The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (26 page)
Read The Sexy Vegan Cookbook Online
Authors: Brian L. Patton
Everybody should know how to make pico de gallo. And now you will. Make it ahead of time to allow the flavors to develop for a few hours or even overnight.
1½ pounds Roma tomatoes, diced
¾ cup diced red onion
½ jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced, (see Tip,
page 185
)
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper
Mix the tomatoes, onion, jalapeno, lime juice, cilantro, and oil. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Store in a sealed container in the fridge for up to a week.
This multilayered bean dip is like the end of a
Seinfeld
episode, when all the things that happened earlier converge, usually resulting in some sort of misfortune. But instead of these things coming around to bite you in the ass, you get to do the biting. Grab a bag of tortilla chips and behold! La Carga de la Madre!!
4 cups Homemade Refried Beans (see recipe,
page 189
), or use organic canned vegan beans
1½ cups Not Yo Mama’s Cheeze Sauce (see recipe,
page 216
) or 8 ounces shredded vegan cheddar cheeze
1½ cups Sour Creaminess (see recipe,
page 205
) or other vegan sour cream)
2 cups Gargantuan Guac (see recipe,
page 183
)
2 cups shredded green cabbage
2 cups Pico de Gallo (see recipe,
page 187
)
¼ cup thinly sliced scallions
In a medium pot, heat the beans on medium-low until warmed through. Spread the beans evenly in a 12-inch casserole dish or pie pan. Evenly spread the cheeze sauce over the beans. Spread a layer of sour creaminess over the cheeze sauce, then spread a layer of guacamole over the sour creaminess. Top the guacamole with the cabbage, then top the cabbage with the pico de gallo. Finally, sprinkle the scallions on top, and serve immediately.
1 pound dry pinto beans
1 bay leaf
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup thinly sliced scallions
6 cloves garlic
1 dried arbol chili
Salt and pepper
Soak the beans in water, in the fridge, for at least 8 hours. They will almost double in size, so make sure the water covers them by at least 3 inches. After soaking, drain and rinse the beans thoroughly. Put them in a large pot, and add water until it covers the beans by about 1½ inches. Add the bay leaf, bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about 1 hour. When the beans are soft, they’re ready.
In the meantime, in a small saucepan, heat the olive oil, scallions, garlic cloves, and arbol chili over medium heat until the oil starts to boil. Let simmer for 6 to 8 minutes, or until the garlic is soft and golden brown, then turn the heat off, and let the oil cool to room temperature. Remove the dried chili.
Now that your beans are fully cooked, remove the bay leaf, and mash them right in the pot with a potato masher to the consistency you like. Note that while they are hot, the mashed beans will have a soupy texture, but as they cool, they will thicken.
Finally, add the scallions and garlic to the mashed beans and stir. Also add as much or as little of the oil as you please, depending on how much fat you want. Season with salt and pepper to taste, mash it all together one last time, and your refried beans are ready.
The Crazy Shit and the Crazy Shit Vinegar
EVERYBODY LIKES TO HAVE STUFF TO PUT ON OTHER STUFF.
I personally enjoy putting stuff on top of the stuff that I put on the first stuff, but that’s just me. All the stuff in this chapter fits into the “stuff to put on other stuff” category. Not only are the following items used in other recipes throughout the book; they are specially designed to have protective powers. For instance, not only is the Crazy Shit (see
page 194
) good on just about every single food item you could possibly imagine, but a small amount smeared on your doorstep wards off both hobgoblins and regular goblins.
This tasty relish goes on anything and everything. Add it to sandwiches, tacos, burritos, burgers, veggie dogs, salads, dressings, and dips. The vinegar can be used when you want to add a punch of flavor, a kick of heat, and a flying elbow drop of awesomeness to dressings and sauces. I keep both of these items on hand at all times. The relish will keep for about three weeks in a sealed container in the fridge, and the vinegar will keep for 2 to 3 months in a mason jar in the fridge.
2 cups distilled white vinegar
4 tablespoons unrefined granulated sugar
½ medium red bell pepper, sliced into 4-inch-thick strips
2 medium carrots, cut into 4-inch-thick slices
1 jalapeno pepper, cut into 4-inch-thick slices
½ medium yellow onion, thinly sliced
In a saucepan, bring the vinegar and sugar to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, and stir until the sugar is completely dissolved. Add the bell pepper, carrots, jalapeno, and onion, and simmer for 1 more minute, then turn off the heat. Transfer to a bowl, and set aside to cool to room temperature. And don’t be all hasty and put it in the fridge to cool it faster — it needs this time to develop the flavors.