. “She wouldn’t have killed Margali, not even when she had the gun—blaster? Stunner—on her.”

If she can forgive Alexis
that
, how can I possibly keep on hating her? How can I keep on being angry with Rafi? We’ve quarreled before. Yet she’d speak up for me just the way she did just now for Lexie. She wanted suddenly to hug Rafaella, but she knew the other woman was still angry with her.

Well, she has a right to be. What I said
was
nasty, under the circumstances.

But if she can forgive Lexie, then I should be able to stop hating her. Magda made herself remember Lexie at her best; explaining Survey work to the young women for the Bridge Society; Lexie in Training School on Alpha, sharing experience with the younger students; Lexie, regressed to her early years…
a little fair-haired girl, Cleindori’s age. I walked hand in hand with her like a younger sister
… She sought the sympathy she had found for her then.

I don’t know if it will do any good. But I’m trying
.

Vanessa said grimly, “I can just manage not to hate Lexie, if I have to. But don’t try asking me not to hate that woman Acquilara. That’s carrying good will too far. She’d have killed us all—”

“But the fact is that she
didn’t
kill us,” Cholayna said. “She even left us the blankets. ‘One who does good, having an infinite power to do evil, should have credit not only for the good she does but for the evil from which she refrains. ’ ”

“What in hell are you quoting?”

“I don’t remember; something I read as a student,” Cholayna said. “Remember, too: the woman’s psychotic. She can’t help herself.”

“I’ve never believed in diminished responsibility,” said Vanessa, frowning.

Magda wondered: did this in any way exonerate Acquilara, who was at least guilty of searching for power by any means she could grab it? Jaelle had defined that as evil. She didn’t know.

“Listen! What’s going on?” asked Cholayna, suddenly raising her head. At the far end of the cavern there was a stirring, women running in and out. Alexis Anders came up to one of the guards; they spoke urgently for a few minutes. Then the guards hurried toward the prisoners.

They held out four pairs of boots.

“Get into them! Hurry, or it will be the worse for you!”

“What are you going to do with us?” Vanessa demanded.

“No questions,” said one of them, but the other had already said, “You’re being moved. Hurry up.”

They hurried into their boots, afraid the guards would lose patience and force them to move without the boots. The guards prodded them to their feet with long sticks, urged them ahead. Cholayna found an opportunity to whisper to Vanessa and Magda, “If you’re right about Camilla organizing a rescue, this could be it. Keep alert and seize any chance to fight our way out!”

Magda tried to get her bearings—which way was she being taken into the labyrinth? The darkness made her nervous, with no light but that from the smoking torches, making wavering images on the uneven shapes of the walls. Something sticking to her sock inside her boot hurt her foot. She recognized the slippery stairway up which they had tried to escape.

Cholayna was breathing hard. She was not, after all, long out of bed after pneumonia. Rafaella grabbed her rudely around the waist. “Lean on me, Elder.” The respectful Guild-house term rang strangely here.

Vanessa bumped into her from behind. Magda felt the younger woman’s breath on her neck as she whispered hastily, “I’m going to try and get that stunner away from Lexie. It could even the odds against us.”

Magda’s first impulse was to protest—she had lived long enough as a Darkovan to be appalled at the thought of any weapon longer than arm’s reach. Also, Terran law prevented high-tech weapons on low-tech planets. But Alexis Anders had already used, displayed, the weapon here. And they were desperately outnumbered, four or five to forty or more. And—the final convincer— she didn’t think her protest would stop Vanessa anyway. She muttered back, “Get me to testify at the court-martial when we get back.”

But at first, when they were herded into a corner of the upper chamber, she did not see Lexie at all. She heard shouting, noise, commotion below, but they were in the dark, lighted only by one torch on the walls, sending out tarry choking smoke, and another wavering in the hands of an old woman, who stood against the cavern wall.

Then there was a clash like the sound of metal and Magda saw a press of people crowding around the head of the staircase. She could not see what was going on.

The Sisterhood do not kill. That was the one thing that was in all the legends
, both Jaelle and Camilla had repeated that. Would they fight even for a rescue? Someone was screaming on the staircase. There was a new glare of freshly lit torches, and by their light Magda saw Camilla at the stairhead fighting.

It was time to act. She dashed at one of their guards; shoved her so hard that the woman toppled toward her, and she grabbed the sword out of her belt; as the woman scrambled up, she knocked her down again with a kick she had learned on another world. Her own violence spun her around and she saw that Cholayna and Rafaella were trying to follow her example, but she had no time to see what happened, as she ran toward Camilla, shouting. Where was Jaelle? In the torchlit shadows it was all but impossible to tell friend from enemy.

Camilla grabbed her hand, pulling her down the stairs, and they ran together. Somebody rose up in front of them and Magda struck out with the edge of her hand. She did not think to use the snatched-up sword instead. They ran right over her. Camilla was shouting, in a ringing voice that echoed through the caverns:

“
Comhi’ letzii
! Here. Gather here!”

Somebody came up and grabbed Magda; she almost struck her down before she realized it was Jaelle, in a thick pointed cap shoved down over her bright hair.

“They’re here.” Magda gabbled at her, breathless. “Rafi. And Lexie. Rafi’s all right. She’s on our side. Lexie has a stunner. Be careful. I think she’d use it.”

Acquilara’s women were crowding down the staircase. Magda heard Vanessa scream and whirled. Lexie had the stunner and was holding it almost in Cholayna’s face, in an attitude of wordless threat.

Cholayna’s foot swept up in a
vaido
kick and the stunner went flying, scooting over heads like a soaring ball. Magda ran for it, sliding, snatching it up before Acquilara’s hands closed on it. Acquilara had a knife; Magda kicked it out of her hand.

A woman with an evil scar halfway across her face closed with her. Magda kicked, fought, scrabbled, thrust the stunner inside her own tunic. It felt icy cold against her bare skin and she was suddenly terrified that Alexis had taken off the safety catch and it would go off. Where was Lexie? Frantically, Magda sought her in the flickering torchlight, where women were pushing and crowding and screaming. Cholayna. Where was Cholayna? Magda pushed back through the press of people to find her. Cholayna was lying on the ground and for a frightful moment Magda, seeing Alexis Anders standing over her, thought that Lexie had struck her down.

But Cholayna’s rasping breath could be heard halfway across the cavern. She struggled to rise, and realization swept over Magda. Cholayna was poorly acclimated to the altitude; she had been fighting like a woman half her age. Lexie was unarmed.

I have the stunner! And she hasn’t been checked out for the field here
—
she’s had unarmed-combat training, but against a knife
—unarmed, Alexis was holding off two women with knives who were trying to get to Cholayna. Magda thrust frantically through the crowd toward them.
Rafaella was right
—Vanessa grabbed Cholayna, hauling her to her feet. The three of them backed off, slowly, toward the daylight that could be seen at the edge of the big chamber. The knife-bearers made a final rush, and Lexie went down in a sprawl of bodies.

Magda fought her way toward them, and saw Camilla rise upward, throwing off assailants. Vanessa dragged Cholayna up to her feet, gasping, leaning heavily on her arm. Camilla’s face was pouring blood from a slash on her forehead.

Lexie Anders lay motionless on the floor of the cavern, and for a moment Magda thought she was dead. Then she stirred, and Vanessa leaned down and grabbed her. She fought her way up, clinging numbly to Vanessa’s arm.

She wouldn’t let them kill Cholayna, I knew it. How badly is she hurt?

Magda’s throat was hurting, and she paused a moment, painfully catching her breath. Then she ran across the big chamber to where Cholayna and Camilla found shelter, with Vanessa supporting Lexie. Now Magda could see the great splotch of blood on the back of Lexie’s tunic. It looked bad. They were enormously outnumbered. Rafaella and Jaelle were back to back, trying to hold off another threatening rush by Acquilara’s women, who were all armed with knives and looked as if they would have no hesitation about using them. For the moment they were hanging back, but any second they might attack again.

The slash across Camilla’s forehead poured blood into her eyes turning her face into a bloody mess. Magda reminded herself that all head wounds, even minor ones, bled like that and if it was that serious Camilla would not still be on her feet. Still the sight terrified her, and she ran to join them. In this lower chamber they could dimly see daylight from the cave-mouth, but, before that, there seemed to be dozens of women with knives. Cholayna’s breath was still coming so hard that Magda wondered how she stayed on her feet. Vanessa, herself limping, was holding Lexie upright, half conscious.