The Scale (Martha's Way) (40 page)

Might as well entertain her sister, she retrieved the
chilled bottle of wine from her fridge. “Jason wants nothing to do with me.”

“How do you know that?”

“I tried, Keely. Three months ago, remember? I practically
begged. He kicked me out. On your wedding night you spent the night with me.”

Her sister popped a piece of broccoli in her mouth and
closed her eyes as she savored the taste of the vegetable. “Oh yes, that little
incident. That was three months ago and,” she glanced at Minka, “he had a point
with that finding your own happiness crap, and I think it’s fair to say you’re
finally there.”

“
Geez,
thanks.”

“Go to him.”

“And what?
Beg again?”

Keely let out a chuckle. “There is a heavy price to be paid
to obtain happiness of the lasting variety…you have to trade-off your ego for
it.”

Minka reached for a fork and picked a piece of broccoli.
“You sound like a fortune cookie.”

“But you know I’m right. He’s back on the island. He’s
miserable. Claire and I have officially changed his name to grumpy-ass.”

Minka felt herself smile a little, picturing a cranky Jason
around the island. “How do you know he’s miserable?”

“Blake and I were there before we came home. Jason and
Charles offered Blake Jason’s old position and he accepted. So we’re moving
back to The Vineyard.”

Minka let the news sink in. She would miss them terribly but
she also knew as much as Blake hated to admit it, a piece of him missed being
home with his extended family. If Keely and Blake made The Vineyard their
permanent home, that meant she couldn’t go on avoiding the emptiness Jason’s
absence left inside of her. Eventually she’d cross his path. Eventually she’d
have to get over him.
Except that may take a lifetime and
more.

“Anyhow,” Keely continued, chewing down a mouthful of
scallops, “the point is, Jason is in a major grumpy mood right now. Oh, he’s
going about like everything is okay but we know better. He actually flinched
when I casually mentioned your name.”

“Why did you do that?”

Keely grinned, her eyes shining with delight. “To see if you
still have a hold on him.”

Minka looked away.

“You still do. He loves you, sis.”

Minka fought back the tears and the ache in her chest that
only Jason could soothe intensified. She loved him. Oh, how she loved him. The
last three months she had tried her best to forget him and focused on her
well-being. While she had managed to achieve the balance she needed in her
life, she wanted more of Jason. A yearning, she admitted, that would never
diminish.

“His art show is next weekend.”

She remembered. He had asked her to come back and be with
him that weekend. How things changed.

“You should go,” Keely added.

Minka shook her head. “I wasn’t invited.”

Keely shrugged. “You can continue to sulk or suck it up and
put yourself on the line and go be with the man you love. That’s going to be an
important night for him, Minka. He has come a long way dealing with his
mother’s death.” Keely exhaled and reached for her wine glass for a refill.
“Let’s drink now. I’m done preaching.”

Chapter Thirty-One

“Incidentally, the
world
is
magical.

Magic is simply
what's off our human scale... at the moment.”

Vera Nazarian

Minka spotted Jason right away. The three months since she
last saw him faded as the familiarity of the man she loved rose again to the
surface. It felt like yesterday they last touched, last made love. In reality,
many nights had passed where she cried and ached for him.

She remained frozen between the doorways watching him.
Dressed in a gray plaid wool suit, he moved within the crowd with a confidence
and ease only he possessed. No sign of ill temperament as her sister had
claimed. He looked relaxed, poised, and happy.

Her eyes wandered to the filled walls with black and white
photographs his mother had taken that were now on display. At one time he had
invited her to come be with him tonight, but even that seemed like an eternity.

Breathing hard, she closed her eyes in pain, still hurting
from their last conversation, their goodbye. “Let me know if you’re pregnant,”
he had said coolly. The coldness in his voice had left her shivering with
humiliation.

What now?

She had let her sister convinced her to attend tonight’s
event. To let Jason see her and maybe, just maybe…

Her mind was now blank. I’m sorry, she thought.
I could simply apologize again
. But how
many times had she done that before she left for New Jersey. Each time he had
pushed her away.

Minka released a long slow breath. Her heart was beating too
fast, she needed to calm down, gather her thoughts before approaching him. She
glanced in his direction again. He stood talking to his father and Rosa, the
tension that once existed between the two men no longer apparent.

He was soon approached by Adam, Blake and Forrest. She
spotted Claire, Keely, and Lily laughing together. The gang, she thought sadly.
They were all here celebrating his mother’s legacy. He had even invited Lily
but not me. The thought left her devastated.

Lily had offered to decline the invitation but Minka had
insisted she was okay. She had not wanted to be that friend who stopped someone
from honoring his mother with him. Or deny Lily an opportunity to spend more
time with Adam. As much as her friend insisted their relationship was based on
sex only, Minka liked them together and secretly hoped more would come out of
it.

She’d told them she was coming, asking them not to tell him.
From his appearance, it looked like they had held their part of the bargain. A
blonde woman whom Minka recognized as the editor of the magazine who did the
article on Martha’s Way slipped her arm in Jason’s. He lowered his head and
smiled down at her.

Her body went numb. He’d moved on. Crushed, she gasped and
was about to turn on her heels to leave when he abruptly turned toward the
door.

His steely blue look spied her. No trace of
Wow, what a pleasant surprise
as she had
hoped. Minka watched him slip out of Lisa’s arms and make his way to where she
stood. It wasn’t until he was inches away did she catch her sister’s gesture.

You can do
it
,
her sister
mouthed the words from across the room. Minka wasn’t so sure about that. She
smiled weakly at her. With her heart in her throat, she turned on her heel to
leave but he had already closed the space between them and caught her wrist.

“Let’s go in the garden.” Before Minka could argue, Jason
was already walking past her, dragging her along.

“I shouldn’t have come here. I was just leaving.”

“We will talk outside.” He didn’t bother to look at her as
he said the words. Instead he seemed to have quickened his steps and Minka did
her best to keep up.

Once outside he released her wrist and fixed his laser-like
eyes on her. Feeling vulnerable, Minka massaged her now-free wrist, not because
he had hurt her. On the contrary, his touch had scorched her skin, a reminder
of how he used to touch and hold her.

He looked her over from head to toe, taking in her physical
transformation. She tried to read him to see if he appreciated her weight loss
but his face revealed nothing.

 
“Are you
pregnant?” he asked finally.

The words cut through her like a dagger. Her immediate
reaction was to draw back and
cry,
instead she let out
a soft chuckle. The time apart, as much as she hated it had served her well. It
had forced her to let go of her insecurities. Jason’s last words were still
fresh in her memory.
I can’t love you if
you don’t love yourself
. It took her awhile to understand what he meant but
she got it now, to really love someone one must learn to break free from your
own fear. With new found strength she met his gaze.

“I’m not pregnant Jason. If I were…”

“You wouldn’t have told me, would you?”

This time she was the one who held his gaze with challenge.
“How much of a coward do you really think I am?” Her body rippled with
frustration, heartbreak and now anger. “Yes, I would have,” she continued
without giving him a chance to answer. “Every man deserves to know if they are
a father to a child. It is up to them to choose if they want to be a father.
Lucky for you, I’m not pregnant so don’t worry, you are under no obligation.”

A silence fell between them. The cool crisp air that came
along with the change of weather caused Minka to shiver a little. She looked up
at the sky, a clear fall night with the stars shining down upon them.

She’d arrived on the island yesterday and had been awed by
the change. Most of the tourists were gone. It was quieter, more serene, and
she loved it just like the man who stood frozen before her.

“You said you shouldn’t have come here.” Jason was the first
to speak, reminding her of her words from a few minutes ago.

Minka let out a little chuckle again. Out of desperation she
had uttered those words and wished she could take them back. There were so many
things she wished she could take back, but if only life was that easy. “I
shouldn’t have said that. I’m glad I’m here.”

He didn’t say anything.

“How long do you intend to stay angry with me, Jason? I
can’t spend the rest of my life apologizing or begging,” she said gently.

He thrust his hands in his pockets.

“I love you,” she confessed once again. It no longer
mattered if he turned her away. “It’s been three months and I’ve miss you every
second of the day. I ache.”

His eyes were still on her, watching her and letting her
speak. She shook her head and smiled. “So you see
,
I’m
glad I’m here. I wanted to be here to see you celebrate your mother. I wanted
to be here in your arms but I may be too late for that.”

“I’m not with her.”

The words didn’t register to Minka as she continued to speak
her mind. She had to say the things that had been plaguing her for the last
three months. He could turn her away after but at least she’d know she tried.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you slept with her. Of course it’d hurt but I’d get
over it. I want us back.” She managed a tight smile “I want to love you, if
you’ll let me.”

“Minka…”

It was then she realized he had somehow managed to close the
gap between them and was now standing close to her. Her pulse quickened.

“I’m not sleeping, having sex, whatever you want to call it
with anyone.” His breath caressed her face as he spoke. “It will forever be
you.”

Her heart did a somersault with relief and joy. She inhaled his
familiar citrus scent. Everything about him turned her on. Dizzy, she blinked.
Did she dare believe they had a chance to start over?

“I was angry for a very long time,” he admitted. “I also
thought you needed to be alone for a while. I did some soul searching. I was
going to come after you tomorrow.”

Her body went still, thoughts spinning in her head. It took
all of her strength not to throw herself in his arms.

“Then I found out you were on the island.”

“You knew I was here. They promised not to tell,” she said
partly to herself. Each one had given their word of honor. Minka wasn’t crushed
by the betrayal. Their loyalty as expected should be to Jason. He was family
while she was the woman who’d double-crossed him.

He nodded with a smile, the familiar twinkle back in his
eyes. “No one told me but I figured it out. Everyone was avoiding me,” he said
with a smile.

His gaze stayed on her for what seemed like an eternity but
he didn’t touch her. Instead he took a few steps away and started walking along
the path. Not quite sure if she should follow, Minka remained still with her
heart in her throat. He paused and turned to her then gradually extended a
hand.

“I think I heard you say you love me and want to start
over.”

“I do.” Her voice trembled in response.

“All right then, let’s
talk
.”

She took a few steps toward him and placed her hand in his,
which he brought to his lips for a warm, lingering kiss.
Jesus!
She melted.

“I love you, Jason.”

He smiled. “I know. And I’ve missed you. I love you. I
thought about coming after you every day.”

She waited for
the
but
.

“However, I thought you needed some time alone.”

Three months ago, she had started to gain an understanding
of self-acceptance, self-love. Not that she was perfect, not by any means. The
difference was now she loved who she was and all her imperfections in a perfect
way.

Jason had been right. As much as she disagreed with him
then, she did learn without loving herself, she truly couldn’t love him or any
other and therefore limited the expansion of her soul.

For twenty-seven years she had lived within boundaries. The
more she accepted and loved herself, the more those boundaries ceased to exist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he observed. “Have you reached your
goal?”

“I’m comfortable now,” she answered. “I didn’t lose a lot.
Maybe ten or fifteen pounds.”
And that was a guess because
she no longer jumped on the scale every morning. The only way she knew she’d
lost weight was by the looseness of her clothes.

“You no longer weigh yourself?”

“I don’t have a scale.”

His shoulders relaxed. “Don’t ever change who you are for
me.”

“It wasn’t for you, Jason. I mean, you were right when you
told me I needed to love myself. I didn’t know it then but I do control my own
happiness. I’ve survived the last few months without you in my life. It hasn’t
been easy but…”