The Silent Sounds of Chaos (5 page)

Can’t sit still
, he answered, wondering if his voice sounded as jittery as his heart felt.
Got to move. Got to play
.

She was quiet before asking,
Are you full of … finnergy?

Finn paused, his bones nearly quaking in the stillness as he thought over her question. Then he burst into giggles, hearing her laughter echoing his own.
Finnergy
! He repeated the word over and over in his mind until they both were gasping for air, Finn nearly falling off the step as he clutched at his sides.

It had been a long, long time since he laughed. He’d almost forgotten how amazing it felt to be so happy and carefree.

The moment was interrupted by a sharp shout. Finn jumped when a voice called to him from the street. He’d been so caught up in the laughter over a silly word that he hadn’t noticed the sleek black car coming to a stop in front of his home. He peered across the yard at the car, one he’d heard described before as a “rich bitch” car by his mom.

“Hi there, son,” the passenger called again. She was an older lady with gray-blonde hair and big sunglasses covering most of her face.

Some weird lady is here and wants to talk to me.
Finn quickly composed himself, telling Snow to wait while he assessed the situation. He knew what strangers in the neighborhood meant. Strangers weren’t welcome, and this particular stranger angered Finn for ruining his happy moment with Snow.

Her hand lifted, gesturing for him to approach the car. Unsure, Finn glanced back at the door then over to the car, figuring his mother wouldn’t appreciate him barging in just yet, so he had a few more minutes to spare. He sauntered over until he was mere inches away, hands in his pockets gripping his carving and knife. “Sup?”

The lady removed her sunglasses. Her eyes were a bright green, friendly and searching his face for something he couldn’t identify. Finn saw the lines around them when she smiled. Next to her was a man probably just as old as she was, with all-gray hair and wearing a nice suit. The man didn’t look quiet as friendly, even though he tried, but there was a sternness to him Finn didn’t like.

“We were hoping to track down our daughter and grandson. Where can we find Annette?” the older woman asked.

Finn nodded, suddenly tired as the effects of his mystery drink began to wear off. “Yeah. I know the lady. Got a green trailer with a flag on it.” He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes as a thought occurred to him. “She’s got a lot of problems. She ain’t a nice lady, but ain’t her fault people keep giving her all those things to smoke. You got a nice car. How come you got all this money and don’t help out a lady that’s your daughter?”

If his question offended the pair, they didn’t show it. Instead, the woman merely smiled sadly and placed a hand on the open windowsill. The gesture made the boy take a step back. “Well, young man, sometimes people don’t want help, or are too proud to accept it when it’s offered. And some people don’t realize when help is right in front of them.” At his frown, she reached out and bopped him on the nose. “You’ll understand one day.”

Finn shrugged, then glanced over his shoulder when a scream pierced the air. He sighed, embarrassed by what he knew was happening inside his home. The whole neighborhood knew, as he was so often reminded. Just thinking about the shame she’d caused him over the years exhausted him.

“Are you okay here, son?” the man finally spoke, looking over his wife at the boy standing forlornly on the dead grass.

His back straightened at that even as he fought a yawn. “I’m fine,” Finn replied tersely.

“You’d tell us if you needed help, right?”

Finn clenched his jaw and rolled his eyes. “Why would I tell you people? I take care of myself.”

The older lady only smiled a sad smile and handed him something. Hoping it was money, Finn snatched it from her hand, a little annoyed it was just a business card. “What do I need this for?”

“Whenever you need us, you call us, okay?”

He eyed the card, confused. “Why would you help me? I ain’t your son, lady.”

“You don’t have to be blood to show someone kindness, young man.”

For a reason, the response unnerved him. He didn’t like people acting like he couldn’t take care of himself, like he was just some dumb kid with a mom who made those screaming sounds all times of the day and night. “I don’t need no help,” Finn spat out, then turned on his heel and stomped back to the front step, watching out of the corner of his eye as the car slowly pulled away, all merriment from his conversation with Snow having faded away.

Three hours later, sweat soaked from the heat and crashing from his bout of
finnergy
, Finn quietly crept inside the trailer. He was hoping to sneak into his room and get his ball, maybe even stay for a nap while he was there, and get out without having to suffer through any conversation.

Those hopes were dashed when he saw his mother and a strange man draped on the couch. A blanket covered the man’s lower half, while his mom wore only a bra and underwear. Both held a drink in one hand and cigarette in the other.

It took only a second for Finn to identify the man. He’d seen him several times over the years, been pushed around by him more than once in the past as he’d stalked out of his mother’s room and to the front door. Just another dealer looking for payment, one way or another.

Rolling his eyes, Finn made to move past the couch, inwardly sighing when both stirred at his presence.

“The hell you want, boy?” his mom rasped out, eyes glassy, hair a mess in a bun on the top of her head.

“My ball. I was waiting outside ‘til you were done.” The disgust was clear in his tone.

“Then what the hell you doing in here?” Biting back a sigh, Finn merely continued toward his room, stumbling over tears in the carpet. He stopped when he felt a hand on his arm. “I tell you you could leave? You been in my drinks?”

“No.”

“Don’t you lie to me!”

Finn grit his teeth together when a hand slapped across his cheek, but held his ground. This wasn’t the first time she’d hit him and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, but he wasn’t going to run away. Instead he stared her straight in the eye, a silent challenge to do it again. In fact, he even took a step closer, just to see what she would do. He didn’t used to be so brave, but he had more strength in him now. Snow’s presence gave him that strength, that courage, a constant reminder that he was never alone. Besides, he always told Snow she had to be brave, even if she couldn’t be mean.

Who was he to tell her to be brave, if he wasn’t always brave himself?

Their glare was broken by the man’s abrupt laughter. “I like this kid,” he said with a gesture at Finn. “Kid’s got balls. Give ‘em a few years to really toughen up and he’ll have himself the run of town. Assuming he don’t grow up to be a punk.”

“Shut up.” The words escaped Finn’s mouth before he realized what he was saying. Fear crept in at his mother’s gasp, the way the man’s lips pressed into a thin line and a muscle worked along his jaw as he sat up and leaned closer. His hulking shoulders and wide arms looked even more menacing when paired with the glower etched across his chiseled face.

“The fuck did you just say to me?”

His heart thudded against his chest worse than the feel of those clear-liquid drinks, but still he held his ground. “I said shut up. You’re just another loser
she
brought home.” His head cocked in his mother’s direction, though his eyes remained on the man. “She don’t care about you and you don’t care about her. So you don’t get to talk to me.”

The man eyed the boy carefully before his scowl broke into a grin. But it wasn’t a proud or happy grin. This one was calculating, sneaky. He rose slowly, noting the way Finn averted his eyes when the blanket fell.

“What’s the matter, punk? Jealous?”

“No,” the boy sneered back. It wasn’t the first time he saw one of his mom’s men fully naked. It wasn’t even the first time he’d seen this particular man without pants. Such was the way of life in his mother’s smoke-stained trailer. “No reason to be jealous.”

Barking out a chuckle, the man dressed in a pair of faded jeans with a wide leather belt and a blue button-down shirt that, surprisingly, was in decent condition. He picked up a leather jacket. “You got balls, kid,” he said to Finn. “I like that. Keep it up, and come see me at the club in a few years. We could use a kid like you. Joe, remember the name.”

“I’ll never forget,” was his quiet response, but it went unheard. Finn caught the leather jacket when it was tossed his way. He glanced down at it, then up at the man. “I ain’t wearing your clothes.”

“If you’re gonna be a bad-ass, you better look the part.” With that, the man turned and walked out.

Silence dominated the trailer after the sound of a revving engine finally faded down the street. Left without the buffer of a heavily muscled dealer, Finn risked a glance at his mom, relieved to see that she was passed out on the couch, drink tipped over on the floor.

Shaking his head, he tiptoed to his room and shut the door, relieved to at least have one moment of privacy. He dragged a chair over to his makeshift dresser and stood on it, peering down at the jacket and debating with himself. He didn’t want to wear it, didn’t want to acknowledge what doing so would mean for him and his future. The jacket was dirty in more ways than one. And, yet, something called for him to slip it on, so he did, staring at himself in the cracked mirror. It was too big, the sleeves hanging past his hands and the rest of it all but engulfing his skinny frame, but in that moment, something inside Finn changed.

He wasn’t going to do what his mother said anymore. He wasn’t going to sit outside in the sun while she brought home men. He wasn’t going to let her hit him without hitting her back.

He was going to be a bad-ass.

Snow peered through the open doorway of a newly decorated room, both amazed and horrified by what she saw—amazed by how pretty all the pinks and purples were of her bed and curtains and stuffed animals, horrified by what this new room meant for her.

When her parents sat her down and explained that she and her sister Amelia were going to get their own rooms, that they would be sleeping separately each night but only just down the hall from one another, Snow hadn’t really let herself consider what that meant. She knew her old room had too much stuff in it, of course—her mommy always complained their toy chest was bursting at the seams—but it wasn’t until she was standing in the doorway of her new room that the truth sunk in.

She would have to sleep alone for the first time ever.

Years ago, when she was first adopted, the lady at the group home had told her she was getting a new sister, a real sister who would love her and want to be best friends. Snow wouldn’t have to share a big room with lots of other girls who didn’t like one another. No, now she was getting a friend, a whole family. What did it mean, then, that her sister didn’t want to live with her anymore?

“Honey, what are you doing?”

Snow jumped and instantly backed away from the door. She felt guilty, but wasn’t sure why, as her father knelt down to her level. “Just looking,” she whispered, pointing one small hand inside the room.

Her father smiled. “What do you think of your new room? Did you like getting to pick all your new decorations?” When Snow only shrugged, he frowned. “What’s the matter, honey?”

Taking in a deep breath, Snow looked over at her bed, her pretty white dresser with a music box and mermaid lamp, then back at her dad. “I think it is beautiful. But…”

“But what?”

“Do you and Mommy and Amelia still love me and want to live with me?” Her woeful blue eyes looked up at her father’s brown ones, their appearances completely opposite but concerned expressions matching.

“Oh, honey.” He gathered her in his arms and offered her a tender embrace, one hand patting her back in a comforting way he’d done since the day they brought her home. Once Snow seemed appeased, he pulled back and looked at her, his expression serious. “Of course we love you and want to live with you. We love you and your sister both the same amount. You will always be our little girls and nothing will ever change that. You get your own room because you’re going to be a big girl someday, and you can have all this space just for you and your friends. Okay?”

Snow sniffled and nodded, resting her head on his shoulder. Indeed, she knew this man was her daddy and that he loved her, but sometimes the words
pet store
still ran through her mind.

Are you sad, Snow?

Her face buried in her father’s arms, Snow smiled.
Not anymore
, she told Finn, happy to hear his voice, comforted by her father’s embrace. She told him about her new room, about her father’s assurance that she was still loved.

Good for you
.

She heard the bitterness in his reply, wondered about it. Something had changed in Finn recently. She didn’t know what, but she could feel it, hear it in his words. Sometimes he was nice and funny and happy, other days he was almost mad. Never at her, just … at life, she surmised.

Why are you moving rooms?