The Scarlet Thread (56 page)

“She was attracted to me because I was the opposite of the kind

of man her father wanted her to marry. Not that she had marriage in mind.”

Sierra could see how it had happened. Work had drawn them

together. Elizabeth was assigned to work closely with Alex. Alex

was a charismatic man, full of fire, brilliant and exciting. While

Sierra was fighting with him at home, Elizabeth was waiting at

the office, ready to console and sympathize, ready to build him

up rather than tear him down. He’d spent progressively longer

hours at the office. They started having lunch together, then dinner. A few drinks led to more. Then the guilt set in, and the only

way to alleviate that was to cast blame. Sierra knew she’d become the perfect target. She had already set herself up for the fall

by her own childish behavior months before Elizabeth Longford

ever came on the scene. If it hadn’t been Elizabeth, it would have

been another woman.

“What happened when you went east with her?”

“What do you mean?”

“Audra said something about a fiasco in Connecticut.”

“You could say that. Her father and I had words. The same

kind your father and I had. You remember what happened?”

“Yes. You eventually became very good friends.” It had taken

a few years, but Alex and her dad had grown close. By the time

her father passed away, he was Alex’s champion, second only to

herself and Luís.

“No,” Alex said. “That’s not what I mean. Do you remember

what you did? You came down the stairs and stood beside me.

You said you loved me. You made it a declaration, loud and clear.

You were ready to fight for
us,
no matter what it cost you, even a

break with your parents.” He let out his breath derisively. “Elizabeth tossed me to the wolves and stood back to watch who’d win.”

Rather than make her feel better, his words left her wondering

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if things might have turned out differently had Elizabeth been a

little wiser or loved Alex a little more.

“Don’t go quiet on me, Sierra. I’m trying to tell you I saw what

she was. It took Connecticut for me to understand what she was

doing. She didn’t love me, and I didn’t love her. We were using

each other. She used me against her father. I used her against

you.”

“If you knew all that, why didn’t you leave her sooner?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Pride.”

“Be honest, Alex.” She was tired of crucifying herself between

two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear about tomorrow. She

needed the truth from him, no matter how much it hurt. They

couldn’t build on anything less. “I promise I won’t hang up on

you, no matter what you say.”

“All right,” he said heavily, clearly not eager to impart what

was coming. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to come back to you.”

Well, at least she knew he wasn’t holding back anymore. Swallowing her hurt, she asked, “What changed your mind?”

“When you said you’d never take the children away from me,

it stopped me cold. I’d expected you to fight dirty.”

And why wouldn’t he? She had been vindictive, carping and

complaining over the move. After three years of that behavior,

why should he have expected her to be fair when faced with divorce?

“Finally I realized
I
was the one playing dirty,” he said. “And

then there was the day I watched you play baseball.” He gave a

low laugh. “By the time the game was over, I was wondering why

I’d ever left you in the first place.”

“Because I hit a home run?” she said, smiling sadly as she

made doodles on the notepad.

“No, because I hadn’t seen you laugh in months. You looked

young and happy again, the way you were when we first started

out. You took my breath away. I sat there watching you and

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And so it went. Alex called, she listened—and learned. As the

days passed, she left the stool and sat on the sofa, feet propped up

on the old hatch-cover table. “If we do get back together, what

are you going to do with all that stereo and game equipment you

have in your living room? And that horrible black couch,” she

said.

“What makes you think we’ll be living in your condo?”

It got her to wondering. Where
would
they live? How would

they meld their lifestyles? Sierra was beginning to realize how

little they had in common.

Lord, how are we going to make this work?

She spent as much time as possible reading the Bible and

thinking things over. Again, she learned: Be anxious about nothing. Be thankful. Work out the tangles of your life one by one before the Lord. She had to fix her eyes on Jesus constantly in

order to live above it all with Christ, in him, rather than get

caught up in the old resentments, hurts, and fears.

Her feelings changed as Alex talked. The anger got lost somewhere and compassion slipped in, not just for Alex, but for Elizabeth Longford as well. She knew from Audra that Elizabeth had

moved back to Connecticut. When Alex left, her life fell apart.

Her bid for independence from her father had blown up in her

face.

“She called to tell us she’s getting married,” Audra said.

Sierra told Alex, testing his reaction she supposed, but better

to know now rather than later if he wanted to change his mind

about the direction they were going.

“I heard.” His response was quiet, neutral.

“From Audra?”

“No. Elizabeth called while I was in the office last week. She

told me.”

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Sierra’s heart dropped. She hadn’t realized he was still in contact with her.

“It’s the only time we’ve talked since she left,” Alex said, seeming to read her mind. “I met the man she’s marrying when I was

in Connecticut,” he went on. “She was engaged to him once before and backed out. He’s a Harvard grad, a lawyer. Rich. Family connections back to the founding fathers. Her father’s

choice.” He gave a soft self-deprecating laugh. “I
liked
him.

When I put all that other stuff aside, he was a pretty decent guy.”

Sierra gathered her courage. “Maybe Elizabeth called to tell

you hoping you’d change her mind.”

“That occurred to me,” he said gently. “That’s why I told her

I’m doing everything in my power to reconcile with my wife.”

Sierra closed her eyes, imagining how much it would have

hurt her if she was in Elizabeth’s position. “What did she say to

that, Alex?”

“She said she was sorry.”

Sierra pitied Elizabeth. She had taken Dennis’s advice and

spent a few minutes each day praying for Elizabeth Longford.

Doing so had erased her animosity. She prayed now, during the

lull in conversation with her estranged husband.

“Sierra? Talk to me. Scream at me. Say something.”

“We never realize how many people we hurt with our actions,

do we, Alex? It’s like a chain reaction. I was so angry with you

when we moved down here. I never listened to what you wanted

or needed. I was only interested in what I wanted. I hurt you so

much, and out of that I hurt Elizabeth, too.”

“You had nothing to do with Elizabeth.”

“Yes, I did. If I’d been the wife I should’ve been, you never

would’ve turned to her. So I share the blame with you for her

pain, too.”

He said something in Spanish. “You remind me of your mother.”

She teared up and swallowed them down. He couldn’t have

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something or read about something I know would make her

laugh, and I pick up the phone to call. I’ll get halfway through

the number before I remember she isn’t there anymore.”

“I should’ve been with you,” he said hoarsely.

He’d been with Elizabeth, instead. Blinking back tears, Sierra

didn’t say anything. Her throat ached. Would the hurt ever go

away?

“I was trying to figure a way out . . . ,” Alex said softly.

“Of our marriage.”

“No. Out of what was happening between me and Elizabeth.

The guilt was eating me alive. I knew you needed me, but I

couldn’t deal with it or face you. I couldn’t face your mother. I

was sure she’d know the minute she looked at me that something

was wrong. Then Papa gave me that lecture on the telephone.

I knew he was right, but I didn’t like being told what to do. By

the time I got there, I was uptight and ready for a fight. I had all

kinds of excuses and reasons. Papa and I had words after the

memorial service. He said he was ashamed of me for the way I

treated you. Your mother’s letter was the last straw. I had to get

out of there.”

“What did she say in the letter?”

“She wrote she knew the first time she saw us together that I

was the right man for you.” He didn’t say anything for a moment,

then added in a choked voice, “She said she loved me and was

proud to have me as a son.”

They talked past midnight, leaving Sierra bleary-eyed for

work. After running errands, she came home, fixed dinner for

the children, and stretched out on the sofa to read her Bible. The

next thing she knew, Clanton and Carolyn woke her up at ten.

“We’re going to bed, Mom,” Clanton said.

Trying to focus through her exhaustion, Sierra pushed herself

up. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. What time is it?”

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“Daddy called earlier,” Carolyn said. “He’s going to call you at

ten-thirty.” They each kissed her good night and went downstairs.

As Sierra waited for the telephone to ring, she sat looking up

at Mary Kathryn’s quilt. It occurred to her that not only were

her feelings changing, but so was the way she saw things. She

thought about her first ecstatic months as a Christian. After having been told about Jesus from childhood, she’d finally understood for herself who Jesus was. Creator, Redeemer, Almighty

God, King of kings, Lord of lords. Realization had struck like an

atomic blast. Hot white light blinded her for a little while. She’d

been so caught up in the sudden opening of her mind and heart to

Christ, she hadn’t seen anything else clearly. She hadn’t looked.

She had known only one thing: Jesus loved her. Alex didn’t, but

the Lord did. After months of turmoil and grief, she’d felt happy.

She’d felt hopeful. In the midst of everything, she had felt safe.

Then Alex pushed back into her life, rocking her foundations

again. She’d finally adjusted to being without him; Ron stood by

in the wings waiting to walk out onto center stage. She was

working, carrying her own weight, being responsible. The children were settled in their new school, involved in the church.

Clanton had stopped fighting. Carolyn had stopped obsessing

about grades.

Why now, God?
she had cried. Why couldn’t things stay the way

they were? Why couldn’t Alex just stay out of her life the way

he’d said he wanted?

But her vision had been adjusting to the light. It seemed each

day she could see life—herself—more clearly, through Scripture, prayer, and her daily walk with Jesus. She could see right

into the dusty, dirty, secret corners of her life. Christ brought

everything to light.

Painfully, vividly, she saw her part in the passion play.

Anguish filled her as she recognized past sins and present ones

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