The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (23 page)

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Authors: Brian L. Patton

BOOK: The Sexy Vegan Cookbook
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1 small handful watercress

Preheat the oven to 450°F. Spread the smoked cheddar sauce evenly across the dough. Add the tomato slices and hit them with a pinch of salt. Add the bacon, and bake for 7 to 9 minutes. Take the pizza out of the oven, and arrange the avocado slices on top in an elegant, symmetrical manner. Finally, top with the watercress.

THREE-CHEEZE PESTO

I must take this moment to talk to you about a thing called “pine mouth.” This is a thing that sucks majorly. There are distributors of pine nuts around the world that have started packaging an inedible breed of pine nut as edible. They look, taste, and feel just like regular pine nuts, but some people have a very unpleasant reaction to them: after eating them, they get a lingering bitter, metallic taste in their mouths and everything they eat tastes terrible. This happened to me when I was testing this pizza. Do your own research on this “pine mouth” syndrome, and if you don’t trust the pine nuts in your area, sub in raw walnuts or cashews for your pesto sauces.

Makes one 14-inch pizza

2 tablespoons raw pine nuts (if you dare)

1 cup Basil Pesto (see recipe,
page 217
)

1 Basic Pizza Dough (see recipe,
page 158
), rolled out to a 14-inch diameter

1 cup Cashew Ricotta (see recipe,
page 213
)

1 cup Not-zzarella Sauce (see recipe,
page 214
) or other vegan cheese

2 teaspoons Parmesan Topping (see recipe,
page 211
)

1 tablespoon fresh basil chiffonade (see WTF,
page 103
)

Extra-virgin olive oil for drizzling (optional)

Preheat the oven to 450°F. To toast the pine nuts, heat a dry pan over medium-high heat and cook the pine nuts for 1 to 2 minutes on one side, until they’re slightly browned, then toss and cook for another 30 to 60 seconds (keep a close eye on them — they burn super easily). Set aside.

Spread the pesto evenly across the pizza dough. Then spread the ricotta over that, and top it with the not-zzarella sauce (again, it’s always sweet to use a squeeze bottle to get that fancy spiral design). Bake for 7 to 9 minutes, or until the crust browns. Top it with the pine nuts, parmesan topping, basil, and a little drizzle of olive oil.

THE MUSH-A-BOKI

This is what my dad calls mushrooms. I guess he just made it up.

Me: “Hey Dad, we’re ordering pizza (again), what do you want on it? I’m thinking sweet peppers.”

Dad: “What, no mush-a-bokis?”

Me: “Oh yeah, let’s do that.”

Dad: “How ’bout some pepperovich too?”

I can’t believe I almost forgot about that one. “Pepperoni” was known as “pepperovich.” Never thought about it until now, but my dad is a pretty prolific pizza-topping renamer.

Makes one 14-inch pizza

2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

8 ounces fresh shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and sliced

8 ounces fresh cremini mushrooms, halved

1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme

Salt and pepper

3½ ounces fresh enoki mushrooms, bottoms trimmed, cut into 1-inch pieces

¼ cup dry white wine (or, if you wanna get nuts, use sake)

3 packed cups baby spinach

1 lemon wedge

1 cup Cashew Ricotta (see recipe,
page 213
)

1 Basic Pizza Dough (see recipe,
page 158
), rolled out to a 14-inch diameter

1 cup Not-zzarella Sauce (see recipe,
page 214
) or other vegan cheese

2 teaspoons Parmesan Topping (see recipe,
page 211
)

2 teaspoons fresh basil chiffonade (see WTF,
page 103
)

Preheat the oven to 450°F. In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the shiitakes and creminis. Cook for 4 to 6 minutes,
or until browned, then add the thyme and a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper. Cook for 2 to 3 more minutes, and push them off to the side of the pan. Add the enokis, and cook for 1 to 3 minutes, until browned on one side, then toss them with the rest of the mushrooms. Stir in the wine, and let it reduce until it’s almost all evaporated, 1 to 2 minutes. Finally, add the spinach to the pan and toss it with the mushrooms until wilted. Squeeze just a spritz of lemon juice into the mixture, season with salt and pepper, and set aside to cool.

Spread the ricotta evenly across the dough. Then top that with a layer of the not-zzarella sauce (if you can make fancy swirls of it with a squeeze bottle, all the better), and top that with the mushroom-spinach mixture. Bake in the oven for 7 to 9 minutes, or until the crust begins to brown. Remove from the oven, and top with the parmesan topping and basil.

 

 

 

Nachos Venti

Tater Skinz

Creamy Onion Dip

Golden Beet Hummus

Buffalo Wangs

Boomin’ Shroomers

Gargantuan Guac

Jalapeno Poppers

Juanito’s Salsa

Pico de Gallo

La Carga de la Madre

Homemade Refried Beans

SNACKS! YES!! VERY EXCITING!!
This is the one meal that we can all get behind. While a lot of us don’t care so much for breakfast or put a whole lot of time into planning lunch or dinner (some issues that I have hopefully resolved with this book), the little bites in between these meals (or way, way after them) are the ones that we, as a people, have been most passionate about. Whether it’s to tide you over before a late dinner date or to sate a ravenous case of the post-boozing munchies, this chapter has what you need. Chow down!

NACHOS VENTI

That’s bigger than “grande,” right?

Makes 1 large platter

2 cups Not Yo Mama’s Cheeze Sauce (see recipe,
page 216
)

2 cups Chili Topping (see recipe,
page 206
)

10 to 12 ounces tortilla chips

2 cups drained freshly cooked black beans or one 15-ounce can black beans, rinsed and drained

½ cup Sour Creaminess (see recipe,
page 205
) or other vegan sour cream

1 cup Pico de Gallo (see recipe,
page 187
)

1 medium avocado, diced

½ cup thinly sliced scallions

Cilantro sprigs, for garnish

Can’t believe I’m about to explain the construction of nachos, but I must be thorough: Gently heat the cheeze sauce and the chili topping in separate pots, until they’re very warm. We’re gonna do this in
two
layers, because, well, why wouldn’t you? Since we won’t be placing the entire thing in the oven, I actually like to put the chips on a baking sheet and warm them in the oven at a low temp (about 200°F) for about 5 minutes. On your serving platter, spread out half of the chips and top with half of the chili mixture. Top that with half of the beans, and top it all with half of the cheeze sauce. Now add the rest of your chips and do the same chili-bean-cheeze process as with the first layer. Finally, top the whole thing with a few strategically placed dollops of sour cream, the pico de gallo, avocado, and scallions. Garnish with cilantro sprigs.

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