The Scarlet Letter Society (9 page)

Her hotel phone rang.
Who used these anymore?
she thought as she answered.

A French accent greeted her on the other line. “Good morning, Madame Eva Bradley?”

“Yessssss?” she answered.

“This is Charles, the head chef here at the Plaza. Are you enjoying your stay?”

She snickered.

“I would be enjoying it more if I had someone here in my room to take care of some of my personal needs,” she purred.

“Yes, madame, we do offer 24-hour butler service in our royal suites, as you know. Hopefully our butlers can service your every personal need? I’m calling to see if you would like to be the Chef’s guest for breakfast this morning here in our private dining room.”

“I would love for you to have me for breakfast,” said Eva.

“Oui, madame, the pleasure will be mine. Is 7:00 am a good time for you?”

“Perfect,” said Eva, smiling, because Charles of course knew she always left the hotel by 8 am.

“Very good, madame. We look forward to seeing you then.”

Eva tapped her fingers on the open door of her large closet. She’d have to choose an outfit that could be easily—well, disassembled and reassembled for the corporate law office where she’d be spending the morning after her little breakfast meeting. In the financial fallout of the modern economy, companies rose and fell, and it was her job to deal with multimillion dollar lawsuits between those companies, no matter how exhausting that often was.

Exhausted at work, exhausted at home. Calvin had just come home with his first C, in Biology. She couldn’t wait until the day her boys were out of college
(already an optimistic goal
, she thought) and she could get off this hamster wheel,
retire, and live on Matthew’s Island collecting sea glass and reading whole, actual books like
that
was her career.

But for now, Eva smiled to herself, because at least it looked like it was going to be a panties-in-the-Coach purse kind of morning first.

Zarina served two mocha lattes to the overwhelmed moms with the unruly looking preschoolers.

She watched as the kids chose from the corner basket containing blocks, puzzles, worn children’s board books, and tiny Polly Pocket houses that were once hers. A random My Little Pony or two, some Matchbox cars, and a few Barbie dolls with frazzled hair and frayed princess dresses rounded out the mix of distractions meant to keep kids like these busy so moms could relax and caffeinate.

And for when the moms get desperate? Ring Pops and Fun Dip candies at the counter could keep a kid occupied long enough for his mother to have a gulp or two of some much-needed java. Of course, only the coolest moms let their kids have the sugar. The ‘cruncher’ moms pulled out a bag of grapes or an organic banana.

Zarina returned to the counter where she was pleased to see one of the moms had placed two Ring Pops, an apologetic look on her face. Zarina smiled at her as Lisa walked in alone. She looked a little stressed.

“Busy day at the bakery?”

“Yeah, pretty much always,” said Lisa, “which I shouldn’t complain about.”

The shop wasn’t busy besides the two moms with their kids, so Zarina asked Lisa if she wanted to sit down and have caramel lattes.

“I’d love that.” Lisa looked genuinely happy.

The women had never gotten a chance to sit down and chat, even though the two of them were about as close in age as Lisa was to the other Scarlet Letter Society women.

“So, are you reading
Fear of Flying
?”

“Oh heck yes,” said Lisa. “I’m sure I will read all the monthly books, even though we don’t really discuss them at our gatherings.

“Can I tell you a little secret?” asked Zarina.

“Sure,” said Lisa.

“When I order your books each month, I’ve been ordering an extra copy for myself and reading along with you.”

“That’s so funny!” Lisa said, laughing. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. So what did you think of the first two books?”

“Well I had read
The Scarlet Letter
in high school, but read it again anyway. And then I really thought
Anna Karenina
was tragic, which is why I thought maybe you guys should skip it.”

“I know,” said Lisa. “None of these historical books seem to be very understanding towards women who cheat. I actually think overall that
Anna Karenina
was meant to be a little more on the sympathetic side from Tolstoy’s perspective, especially for a man. But there is no doubt it is grim.”

“Very true,” Zarina said. “I know Maggie read it anyway, but Eva probably won’t. You ladies need to find some more uplifting adultery books, that’s for sure. Not there are many.
Fear of Flying
should help.”

Lisa took out her journal from the nearly-matching preppy Vera Bradley purse and began reading.

“The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not “taking” and the woman is not “giving.” No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.”

“Yeah, Erica Jong doesn’t really mince words, does she?” Lisa continued, “She goes on to say that the zipless fuck happens because “when you came together, zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff. For the true ultimate zipless A-1 fuck, it was necessary that you never got to know the man very well.”

“Do you agree with her?” Zarina asked.

“It’s really complex, but truly so simple,” said Lisa. “It makes sense that if you had an affair, you would want it to happen in an almost innocent way—not out of spite or anger, but just because two people have come together in a moment in time and had a true connection.”

“And they just happened to be married to other people,” Zarina said.

Lisa seemed to blush. “Yeah, I mean, that’s the catch, right?” said Lisa. “The guilt. If you love your spouse, no matter how imperfect they are, you’re still going to feel bad having a relationship with someone else, whether it is a one night stand or a deeper friendship that just morphs into an affair.”

Zarina didn’t want to pry. Lisa really seemed like she was puzzling this out. It seemed she gave a lot more thought to this stuff than Maggie or Eva, which was probably one reason she didn’t open up more around them.

“So have you ever,” Zarina asked her, “had a zipless fuck?”

“I guess Jong says they’re rarer than a unicorn for a reason,” said Lisa, “but yeah, one time in college—isn’t that where most zipless fucks happen, right?—I had sex on a boat with a guy whose name I couldn’t even tell you today.”

Zarina laughed.

“Are you serious? A boat, huh?”

“Yep. I went to culinary school outside DC, but one time we went to a conference in Annapolis,” said Lisa. “Our hotel was right on the water at the harbor. I ended up meeting this guy at the bar, and his boat was docked right in front. We went for a ride, and then, well, and then we went for a ride! Sex on a boat was amazing. You can feel the whole boat rocking with the motion of your …”

She couldn’t even finish the sentence. She looked up like a kid caught red-handed in a candy store.

Zarina smiled at her. “It’s totally cool,” Zarina said, pulling her long black hair into a ponytail. Whew! Who knew how hot this coffee chat would be? I mean, it sounds fantastic.”

“It was before I was married,” said Lisa.

“And did you end up marrying a guy with a boat?” Zarina asked her jokingly.
Lisa’s face relaxed. “Nope. But that probably would have been a really brilliant idea! So what about you, young lady? You’re probably too young to ask about such escapades.”

“Oh come on, I’m officially old enough to drink legally,” Zarina responded. “And I’m certainly not going to be a blushing bride, if I’m ever a bride! Heck yes, I had my college cliché zipless fuck. It was with a girl, and we both had boyfriends at the time. Though it wasn’t Stanley. But I think that’s what made it zipless—we were both girls, so we didn’t have the same guilt as you would if you cheated on your man with another guy.”

Zarina had somehow felt necessary to explain to Lisa that she hadn’t cheated on Stanley, though it seemed kind of ridiculous under the circumstances of her existing club membership.

“It all goes back to the shame, I think,” said Lisa. “Can you live with yourself the next day if you hurt the person you love by being with someone else?”

“I’ll leave that question for you, the other members of The Scarlet Letter Society, and Erica Jong to ponder,” Zarina said, clearing their cups.

G-Chat With Ron Jacobs

[email protected]

July 5 to Eva

5:02 PM
Ron
: hey

  
Eva
: hey!

  
Ron
: so have you ever been to a sex club?

  
Eva
: um. no

  
5:03 PM
Ron
: we should totally go—there is one in Baltimore

Eva
: have you been there?!

5:04 PM
Ron
: yeah with Nicole.

5:05 PM
Eva
: what is it like? And what do u need me to go there for if u have your hot 20something girlfriend already going there with u?

5:06 PM
Ron
: It’s not as freaky as you might think. There are different rooms and you can watch or not watch or go in rooms or not, there’s a BYOB bar—it’s pretty laid back.

5:07 PM
Eva
: yeah someone’s getting laid there for sure.

  
Ron
: truuuuue. haha

5:08 PM
Eva
: and you didn’t answer…you want me to go to a sex club with you becaussse?

Ron
: I think u would have fun! Maybe you and Joe could go with me and Nicole.

5:10 PM
Eva
: You have obviously lost your mind. Joe and I do not need to be in a sex club to reminded that we don’t have sex anymore.. Let me guess—this has something to do with your threesome fantasy, doesn’t it…

  
Ron
: what! No. Why do u say that!?

5:11 PM
Eva
: If you think my forty-one-year-old ass and saggy boobs are EVER going to be naked in front of your perfect little size-zero girlfriend you can dream on, young intern.

5:12 PM
Ron
: you wouldn’t have to. At a sex club, anything goes.

  
Eva
: ew. The concept of the germs alone completely freaks me out.

5:13 PM
Ron
: there are pros there to make sure everything is completely sanitized.

  
Eva
: ew. They need staff to clean up all the—ew. Just EW.

5:14 PM
Ron
: you should just come with me and we can give a try to see what you think. You might like the “torture chamber” room.

5:15 PM
Eva
: Torture chamber sounds fun, I must admit. But not one that someone else was in five minutes ago.

5:17 PM
Ron
: It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.