The Silent Sounds of Chaos (4 page)

With another sniffle she yanked her arm back and ran. Laughter followed her, making her run faster, away from the mean kids with even meaner words. She found a quiet corner away from the playground and sat with her back against the brick wall, pulling her knees to her chest and lowering her head so no one could see her cry.

I’m not from a dumpster,
she thought miserably, remembering the day her new parents came to get her from the group home and how happy she’d been. She’d already known them, having met them several times before and visiting their house. They’d been so nice, so loving. They wanted her, even if her real parents didn’t.

I wish Finn was here. He’d know what to say to them
.

Say to who?

Snow stiffened at the extra voice in her head, the decidedly boy voice that belonged to just one person. A smile crept across her tear-stained face.
Finn?

Snow? Where have you been?

Where have
you
been?
she returned, annoyed by the question but grateful for his voice.
You stopped talking to me
.

Silence met her thoughts before,
I tried to talk to you but it didn’t work. But then I heard you wishing for me
.

Snow frowned, thinking over his response. The first time she’d talked to him, she heard his words whispering across her mind, wishing for someone to make it stop. This time, he’d heard her wish for him to be there. Maybe, she considered, they had to need each other, like invisible superheroes coming to the rescue. She liked the sound of that.

If you say so
, she returned, not sure how to continue.

…So, who would I know what to say to?

Brought back to the moment, Snow sniffled again and told him about the mean kids on the playground, about the fact that she was adopted, about the loneliness she sometimes felt because no one seemed to understand. The other kids called her a fake daughter, and liked to make her feel bad because her real parents, whoever they were, didn’t want her.

You should have punched him in the nose
.

Despite the sadness creeping into her heart, Snow laughed at that, shaking her head. She couldn’t imagine herself ever doing something like that.
That’s not nice, Finn
.

So?
After a hesitation, he continued,
Fine, no punching. But you should at least say something to him so he knows he can’t be mean to you
.

Like what?

She listened carefully, eyes widening at the response she never would have thought to say on her own. The comeback was so mean, sure to hurt anyone’s feelings. It would certainly hurt hers. When he was finished he ordered her to go say it to Davey. It took some goading, but she finally picked herself up off the ground at Finn’s urging and marched back to the playground, spurred on by a sudden burst of courage she guessed came from her friend—though she didn’t take the time to marvel at how she could feel what he felt.

Back at the playground, Davey and a four others were standing in a crowd, laughing at something. Or someone. Their laughter stopped when she approached. Davey stepped to the front of the group and crossed his arms. “What do you want, pet shop?”

Look tough
.

Snow squared her shoulders at Finn’s command. Then paused, suddenly unsure of what she was about to do.

Say it, Snow. Be brave and say it. Don’t be jealous.

Biting back a sigh, Snow said firmly, “Don’t be jealous.”

Davey frowned and looked around before asking, “Jealous of what, you freak?”

Cross your arms and say it.

She did what she was told. “That my parents picked me because they knew I was the best. Your parents are stuck with you.”

The frown turned to a sneer as Davey slid a step closer and went nose to nose with Snow. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Your parents can’t even give you away. No one—

“—would even want a loser and a stupid kid like you,” Snow finished, speaking the words at the same time Finn repeated them in her head. “I feel sorry for them. Everyone feels sorry for them. You just don’t know it.”

For a moment the playground fell silent, everyone watching the two at the center of the commotion, one with his hands curled into fists and the other fighting to keep her knees from shaking. After a tense moment, Davey took a step back and lowered his head, but not before Snow saw the threat of tears in his eyes. The boy stalked away, yelling at his friends to get away from him, and she watched him leave.

Did it work?

Snow nodded.
Yeah. I think he was crying.

Good. He deserved it.

She wasn’t so sure. She didn’t like hurting his feelings, even if he’d done the same to her. That wasn’t what a princess would do.

Four hours later Snow sat at the kitchen table, both her parents seated across from her. She could tell by the stern looks on their faces that they were angry with her, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. She hadn’t done anything bad lately. All her clothes were folded and put away, her dishes washed after every meal. Certainly she couldn’t have done something wrong already.

“We got a call from the school,” her mom said, looking at Snow expectantly. Her stomach dropped as she now knew what this was about. “You said something that wasn’t very nice to a little boy, didn’t you?” Snow swallowed hard and nodded. She could have lied, but that would be wrong, and she really wanted her new parents to like her. “What did you say?”

Meekly, she repeated the words, her eyes on the table. After she was finished she thought about how cruel they were and wondered why she was so easily convinced to say them. She wanted to blame it on Finn, but deep in her heart knew it was her own choice.

“Why would you say something like that?” her father asked.

“Because he said I came from the pet store or maybe the dumpster.” The tears came before she could stop them, this time not afraid to let other people see her cry. Through the burry vision she didn’t see the way their faces softened, but she did feel her mom’s arms wrap around her as she was pulled into her lap.

“Sweetie, you know that’s not true,” her mother soothed, one hand stroking her hair. “You are our daughter and we love you no matter what. Never let anyone tell you differently, okay?” When Snow nodded, her mom wiped the tears from her cheeks. “But in this family we have manners, and we don’t talk meanly to people no matter how mean they are to us first. Now, who told you to say something like that to Davey? I know my sweet little girl wouldn’t do that alone.”

Snow fell silent, refusing to get her friend into trouble.

“Did one of your friends at school tell you to say that?” her mom continued, still hugging Snow, who shook her head. “What about Amelia?” Another shake of the little girl’s head.

“Did Finn tell you?” her father asked from the other side of the table. Though Snow didn’t respond or move, her parents knew the truth by her refusal to confirm or deny. “Well, if he did, it sounds like Finn isn’t very nice.”

“He is!” she insisted, spinning around to face her father. Her eyes were wide with the fear of her parents not liking her friend. “I was sad and I wished he was with me so I could have a friend. Finn didn’t want me to be sad and he wanted to stop all the kids from being mean to me. He just wanted me to be brave.”

“Being brave isn’t the same as being cruel, honey,” her mom put in. “Sometimes being brave means letting go, even when that’s the hardest thing to do. There will always be people who say things that aren’t nice, but you can’t stoop to their level. You have to hold your head high and let things like that go. Otherwise you say bad things back, and then you are just as bad as them. Do you understand?”

She didn’t, but chose not to say so. It didn’t make sense to let go of people being mean, but, Snow considered, she didn’t like how it made her feel to say those things back anyway. It wasn’t princess-like.

“Now,” her new mommy repositioned Snow on her lap so they were face to face, “no more unkind things. You can’t talk to Finn if he’s going to tell you to be bad, got it?”

Snow nodded stoically, then hugged her parents when they finally smiled. She didn’t want to upset them, because, deep down, she really was afraid they’d return her to the pet store everyone thought she came from. All she ever wanted was a family who loved her, and now that she had one, she’d do anything to keep them.

MOMMY SAYS I can’t talk to you if you make me do mean things.

Snow curled up in bed that night, arms wrapped around a stuffed dog as she closed her eyes and imagined Finn in her head. She didn’t know what he looked like, so for fun she imagined herself with really short hair and dirty cheeks and boy clothes. The image made her giggle.

His reply came almost instantly.
I don’t want to stop talking to you.

It made her happy to have a friend who wanted to talk to her even if she was so different from him.
Then I can’t be mean. I have to be nice to people, even if they say things that hurt my feelings.

That’s stupid.

Snow giggled, but then sobered almost instantly. Even if she agreed she couldn’t say so.
It’s not stupid. It’s nice. I want to be a nice person.

Fine, no more mean things.
She could swear she heard him sigh.
If someone hurts your feelings, just tell me. You can be nice and I’ll be mean enough for both of us.

She didn’t know what that meant, but it sounded like a fair enough alternative if it meant she could keep talking to Finn.
Deal
.

FINN SAT ON the front step of his trailer, leg bouncing as he stared out at the patch of brown grass that served as a front yard. He wanted to run all over it. He wanted to dig holes. He kind of wanted to throw up in the broken flower pot next to where he sat.

Sitting on pins and needles, it was all he could do to contain himself to this little stoop beneath the blistering summer sun. He really wanted to go inside and get the basketball he’d left in his room, but knew he had to wait until the noises coming from the living room stopped. To keep himself as busy as possible he’d started carving a piece of bark into the shape of a lady using a rusty pocketknife one of his mom’s “friends” had lost in their couch. He wasn’t a good artist, but after a while his animated fingers carved something that looked vaguely like a person.

He’d found one of the bottles his mom had hidden in the back shed and downed a good chunk of the clear liquid, curious as to why she was always drinking it. Though he found the taste bitter, he couldn’t deny how awesome he felt in this moment. Full of energy, bursting at the seams to go and do something super fun, and yet, kind of like the whole world was swimming in front of his eyes and only a long nap could make it all go back to normal. Concentrating on the fuzzy air made it easier to block out the sounds he’d long ago learned never led to anything good for him.

You feel weird
.

Snow’s voice popped into his mind. Finn smiled, his bouncing transforming to a kind of side-to-side action on the step. It didn’t surprise him that Snow would show up. Over the past few years they’d learned to control it, whatever
it
was, able to call on one another whenever a conversation was desired. They’d even started to feel what the other felt during times of fear, anger, or excitement. The feelings were usually a bit subdued on the other end, but they were strong enough to help them through any situation, knowing their mystery friend was by their side, wherever they were somewhere in the world.

They still didn’t know each other’s real names, where the other person lived—it was exciting, in a way, kind of like they were superheroes waiting for their chance to save the person who had become their best, mystery friend. Sometimes they ignored the feelings swarming throughout them, other times their thoughts still crept in during times of need, and the pair had come to accept casual comments whispered in their minds here and there.

Finn liked that she was always there. A constant friend, someone who kept him feeling light and happy and never alone.