Read The Scarlet Thread Online
Authors: Francine Rivers
She had the feeling he was bracing himself. He finished the whole
cup of coffee before he looked at her. “You’re still my wife.”
She felt the blood drain out of her face as she stared into his
dark eyes. Panic set in. “No, I’m not. I did what you asked. I
signed the papers. I gave them to you so your attorney could—”
“We’re still married, Sierra.”
“Maybe. For a few more months, until the divorce is final.”
“Nothing’s final, and it won’t be. There’s not going to be a divorce unless you file against me.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, confused. Hadn’t he told her
over and over how much he wanted a divorce? “I did what you
asked.”
“Yeah, but I changed my mind. I didn’t give the divorce papers
to my attorney. I put them through the shredder at the office.”
“You what?” she said faintly.
“I shredded the divorce papers.”
“I heard you the first time, but why? Just so we’d have to go
through all this misery again?”
“I don’t know why I did it at the time, but it turned out to be a
good idea.”
“A—a good idea?” Did he think he could waltz back into her
life and pick up where he left off? Or leave her dangling while he
enjoyed himself? She wanted to throw the hot coffee at him. Instead, she slammed her cup on the counter and headed for the
front door.
Alex caught hold of her halfway across the living room and
swung her around. “I never loved Elizabeth the way I love you,
Sierra. I knew it’d lead to disaster the first time I touched her.”
She hit him, a hard right hook square to his jaw, knocking him
back two feet. Rage and hurt filled her. She lost control completely and attacked him again. Lunging at him, she pounded at
his chest until she realized he was standing and taking it. With a
sob, she gave him a hard shove over the back of his leather couch.
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They bounced, arms and legs tangling, and rolled onto the floor.
“You
jerk!”
She clambered to her feet, trying to get to the front
door again. Alex was faster. He swung himself over the couch
and planted himself in her path.
Spreading his hands, he presented himself. “Go ahead. Hit me
again. I deserve it.”
“Get out of my way!”
“I’m not finished.”
“I
am!”
“You’re still in love with me, Sierra.”
“I’ll get over it!”
“No, you won’t. And neither will I. Not ever.”
She drew in another ragged sob. “Do you think it makes me
feel better to have you say you didn’t even love her? Do you
think it
helps
to know you threw our marriage away for a fling?”
“It wasn’t a fling.”
“I don’t want to hear about it, Alex. Don’t give me the gruesome details. Just get out of my way!”
“Sierra—”
“Let me out!”
He caught hold of her shoulders. “My affair with Elizabeth
had a lot to do with what you said. I wanted to feel I’d
made it.
Education hadn’t done it for me. Neither had money. Daughter
of the American Revolution, you said. Remember? A trophy I
could hold up to the world to show them Alejandro Luís Madrid
was more than a wetback’s son!” His eyes were wet, tormented.
“You knew me better than I knew myself, Sierra. Until Connecticut. I got a good look at myself there, and I wanted to vomit.”
“Don’t you
dare
call your father a wetback!”
His face softened.
“Te amo.”
He cupped her face.
“Te amo
muchísimo.”
She used her knee this time and caught him low and hard.
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Shoving him back, she made it to the door. “I’m not going to love
you anymore, Alex,” she said, sobbing. “It hurts too much!”
Yanking open the front door, she fled.
My lying in time is drawing near.
The weight of the baby presses down. I have
made what preparations I can and have explained
to Beth what she must do to help me. She is younger than I was when Joshua was born, but she is
a calm and willing girl and a great comfort to me.
I hope she will be strong for whatever happens.
Lord, I am afraid for all my children. Please
bring this baby into the world without taking me
from it.
I know you sent Kavanaugh to me, Lord, and
I thank You that he was obedient and arrived
in time. I am sure I would have died otherwise.
Joshua had gone off to find Koxoenis and ask if
his wife could help me. I was praying for deliverance when someone opened the tule mat cover
over our doorway. I have never been so glad to
see anyone as I was to see Kavanaugh. He put his
knife in the fire and then cut me. When that was
done, he pulled me up so I was squatting. The
baby came quick and easy after that. By the time
Koxoenis, his wife, and Joshua arrived, my new
daughter and I were asleep.
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unless I tell him to go. He did not say more than
that, but his meaning was clear. I think I have
known he wanted me since the day he looked at
me in the mercantile back in Independence.
I have named my baby daughter America Farr.
Beth is taken with her and a great help to me.
I am slow in mending and still weak. Kavanaugh
is tender with me and firm in organizing the children. They do not mind. They have always held
Kavanaugh in awe. Especially Joshua, though
I sense tension between them now.
Kavanaugh is building us a cabin. He has set
the boys to gathering stones for the foundation
while he cuts timber. Joshua has not had much to
say about anything lately. Something is eating at
him and he will not say what. Hank and Matthew
and Beth do all the talking.
The rains have been coming down steady for a
week, but Kavanaugh and the boys continue to
work. The rock foundation is complete and the
sills set. Kavanaugh and Joshua work on notching the logs to build the walls.
This evening, we are all sitting around the pit
fire. Hank, Matthew, and Beth are about their
lessons while Kavanaugh whittles. He will teach
the boys when they finish their reading and exer4 0 6
cises. I am glad my boys do not fight learning like
my brothers did. They must take after Mama.
They can all read and write better than my father
and brothers ever could, but they are far from
Educated by Aunt Martha’s standards. I wish
I had not been so foolish as to say I did not want
to have a Bible in my possession.
Kavanaugh and Joshua have had a Falling Out.
Joshua was swinging at Kavanaugh with all his
might, but Kavanaugh blocked aside each blow.
I kept screaming at them to stop, but Joshua
would not listen. Kavanaugh unbalanced Joshua
and took him down on the ground and held him
there while trying to talk reason to him. Joshua
was in no mood to be reasonable. When Kavanaugh
released him, Joshua jumped up and spit on him.
I could not believe he did such a thing and
thought Kavanaugh would kill him sure. He did
not have a chance to do anything because Joshua
got on his horse and rode off. I ran after him and
asked what had happened, but he would not say.
He was crying and said he would not come back
until Kavanaugh left.
Joshua has been gone for three days. My heart
aches so I can not even eat. It did not take five
minutes for me to find out what set Joshua on
such a rampage. Kavanaugh wants to marry me.
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he was the firstborn son. Joshua said he saw the
way of things and accused him of using him to get
close to me.
Kavanaugh and I have had much time to talk
about many things. I thought I would be with
James all my life. I did not expect to lose him.
Yet I know I can not manage on my own out
here. A woman with small children can not build
a homeplace and plant crops all by herself. And
going back home to Illinois is impossible.
I know too that Joshua will not stay with us for
long. His leaving us will have little to do with
Kavanaugh and all to do with his own nature,
though he may be contrary and stiff-necked
enough to use Kavanaugh as an excuse. Each
time Joshua goes away, he stays away a little longer. He has the same hunger to see the world that
James had. I am afraid it is the kind of hunger
that will drive him before the wind all his life
unless he faces the Almighty and comes to himself. I grieve knowing James never did. It must
be in the Farr and McMurray blood to contend
with God and everything else. We either see the
light or die looking for it.
I have peace now I never thought to have and
wonder often why I fought so hard in receiving it.
Coming to the light does not mean it is easy
watching Joshua wandering in darkness. But tell4 0 8
ing him about You does not seem to get his Attention. I guess I can not expect words to do it.
Mama and Aunt Martha talked to me plenty and
I never saw the Truth in what they were saying.
I have learned a little more about Kavanaugh
over the past days. His full name is Hamlet Bogan
Kavanaugh. He is twenty-eight years old and can
read and write. He was born in Boston to a
blueblood father and an actress mother who
thought naming him after a Shakespearean character might lend him some dignity. He did not
think much of the name she gave him. Despite the
fact his mother never married, she made sure his
father paid for an Education. His father agreed to
pay for tutors if she promised to leave him alone.
She kept her part of the bargain. Kavanaugh is
his mother’s name. She died when he was thirteen. He went to his father then, was given fifty
dollars and told to leave Boston and never darken
his father’s threshold again. He did and has never
been back.
I told Kavanaugh he did not have to tell me
such Personal Business, but he said I should
know he was born on the wrong side of the sheets
before we get married and start bearing children
together. I became Flustered when he said that.
He seems to have things all worked out in his
mind about the way things will go between us.
I asked him what he would have done had James
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