The Search for Ball Zero (9 page)

“
You know their night
security crew is armed now?” Eric stated.

“
Yep, that’s why I’m
bringing Bessie.” Juicy reached behind his chair and pulled out his
shotgun. “Fuck you Walmart rent a cop!” He aimed the gun at no one
and mouthed shooting it “BABOOM!”

“
No guns man!”

“
If this is The Terrible
Threesome’s last hurrah, let’s go out with a bang.” Juicy was ready
to party. “Yes guns man. Guns for the win.”

They did a few more lines, grabbed a few
beers for the road, then packed the

bullet with coke, for the road also. Then
they wanted to do more lines and had to unpack the bullet, they did
more lines, and then repacked the bullet and went out to rob the
old shitty Walmart.

Inside the old shitty Walmart there were 3
sweaty, greasy, security guards in the security camera room. They
all would remind you of the chef from Sucker Punch. Just super
nasty, greasy guys, all three were Walmart night security, so of
course all three had wanna be cop mustaches. They were guys that if
you watched any of them eat a meatball sandwich you would be
disgusted. The head guard was severely overweight, the second
ranking rent a cop was a very tall guy and the third was obese.
They were doing many lines of coke also, and talking about how they
wanted to shoot people, then they did more lines and produced more
sweat and grease. From the looks of their office, they probably
didn’t see much action.

The inside of the old shitty Walmart was old
and shitty. ICs had killed a lot of “brick and mortar” stores and
Walmart was one of them. Walmart wasn’t going down without a fight
and continued to keep their stores open. Many of the lights inside
the store didn’t work, some of the fluorescent light were broken
and dangling, only about half of the shelves were stocked. All
their stores still had a grocery section, but there were no
groceries. Basically the whole place looked like a stampede of
bulls ran through and no one bothered to clean up.

Walmart pretty much was reduced to being a
tiny gun store in a big box store’s

body. Guns were the only thing they sold,
well the whole sporting goods section. That’s why Perry, Eric and
Juicy were on their way to rob it. Although robbing Walmart was a
pretty common occurrence nowadays, which is why they had three
armed security guards on duty at 2 AM.

Outside the front doors, the three coked out
amatuer criminals scrambled to do a

few more bullet hits and finish off their
beers before going in, Then Juicy had to piss and adjust his mask.
Then Eric’s mom called. Then they needed to finish the bullet.

“
In case we get caught, we
don’t want to get caught with this shit.”

“
We’re not getting
caught.” Perry said, surprisingly focused, starring in the
front

door. But they finished the bullet anyways.
Then they were finally ready to go.

The three burst in the front door, and
started yelling for some reason. They

didn’t plan to yell, but once they hit the
door they all did spontaneously.

There was one hobo “shopping” in the rubble.
Eric and Perry ran by him so fast

he spun around and fell on the ground.

Three hundred pounds plus, Juicy was
trailing behind, when he ran by, the hobo asked drunkenly,“Hey man,
did you just see a real bright light?”

“
Get the shit on your list
and get out.” Eric and Perry spread out in the sporting

goods section, like pros. Eric grabbed a
cart that only had 3 good wheels. While Perry was quickly grabbing
camping supplies, he felt his phone vibrate. He paused and took it
out to check, five missed calls and twenty text messages. “Ohh
shit” He thought, his heart was already going 1000 miles an hour,
“What could this be?”

All the calls were from Missy. That calmed
him down a bit, she can freak out for no reason. He checked the
texts and just from the message previews he saw a lot “Fuck”s and
“Prick”s.

Text 1, “You fucking prick! I heard Juicy
got an 8 ball, you guys better not do one line without me!!”

Text 2, “You prick fuck! You know coke is my
favorite old school drug right now. I’m coming over!!”

There was no reason for Perry to read any
more, he knew it was 8 more of the same version of those texts. He
finished grabbing the camping supplies by sweeping his arm across a
shelf and pushing the rest of the supplies over the edge and into
his open bag. It felt like he’d only seen people do that in movies.
“I always wanted to do that.” He thought.

His bag was heavy now, he hopped it over his
shoulder and lugged his way over

to Eric, throwing the bag in the cart. Juicy
was just getting there, out of breath and sweating profusely. He
had his phone out.

“
Missy’s on her
way.”

“
What the fuck?!” Eric and
Perry questioned, screaming in chorus again.

“
She wanted to know where
we were.”

“
And you told her were out
robbing Walmart?”

Juicy stuttered, “Um, yea, kinda.”

“
Ohh. My. God. You fucking
dumbass!!”, Eric yelled, still filling up his cart.

“
She wanted..” Juicy tried
to explain.

Perry had a hammer and interrupted by
smashing the glass front of the gun rack. He quickly starting
picking the locks and after a few seconds he had a rifle unlocked
and was already onto the next, unlocking a shotgun. Perry’s expert
lock picking skills on full display for no one but himself to
witness.

Eric continued going at Juicy, berated him
like he always did,”She wanted coke! We all know you want to fuck
Perry’s coke fiend of a girlfriend and would do anything for her
you fucking coked out puppy dog! But why wouldn’t you just have her
meet us at our place, of just let her boyfriend deal with her!”

Perry was done with the guns, and with one
giant two handed scooping motion

he threw a big splash of ammo into the cart.
“Let’s go.”

They took off, Perry and Eric pushing the
cart. Juicy jogging in front, clearing

the path. Juicy had Bessie the shotgun
around his shoulders on a strap the whole time, he stopped running
and pulled it out. He held it up and pumped a shell into the
chamber. It made a cool sounding CHCK CHCK. He looked over his
shoulder at the other two.

“
I like to keep this
handy,” Juicy said with a smile on his face,”for close
encounters.”

“
I heard that.” The Eric
and Perry chorus replied.

They all took off, heading for the front
doors. They all, individually, but simultaneously thought how much
this was like a movie.

Juicy was leading the way, jogging, at every
aisle he would jerk, swinging his

gun left or right, like he was making sure
no Aliens were there, or security guards. At one aisle, he grabbed
a yellow bag and tossed backwards over his head high into the air,
vaguely in the direction of the cart. “Fuuunyons!” He sang in a
high pitched voice.

Inside the greasy, sweaty security room one
of the rent a cops happened to look at a monitor. He slowly
announced,”Hey, you see that?”

“
That’s the night cleaning
crew you idiot.”

“
The night crew are
stealing guns and taking a shopping cart full of stuff?”

The other two guards swivelled in their
chairs and scooted towards the monitor.

“
We’re being robbed boys!”
Instantly, they clamored in all directions, grabbing

for guns, tasers, their Walmart security
IDs, pulling up their pants.

The highest ranking guard held his shotgun
up in the air and screamed his battle cry, “Let’s kill us some
hobos!” slobber and spit flying from his mouth. He kicked open the
door and they all waddled down the hallway.

The Terrible Threesome were approaching the
Walmart front doors, when Perry heard something out of his
nightmares. The unmistakable “click” “clack” of Missy’s high heels,
in the exact rhythm of a pissed off bitch who wants cocaine.

Eric looked up, and with a mouth full of
Funyuns exclamated, “Ohh fuck!” Perry looked up also, his eyes
wide, his mouth opening slowly.

Missy was click clacking, one foot in front
of the other like on a runway, her

butt bouncing out in the opposite direction
of her front foot. Her boobs bouncing in sexy anger (All three guys
were watching them.) Giant fly-like sunglasses with eyes of
menacing satisfaction behind them. “I got you” She was thinking.
She raised one finger and waved it back and forth, like “naughty
naughty”. Her Angelina Jolie, botox infused lips slowly began to
open, ready to unleash the tirade behind them.

BOOM roared from behind her. The top half of
Missy’s head exploded towards Perry, Eric and Juicy. Her hair flew
at them like a skunk being hit by a car, brain gore spewing in all
directions as it spun. Everything above her bottom lip was gone in
a kind of half circle, a stump of shattered bones, ripped veins and
jello chunks of grey matter, topped with her bloody, quivering
tongue. The stump that used to be her face gurgled, her shaking
finger dropped to her side and her body plummeted, tits first into
the ground with a sound that was a mixture between a slop and a
thud.

Juicy reacted quickly, firing his shotgun
towards the front door. For some reason, Juicy was yelling “Boom”
each time he fired, like he was playing guns and needed to make the
sound effects. Needless to say he didn’t need to make any sound
effects, Bessie made plenty of sound.

Eric and Perry were both unarmed and took
cover. Eric ducked behind their

cart, Perry grabbed some stuff from the cart
and took off down an aisle.

“
Fuck!” Juicy moved up and
had his back against a wall near the front door.

He started reloading. He looked around, he
saw Eric, but didn’t see Perry. He saw dead Missy face down with
her ass in the air. He saw she was wearing her pink panties, those
were Juicy’s favorite, he’d seen those up her skirt many times
before, but never from this position. For a second he stared, and
then her dead body released her bowels.

“
Uhhhg” From the other
side of the front door someone moaned. They were moaning from being
shot, not from the bowel thing.

“
Are you ok?” Asked the
severely overweight security guard.

The tall security guard was shot. Juicy hit
him with the wild shots he took. He

moaned again and felt his chest. It was a
long shot for a shotgun and his chest was littered with tiny holes,
just starting to ooze blood. He raised his hand holding a pistol.
“
That hobo shot me!”, he stumbled towards the
entrance, wobbly pointing his

gun. A few loud cracks went off as he shot
into the Walmart trying to aim at the cart, because that’s the only
thing he saw.

Juicy was a gamer, he played a lot of online
multiplayer shooters. He knew the

rhythm of a gunfight, in his mind, the
person that just shot is probably reloading. He popped out of cover
with perfect form like he was in Gears of War and fire blasted from
the tip of his shotgun, BOOM roared two times again. He could be
seen mouthing “Boom!” with each shot, although you couldn’t hear it
over Bessie.

The tall guard was done. Now his entire
front, from head to toe was polk a dotted with shot holes. He
grabbed his body with one hand and his face with the other and fell
over, hitting the ground like a falling statue.

“
Are you ok?” Asked the
obese guard.

The severely overweight guard looked at him
like if he could send him a text right now it’d say, “WTF?” And
then he motioned at him with his head, like, “You go first.” The
severely overweight guard was higher ranking than the obese guard,
but he didn’t move. The severely overweight guard motioned at him
again, this time with more emphasis. The obese guard gave in and
made his move toward the front door. He had no idea were Juicy was,
and he was walking right towards him. The obese guard was moving as
silently as he could, he must’ve been hoping to surprise his
enemies.

The obese guard took a few more silent
steps, he thought he was doing pretty good. He looked back at the
severely overweight guard, who only kept motioning to go faster. He
took another step, creeping ever so slowly toward the front
door.

Eric saw this from his hiding place behind
the cart. He knew the shopping cart wasn’t good cover, they could
shoot his legs. The damned thing even had ammo in it, so if someone
shot it, he might be fucked. But Juicy was their target, they may
not even know he was here.

Eric noticed the obese guard was almost at
the doorway where Juicy was, maybe 10 feet away. Eric made eye
contact with Juicy, and whispered with his eyes, “He’s right
there!”

The obese security guard took his next
stealthy step, but this time he stepped on a loose pack of gummy
bears. The wrapper made what seemed like a very loud sound in this
moment of silence. The obese guard looked down and thought, “Fuck,
I knew gummy bears would be the death of me, but not like
this!”

Juicy heard the crinkle and made his move.
Popping out of cover again in

perfect form, roaring Bessie leading his
attack. Direct hit, the obese guard took a full shotgun shell of
shot to the chest. Instinctively the obese guard returned fire, at
almost point blank range he didn’t miss, catching Juicy straight in
the chest also.

Juicy fired again, blood splashed out from
the obese guard’s chest, some hitting Juicy in the face. The guard
returned fire again, like they were playing shotgun tennis. Juicy’s
right shoulder exploded.