The Secret Heiress (18 page)

“I’m tired of dealing with your relationship with Brenda Waterman. The woman is pure poison.” She regretted her words but refused to soften her stance. Their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Alistair ran a hand through his hair. “Brenda has nothing to do with the issue between us. It’s your insecurity around trusting others.”

Anna wiped away a stray tear. “I don’t have issues with trusting men, Alistair. Only you. You are the one who refuses to have a more meaningful relationship.”

He crossed his arms. “You would rather throw away what we have than acknowledge the truth.”

She raised her voice. “I’m not wrong, Alistair. Our relationship can’t survive this. We both know it.”

She watched him walk out of the flat and out of her life.

She despised Brenda Waterman. But if she were being honest, their issues were much deeper than one insufferable model. Alistair had been right. She didn’t trust him. On some level, she expected him to disappoint her. It felt way too familiar to her and was right below the surface.

But what if she didn’t want to live her life waiting for others to disappoint her? How could she possibly change this about herself? It was as if a dark chasm was opening up and pulling her down into the depths of murky water. She had no idea how to escape the feeling. Trying to battle the current was not working for her. Maybe she needed to give in to the hurt and sadness surrounding her and acknowledge that she was emotionally scarred by her childhood, What if she was never able to let go of the anger that consumed her?

The small commuter plane touched down in Dublin and she hoped William remembered to pick her up at the airport. He had been distracted with work when she had called him.

It had been six weeks since she had seen Alistair. Their breakup weighed on her every day. She had been unfair to him. Holding on to resentment and past hurts instead of trusting in their relationship hadn’t served her. Alistair had been right. He would never be able to fix her father abandoning her. She needed to find her own peace around it and not allow it to poison her adult relationships.

Catching sight of William, she relaxed. She needed her brother right now. He understood her without her having to say too much.

He gave her a tight hug. “So it’s true?”

She looked at him, “What’s true?”

“He broke your heart.”

She nodded. “Can we go back to your place?”

William guided her through the crowd and into a waiting taxi.

“Don’t you have a car?”

He stretched out his legs. “Yes, but it’s easier to take a taxi to the airport.”

Anna reached into her handbag and put on her sunglasses. “Dublin seems to suit you.”

“I’m much happier living away from New York and London. Dublin is manageable.”

Her brother could be an enigma. “Doesn’t Diane refuse to travel here?”

“Yes. My mother does refuse, so there is that added benefit.”

Anna laughed. “I know she can be impossible but she love you.”

He nodded. She was looking forward to escaping her life for the weekend and seeing where he lived. He had taken on an old historic pub that needed a massive renovation.

William gave her a leisurely tour of the estate and then ordered in Thai food.

He opened two bottles of Guinness and took her outside to the slate patio.

“You’ve done a magnificent job with the renovations so far.”

“I don’t know what it is about this place. I like the large, open spaces, yet it is close to the city. Maybe my soul connects to the old pub that was here for years.”

“Alistair loves breweries.”

William tilted his head to the side. “He seems like a great guy. Why did he break it off?”

Anna stood up and began pacing. “He didn’t exactly. I did. I didn’t trust him and there was this model in the background that couldn’t wait to swoop in and pick up the pieces.”

He raised his eyebrows. “So… you were jealous and became angry?”

Anna faced him and tried to explain. “I don’t know. It was like a barrier got erected between us and I couldn’t tear it down.”

William took a swallow of his ale and asked, “He refused to discuss the issue?”

Anna picked up her Guinness and took a swallow. “No. He wanted to talk about it, but I couldn’t. It reminded me for some reason of how Oliver treated me and I didn’t want that.”

He gave her a perplexed look. “I’m not following you, sis. You didn’t want to speak with Oliver about your feelings?”

William must know that their father had abandoned her. “No. I wasn’t important to him. I waited forever for him to come back. I ended up not seeing him for eight years. By the time I did, I was so angry with him that I couldn’t let my guard down.” She placed her bottle on the table and turned away.

His voice remained neutral. “Childhood memories are difficult. You weren’t an adult so there is no way you would be able to understand the circumstances.”

She turned and looked at him. “I’d like to think that none of it affects me, but that isn’t true.”

William stood. “I know Oliver tried to negotiate with your mother for years and she refused to allow any contact with you. I imagine when he told both your mother and mine about the deception that he had little choice at that point but thought that something could be worked out.”

She crossed her arms. “My mother said he had no interest in me.” Was it possible that her mother lied to her?

William finished his bottle. “That is your mother’s bitterness talking. Ask Fionn. He found all of the correspondence after our father’s death. Oliver repeatedly begged your mother and even stole money from shareholders to pay her off so he could see you. Fionn had attorneys deal with all of that.”

Could that have been true? That her father tried to see her? “How could my mother possibly benefit from keeping my father away from me?”

William moved from the table and leaned against a stone wall surrounding the patio. “She wanted to make him pay for choosing my mother over her. But it was far more complicated. He was married to Diane and she owned half of his company. My mother was not easy to deal with. But both women were put in an impossible situation.”

“It’s sad, really.” Anna looked out to the garden.

William turned her back towards him. “It had nothing to do with you or me. Oliver loved us and wanted to be a part of our lives. His judgment and decision-making was questionable. The odd thing was that he chose women who were strong-willed and vengeful. He must have liked the challenge.”

Anna tried to put the pieces together. “So you think Oliver sought visitation and my mother blocked him?”

“I know for a fact he did. The legal documents show he sought partial custody. But he was dealing with another country and your mother was blackmailing him. He had taken money that belonged to his investors. I don’t know how she knew that. But she was willing to go to the authorities if he didn’t do what she wanted.”

Why would her mother have done such a thing? Didn’t she care about her daughter’s happiness at all? “My life growing up would have been so different if I had known you and knew that my father cared about me.”

William nodded. “It wasn’t so simple. It wasn’t just your mother. Diane had no interest in Oliver seeing either you or Olivia. She would have made your life miserable. He would have had to see you in London.”

Why did her father lie to everyone? “It’s complicated, but at least I know that he wanted to see me.”

William held up his hands. “How could you doubt that?”

At least her brother knew that both of his parents had loved him. “I had a lonely childhood. After he left when I was eight, my mother became even more angry and bitter. I thought he didn’t want to have anything to do with us.” Anna wiped a stray tear from her face.

“Did your mother tell you that he had another family?”

She shook her head. “No. I found out when his death was reported in the London papers. I sent a message to Olivia through her social media.”

He looked off into the distance. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get a chance to know him when you were an adult. He was kindhearted and fun. He had his flaws, but he also made the world a better place.” William hugged her. “I miss him.”

She hugged him back briefly and then he went inside to get another Guinness for each of them.

Sitting back down at the table, Anna said, “When I was sixteen, he came to my school and sat down next to me on a bench. I was so surprised that I said nothing. He asked how I was and gave me his business card. He said if I ever needed anything that I could call him. I kept the card, but I never called him. I guess I thought he would always be around.”

William held her gaze. “Your mother prevented you from going to the funeral?”

She nodded. She was seventeen and under her mother’s control. But she grieved his loss even though she wasn’t able to attend his funeral.

His words were filled with sadness. “Maybe you should visit his gravesite. It might give you some closure. He wouldn’t want you to hang on to your sadness. If he could do everything over, I believe he would make different choices.”

Anna looked at her brother. “Yes, but one of us might not be here if that were the case.”

William touched his bottle to hers and said, “To us and not being afraid to live.”

They spent the rest of the weekend visiting sites in Dublin and then William brought her back to the airport.

He hugged her tight in the terminal and said, “Find a way to make your dreams come true and don’t let anything stand in the way of your happiness.”

“I love you.” She kissed his cheek.

“Me too. Safe trip.”

Several days later, Anna decided to drive out and visit her father’s gravesite with flowers. Her aunt and uncle were away, so Olivia explained how to find the small, private cemetery.

Eight years ago, her mother didn’t allow her to attend the funeral. She had asked Olivia about the day and her sister had shared each memory in detail.

Walking up to the small chapel, Anna could almost see those who had gathered for the funeral. She had seen photographs in the media that were etched in her memory.

The last vivid memory she had of her father, she was eight years old and he was leaving. Her parents had fought and she had been in the back garden trying to escape the anger and rage between them. She heard the door slam and then his car start. Peering through the slotted fence, she saw him look back at the house and then drive away.

As an adult she realized that, in the heat of the moment, he had no idea he would never return. His leaving had to do with her mother and deciding to return to his other life. It was an impossible choice. Knowing her mother, she would never have allowed visitation or meetings. Once he left, he would have been completely cut off.

She now understood that, given the opportunity, Oliver would have maintained a connection with her. He had provided for them and given her mother a house and a settlement. But the best gift he had given Anna was Olivia and William. She couldn’t imagine her life without them.

Walking to her father’s gravesite, she placed the lilies in front of the stone marker. Kneeling down, she said, “I forgive you. I know you would have made different choices if you were able. I love you, Dad. I’ll always love you.”

She remembered being sixteen and sitting briefly on the bench with him. It had been a strange encounter. By that point, she had figured out how to hold in her emotions and not allow herself to feel them. Had she been able to express her emotions that day, she would have told him how hurt and sad she had been. She would have explained how much she missed his presence in her life.

At eighteen she had decided to begin using the Bolles name and had pursued a relationship with each of her siblings. She was proud to be part of the Bolles family even though it was difficult at times.

Anna walked back to her rented car and a memory of Oliver surfaced. He had taken her to the National Gallery when she was six or seven years old. Her mother must have been doing something else because they had the entire day together. He had held her hand and answered any question she asked. He had taken her out to lunch and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. He had encouraged her to work hard in mathematics, told her that she had come from a long line of relatives that were gifted with numbers. Was it possible that he knew then that he would leave them?

Tears spilled down her face. Mostly for the little girl that had to give up her father.

Getting back in the car, she no longer felt angry or hurt. Instead Anna realized she was in control of her future. She could choose whether or not to forgive him or her mother. She could hold on to bitterness or let it go. It wasn’t a difficult choice. She needed to be free of the burden so she could seek her own path to happiness.

It was late December and the weather was turning colder. Anna had purposely begun spending time alone either walking around her neighborhood or going for long runs. She allowed herself to grieve for her lost childhood and actively sought to forgive her parents by speaking with her siblings and acknowledging her emotional pain.

She picked up the phone and called Martin Enterprises. Alistair’s assistant told her that he had been in New York but had returned home yesterday. She had been sending him updates on Gala & More, but he hadn’t responded. If she could find a way to see him, maybe he would realize that he had missed her. She had so many regrets about how their relationship ended.

Anna decided to take the weekend off and try and see Alistair. She was tired of shopping for items for her flat and going to social events. She desperately wanted to see Alistair but worried that he had moved on. The last argument replayed over and over in her head and it had become clear to her that she had been unfair to him.

She got up early on Saturday morning. Pushing away the worry and anxiety, she decided to take a chance. Even seeing a glimpse of him was worth the emotional turmoil. Dressing in jeans and a black cashmere jumper, she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and applied a small amount of makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes.

Helen, his housekeeper, answered the door and brought her into the formal living room, saying that she would let Alistair know that he had a guest. The fireplace was roaring, the tree decorated, and there were flowers everywhere. Was she intruding? Maybe he wasn’t alone.

Her nerves made her feel ill and she took a deep breath and reminded herself not to lose hope. It had been several minutes since the housekeeper left in search of Alistair. Maybe he was refusing to see her? She couldn’t sit still and got up to stand in front of the fire. She took in another deep breath and tried to calm her body.

She heard the front door open and turned as Alistair walked in. He held her gaze but didn’t say anything.

“Alistair.”

“Is there a problem?” He came into the room fully and took off his winter coat.

She needed to be brave. “I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”

His voice was low. “You’ve missed a man incapable of having a long-term relationship?” Her words must have stayed with him.

She met his gaze and held her stomach, trying to hold back the anxiety and nauseous feeling. “I shouldn’t have said those hurtful things to you.”

“What changed your mind?”

Her voice cracked. “I don’t know.”

“You’ll have to do better than that.” He stepped away from her. “Sit. I’ll ask Helen to bring us a tray of tea.”

He was going to send her away. Every hard angle of his body told her that he would never forgive her. It was a mistake coming to see him. He didn’t want to see her.

Fumbling with the front door, Anna didn’t hear him come up behind her.

He roughly turned her around to face him. “Instead of facing this, you are going to leave?”

She didn’t try and stop the tears from falling. “I can’t. It’s too much.”

He held her against the massive door. “If you are not willing to fight for us, there is nothing I can do.”

His warmth infiltrated her body and she said, “I am willing to fight for us but I can’t ask more of you than you are willing to give.”

He tightened his grip on her arms. “You’ve asked nothing of me. What do you want?”

She said without thinking, “I want you to love me.”

He closed the gap between them and his mouth covered hers. After kissing her, he pulled back and wiped the tears from her face.

“I love you, Anna Bolles. I have for a long time.”

She pulled him close and rested her head on his chest. She worried that her legs would give out, but he held her against his body, then brought her back into the living room and sat with her on the sofa.

The housekeeper arrived with a tray of tea and placed it on a side table before leaving the room.

Anna got up and sat on his lap. “I’ve missed you so much. My heart has been breaking a little more each day we have been apart.”

“Mine, too.” He kissed her gently and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

The housekeeper called out, “I’m going to my sister’s. See you tomorrow.”

Anna clutched his shirt. “Why didn’t you come and find me?”

“I didn’t think you were ready to let go of the past.” He gently stroked her back.

Looking into his eyes, she said, “I was probably ready within hours of you walking out, but it took a while to gather the courage to come and see you.”

He held her gaze and her heart felt like it was melting. “Does this mean that you will move in?”

She threw her arms around him and kissed his neck. “Yes. Whatever you want.”

He held her tight. “I never got the chance to tell you that you did a remarkable job with the event. My sales team recorded huge sales the next day.”

She said quietly, “I can’t even think about that night.”

Alistair tightened his embrace. “My mother was wrong and feels horrible. I was telling her in the weeks that led up to the event that I was in love and planned to propose that night. She had thought I was talking about Brenda Waterman. I can’t imagine why she would. She must have been enmeshed in her own life and couldn’t see the truth.”

She began crying again. “It was my fault. I was so willing to believe that you didn’t care about me and would seek out an affair. I should have had more faith in you.”

His voice was soft. “Please don’t cry. We both had a part to play. I should have explained myself more fully and made allowances for your fears.”

Anna took in a deep breath. “I’ve needed to make peace with the past. I realized that if I couldn’t, then it would continue to overshadow my happiness. I’ve forgiven my father and I’m ready to let my insecurities go.”

He brushed a strand of hair from her face. “I know it must have been difficult for you. I’ve had to face some of my own issues around disappointment and commitment.”

She couldn’t believe he was opening up to her so fully. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve had some heart-to-heart conversations with my mother. Her odd behavior towards you allowed me to confront old resentments. She can be controlling and I’ve protected her, but I let her know that something had shifted within me.”

“I hope I didn’t cause an issue between you and her.” It was endearing that he cared so much about his mother.

“It was time. She is proud of the man I became and encouraged my independence, but she wanted to control my emotional life. I hadn’t recognized it before. But when I told her that I intended to pursue you even if that made her upset, something shifted. I was no longer worried about being trapped by someone else’s expectations.”

She couldn’t believe that he had welcomed her back into his life. “How did your mother handle that?”

“She threw a fit and accused me of being like my father. She went through an entire gamut of emotions. At times accusatory, threatening, tearful until she realized I was not going to be swayed. She began to let her guard down and shared with me that she was afraid of losing her only son. We were able to discuss the reasons why she hid her pregnancy from my father for years and the choices she made.”

Anna chewed on her lower lip. “How are things now?”

He met her gaze. “They are a bit strained, but at least the conversation isn’t superficial. It’s real. It’s allowed me to face certain things about my father and the reasons why I wanted to remain free.”

Anna looked up at the ceiling. “It’s crazy how much work we both needed to do.”

He ran his hand down her back. “We have complicated backgrounds, but somehow finding you helped heal me in a way I would have never predicted.”

She kissed his jawline and then his neck.

“I can’t believe you are here.” Alistair repositioned her and stood briefly to place her on the sofa and stretched out next to her.

Kissing her provocatively, he pulled off her sweater and began to explore her body fully.

She had missed him so much. She couldn’t believe she was in his arms and kissed him back with all of her love and desire for him.

Later that evening, he insisted that they get out of bed and go in search of food.

She pulled on his t-shirt and he put on a pair of boxers and they headed downstairs to the kitchen.

He pulled her into a tight embrace. “You’ve gotten too thin, love.”

“It’s crazy how a broken heart will do that but I’m ready to devour anything.”

The housekeeper had left a casserole that he put into the oven. He pulled out different cheeses, some bread, and fruit.

Anna sat on one of the stools. “Did you know that I would come back to you?”

Alistair stopped assembling the meal. “It depended on the day. Some days, I was convinced you would come to me. But some days I began to doubt that you would and began to plot how I could win you back.”

He walked towards her and she said, “I had to work out a few things. It was hard. I spoke with my brother and then visited my father’s gravesite. I didn’t realize how much my father leaving had affected me.”

Stopping next to her, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “If you had let it go much longer, I would have come.”

“I love you.” She smiled at him. The words came so easily. Why couldn’t she say them before?

He met her gaze. “I hope you keep on loving me forever.” Alistair kissed her and said, “Give me one moment.” Then he disappeared from the kitchen.

She wondered what had come over him.

He walked back in and stood in front of her. “I love you, Anna. This may not be the most romantic location, but I can’t wait any longer.”

Her hand went to her belly to try and ease the fluttering in her stomach.

He looked down into her eyes and said, “Will you marry me?”

Alistair opened the box he had retrieved, and she saw a beautifully set diamond and sapphire engagement ring.

Anna gasped and tears began to fall freely. He loved her and wanted to marry her. All she could manage was an emphatic nod. He pulled her into a devouring kiss.

Much later, Alistair put the ring on her finger and they sat in a candlelit dining room and had dinner.

She glanced at the ring. “I need to call Olivia.”

He laughed. “Can you wait and we can visit them tomorrow? Your nieces will be overjoyed to be part of a wedding.”

After they cleared the plates, they sat together on the sofa watching the fire.

Anna enjoyed listening to his stories about the winery and his grandparents. She couldn’t wait to meet them again and begin to get to know them. Even the idea of meeting his mother again didn’t worry her.

Anna turned towards him. “The vineyard would be the perfect place for the wedding.”

He smiled at her. “It’s a good thing you are an extraordinary event planner. Our wedding will be brilliant.”

She curled up next to him on the sofa. “Olivia told me years ago that she had a design in mind for a wedding gown.”

“You are lucky to have both a sister and a brother.”

She put thoughts of the wedding out of her mind and relished knowing that she and Alistair would spend their life together. She had missed him every moment of every day.

Watching Alistair add a log to the fire, Anna couldn’t believe love had found her. Even though she had done everything wrong, somehow everything worked out.