The Sexy Vegan Cookbook

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Authors: Brian L. Patton

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More Praise for Brian L. Patton and
The Sexy Vegan Cookbook

“One of the most important actions we can take to protect the environment is adopting a plant-based diet, and
The Sexy Vegan Cookbook
makes that task easier than ever. Armed with creative faux meats and a lighthearted approach, Brian Patton takes the daunting endeavor of eating healthily, ethically, and environmentally consciously and makes it an easy (and incredibly delicious) pill to swallow. Reserve a spot on your bookshelf for this one. It’s a must-have!”

— Ed Begley, Jr., actor, activist, and author of
Living Like Ed: A Guide to the Eco-Friendly Life

“In these pages, chef Brian Patton shows you that veganism can be sexy and delicious.”

— Rod Rotondi, author of
Raw Food for Real People

“In his videos, Brian Patton has a unique blend of talents, genuine charisma, and an ardent streak of irreverence that is most refreshing. [He is] very successful in making veganism look practical and accessible instead of ‘fluffy’ or esoteric. Stick with it! I can feel Alton Brown shaking in his calfskin wingtips.”

— Chris D., a viewer in the Midwest

Copyright © 2012 by Brian L. Patton

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The Sexy Vegan™ and The Sexy Vegan logo are registered trademarks of Brian L. Patton.

Photo credits: Dan Boissy:
161
; Hilary McHone:
viii
,
10
,
22
,
40–41
,
60–61
,
78
,
91
,
100
,
106
,
110
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113
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120
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156
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174

Text design by Tracy Cunningham

Typography by Tracy Cunningham and Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Patton, Brian L., date.

The sexy vegan cookbook : extraordinary food from an ordinary dude / Brian L. Patton.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-60868-045-0 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Vegan cooking. 2. Cookbooks. I. Title.

TX837.P339 2012

641.5’636—dc23

2011048788

First printing, March 2012

ISBN 978-1-60868-045-0

Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative.
www.greenpressinitiative.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

“Live long and prosper.”

— MR. SPOCK,

science officer, first officer,

commanding officer,

federation ambassador,

vegan

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

CHAPTER 1.

THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY…
Cocktails!

The Bloodbath

The Arnold Bomber

The Dirty Dudetini

The Knucklehead

The Numbskull

The Get Busy

CHAPTER 2.

BEATIN’ THE MEAT
Meat Substitutes

Basic Seitan

My Balls

Pretend Italian Sausages

Pretend Breakfast Sausage Patties

Tempeh Bacon

Pretend Canadian Bacon

Tempeh Chorizo

CHAPTER 3.

THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY, AFTER COCKTAILS
Breakfast

Mostest Ultimate-est Breakfast Sandwich in the History of the Universe

Hangover Hash

Sexy’s Scramble

Morning Benediction

Avocado Toast

The Big One

The Real Man’s Quiche

Sailor’s Oatmeal with Glazed Walnuts

The Almond Brothers Breakfast Bar

Smoothness

CHAPTER 4.

SPOON-FED
Soups

New England Blam Chowder

Cauliflower and Roasted Fennel Soup

Country Veggie Soup

Minestrone

Onion Soup

White Bean and Kale Soup

Peanut Butternut Squash Soup

Harvest Vegetable Soup

Sambar

CHAPTER 5.

GO FORK YOURSELF!
Salads

Et Tu, Tempeh?

The Karate Chop

The Grilled Cobb

The Beet Down

Curry Fried Tofu Salad

The Girlfriend’s Favorite Salad That She Constantly Asks Me to Make and Won’t Shut the Hell Up About

Southwest Slaw

Marinated Eggplant Pasta Salad

Chickpea Party

Seared Hearts of Palm Salad

CHAPTER 6.

HANDHELD
Sandwiches

The Seitan Worshipper

The S.I.L.F.

The Quote-Unquote Tuna Melt

The Portly Fellow

The Fat Ass

Bourbon Tempeh Sliders

The Beany Tahini Burger

Black Bean Burger with Kajillion Island Dressing

CHAPTER 7.

THE DINNER BELL
Entrees

Spaghetti and Balls

Lasagna Fauxlognese

Stuffed Shells Puttanesca

Oyster Mushroom Risotto

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