The Search for Ball Zero (10 page)

From behind cover the severely overweight
guard almost left his safety to help,

almost, but he didn’t.

The two 300 pound shotgun boxers exchanged
shots, shredding each other’s

body with shotgun blast after blast. Neither
of them giving an inch. Blood poured from each of them, big
splashes would shoot out with each shot. One shot from Juicy ripped
off big chunk of fat from the guard, and it slopped to the floor.
The guard blew off Juicy’s knee and he stumbled as chunks of his
kneecap and tendons slapped against the wall. As he was falling to
the floor Juicy knew he only had one shot left, his coke and
adrenaline fueled brain knew it might be the last shot he ever
takes. He had read the Dark Tower, he knew you do not aim with your
hand, and he knew you had to kill with your heart.

His heart took the last shot and Bessie
roared for one last time, ripping the left side of the obese
guard’s face and neck off. The hole went from his eye socket down
to his shoulder, and in about half way through his mouth. Guts,
fat, shattered bones and teeth wiggled and escaped his body from
this new hole. With his right and only eye, the obese guard tried
to look down and see the gore that used to be his face. The half of
his mouth and throat that was left said,”Rararhghgugglub…
Fleeeaaaagrb” And with a final gurgle, a waterfall of blood fell
from his face and he fell over, like a flabby, round, bloody
tree.

Juicy was laying face down, but still
conscious, he would be dead any second now, Eric ran up to him.
Juicy looked up, saw Eric and saw his opponent was defeated,
“pwned!” he sputtered.

Outside the front door the severely
overweight security guard was still hiding in

cover, he had sent both his minions in with
orders to kill and they were both dead. He thought, “Fuck.” Then he
said “Fuck.”

“
Yep.” Perry said from
behind him, his newly acquired shotgun pressed against

the guard’s skull.

The guard scrambled for his gun, but with
one point blank shot Perry blew his

fucking brains out. Perry shot first, no
doubt about it, no one can re-edit that one. Greedo did not shoot
first.

Perry just reacted. He didn’t plan to kill
the guy, but he surely did. “I’m a murderer now.” He thought, “Fuck
yeah.” He quickly re-lived the scene, the guy was going for his
gun. Perry looked down, the dead body’s hand was on his gun, half
drawn out of it’s holster. “It was him or me.” He thought
again.

He ran over to where Juicy was. Eric and
Perry knelt down, both knowing he likely wasn’t going to make it.
Juicy looked up, “Good game guys. My K D ratio was sweeeet.” and
Juicy went limp.

“
We need to get the fuck
outta here!” Eric said.

Perry went over to Missy’s body. There was
nothing he could do, or say. She

was just a pile of gore, no face to
recognize or say bye to. Her purse fell over and a rainbow dildo
spilled out onto the floor and flapped around a bit. He shook his
head back and forth, “That’s my girl” he thought.

Eric and his cart went by, 3 good wheels
rolling as fast as they could.

“
Lets book!”

Perry took off and they rolled away with
their cart full of loot.

Tony, L and Fozzie were were still awake, it
was around 4 AM when they heard the annoying sound of an overloaded
Walmart cart with 3 wheels rambling down the street.

As Eric and Perry pushed the cart towards
Tony’s apartment, a cop turned the

corner in the street a few yards in front of
them, heading in their direction. Eric had thrown his jacket over
the top of the cart, making it look less robbery-y. The door to
Tony’s apartment opened slowly and gracefully and Eric, Perry and
the cart glided in like nothing was amiss. The door closed quietly
behind them, tension filling the air silently. Inside the
apartment, everyone was aware of the cop, L, Tony and Fozzie were
watching and making sure everything happening looked legit. The
door closed, the cop cruised by, both cops starring as they drove.
But they kept driving.

“
HOLY FUCK!” Perry burst
out.

“
What
happened?”

“
Juicy and Missy are
dead.”

L and Tony weren’t prepared to hear that.
Juicy was a long time friend of Tony, and even though L wasn’t
super close with Missy, you kind of have a bond with your
significant other’s friend’s significant other. L and Missy were
decently close. L wasn’t the coke whore that Missy was, and Missy
wasn’t the prude that L was.

“
What?!” L and Tony
questioned in a duet.

“
Long story short,” Eric
said,”They both got shot by Walmart security guards.”

Perry and Eric told the story to L, Tony and
Fozzie. They unveiled their

shopping cart of loot, and started sorting
it out during the telling.

They were smart in planning what to take
from Walmart, there was a hiking

backpack for each person, as well as a tent,
sleeping bag, and solar powered cell phone for each member of the
group. Even Eric. During the long night of packing while Eric was
taking a piss, Perry explained the talk they had earlier. Eric
wanted to go with them. His best friend, Juicy was dead, his other
friend and roommate was leaving, he had nothing. Also Eric made a
big deal that he was part of the robbery. He helped get everyone
all this shit. Eric was a druggie, but he wasn’t stupid. Staying in
Valley Forest, you either needed to turn into an Ad, and/or you get
to die shopping at a warstore, he didn’t like either option.
Everyone was cool with that, Eric would be a valuable member of any
group. Fozzie liked him even. He was like a black version of Eddie
from the Dark Tower; a junkie, but you knew he could kick the habit
and then kick ass.

The rest of the night they packed and
talked, TV on in the background. The

entire night, every channel talking about
the warstore sale and the aftermath. There were over ten thousand
deaths that day. How big of a tragedy does that make it for the US?
Take all the 9-11 deaths, add in everyone who died at Pearl Harbor,
then throw in all the confirmed deaths on D Day, the first warstore
sale had more killed than all of those combined.

They all turned their attention to the TV
when they actually talked about something important. A super cheesy
low ranking news reporter was on location, in Valley Forest,
talking about the situation.

The reporter reported,“Valley Forest, we all
know, is the closest city to the Elohssa Corporation headquarters,
which is located at a mysterious location, in the middle of a vast
forest, North of here, roughly 50 miles.”

The anchor in the newsroom interrupted,”I
remember when they bought the three thousand square mile area a few
years ago and began building the Elohssa skyscraper headquarters.
The entire area has been shrouded in mystery, like area 51 for
years.”

The on location reporter continued for the
anchor, “It’s been now rumored that the mysterious Elohssa HQ is
actually a warstore manufacturing plant. And that they will now
regularly roll out a new warstore every week.” The news switched to
an artist rendition of a tall, skinny building, reaching toward the
sky, the top of the building touching the top edge of the
atmosphere, nearing space. The artist rendition then animated, the
bottom of the building opening like a garage door and a warstore
cruising out, like someone playing a RTS just built a new unit.

The anchor took over, “Every week, a new
warstore. Can we handle it? Can Valley Forest handle it?”

Everyone in the apartment looked at each
other, including Fozzie.

Perry interrupted the silence, “A new
warstore’s gonna be rollin through here

every week? Fuck that shit, we made the
right decision. We need to bail.”

L thought out loud, “They can’t do that
every week? The whole town will be fucked in a few weeks.”

Eric looked up from his cell phone, “ I’m
reading on Reddit that they are creating a warstore highway from
their HQ to LA. We just happen to be in the way.” Everyone shook
their head in disbelief.

After a few hours they were done packing.
Everyone had what looked like a

long term hiking backpack. Everyone had
their share of food, a sleeping bag, tent, a weapon, fire starter
(Perry had tons of lighters in his Fear and Loathing suitcase),
water purifier, fishing rod and a Rambo knife. They even had a
little pack for Fozzie. L loaded some dog food in Fozzie’s pack for
her, she was thoughtful about animals like that.

The moment had came, they were leaving their
homes. Leaving a society of zombie-like Ads, shambling around with
porn blindness and giant warstores that kill thousands of people
selling the newest products. Just before the sun rose, they hit the
road, silhouettes walking off like the group of ragtag 20-something
rebels they were.

Leaving the block for the last time as
residents there was an eerie quiet. Even

the ravaged, entire wall ripped out
apartment buildings were silent. As they left. Tony’s landlady came
running out, whisper yelling in Farsi at him again. Tony turned and
gave her some cash. Perry turned and opened his Fear and Loathing
drug suitcase to her, as it opened it glowed in her face like the
Pulp Fiction suitcase. The landlady reached in and grabbed for
something. Perry grabbed her wrist and shook his head, “Not that
much.” She took something and ran off with a devious smile on her
face, probably with some opium.

They hiked North on Main Street. They knew
that was where the mysterious Elohssa corporation lands were. Even
though it was owned by a corporation and it’s border were fenced up
like a top secret facility, it was rumored to be mostly empty and
wild. On the way North they approached Treetop Games. Everyone
looked up at it as they passed, closed and with only a few lights
on.

“
That’s the one place I’ll
miss.”, Tony said.

“
Yea I hope those fucking
warstores don’t destroy it.”, Perry added.

L continued,”I should probably call in and
tell them I won’t be coming to work,

like ever. Too bad I don’t hate my job, I’ve
always wanted to do one of those angry, rage quit your job
things.”

“
Yea, Wilile Wonka would
love that.” Eric said. The owner of Treetop Games was an eccentric
billionaire that was rarely seen, people nicknamed him Willie
Wonka.

“
Wanna stop in for one
last game of Caveman pinball?” Perry said to Tony.

“
What? Are you gonna break
my highscore finally?” Tony jabbed.

“
Shiiiit.” Was Perry’s
only response

They all almost laughed and kept hiking
towards the edge of town, like the kids from Stand By Me, but
better equipped for the apocalypse. They finally passed Treetop
Games, the last building on the North side of town. Tony and Perry
looked at each other, they both knew they’d be back, at least to
Treetop.

The conversation trailed off as their
silhouettes disappeared into the forest.

“
We’ll be back tomorrow.”
Joked L. They all laughed.

After two or three hours of hiking, they
reached the fence on the border of Elohssa property. It was more
formidable than they’d seen or imagined. It was tall and thick, not
your regular chain link fence. It was like 2 extra thick chain link
fences woven together, with big sturdy bases. It had barb wire
along the top, the circular fancy, super sharp kind. There were
warning signs every few feet.

“
Electrified?”, Tony
questioned the sign, he had good eyesight.

“
Wow, they really don’t
want anybody getting in.”, Eric said.

The group approached the fence and slowed to
a contemplative stop. Perry

began taking off his pack, seemingly he had
a plan.

“
Should I piss on it?”,
Perry said. He didn’t have a good plan. He started taking off his
jacket when L coughed from a little ways away. The guys all looked
and saw L pointing at the ground in front of the fence. Fozzie was
with her. Fozzie disappeared into the ground and wiggled up on the
other side of the fence.

Someone had dug a hole. Good for them. It
was just big enough to shove a pack through and then squirm through
yourself, which they all did. They repacked up and were ready to go
off again, this time on the wrong side of the fence. They all
looked at each other, their adventure just got turned up a notch,
there were a few smiles.
“
Wait.” Eric said, looking
down at his phone. “I got no bars all of a sudden. Wait a sec.”
Eric dropped his pack on the ground, jogged over to the hole and
under the fence. He kept his eyes on his phone and crawled under.
On the other side he made a face looking at his phone, then his
face changed to a smile. “Bars.”

He crawled back under the fence, holding
his phone and watching, “No bars.” They all checked their phones,
no one had service.

“
Good idea with the solar
panel phones Perry.” Tony mocked his failed plan, even though he
knew it was a good idea.

Perry mocked back, with an even mockier dumb
voice,”Yea, like I knew they’d

block all cell phones.”

Eric jumped back under the fence and tapped
on his phone’s screen. “I gotta let

this hot chick know I’ll be back in a few
days.” He sent the text, put his phone away, scrambled back under
the fence and put on his camping pack. He looked up at the group,
“She wants me.”

“
Also,” Eric continued,
“It’s not a total waste, I have some apps that work

offline, like offline Wiki app. That could
come in handy.”