The Sin Bin (9 page)

I Want Candy

I'd been working homicide for
twenty years, but this kind of thing, you just didn
'
t see every day.

'
It
'
s the pits, Jake.
'

'
The pits, that
'
s it, that
'
s what you got for me?
'

Billy
'
s mouth dropped, but I wasn
'
t finished.

'
A pregnant
woman, hacked to death with her child cut out of her, the strays in the alley
eating her guts ... and that
'
s
all you've got to say?
'

'
Jake, I ...
'

'
Forget about
it!
'
I hit out, could have
taken down a wall with that one.

Billy didn
'
t see it coming. Fell on the asphalt and shook his head. He got up
and walked, grimaced and flashed hurt blue eyes as he spat blood at me.

Two days later they took me off the
case. The next week it was my badge they took.

Now I
'
m doing security in a 7-Eleven in Buffalo. Earning minimum wage and
sending half of it back to my ex-wife upstate. You
'
d think life couldn
'
t
get any worse. But, maybe I was the guy lying in the gutter looking at the
stars.

****

'
Jake!
Jake! Get your goat-smelling ass out here.
'

I swear that bastard tries to bigfoot
me one more time, I'm popping' a cap in his wide old ass. I walk through to the
front counter, with the Irish in me rising like a rain cloud.

'You want something, Mr Delago?'

''Course I damn well want something.
Think I'm hollering for my health? Help this lady out with her groceries would
you ... And put them in the trunk, too.'

He turned that greasy head of his
towards her, spat out one of those lousy piranha smirks of his: 'Always glad to
help a lady,' he said, adding slyly, 'especially one so fine.'

Delago got a smile back, but her eyes
were on the roll of meat spilling over his belt. 'Much obliged to you, kind
sir,' she said, turning tail and wiggling her ass at us both.

Please. I mean, was anyone still
falling for this Daisy Duke shit? I slung arms around the groceries and
followed her out.

'I'm the Caddy,' she said, smiling,
'pink one.'

I nodded and headed off in the
direction of the shiny phallus, trimmed in chrome. All the while I could feel
her eyeballing me, as she rolled a cherry liquorice between her lips.

'You look like you've been working out
there, fella.'

I'd heard all the lines, but most
times, I hadn't been on the receiving end of them. As I popped the trunk I felt
her hand stray onto my hip and knew I'd scored for sure. Perhaps this wasn't
going to be such a hard stretch.

****

I didn
'
t tell Candy about my having been a cop.

'
This place
sucks,
'
she said.

'
What do you
expect? The sign outside says
Rooms by the Hour
.
'

'
We should've
went to the Holiday Inn, at least they've got a pool.
'

I sat up, reached for my pack of
Luckies on the bed-stand.
'
I
didn
'
t know you wanted more
exercise.
'

She smiled at me, climbed on top and
stuck her hooters out like a cowgirl at a rodeo.
'
Give it to me.
'

'
Honey, you
'
re going to kill me.
'

'
The smoke,
wise-ass.
'

I could tell she was restless. Always
that look in her eye, darting off somewhere, searching for the next big
adventure. Shit, that was the last thing I needed dragged along on, I
'
d way too much on my mind.

'
I've got to
get back to the city,
'
she
said.

'
New York?
'

'Of c
ourse,
where else?
'
She rolled off and
parted her legs in the birthing position as she blew smoke-rings to the
ceiling.
'
This place hasn
'
t got any action. And I
need
action.
'

I took back my smoke.
'You're not a big hometown girl, are you?'

'Shit no, I outgrew Buffalo long ago
... I'm here because I have to be.'

'And why's that?'

She slit her eyes as she stared at me,
changing tack again. 'You're a city boy, don't you miss the action?'

'This s
uits me
fine. The less action the better.
'

'
Horseshit!
'
She sat up, shook the bed as she threw
back her long blonde hair,
'
You
'
re just like me ... you
'
re primed.
'

'
Get out of
here.
'

Candy got up and jumped on the bed like
it was a trampoline. My Lucky went flying and I landed on my ass, staring up at
her from the floor as she stomped up and down like a five-year-old.
'
Jake, I
'
m gonna rock your world,
' she yelled.

I didn't doubt it.

****

Onetime there wasn
'
t much could butter my muffin, but these
days, I
'
m not doin
g
too good keeping a lid on it all. Say what
you like about me, and some have said plenty, but what sets me burning is the
injustice of this world.

Delago was riding me:
'
Jake, Goddamn, how many times? How many
times? Get that fucking deadwood away from the dumpsters.
'

He was talking about the winos. Most
were there because they couldn
'
t
help themselves. But the point was missed on Delago.

'Have
I got to
get a bat and break their fucking heads myself?
'
he said, pointing at me with the chocolate shake he'd brought back
from his second trip to Wendy's today.

I held it together by a thread.
'
Mr Delago, what you
'
re proposing goes against the law.
'

'
Against the
law ... hold on, remind me when you got out of Harvard Law School, Jake ...
Huh
,
c
'
mon, remind me.
'

'
I
'
m only saying ...
'

He cut me off, waddled over and slapped
a wet paw on my face,
'
You ain
'
t saying nothing, you
'
ll do as ...
'

I tried counting to ten — by now I knew
I had serious anger issues — but I only got as far as two.

I took Delago
'
s shake in my hand and squeezed so hard a chocolate-coloured volcano
erupted all over him. His eyes turned black. He threw down the cup. There was
words, loud words, but they bounced off my back as I walked.

The sight of the winos scattering made
me look around. I spotted Candy at the edge of the lot, blonde hair blowing
wild as she leaned on the fire escape, sucking down a can of Sprite.

'
Now, I know
you
'
re ready for some action,
'
she hollered.

****

Does everyone become what they
despise? My father had asked me that in high school. He probably had a reason,
some incident, some mistake I
'
d
made, whatever it was I didn
'
t
remember it now.

'
Just sit tight
honey-pie,
'
she said,
'
and when you see me come running round that
corner, you gun that motherfucker till she screams, y
'
hear?
'

I heard alright. I just didn
'
t have the words. Dropped a vague nod.

'
Good boy.
'
Candy leaned over, placed her wet red lips
on my cheek and smiled.
'
You
'
ll do just fine.
'

As she left, her aroma lingered in the
Caddy. That French perfume she wore, the smell of her hair, her scent. She was
the whole package for sure. And right to think that most men would do anything
for her. She wrapped them around her little finger to get what she wanted. She
was used to getting what she wanted, regardless of the consequences.

The bank was two blocks from where we
'
d parked. The back way out led right onto
the alley where I sat drumming my fingers on the wheel — like a teenager hot to
take the family sedan for a first spin. Time was lost to me. Could have been a
half-hour, could have been minutes. But I was so keyed when I heard the
gunshots, I had to open the door and heave my guts on the sidewalk.

This was serious. What the hell was I
doing?

I tried to fix my thoughts, get in
line. But I was shaking so hard I couldn
'
t make the engine bite. Then I saw Candy, running.

'
Start the
fucking car!
'
she yelled.

I couldn
'
t get my hands to work.

'
Start the
motherfucking car!
'

I don
'
t know where it came from but I found a thin dime's worth of cool,
suddenly the Cadillac purred to life and I made those tyres screech louder than
bush pigs fucking.

Candy dived through the nearside window
and waved me to burn the road up:
'
Get the fuck out of here.
'

I heard the sirens now, saw the Mars
lights speeding along the highway. I turned through the alleys. There was a
drill for these things. I knew what the cops would be doing. I just had to hold
in my guts and drive, slow and steady.

'
What the fuck
was wrong with you back there?
'
said Candy, climbing into the front seat and checking on the loot.

'
I don
'
t know.
'

'
You don
'
t fucking know, no shit! That
'
s exactly right.
'

'
Look, I ...
'

'
Don
'
t go saying sorry to me, you know I hate
men who say sorry. Man, you
'
re
one fucking candyass bastard to be taking along on a job.
'
She seethed with white-hot anger.  

'
I ...
'

'
Enough
already. I told you, didn
'
t I
tell you?
'

She was hyped, madder than hell, the
adrenaline twisting her face. I hardly recognised her now. Truth told, I hated
this person and what she
'
d got
me into; even if my intentions were pure.

She turned on me.
'
Man, you are one weak bastard, Jake ... I
should have known better. That was nearly a repeat of NY, I didn
'
t have you down as a Lottie Tanner, no I
didn
'
t.
'

That name sang like a pay cheque to me.
'
Who
?
'

'The b
itch on
my last job, turned yellow on me, wanted to split before we sealed the deal ...
She got hers.
'

I looked at Candy, she had a twisted
smile as she counted the cash,
'
How?
'
I said, my
voice a soft plea.