The Santini Collection 1-4 (42 page)

“
Now, I have to have you now, Jules.”

The words thrilled her. The dark, dangerous voice had her head spinning.

I did this
. That was all she could think. He tugged off her shirt and made a sound when he realized she hadn’t worn a bra.

He said nothing as he tried to undo the snap on her jeans.

“
Damn,” he said, embarrassment coloring his voice.

“
What?”

“
My hands are shaking so bad, I can’t do it.”

She laughed and he looked up at. “Oh, you make me happy, Vince. I never thought I would inspire such lust in a man.”

He smiled and she undid her jeans. Together they worked them down her legs. He didn’t even do that much. He undid his pants then lifted her off the floor and thrust into her in one motion.

She gasped at the intrusion.

“
Sorry, baby,” he said, pressing his mouth against her throat.

Jules wrapped her legs around his waist. “Don’t be.”

He chuckled. “I should say I really am, but I’m not.”

He started to move. Again and again, he thrust into her as he continued to kiss her throat. Power and need entwined within her, sent her body into overdrive. Every thought dissolved. It didn’t take her long to reach orgasm. Vince thrust into her once more then groaned as he came.

Moments later, he said, “I’m sorry.”

She cupped his face and looked at him. “Don’t ever be sorry for doing that.”

“
I should have more control.”

She shook her head. “I like it. No one has ever done things like that for me. It makes me feel wonderful.”

Then, slowly, his lips curved. “Yeah?”

She nodded and kissed him. Then, he carried her into his bedroom, barely making it to the bed. He shucked off his jeans and crawled into bed beside her.

“
I think I’m getting a handle on this gardening,” he said yawning.

She chuckled.

“
I’d say you were an expert.”

She cuddled closer, happy to have a man she reduced to such animal instincts. It was definitely a banner day for her.

* * * *

Vince walked out of the bedroom the next morning, a stunned look on his face. “Jules, we didn’t use a condom yesterday.”

“
Oh.” It was all she could think of. “There’s no worry. I’m on the pill.”

“
Ah.” He kept staring at her. He was dressed for work, but he was going to be late if he kept standing there.

“
You need to get going, yeah?”

He nodded. “Just so you know, if something happened, I’d insist on marriage.”

Her heart almost stopped beating right then and there. Something close to fear gripped her. How did that happen so fast?

“
Why would you do that?”

He blinked. “If you were pregnant, I would insist on it.”

“
I understood the statement. Why do we have to screw this up with marriage?”

“
Where did you think this was going?” he asked.

“
Not to marriage. I will not marry again.” Now panic has set in. She had to fight to breathe evenly.

“
Jules, I would never cheat on you like Mike. You know that. I love you.”

Oh, damn, just hearing those words were the sweetest joy. It was also the worst temptation. She wanted to say yes. What woman wouldn’t want to marry a god like Vince who said sweet things to her? She’d never known someone who could engage her on so many levels.

She just couldn’t. Not again. “I do. I trust you Vince or I never would have gone to bed with you. You’re the most trustworthy man I know. I just can’t get married again.”

Just saying the words had her head pounding.
Married
. Getting married just screwed everything up.

He frowned. “What are you not telling me?”

She looked at him then, and realized if she loved him like she said she did, she had to tell him the truth. She didn’t want to tell the story. Her parents knew. Jesse knew…and her therapist. Otherwise, she hadn’t told anyone else. But this man who had made her feel so loved and wanted deserved the truth.

“
Cheating wasn’t the only thing Mike was good at.” She sighed. “The first time he hit me was after he came home pretty drunk.”

“
He hit you?” he asked.

She nodded. “I let it go that first time. He’d never been violent with me.”

“
Never? He just hit you out of the blue?”

When she studied him, she realized Vince believed her. It took every ounce of courage she had in her to tell him. There would be no reconciling the stories she told him with the Mike. She understood just what she was doing. She had never gotten the chance to stand up to Mike and it still pissed her off.

“
Yes. Of course, after a lot of therapy, I realized that Mike had been abusive in other ways. He didn’t have to hit me to hurt me. He was a master at drawing blood with just his words.”

Vince nodded. “Mike always did have a nasty temper and he liked to mouth off a lot. It was one of the things…”

“
I know. You two were friends, but I know that you kept him in line a lot. The truth was he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without you in high school. You don’t think I didn’t know he had issues with his temper. When he got mad, he got mean.”

And those memories would haunt her forever. Why didn’t she see it? Why didn’t she just walk away before they got married?

Because she had loved him and believed that he would grow out of it.

“
What did you do after he hit you?”

She shrugged and looked out the window. “He apologized the next morning. And it didn’t happen again for a few months. That honeymoon period they all talk about. It’s just like they say. Brought me home flowers—which I ended up paying for. I look back now and wonder just how lost I was to accept that.” She looked at Vince. “I must have been a sorry excuse of a woman to expect so little from the man I married.”

She drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Her therapist had warned her about negative thoughts.

“
But it happened again?” Vince asked softly.

She looked at him. He’d sat down at the table. He was so good, so…strong. Just thinking about his feelings for her made her happy.

“
He came home so drunk I was amazed he could walk upright. I’d had enough. Worse, he smelled like cheap perfume. We were overdrawn in the bank and he was out drinking and whoring. I told him I was sick of his cheating.”

She remembered the way his face had changed from petulant drunkard to angry abuser in the flash of an eye. She hadn’t been prepared for the punch to her face.

“
What happened?”

She swallowed. “This time it wasn’t a slap. It was a beating. It was…well bad. He passed out later and I ran. I didn’t know where to go, so I called Jesse.”

She closed her eyes trying to forget the feel of Mike’s fist against her flesh, but to this day, she would wake up thinking he was there again.

“
That’s why he kept in touch. Didn’t you have any girlfriends to call?”

She shook her head and looked at him. When she saw that he was blurry she realized she’d been crying. “I had no friends by that point. Mike was already out of the Marines. Court martialed. Most of the other wives wanted nothing to do with me. Well, a few of them had slept with Mike. Another thing I didn’t realize at the time was how much he’d alienated my friends. I didn’t talk to my parents for months at a time. He’d chipped away at my circle of friends and family. I thought I had no one.”

“
So, you went to Jesse.”

She nodded. It was better to just have it out in the open. “So, Jesse took me to the hospital.”

“
You had to go to the hospital? It was that bad?”

“
Yeah. I had a couple cracked ribs and he broke my nose. They also had to take pictures of the injuries for the police report. Mike was arrested and I filed for divorce. I moved out of our apartment into a little studio. I thought I had made strides. I thought I was safe. I didn’t find out until too late that Mike made bail. The first thing he did was hunt me down.”

She stopped and took a few moments to compose herself. Going over the story always sounded odd, like it had happened to someone else. Vince said nothing but he rubbed her back. It was the best thing he could do for her. The silent show of support gave her the strength to finish the story.

“
He broke into my apartment. It was all a blur after that. They tell me he had beaten me pretty bad. Of course, I know he did because I saw myself in the mirror when I woke up.”

“
Woke up?” he asked when she didn’t go on.

“
Yeah. Mike apparently had his hands wrapped around my throat when a neighbor heard the noise and came to investigate. If the man hadn’t shown up, I’m positive I’d be dead right now.”

“
What happened?”

“
Mike got away. The neighbor, Craig, was more worried about me. He saved my life. The worst part was the police couldn’t find him. He’d disappeared and they thought he might have headed to Canada. Two days later, Mike had that wreck.”

Vince said nothing for a few moments. “Jules…”

She finally turned her head. The stunned expression wasn’t one she expected. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I haven’t told a lot of people. Even some of my closest friends have no idea.”

He shook his head and brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “Don’t. Don’t ever feel you have to explain your reasons to me. I wish you had told me sooner, called me. I can’t believe you had to go through that alone.”

“
My parents were there the next morning. Jesse had called them. It was one of the worst things seeing my mother break down in tears when she saw my face.”

“
Hurting our moms is worse than stabbing our fathers.”

She laughed.

“
That’s good to hear.”

“
I went home with them and spent the next few months trying to figure out what to do. That’s when I decided to move back here. It was where I had always wanted to settle one day.”

He smiled. “And you opened your shop.”

She nodded.

“
But I don’t understand why you can’t get married.”

It was so hard to explain it to him. She didn’t truly understand it herself. “I love you, Vince. I do. I don’t say things like that I don’t mean.”

“
I feel a
but
coming here.”

“
I just can’t do marriage again. I made such a mess of it before.”

“
That was Mike.”

She shook her head. “Mostly, I agree. But there were two of us in that marriage. I should have never put up with his cheating or drinking. I should have walked away earlier. I’m not giving him an excuse. Now, though, I don’t know if I can deal with marriage.”

“
So you won’t marry me?”

“
Are you asking?” When he didn’t answer she said, “I’m not sure if I can. I love you, Vince.”

“
You don’t want to have children?” he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him yes. She would happily have his children, but she pushed that thought down. She couldn’t allow herself to fall into that trap again. She had wanted to be a mother so badly when she and Mike married. He’d put her off and, in the end, she was glad of it. She didn’t want to have a child see what a monster his father had become.

“
Who says you have to be married to have kids?”